after having injuried, i perhap have some changes in my mind, i can feel some sessy thing in my brain and my awkward activities. maybe it is just my laziness, and to be honest i have never been proficient at typing to be scared when i make too much mistake. but i think i was shocked, and until now, i still scared when i walk by this place, i am sick of this bitter pain . However i need to clarify that it is absolutely my fault, and as a results, i am not given a right to blame other people about this situation, even my brother. i nearly forget how hard his life have been just because i experienced some part of it and exaggerate it to be a miserable life. i need to say sorry  to him right now.