It's been 4 months since he left me. 4 months since I last saw Alice. A tear rolled down my cheek. Again. That's how it's been for the last months. Pain. Confusion.
      Charlie made my mom come from Florida. They tried to get me to come back with her, but I wouldn't go. I couldn't go. How can I just leave. This is where I met her.
She took care of me after the incident back in Phoenix. I cringed at the thought. She was my best friend.
I wanted to talk to her. To let her know what's happening. To understand why she had to leave.
This couldn't have been about Jasper. Could it? I know he didn't mean to harm me. And he didn't. I don't blame him for anything. I wish I could tell him that.
I wish I could tell them all that.
His words came rushing back again. "I don't want you anymore!"
   It didn't hurt as bad as it did before. I can't keep letting him hurt me. But every time I think of him, I think of Alice.
    That's what hurts the most. The fact that he took her away from me. He hurt me by taking away the person who I cared about the most. The person who made it almost easy to live.
   There was a hole in my heart now. A hole that could never be fixed.
   I took out the card. I read it over and over again. This is how I fell asleep every night.
   It took me only an hour for me to fall asleep tonight.

I woke up in the middle of the night. Again. I woke up screaming. This happens every night. Charlie ran in and tried to calm me down. It never works. Mainly because I don't actually realize I'm screaming out loud, until I open my eyes and have already stopped screaming. I just think that it's my imagination. My dreams. More like nightmares.
It's a nightmare because Alice is never in my dreams. She's always gone.
After I stop screaming, I mumble "stop" or "no", stuff that freaks out Charlie.
He knows Edward left me, obviously, but he doesn't know that I'm not upset about that. I don't see why I should tell him the actual reason. I don't know why I'm so upset about her leaving and why I'm not upset about Edward. If I don't know why, Charlie won't know.
"Bella, it's ok. No one's hear. You're fine." He says this every time.
I must say other stuff in my sleep. "I'm fine." I mumble.
"See, that's the problem. You say that you're fine. That nothings wrong. But there is something wrong. You're not fine. It's been four months and you still haven't gotten over him."
"It's not that simple."
"I know, I know. But you wake up screaming every night. It scares the hell out of me Bells. I wake up thinking that there's someone in here." He paused for a second. "I got you an appointment with a therapist for after school tomorrow, today."
"What? No. Dad, no. I can't go to a therapist. I don't know what to tell a therapist. How did you keep this from me?" I was confused how he could've kept this from me for so long.
"I was going to tell you a week ago, so you would have time to think on it. But you come home, made dinner, and went to you're room. I tried to tell you but every time I try to bring Edw. . . him up, you start walking away and tell me to stop."
I thought for a moment. "When's the appointment? What time?" I asked.
"Today at 3:00. Now look, you don't have to go, but I think it'll be good for you. You can tell her everything you've told me."
I looked at my hands.
"And everything you haven't told me. I told her you might not come."
"What's her name?"
"Dr. Moore. I think she said her first name is Annabelle. I really think you should go. I think go this time and if you don't want to, you don't have to go anymore." He looked apologetic.
"I'll go."
"Really?" He seemed overly surprised.
"Yeah." I wanted to go, so that maybe she can at least help me start to talk to my friends again. "I want to go."
"Oh, ok!" He gave me a surprised look.
"Can I go back to sleep now?"
"Um, Bells." He said pointing to my alarm clock.
"Ugh!" I groaned. It was 6:00. I needed to get ready for school.
Charlie started to walk out of the room.
"Thanks, dad." I told him before he reached the door. I hadn't realized till then that he was already dressed for work.
"For what?" He asked.
"The therapist."
"Oh, well, that's not a problem. I'll see you later, Bella, bye."
"Bye."
After he had closed my door, I got out of bed, laid out a shirt and a sweater and some jeans. Then I went into the bathroom and got ready for the day.
After I put on my clothes, I grabbed my bag, and went downstairs to get some food.
It was 6:30, which meant I had another 30 minutes until I had to leave for school. Dad had left a note with an address for the therapist on the kitchen table.
I took out a bowl and cereal and started to eat. After i finished, I looked at the time and went over to the couch. I still had time.
    I took out a notebook that I didn't use and stared at it. I slowly put my pen on the paper. I didn't know what I was about to write, but I found myself writing Alice.
Dear Alice,
I. . .
   Nope. Erase that. I shouldn't write that. What am I doing? I didn't erase it though, I kept writing.
I miss you. I've never hurt so much. I got bitten by a vampire and was stuck in a cast. But this feels like hell. I hate going a day without you. I wish I could see you. Know where you are. I love you. It feels like there's a hole in my chest. Something missing. Why did you leave? Did it have to do with what happened with Jasper? Nothing happened. I've been through worse. You were there.
    I didn't know what I was doing this for. But it helped. Maybe if I wrote this, she'd be able to see something. See me writing it.
   By the time I was done writing I had filled out a whole page and it was time for me to go.

Once I got to school, I hopped out of my car and Jessica came over to me. She was still talking to me. Still trying to be my friend. I appreciated it but I didn't deserve it. Angela and Mike were also trying to be my friend.
    "Hey, Bella." She said.
"Hey, Jess."
   "Oh, you're talking! I mean not, oh, but like, it's nice to hear your voice."
  "I got what you meant."
"So, what happened? I mean why all of a sudden are you talking again?"
   "I. . . I don't actually know.
"Well it's good to hear your voice." Jess smiled at me.
I tried to smile back.

Throughout the whole day, Jessica talked to me, so did Mike. Angela did too, but she kept giving me look, almost like she knew something else was wrong. Not something with him. Something else. Which there was, but I didn't tell her anything.
     The school day finally ended. I said bye to my friends and went to my truck.
   While I was driving off, I looked at the spot that Alice was, everyday after school. Just waiting. Sometimes waiting for me. It was nice to see her there everyday. It felt right. But she hasn't been there for months. A fat tear rolled down my cheek
I took out the piece of paper with the address, put in the GPS and started driving. It was in Port Angeles, so it would take a while to get there.
During the drive, I couldn't stop thinking about what I was going to tell her. I can't tell her my boyfriend was a vampire who left me in the middle of the woods and now I miss his sister. Well, I guess I can tell her part of that.

The drive was easy. It went pretty fast. I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat and slowly got out of the truck.
   It was a big building with a lot of different offices. I went into an office that said Dr. Moore on the door. Inside there was a women at the front desk.
"Hi." She said in joyful tone.
"Hi. Um, I'm new." I told her.
"Ok. So you're going to sign in here and," she handed me some papers, "fill these out and bring them back to me when you're done." She smiled at me.
"Ok."
I filled out the sign in sheet and then took a seat and filled out the other paperwork. It didn't take long. After I finished I gave it back to her and sat back down. She told me that Dr. Moore would be with me soon.
    I took out my notebook and pen and started to write.
Alice, why wouldn't he let you talk to me before you left? What happened? Please Alice, please come back. I need you. Please.
   I decided to stop before I started crying. I placed the notebook back into my bag and just sat there for the next few minutes.
   5 minutes later, there was a tall women with black hair and bright blue eyes, standing in front of me. She looked young. Maybe 27.
   "Hi, I'm Dr. Moore." She put her hand out in front of her.
   Her voice was soft. Gentle.
"You must be Isabella."
   I shook her hand. "Yeah. Well I go by Bella."
"Well, it's nice to meet you Bella."
   I gave her a small smile.
She took the papers from the women at the desk and then walked back over to me.
   "Lets go back to my office and we can talk there."
   "Ok." I grabbed my bag and walked with her.
She opened a door and inside there was 2 chairs, a couch and a desk. It was filled with colors. The desk had a computer on it and some colored pencils and paper. The chairs and couch were black with colored throw pillows. The walls were filled with pictures. I liked it.
     She took a seat on one the chairs. I sat on the couch to face her.
   "So, lets get to know each other. Tell me a little bit about yourself and why you're here. Unless you're not comfortable with that."
"No, it's fine." I paused to think. "Well I moved to Forks last year. I started to date this guy. Towards the end of school, I got really hurt, and his sister took care of me while I was in a cast and we got really close. 4 months ago, he left me, in the middle of the woods alone. He made his sister leave too. His whole family left. He wouldn't even let me say goodbye to Alice. I just miss her so much. I wish I could talk to her. See her. Tell her I love her." I stopped to take a breath.
"Ok, so let's go over this. Your boyfriend, left you in the woods and wouldn't allow you to say goodbye to his sister. Do you know why?"
"Um, well something that I can't say, but I don't think that's the whole reason. He. . . he said he doesn't want me anymore. But that really doesn't bother me anymore, actually. I really just want Alice, oh that's his sister. I just want to see her. That's all I care about."
"You seem like you're getting a lot off your chest. Bella, listen to what you just told me."
I was confused. What did I just say?
"She's all you care about. You love her. You want to see her. Bella, were you in this relationship so you could be with him or so you could be around Alice?"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Did you really love him, or did you love Alice?"
"Like as in, love love? As in, in love?"
She nodded her head.
"What? No. No, no, I mean. I. . . I don't think so."
"Are you sure?"
"Um, but, I'm not gay."
"You might not be, but you could be bisexual or you could be fluid. But it sounds to me that you loved her more then just a friend."
"Yeah like a sister." I was staring at my hands.
"More then just a sister."
"I don't know what you want me to say. Do you want me to say that I'm. . . I'm in love with. . . oh."
"What?"
"I. . . I don't know. I'm confused. I can't love her."
"Why not?"
"I'm dating. . . never mind. I just can't because she. . . she doesn't love me. Like that I mean."
"The question right now is, do you love her?"
How can I love her? She's his sister. How can I love his sister like that?. . . Do I love her?
"Bella?"
"Yeah. I do. I mean I guess I do. I just don't understand how this happened. How did I fall in love with my boyfriends sister?"
   "Think about it for a little bit. Next week we can talk more. Get used to how you're feeling. Try to understand yourself a little more. Next week, at the same time?"
    I looked back up at her. "Um, yeah."
"Ok, Bella. Take care. I'll see you next week."
   "Yeah. Bye." She walked me out of the room.
I walked back into the waiting area. The receptionist smiled at me so I tried to smile back. Then I walked out of the building and into my car. I put my arms on the steering wheel and my head on top of my arms.
   I was so confused. How did this happen. Do I really love Alice? I thought about her for a moment. I thought about her smile, her laugh, her hugs, the way she used to kiss my cheek.
    I guess the only thing I know for sure, is that I'm absolutely in love with Alice Cullen.

Thanks Heather_Macaroni for helping me with this chapter.