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Announcement: Voting for The Battle of Chapters, Round 2, is now closed. Thank you to everyone who voted! Special congratulations to Andicook, our BoC winner! The winner will be posted in the BoC chapter as soon as possible.

Commenting time frame (CST): 6/9 ~ 6/18

Moderator: swiftiegirl1010

Comment Topic: Wording is always important to help the sentences flow effortlessly. Comment on the author's word choice and sentence structure in their chapter and whether it was well done or had rough spots they can smooth over.

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Author #1: henry_scott

Book Title: Revenge

Specified Chapter: Chapter 45

Summary Thus Far in Book: Jake's best friend Tom Morgan is murdered in an apparent road rage incident, but things turn out to be more complicated. The killer is part of a motorcycle gang who in a subplot was attempting to take over control of the gang. The gang's president, Sonny, strikes a deal with Jake to get revenge for Tom while using Jake to eliminate the threat within his gang. With no evidence to lock the killer up, Jake and his remaining friends ultimately take the offer and kill the killer.

In the aftermath of the revenge murder, one of Jake's friends double-crosses them, shoots another friend, and takes off with the gang's drugs leaving Jake in a lurch.

This chapter will be the climactic battle between Jake and Sonny. 

Author's Note: I would like to thank everyone involved in this community, joining has been my best decision on WattPad. My book has benefitted from previous spotlights, and I can't wait to see how it improves after this one. The varying points of view from all the #NBR members have taught me so much and taken my story in new directions.

The Questions

#1 Jake is a former detective and Sonny is a life-long criminal. They are two experienced heavyweights squaring off and one or both may not make it out alive. The dialogue should be tense and edgy while staying on the safe side of the mature rating for WattPad. I want it to flow and appear real. At what point did the dialogue trip you up and take you out of the story and how would you fix it?

#2 Jake has been a difficult character to write. I want him likeable while he does many unlikeable things. He is impulsive, moody, a recovering alcoholic who has had a few slipups, but he is sweet, funny, and dependable to a fault. Finding the right balance for his character arc, has kept me up many a night. What is one thing you would change about Jake in this chapter to make him more likeable? (Besides the fact that he killed for revenge)

#3 I know it is hard without having read the whole story, but we've all read enough books to know a good climax for a story. The reader should get the proper payoff for having invested the time in the world you created or they won't pick up the next book. Did I provide a proper ending or if not what changes would you suggest?

In-line Comment Preference: Welcome (though I think the latest update for Wattpad randomly creates non-existent line formatting issues if you read on your phone)

Genre: Mystery/Thriller

Rating: PG-13

Winning Comment: Henry! It's so good to be back in Revenge again! I had so much fun in your first chapter, I'm thrilled to be back with Jake.

Before I attack the questions, I'm going to shoot out some things I thought you did really well in this chapter. But unlike Sonny (wimp), I don't miss.

Shot 1: Imagery - Your imagery is solid. Despite being a chapter with mostly dialogue and despite being an isolated chapter all the way into chapter 45 of your novel, I was actually able to pick up on a lot of great images. The first that comes to mind is that KILLER description right off the bat. Honestly, I'd start the whole chapter off with that paragraph. Like I mentioned in the in-lines, it doesn't hurt to start each chapter with a good hook. That descriptive paragraph would be perfect at the top. I can't even pull out my favorite line of that paragraph because each line builds on the others to form a complete picture—you can't have that whole thing work without every single line the exact way you have it. Awesome.

Shot 2: Simile - Many times, your vivid imagery was a product of excellent simile. This actually is a continuation of shot 1 because while there was an instance or two where the simile took your readers out of the story, for the most part, was perfectly placed. Example: "...he was still menacing like a tiger with its cage door open." That gives off great tone and a bright image we can all imagine. Beautiful.

Shot 3: Pacing - This was quick and fluid. You did a great job keeping the dialogue interesting punctuated with bits of actions that helped us get the intensity. You have a few places where you can trim the subtext and action tags (addressed in Q1), but what you did SO well with the dialogue was keep it punchy enough to make the reader move quickly through the conversation.

I'm really loving this CT because it flows DIRECTLY from my thoughts on your dialogue from Shot 3. Oh, how the stars align, sometimes.

CT: Diction and Syntax

Word choice and sentence structure, huh? Those are two of the three elements of voice, so I'm basically going to do a run-down of what I noticed about your two voices here.

Jake's voice doesn't have much variation in diction, at least in this specific chapter. What I noticed is that he's distinguished mostly in the fact that he asks a lot of questions. Constantly. In the conversation between him and Sonny, he is frequently questioning. This must definitely come from the fact that he's a retired detective and on a mission for revenge, so it fits his character and personality perfectly. I know those who are expected to ask questions as part of their job do it regularly in their everyday dialogue anyway (guilty).

Suggestion: This might sound lame, but is there a catchphrase or certain aspect of Jake's personality that could come alive in his voice? Is there a certain word or part of his colloquialisms that would make him more unique to us? I only ask because I realized if you took away the dialogue tags, Jake and Sonny's voices would be almost indistinguishable. With the only exception being the myriad of questions, Jake doesn't seem to be too different from his counterpart. I think this could be easily remedied with some Jake-specific diction OR maybe even more immense tone than you're already inputting with the voice. Sonny is much more suspicious and angry than Sonny who is cocky and nonchalant.

On that same note, I think Sonny, being your villain, could also have some more distinguishing diction. He has the scorpion thing going which is AWESOME. That's what pulls him apart from Jake. His tone is also much more distinguishable than Jake's. Where there's a little more worry in Jake's voice, Sonny doesn't have that fear. It's in this tone that they become different, but I still think that their dialogue and this entire chapter could be strengthened by paying closer attention to the diction used by the two men. Especially in Jake's voice.

And this transitions us beautifully into Q1.

Q1: Dialogue

I believe one of the greatest parts of your chapter is the quick pacing, which can be attributed to your dialogue. Your dialogue makes your reader fly quickly through your chapter, true, but I think it can still be developed more by beefing up Jake's diction to make his overall voice stronger. What I think might need to be included in the dialogue would be getting rid of the kid-gloves.

Ok, I know. I did this too. I had to water down a lot of my mature content to try and appease the WP gods because I didn't want my poor story to become some kind of stigmatized pariah to be tossed into the black matter of the Wattpadiverse. But I still think that you could take off the safety in some of these bits of dialogue. It sounds a lot more like two dads and a BBQ chatting over Corona Lights instead of two badass motherf*ckers about to pop some serious led in the other's ass at the slightest provocation.

For example:

"Last chance, join our club and there'll be more fun, girls, and money than you can imagine."

This sounds very safe. I've seen university fraternity advertisements more dirty than this, Henry. ;) What you need is a way to make this grungy. ESPECIALLY if this is a bike gang, I feel like "girls" might be replaced with "pussy", and "fun" with some drug of choice, or money with "gravy" or some other colloquial diction that might continue this flippant air that Sonny has. You can still do this without rubbing up against the WP restrictions. Even if you do start to toe the line, I mean... this is art, right? And what is art without truth? I think your dialogue might be suffering under the restrictions. Be true to the corruption, Henry. Give it its time in the light. Your story and fans will thank you for it.

[Q1 Continued]

A few times, people mentioned Sonny as sounding more academic and long-winded than a usual gang leader would. I kind of like that about him. It's almost like he's a Bond villain. But I wonder if there's a chance where once in a while, he'll slip into his more corrupt lingo to drive home the fact that YES, this dude is actually an evil asshat.

To summarize, I think both Jake and Sonny's diction need a bit of an upgrade, but for different reasons.

Q2: Jake the Likable

I think his quest makes him likable enough. Based on what I remember from chapter 1, the man CARES. He is going through all this bulls!t in order to avenge his best friend who was killed for a stupid-ass reason. This ALONE makes Jake very likable. This reminds me a lot of Homer's Odysseus. Do you remember that story from middle school English classes? The guy is actually a total a-hole, but for some reason, he's still the freaking hero and by the end, almost all students love the guy. Why? NO FREAKING IDEA, but they do. Jake is a lot like Odysseus because he knows he has a major quest to fulfill. He's tested frequently and sometimes, he comes across characters that really put him through the ringer. The whole time, even though he makes some terrible decisions (like Odysseus flat-out lying to his crew in order to allow some of them to be sacrificed and eaten in order to pass the monster Scylla), we still like our hero because we're invested in his journey. Jake is similar. We know his overarching quest is a righteous one, so his sins are forgivable.

Just keep reminding us, just as Homer reminds us, that Jake is on a mission to do good and we will keep liking him.

Have you ever seen The Blues Brothers? It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I just realize that Jake is very similar to those two as well. They do incredible terrible things throughout the whole movie including lying, cheating, stealing, bribing, extorting, and other heinous crimes, but it's all for the good cause of saving their orphanage. AGAIN, heroes do terrible things to complete their quest. The entire movie, Jake and Elwood remind us "We're on a mission from God."

SAME THING. We'll love Jake if you keep throwing it back in our face - he's on a mission to avenge his best friend.

ENDING NOW BEFORE TIME ENDS!

Awesome chapter! Loved it!Hope this helped at least a little.

Happy Edits!

-L

Network with this winner: LLMontez

First runner-up: katycage 

Second runner-up: MichaelHoliday

Final Author's Note: Thank you for a great spotlight week. I appreciate all the time and effort that went into all the reviews. The comments and feedback provided insight not only to the chapter but to my whole story and characters. I know it has greatly improved my novel and gave it a fitting conclusion.

It was very hard to pick only three winners. There were so many in-depth quality reviews. However, LLMontez gave me feedback on grammer, punctuation, dialogue, and plot, and character development. katycage  provided some excellent insight to the action and the emotions that should be shown. And, MichaelHoliday gave me a crucial suggestions for dialogue and the fight scene. I would like to also give some honorable mentions to field19, kieran_grace, and FayLane.

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Author #2: kaymarie687

Book Title: Amavetra

Specified Chapter: Chapter ONE

Summary Thus Far in Book: N/A

Author's Note: Hello everyone! I'm so excited to finally spotlight a chapter. Becoming a member of NBR has been one of the best decisions I've made since joining Wattpad. I look forward to all the feedback and insight. I would also like to thank every single one of the moderators and admins who have put this community together. It's truly amazing.

Q1) In any novel, especially fantasy, world building and first impressions are important. Given the content in chapter ONE, what are your initial thoughts entering the world of Amavetra?

Q2) As a protagonist, flaws set the motion of the character arc. What are your first impressions of Sapphira Ridge?

Q3) As a first chapter, does the story draw you in and motivate you to continue reading on?

In-line Comment Preference: Welcome

Genre: Fantasy/Adventure

Rating: PG-13

Winning Comment: Hey @kaymarie687! Congratulations on your spotlight! This was a fantastic chapter, with tons of action, some interesting characters, and a very interesting world. You do a really good job painting the scene, tossing in little details like the sea birds that make the world seem very real and present—when I saw you mention in one of your inline comments that you're a screenwriter, it made a lot of sense; I had an incredibly clear picture of everything that was going on; the action was, for the most part, crisp and well defined. Just really, really good job!

Q1: World Building/First Impressions – Initial Thoughts on Amaverta

We open on a ship in an ocean. Little do we know that the ship is more than just a means of transportation and, frankly, more than just a home: it's basically the entire world for these characters. I thought it was really interesting, and it makes the ship all the more important to these characters (i.e., they don't really have anywhere else to go if the ship sinks). I was literally wincing with every bit of damage caused by the cannonballs, could feel the desperation of the characters when the ship started taking on water. Just really well done.

I do have a few questions about the world you have created (like how does anyone get wood for these ships? How do the characters make clothes? Where do they mine metal for cannonballs, knives, etc.?) Because it's fantasy, I think readers are willing to suspend their disbelief, and just kind of take what an author gives them, so I don't know if you actually need to ever answer these questions. I do think you could come up with some cool explanations for these, though (underwater mines? Clothes made from sea plants?) Just things to consider.

As I said above, you do a really great job describing the ship, the sea, and the various inhabitants of the ship. I also thought the relatively brief exposition you did to flesh out the backstory was really well done. You presented just enough info about Amaverta to ground the reader, while leaving several important questions about the world that I have no doubt you'll explain more as the reader reads on. Nice job!

Q2: First impressions of Sapphira Ridge

Cool character. She's eager to prove herself—perhaps to a fault. I like how she plays off the other members of her family—the swashbuckling older brother, and the dainty younger sister. Sapphira definitely appears more like her brother, but her gender appears to be holding her back (just based on the world you've created). I think you've established a really interesting plot where Sapphira has an opportunity to overcome the gender stereotypes that exist in Amaverta (and, frankly, our own world), and become a really kick-ass character. I do wonder what some of the costs of her eagerness might be (e.g., her father's decapitated head...and I have a really bad feeling about her little sister; she's like a flower in a hurricane). Just really interesting.

Q3: Draw you in? Hook?

Yes! I thought the part where the chapter ended for #NBR should honestly be the end of the chapter. It's one of those things I've struggled a bit with here on Wattpad, but you really do want your chapters to be fairly short (2,000 words appears to be the upper-end of things) and that was just such a great cliffhanger. Beyond that, you've got a really interesting character in Sapphira, an intriguing world in Amaverta, and a lot of really well-described action. Nice!

CT: Word choice/sentence structure

I flagged a lot of this in my in-line comments, but avoid dialogue tags like "exclaimed" "stated" etc. Just say "say/said." Other tags just distract from the dialogue itself and trip up the reader as they read. The opening paragraph, and other descriptive paragraphs you sprinkle throughout, are all really well-crafted; I got a clear sense of the dampness, of the old, creaking ship. I especially loved when Sapphira's crawling across broken glass; kind of made me think of that scene in Die Hard when Bruce Willis has to walk across broken glass without shoes. Just a cool detail.

I was a bit iffy during the combat part when you refer to the different sailors solely based on their respective ships. I thought, on the one hand, it was kind of a cool idea; on the other, I'm not sure if you really need to do this. You can just say, for example, that Kai's fighting, without specifying that it's "a Holloway". Just a thought.

I noted the "BOOM" in my inline comments as well. This would work for a screenplay, but writing in prose allows you to really convey what's happening for the reader. Take advantage of that! You do such a great job describing so many other things, I want to know how you would describe the roar of cannon blasts.

Big picture-wise, I'm not 100% sold on the present tense. It's a difficult tense to use for a lot of reasons. While I like the immediacy it conveys, I feel like you don't really need it in this scene; there's so much action, so much going on, that the narrative moves along swiftly enough as it is. Just something to consider.

Overall, great job. You have a lot to admire here, in terms of descriptions, action, character dynamics.

Network with this winner: wandwsawday

First runner-up: FayLane

Second runner-up: JoyNelson480

Final Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who took the time to sit down and read chapter one of Amavetra. I've gained great insight and can't wait to intergrade some of the helpful suggestions into my rewrite. If I could choose twenty winners I would. I found something helpful within everyones feedback, but I'd also like to give a shoutout to SomeGamerGirl, ZonderZorg, SapphireAlena, xxRazmatazxx and redtoadmedia specifically. Thank you! ❤

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Author #3: CatharticNonsense [Triple Crowner]

Book Title: I Won't

Specified Chapter: Her (Chapter 7)

Summary Thus Far in Book: Even though this is chapter 7 of 'I Won't', it's essentially like another first chapter. Let me explain!

The first seven chapters are in Haven's POV, while the next seven chapters are in Reeve's POV. The events that happen are the same... just told in different POV's. Now, before anyone comments about how they don't like when stories do that or how they prefer not to read stories that switch POV's or anything like that, please note that I already know! I've gotten tons of comments like that already, and I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea... so I'd just like to thank everyone in advance for reading my story even though the genre or style might not appeal to them :) The entire story isn't written like this—just the events from the initial seven chapters are retold so that I could give readers an inside look on Reeve's character and background :)

Author's Note: Hey, guys! I'm so excited to be back in the spotlight. Y'all were super helpful with my first chapter, and you really tore it up... so I can't wait to see what you do to this one. Haha! As I said before, I'd like to give a special thanks to everyone on the #NBR board for all the hard work you guys do behind the scenes. Without you, none of this would be possible! And thank you to everyone else for making this such an awesome community :) I love it here!

Alright, let's get down to business. Some of my questions are two parts (opinion + the reason for your opinion). I did this because in my previous spotlight round, a lot of people offered an answer to my question but no explanation as to why they thought so... so I was really confused. LOL. It was my fault for not being more clear about the answers I was looking for, so I was really specific this time! :)

1.) Since most of you guys were here for my last spotlight a few rounds back (in which I featured a chapter in Haven's POV), I thought it'd be an appropriate question to ask: do you think Reeve's voice/POV is different from Haven's at all? Please explain your answer!

I've been struggling with this a lot. Since I'm not (nor have I ever been) a teenage boy, it's really hard for me to capture the essence of a mature, 19-year-old male when writing... and I feel like his POV is very similar to Haven's POV. That's not what I originally intended to do at all, so I want to fix it if it appears like that!

-OR- For those of you who didn't read the previous spotlighted chapter (chapter 1), here's a different question for y'all: what did you think of Reeve's voice and his POV? Does he sound like a teenage boy? Please note that he's pretty mature for his age... but still, I want him to appear a little teenage-like!

2. Again, I'm always afraid I'm dumping information on the readers... especially since this is technically another first chapter. How do you think the pacing of the chapter was? In other words... was the timing of each piece of information good? If it wasn't good, how could it be fixed in the areas that you thought were info dumps?

These first two questions are the ones I'm most curious about, so you can stop here if you want. BUT, if you want to earn a gold star and a huge cookie from me, here's another (optional) one!

3. What do you think of Reeve and Brody's friendship? Does it sound like a genuine friendship between two male teens?

Again, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my story even though the genre or content might not appeal to them! I really appreciate it :) I can't wait to see what brilliant suggestions you guys come up with!

In-line Comment Preference: Welcome :)

Genre: Chicklit

Rating: PG-13

Winning Comment: I Won't (Chapter 7: Her)

Author: @CatharticNonsense

ROUND 88 COMMENT TOPIC: Wording is always important to help the sentences flow effortlessly. Comment on the author's word choice and sentence structure in their chapter and whether it was well done or had rough spots they can smooth over.

Well, I did in-line editing notes for chapters 1–12, plus elaborated on various aspects in my answers to the author's questions. I think that definitely takes care of the comment topic this round!

Author's Questions:

Hello there, Kaitie! I hope today finds you well. Now, let's get to the questions!

1.) Since most of you guys were here for my last spotlight a few rounds back (in which I featured a chapter in Haven's POV), I thought it'd be an appropriate question to ask: do you think Reeve's voice/POV is different from Haven's at all? Please explain your answer!

I've been struggling with this a lot. Since I'm not (nor have I ever been) a teenage boy, it's really hard for me to capture the essence of a mature, 19-year-old male when writing... and I feel like his POV is very similar to Haven's POV. That's not what I originally intended to do at all, so I want to fix it if it appears like that!

Well, I won't deny that they do feel somewhat similar. To some degree, perhaps the things he says sound a bit more flowery than I would expect from a guy, and I think he pays a bit too much attention to certain details—like what people are wearing. But I do see some degree of difference, as well. The writing style in his chapters comes off as crisper, if you will. It seems a little more direct and to-the-point, a little more clipped.

2.) Again, I'm always afraid I'm dumping information on the readers... especially since this is technically another first chapter. How do you think the pacing of the chapter was? In other words... was the timing of each piece of information good? If it wasn't good, how could it be fixed in the areas that you thought were info dumps?

Well, as you know, I thought there was an excessive amount of clothing-related detail during that flashback sequence where he first met Haven. I think it would be easy to fix that part—simply a matter of paring those details down and keeping the focus more on things like the characters' behavior, demeanors, and even general physical attributes rather than clothes.

And I just thought of something: one thing children will do is make up these stories in their heads about people based on the impressions they get, or compare them to story characters—general or specific. For example, wondering if a pretty or elegantly-dressed woman is a queen or princess.

I don't think his thoughts would be quite that fanciful, given his age and what you said about his maturity, but I still think it might be helpful to consider how the individuals in the scene felt and came off to him. Was there anyone or anything—real or fictional—that they reminded him of, for example?

Another thing is that I noticed a tendency throughout the different chapters to sometimes repeat information and descriptions. One example was the fact that he mentioned the nine-year absence at least three different times in chapter 7.

Another place that felt like a bit too much was where he was discussing the name change. That amount of info felt a bit overwhelming for a chapter that was already giving a lot of info, and I don't think it came off as naturally to the conversation as you might've liked either. I think mainly because it was too obvious as an attempt on the author's part to get that information in.

Maybe you could have Brody ask that a bit later, like when they're headed into school? He could maybe say that he'd been meaning to ask or he'd forgotten to ask about it the previous day.

These first two questions are the ones I'm most curious about, so you can stop here if you want. BUT, if you want to earn a gold star and a huge cookie from me, here's another (optional) one!

3.) What do you think of Reeve and Brody's friendship? Does it sound like a genuine friendship between two male teens?

For the most part I think it comes off fairly believably, although there were some specific parts I noted in my line editing where things didn't quite sound right to me. Nevertheless, I think you did a pretty good job with it.

And as a related note—and this is relevant to Question 1, as well—I think the differences best come through, in how he interacts with others. I felt like those ended up being some of the times where he felt the most authentic, especially in his interactions with Haven's father and with Prissy. Even things like the frequency and application of sarcasm varied from Haven's, and that was a good thing, because it kept him from just being a repackaged or male version of her.

Additional Notes:

Well, I've read the prologue plus chapters 1–12 and left plenty of in-line notes for both editing and reader feedback, plus a few non-in-line comments in them. That takes care of this section!

Summary:

Weaker points:

1. Too much info piled in at once in some places, plus a tendency towards repetition of info that's already been provided.

2. Reeve sometimes comes off as a little unrealistic or odd (unintentionally odd/awkward, rather than deliberately so on the author's part). I think you're actually headed in the right direction and not terribly far off the mark, though; just needs some tweaking.

3. Definitely a number of grammatical issues like subject-verb agreement, punctuation, etc.

Stronger points:

1. Minus a few problematic moments here and there, the friendship and interactions between Haven and Ari for the most part come off as being very genuine, believable, and realistic.

2. The writing and dialogue (both internal and out loud) are quite funny and clever. Those verbal towel snaps were especially fun to read (the back and forth between the two pairs of friends, and also the interactions with Prissy).

3. The story is intriguing, dramatic (and for the most part without coming off as overdone or unrealistic) and emotional, and the characters are super likable and enjoyable to read about.

4. Great job with the pictures used as chapter headers—visually lovely and definitely convey a sense of emotion and depth, especially with the quotes you selected for each of them. I think they really capture your characters and their feelings well.

Well, those are my notes here! Hopefully you'll find my feedback here to be of help. Good luck!

Network with this winner: AhsokaJackson

First runner-up: reaweiger

Second runner-up: EricaSumner13

Final Author's Note: Just like before, this round did not disappoint – I got some great ideas from you lovely people! It's amazing how much I learned about my writing habits (and even about myself) each time. This round, I found out that I tend to fall into a pattern of things – the sexual innuendos, the eyebrow wriggling, etc. When I'm writing, I don't really realize I keep writing the same things over and over... so it's awesome to have so many fresh eyes viewing it and letting me know. You guys are amazing!

Thank you to AhsokaJackson for being so thorough in your review. You not only read this chapter, but ELEVEN other chapters and edited each one! Your suggestions were great, and I'll definitely be incorporating them into the story :)

Thank you to reaweiger for being so kind and specific in your review. Your explanations as to your revisions were fantastic, and they really helped me to see what I could change and manipulate to flow better!

Thank you to EricaSumner13 (again) for a brilliant review. Your suggestions at improving the 'dudism' behind the chapter were especially awesome!

A special shout-out to redtoadmedia, OmaimaAkbar, Tegan1311, and katycage for their extremely thorough reviews. And last, but certainly not least, thank all of YOU for taking the time to read my chapter and for leaving your awesome suggestions. Y'all are great!

I just wanted to clarify some things before I signed off – a lot of people said Reeve was coming off a bit 'stalkerish' and 'creepy', and that it was 'unrealistic' for him to be smitten by a girl he knew as a child. While I agree that the storyline is unconventional, please keep in mind that most of you only read ONE chapter of his story... and it was the first one, at that! A lot of the details weren't given out in the chapter you read because... what would a story be without secrets and mystery? ;)

As Tegan1311 stated perfectly, "If [Haven't parents] were abusive toward her, and she and Reeve had been close, he would've figured that out though, right? He would've noticed bruises or that she flinched if he got close, circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. He would've been very worried. This would explain why he still thinks about her so much [after all these years]. It's not just that they were best friends, but that she was in a terrible situation, Reeve wanted to help, but his mom made him move away before he could and he never even got to say goodbye. Now this chapter, their bond, at least from Reeves pov, makes sense."

Also, it all relates back to 'the news' that was briefly introduced in the chapter. No one knows what 'it' is yet... so naturally, without knowing that, I can understand how Reeve might appear creepy :) but rest assured, he isn't! And to make sure, I'll be switching around some of his thoughts and dialogue to seem less 'obsessive'.

I also really liked how katycage said, "Even if it's not realistic for a boy to recognize [the colors and clothes of Haven's parents], we have to remember that it's still fiction. Sometimes, as writers, we've got to bend things to go the way we want them to."

Absolutely true, and very well-said :)

Alright, well that's all from me. Thank you to NBR and all of its awesome members for another great round. I'll be eagerly looking forward to reciprocating the help you've given me in all of your great reviews!  

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