Announcement: Thank you to those who entered Round 2 of Battle of the Chapter. I will look through your entries today and post the qualified chapters, ready for voting starting May 13. Please everyone check out the entries and vote on your favorite chapter. 

Commenting time frame (CST): May 12 to May 22

Moderator: mokbook ⬅︎ is busy: counting down the days until Wonder Woman is released!! (Yes... crazy fangirl alert) 

Comment Topic: First chapters are extremely important. They need to set the tone and entice the reader to read the rest of the book. Comment on the level of your engagement throughout the chapter. Did you find yourself skimming at times? Or were you hooked the entire way through? How was the Author able to keep you engaged and/or how did the Author lose you? 

Comment Tip: Use a kind tone. Sticks and stone may break your bones, but words can destroy your confidence in writing! Writers have left this community because of the tone in the reviews they received. #NBR is about community and writers helping writers. So, please use phrases like "might consider" instead of "must do" or "I wasn't sure about this" instead of "your writing was confusing." When we are in a rush our words can convey a message that might be more harsh than we intended. So, review with patience, kindness, and generosity. Write with a smile on your face and let your review emanate from there.

And a gentle reminder: Our NBR enforcers police everyone's reviews for potentially rude comments.

👉 Press those Stars! ☆☆☆☆

Author #1: CatharticNonsense

Book Title: I Won't

Specified Chapter:  Sad Little Life (Chapter 1)

Summary Thus Far in Book: This is only the first chapter of the story, so there isn't much background information that you need to be aware of. Here's the actual blurb of the story, though:

With initials that spell out 'HAG' (defined by Urban Dictionary as an unattractive, hysterical, middle-aged woman), it's no wonder 17-year-old Haven Gold's life is anything but ordinary. She's picked up after her constantly drunken father and looked after her mentally unstable mother for as long as she can remember. However, everything changes when she meets Reeve Somers, a mysterious boy who steps in to stop her father from beating her. Haven is introduced to a love she's never known, and life is finally great. But there's a big secret that Reeve is keeping from her. Will he ever tell her, or will she have to find out his blue-eyed secrets herself?

Author's Note: I can't even begin to express how excited (and frightened) I am to finally be in the spotlight. I've learned so much while reviewing all of your chapters, and I'm so excited to see how much more I'll learn during my round :) Also, special shout out to all of the members of the #NBR board for all the hard work you guys do behind the scenes - thank you for making #NBR into what it is today! Joining #NBR is one of the best decisions I've made on Wattpad thus far, and I'm so happy to be a part of this amazing community :)

1.) So I've gotten mixed reactions about my descriptions - some say I use too little, while some say I "overdo" it with the details. What do you guys think?

2.) I know it's only the first chapter of the story, but I would like to know what you've gathered about Haven's character so far. Does she have a unique voice?

3.) After rereading this chapter hundreds of times, I feel like it's more of an info dump with nothing really happening. But even though I've tried to rewrite it many, many times, I can't figure out another way to start the story! Do you think it's an info dump as well, and if so, do you have any suggestions for how to rework it so it doesn't seem like one?

I'm open to any and all feedback, so please feel free to comment on things that weren't addressed in the questions above! 

In-line Comment Preference: Welcome :)

Genre: Chicklit

Rating: PG-13

▼Winners▼

➤ Winning Comment:  Congrats on being spotlighted, although I'm not surprised! Judging by your weekly reviews, it is well deserved indeed. Heck, the fact that I selected you as my winner says enough!! Before I get into the CT and your questions, I have to congratulate you on tackling such a difficult, emotional topic. You've done a great job.

CT: For the most part, I was engaged. The emotion of the chapter grabbed me, although part of that is because I came from a family where my parents constantly fought (I actually had to call the cops on several occasions, was called home from friends' houses to "mediate" arguments – actually to protect my mom, etc.). I shuddered when Haven heard her father come home, been there – done that. Too many times. I used to love it when he traveled because it meant peace would reign for at least a little while. But like any story, people are going to relate differently to the narrative. With that said, if this were written poorly, the emotion would have been lost in the stilted or disjointed prose. So well done!

Where I would get pulled out of the scene was with some of the dialogue that was either not natural (I noted inline when the mother seemed to go from yelling to rational) or background was being overdone (for example, parts of the conversation with Ari – I believe I noted various places inline where this was occurring). It starts with emotion, and ends with emotion, both of which grab and hook the reader. But the emotion leaks away in the middle a bit. In fact, I believe some of the background that Ari provides about the miscarriages are also later provided with Haven thinking back to her seventh birthday when she also mentions a miscarriage.

Q1: I most certainly don't think you need more description. For example, there will be times later for you to drip some details about Haven's physical appearance, or her room, or the house, etc. I do believe at times there was an extra adjective here or there that would actually hurt the power of the sentence. Most of these instances were picked up NBR Nation, and you are such a good writer you can go back and find where as well. This chapter is all about – you guessed it – emotion. At times, I felt like you were trying too hard to make sure the reader fully understood what was happening. Trust me – the reader understands. Especially a scene like in this chapter. Even if the reader hasn't experienced abuse (mental, physical, parental, spousal, cyber, etc.), they know others who have and they have also read about it online or in the papers. The readers will get it.

Q2: Haven is a survivor who has learned how to develop coping mechanisms to help get her through the dark days. She also appears to be on the verge of depression or worse. The constant picking away at the desk's paint is not lost on me. It's a sign. She is craving familial love and normalcy but the years have left her jaded, confused, approaching desperate. She seems confused about her relationship with her mother. Not her father – she knows what he's become. But her mother's constantly shifting moods keep Haven also constantly shifting her attitude towards her mom. Sympathy. Empathy. Hate. Love? Acceptance.

As far as her voice, I don't believe it is there 100% yet. I think if you go back and cut some of the adjectives and backstory, sorta remove a bit of the clutter where it appears you are trying to make darn sure the reader understands what is happening, it will crisp things up and Haven's voice will ring true like fine crystal. You're talented – you got it. Enough said.

Q3: You don't need to worry about how you start the chapter. By the way, I read the Prologue. You want to talk about powerful writing – that Prologue is it! Thank heavens you put hotline numbers at the outset.

As I stated earlier, I think the beginning and the end are excellent (although I did recommend inline a slight tweak with the first or second para.) You stated that you felt like the entire chapter was an info dump with nothing really happening. I couldn't disagree with you more on the "nothing really happening" part. There is a lot going on in this chapter as it's setting up her home life full of verbal abuse, mental abuse, and confusion. But yes, there are a few places where you dump info. One is at the end of the argument with the mother and a second is in Ari's convo. Even a bit in her flashback although I love the desk metaphor so be careful you don't cut too much there.

Speaking of cutting, one of the hardest things for us writers to do is CUT narrative. We spend hours and precious brain cells from an extremely limited supply (just me) assembling and reassembling those words – and then we have to cut them? Our creations? Yeah, sigh, scalpel please! I haven't had the time to read any following chapters (I'm so behind on my reviews), but unless you really need to get some of the backstory in this first chapter, I would cut most of it and drip it along later. This first chapter is all about – at the risk of repetitively repeating myself repeatedly – EMOTION! You don't need the backstory now – just keep hitting that emotional button in the reader. She/he will go to the next chapter – count on it. And then you drip a bit more backstory. And they'll go to the third. And drip, drip, drip. But *keep* stoking the emotion because clearly that is what this story is going to be all about. Don't lose it amid constant backstory. The reader can wait – if she/he hasn't figured it out already. Backstory is not for the frontstory! ;)

Great job!!!!

➤ Network with this winner: EricaSumner13

➤ 1st runner up: ZonderZorg

➤ 2nd runner up: LLMontez

➤ Final Author's Note: WHEW! This was a very exciting (and terrifying) week for me. I'd just like to thank everyone who participated and dropped by my chapter to leave their thoughts. I was left with some GREAT and FANTASTIC revisions, and I can't wait to start editing the chapter!

I chose EricaSumner13 and her comments as the winning review because she offered extra insight on some of the words and sentences I wrote (i.e., "tiny structure" but "big lump of sand"), but still completely missed! She also offered awesome examples, suggestions, and revisions for some scenes ... and every time she suggested a deletion or revision of something, she offered reasons why instead of just saying, "Do it." Some of her understandings or opinions of the story's contents were different from what I hoped the reader would get out of it, so that definitely showed me which areas I need to work on to get the point more clearly across. Thank you, Erica! :)

ZonderZorg came in as a VERY close second... and that was because his careful scrutinization (is that a word? My computer is showing red squiggles under it and offers 'securitization' as a correction. Did I just make up a word? LOL) of each sentence allowed me to see what areas worked and which didn't. While some people skimmed parts of the story because they felt it wasn't 'relevant', ZZ pointed out the importance of each and every scene by adding in his opinions... and they were EXACTLY the thoughts I hoped the readers would have when I originally wrote the chapter! His theories, suggestions, and even understanding of the story/scenes gave me some great ideas on how to fix the story and make it better. He was also one of the few people to catch small mistakes in the story (i.e., stationery, the analog clock, the timeline with the announcement of the pregnancy), which just goes to show just how closely he reads each and every word. So thank you, good sir!

LLMontez. Ahh, the new CR of #NBR! I'm not surprised that she ended up on the list of my top reviewers :) Thank you for being the first person to point out my use of "-ish" for adjectives. I didn't even realize I wrote like that prior to her suggestions on how to fix it, so that was definitely eye-opening for me! I loved the suggestions she had for adding a "quirk" to Haven. Although I don't know what that "quirk" is going to be *YET* (haha! See what I did there, LL?), I can't wait to start brainstorming. I also loved how she pointed out the areas that she thought I'd feel were info-dumps (and they were, indeed, correct), and then offered reasons as to why the scenes worked/how to improve them rather than just saying she skimmed through the parts :) All hail the new CR!

Ending note – since this was my very first spotlight round in #NBR, I didn't know what to expect... and I was overwhelmed by how many varying responses there were! But I'd like to send a special 'thank you' to: FayLane, reaweiger, kaymarie687, MinaParkes, wandwsawday, Several7s, SapphireAlena, CheshireTrove, and BrittNLeighfor their awesome reviews. They offered a whole bunch of constructive criticism in kind, encouraging ways... and thanks to them, my spotlight round didn't seem as scary :) There were a few others, but some of them didn't complete their reviews in time, while some others forgot to answer a few of my questions... so I (unfortunately) couldn't mention them. But THANK YOU to you guys and the rest of the #NBR community as well for making my first spotlight so awesome! :) 

Author #2: Riprish

Book Title: Overshot

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book:  None needed. First chapter and all.

Author's Note: This is actually pretty dang great. You guys are all amazing people and I know you'll do a bang-up job ripping through my first chapter.

Question 1: Does it do its job in being a good first chapter? Pacing done well, if you'd read onward, that kind of stuff.

Question 2: Do you get a sense of the characters being portrayed and the setting?

Question 3: My syntax, diction, how is it?

Overshot was written during my own deployment so I used soldiers from my unit as characters. The MC was also initially mirrored after me, but after several drastic changes she resembles me only in memory.

In-line Comment Preference: Welcomed completely

Genre: Science fiction

Rating:PG

▼Winners▼

➤ Winning Comment: Hi, BT! Congrats on being in the spotlight. I hope it's been an awesome week so far.

CT. Skimmed or hooked entire way through?

-- I definitely didn't skim. There was no point where I even felt tempted. I think your style of writing is very easy on the reader. There's an almost consistent balance between description and dialogue, and that's one of the keys to keeping me engaged. Ty's recollection of how she walked in on the top-secret brief was the only lengthy input of detail. I didn't much mind it, but I do agree with others in saying that it was too descriptive for something she didn't initially recall. I also think telling her job felt a bit like an info dump, but it didn't at all affect my engagement with the chapter. I wouldn't say I'm hooked just yet, but I'm definitely intrigued by the ending. It left me with questions. Who actually took the device, and how does it end up on her (as stated by the blurb)?

1. Good first chapter?

-- I'd say so. As mentioned in my response to the comment topic, I thought it was well-balanced. I didn't feel like pre-context (or info the author thinks I'd need to know before the story picks up) was being thrown at me. I don't know much of anything about the army really, but the scenes portrayed felt very natural, and that was the best thing about the chapter for me.

It didn't feel rushed at all, and it had just the right amount of mystery. Good pacing and I am, indeed, tempted to read on.

2. Sense of characters and setting?

-- Uh, I feel like the jury is kind still out on the characters. Turner is obviously a carefree guy. The cigar and general reluctance to go back to work says as much, but I wonder if there's more to him.

I'm not so sure about Ty yet. She's obviously a little carefree herself, but at the same time, she's the one who suggests they go back to work. So, she's clearly more diligent than Turner.

She belittles her range performance (which I understand to be excellent) so she's either very modest or self-depreciating. Then again, why was she "smug from the range" if just three paragraphs earlier she described her shooting as "mediocre?"

Additionally, she immediately assumes that she's about to be the scapegoat for something because apparently "[Turner] could do nothing wrong". I wonder if any of that resentment is directed toward him. Either way, why does she allow him to convince her to do something like not go back to work when they're supposed to be on duty, since she knows she'll take the fall if anything goes wrong? And why risk going into an off-limits building just for "a real restroom". (Surely, she's used to the heat and the portables.) Then to stop to peek inside an out-of-the-way room of a building she shouldn't even be in? I know all that is vital to the plot, but because of it she doesn't seem very disciplined. Maybe even ballsy, which made all her anxiety about being called to the commander's tent (especially before she knew what she did wrong) a little surprising. I'm not sure how she was meant to be portrayed so I do get a sense of the character, but is it what was intended?

The setting seemed simple enough--desert conditions, very hot, tents and bunkers. I thought I had a good picture of it without being provided with too much heavy detail. Great job overall. Hopefully you're able to make sense of some of my gibberish.

Best Regards,

~ Sam.

➤ Network with this winner: raphoenix23

➤ 1st runner up: LLMontez

➤ 2nd runner up: SapphireAlena

➤ Final Author's Note: The insight was amazing from everybody! Which made having to choose difficult. I had to decide based on what comment made me change the most from the first chapter, that resonated with me the best. In some way, everyone's had. The amount of time and effort involved in each and every reader was amazing. I love the responses I got. Now, why raphoenix comment won was because I never realized how confusing my main character was until he pointed out those inconsistencies.I had not intended my MC to be portrayed like that and that comment really had me thinking about how she acts. I had to take a step back several times to reconsider her makeup in this chapter.

LLMontez and SapphireAlena also offered plenty of suggestions that I have taken to heart in the rewrite. It was hard to not pick everyone. Each person helped me see the flaws in this chapter and ways to improve, and I appreciate all of them.

Thank you, once again! This is a great group and I am proud to be a member of it.

Author #3: TaniHanes [This is a FEATURED Wattpad story, and Chapter 33 has been featured on Cosmopolitan.com]

Book Title: Diving Deep

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book: Birdie was a very shy, musically gifted and very isolated girl who grew up with her Japanese mother in Los Angeles. Her mother died when she was fifteen, leaving her alone. She's spent her life swimming and playing the piano, and she's a now a twenty-two-year-old scholarship student with almost no social skills or friends, certainly no boyfriends. She gets a job through her professor as an interpreter for a boyband who are making a movie in Japan, and she falls in love with Theo Shelley, the known womanizer and unrepentant flirt of the band. He falls in love with her, too, and she agrees to accompany him back to London for five months when her housing falls through and she's left with no place to stay while she prepares for an audition to the prestigious Hamilton Conservatory in NYC.

Chapter One is basically one long love scene, with conversation sprinkled throughout, and Diving Deep is the second of seven books in this series, which spans five years of their lives.

Author's Note: Q#1: Because this is the second book, I kind of jump right into things, so to speak. The first book ends with a very long and explicit love scene, and this one obviously opens with one. Should I ease into things a bit more, or does this work?

Q#2: If you were reading this book first, would this first chapter make you interested enough in the characters to continue reading or not?

Q#3: Within the realm of chick lit love stories, does their dialogue come off as authentic?

In-line Comment Preference:  Welcome. I don't care where you put the comments :o)

Genre:  Romance/NA Contemporary

Rating: Mature (The M is because of the very explicit sex. I don't use crude words, but I explain everything very very clearly, from foreplay to penetration to climax.)

▼Winners▼

➤ Winning Comment: Hello! :) Congrats on your spotlight! I would like to first say that, this is such a well written and playful sex scene, and I know it's weird, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. The pacing of the sex scene is well done as well. It starts off slow and builds nicely, then settles again, but not just in their physical actions, but in their conversation, which I thought was a nice touch.

On the moderator's topic of first chapters, you've got a beautiful writing style and that along with the relationship flowering between Teddy and Birdie, I'd definitely continue reading. You had me word for word during the sex scene, however, I did start skimming after they climaxed and were just talking. I think the line, "When I was eighteen, I considered having breast reduction surgery so I could increase my reach on the piano." Is where I fell off. The breast joke was perfect up until that point, and I think continuing it further there was maybe a little too much for me. And like I said, I loved the balance between the physical movements and their conversation, but Teddy's lines did get buried here and there. This is just a suggestion, but it might help if you go back and break up some of the paragraphs because he says some really clever lines that really pop and give their dynamic some flavor, so it would be a shame to lose that. I think that would also help with pacing. Your pace is excellent, but I had to go back a reread Teddy's dialogue in the thicker paragraphs.

On your question about first chapters and if I was just starting at book two, I think this definitely works as a standalone start. I've never read your other books, although your writing style makes me want to check them out, but as chapter one of this particular book, it works. We are introduced to a couple that hasn't known each other long, yet they mesh well together. So I'm intrigued.

➤ Network with this winner: kaymarie687

➤ 1st runner up: burnedoubt

➤ 2nd runner up: mackeywriting

➤ Final Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who took the time to critique and comment! I realize romance isn't everyone's cup of tea, so for those of you who went at it seriously, I appreciate it, truly. I'm editing the later books in the series as we speak, and all notes are being taken into consideration.