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Comment Topic:  Comment on the level of your engagement in the chapter. Did you find yourself skimming at times?  Or were you hooked the entire way through? How was the Author able to keep you engaged and/or how did the Author lose you?

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Author #1:  swiftiegirl1010

Book Title: Magaia: The Sisters 

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/31873463-magaia-the-sisters

Specified Chapter: chapter 10: Rachel 

Summary Thus Far in Book: So far Megan's life has been turned upside down. She has been having strange dreams which identifies the future and pushed a truck telekinetically out of the way. Not to mention that her house has burnt down, her mother has been put into a coma, and weird, faceless monsters tried kidnapping her at a hospital. Finally: strangers who have seemingly saved her introduces her to a world that literally came out from her book: Magaia.

Author's Note: I chose this chapter because I felt like it was the one I needed to work on the most. It was also after this one that my reads decreased dramatically. Is it the length of the chapter? Maybe too boring? I had a lot of trouble writing it, believe it or not. So I would appreciate it if you guys could give me some nice feedback for me to make the chapter better. I hope you enjoy, and might be able to continue reading! Can't wait to read all your comments.

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG

Genre: Science Fiction

Winning Comment: (WOW I'm just going to apologize ahead of time for the length!)

I bow down to any fantasy author because creating a new world is painstakingly difficult—so let me give you a fist bump. The amount of creativity and effort you have to put into your story every step of the way is astonishing—and not just chapters but literally every single sentence.

There were moments within your story that I grinned. Like the banter between Ed, Daphne, and Megan about Megan punching Rachel was light and effortless to read—fantastic! It was like watching my friends heckle each other and it warmed my heart.

Two characters that were outstandingly defined were Rachel and Peter. These two stood out very strongly to me—Megan did a little bit but not as strongly. Everything they said, thought, acted, all contributed to the strength of the character. *fist bump again for awesomeness.

And my goodness, the paragraph "Everyone stood on the side of the hills...and he knew, at once, that she had done it again." This paragraph was super well written, to the point while still emoting a sense of "greatness" was also tinted with Peter's bitterness. Don't know how you did it but third fist bump for that!

The length of the chapter isn't daunting but I feel that the text can be refined to better focus this chapter.

The use of a third person omniscient POV was a little off-putting because we were hopping from scene to scene and character to character. I felt like before I could really dive into the scene, we were moving onto the next. To maintain the POV that you use and help with the sense of imbalance, maybe focus on a couple scenes per chapter and dive into a couple characters with greater detail. I want to connect with your characters—literally breathe their essence. While you do a fine job of defining your characters, I felt like a lot of the opportunities that you set up for the reader to connect with them can be deepened. When you introduce Megan's mother falling into a coma, you begin the paragraph with a sense of despair and introduce the unfortunate situation her mother is in—but we don't get a feel for Megan's feelings about the situation. I can only assume how she feels—using my own experiences as a baseline—but my assumptions are shallow compared to what you can define for us as the author about this character.

Another area you can emotionally detail is when you mention Megan's weird dreams all those years ago. For how much these weird dreams have "scarred" her life, the attention paid to it is fleeting. I feel like this is a pretty dramatic and defining part of Megan's life but I'm not told anything else but that it happened years ago, she was alone in her dark room, and it scarred her. For Chapter 10, there's a lot of defining elements being told about your characters. I feel that at this point, we should have known that Daphne was a speed specialized Mind Bender, that Rachel was a Mind Bender of an unknown family, that the "handsome blond with dark, sea blue eyes" was really Peter (since she obviously knows who he is later in the chapter), etc. There are a lot of introductory elements within this chapter that make me curious what you've defined within the first nine. A few areas where inconsistencies can be cleaned up to better portray the imagery you intended: (1) the sentence "the door slammed open" is confusing. When I think slam, I think of something closing. (2) You mention that when Megan is looking for her room, that all the doors were "identical" yet she approaches the "light colored one". (3) Lastly, "Peter emerged from the shadows, his feet stomping on the staircase as he went." This sentence gives me the idea that he appeared out of nowhere, but if he was stomping, it's not quite as stealthy as it was first portrayed. By cleaning up inconsistencies like this, you allow the reader to imagine your story without disruption.

I am curious though. You mention that no magic during a particular time or else it pinpoints their location and puts them in danger but then elementalists can have surges of magic so therefore it's ok? If it reveals their location, wouldn't it be scarier that Peter is giving away their position?

Be careful with wordiness. If you can concise your sentences, it will allow the reader to effortlessly connect with the "emotion" of the scene. E.g. "Suddenly, there was a bang, like a door slamming shut, breaking the deathly silence of the halls." The wordiness of this sentence detracts from the idea of "suddenly". Try something similar to: "Suddenly, a bang pierced the air, slicing through the silence of the halls." Also, "Loud voices filled the air, like somebody was arguing with something." If you already know the loud voices are of those arguing, get straight to the point. "Agitated voices filled the air."

I also love the vague allusion to him when you talk about Rachel thinking about who Peter reminds her of. I would almost end the story with this cliffhanger. The last portion is too short for the reader to really connect with and only encourages a sense of imbalance with the storyline by jumping from scene to scene.

My level of engagement in this chapter was within the medium range. The fantasy aspect in addition to your creativity made me curious but some areas I skimmed due to the wordiness and lack of focus." -Pipsqueeks88

Follow this Winner: Pipsqueeks88

1st Runner Up: Medscifi

2nd Runner Up: mokbook

Final Author's Note: I just want to thank for this amazing opportunity. Also, those who have voted and commented on this chapter, thank you! I will make sure to keep your suggestions in mind and make this story better. I chose Pipsqueek88 because she seemed to understand this chapter while also identifying the mistakes I've made. Once again, thank you to those who participated!!!!!

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Author #1: TheJarheadWars

Book Title: The Jarhead Wars: Ion Son - Book 1 

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/44431391-the-jarhead-wars-ion-son-book-1-wattys2015

Specified Chapter: Spaceship Dogs, and Microwaved Evil

Summary Thus Far in Book: The Garixes are new to the neighborhood. Things immediately get strange because Alexander Garix begins to hear sounds coming from inside the willow tree outside their lawn. Something wants to escape. Seven mysterious birds descend. An invisible-being pleads with the birds because it doesn't think Alex is ready for what is inside the tree. The birds seal the willow tree with a mark and brand Alex with 7 scars. The neighborhood is afraid of the Garixes but the tree stops acting up so things seems to be normal... but Alex is hiding a secret. Every time his birthday passes, a scar disappears. 7 years have gone by and his last scar remains. His 18th birthday is coming up. The "Wicked Tree" knows this. What will the neighborhood do when the tree comes back to life? What will happen to Alex?

Author's Note:  Do the strange happenings make you want to read more? What feelings were evoked by my descriptions? Was it easy to follow? Did I paint a picture for your mind? Also, does the image attached help you get a feel for what I described? It was personally done by me. Every chapter includes original art.

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG13, slight vulgarity

Genre: Fantasy

Winning Comment: The beginning of this chapter almost had a Harry Potter-esque feel to it. I had a desire to look for Dumbledore and a cat with designs around its eyes and awaited the sound of a rumbling engine. ;)

In regards to my level of engagement, I found that I needed to force myself to slow down mid-chapter. Because you use third person omniscient POV, the reader is taken all over the place and we lose the connection that you worked so hard to achieve when you focused on Mrs. Hensworth, Trixie, and the tree—which is where the primary action is occurring within this chapter. By taking us away from this, the pace slows down considerably...... 

Follow this Winner: pipsqueeks88

1st Runner Up: swiftiegirl1010

2nd Runner Up: twin_cities

Final Author's Note: As much as I love compliments I had to choose the ones that contained critiques. At first I took it personal lol But then I pulled myself back to analyze everything said. And everyone was right. I thank all of you. I can clearly see that an omniscient point of view does not establish a solid relationship with the reader. I have decided to rewrite the book with third person limited... slightly omniscient. I haven't really described the protagonist and his view point very much. I will focus heavily on character development. Hopefully the new rewrite is publisher house worthy :) Thank you so much everyone! You were all winners because you are helping me improve my writing <3

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Author #1: goshengirl

Book Title: The Ghost of James Fitzpatrick

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/43143826-wattys2015-the-ghost-of-james-fitzpatrick

Specified Chapter: Chapter 7

Summary Thus Far in Book: It's 1978 and James Fitzpatrick, a high school baseball star, received tough news today that he was cut from his team for a batting slump he could not overcome. Important for Reader to know: 2 characters mentioned by James in this chapter have been previously introduced: "J.J." (James' teammate) & "Sarge" (James' elderly neighbor)

Author's Note: This is a full-length YA novel, about 49,000 words. I obsess about whether I am a boring writer and I would say this is a major, private concern – would appreciate anonymous criticism. I chose this chapter because it is pivotal, but it is not indicative of the tone of the entire book. It is a darker chapter and contains the majority of the foul language. Thank you all, my Wattpad brothers and sisters.

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG13, Slight vulgarity

Genre: Romance

Winning Comment: I recognize that Fitz is the central character to the story but the inclusion of J.J in this chapter helped progress the plot tremendously and also helped highlight the plight of Fitz. I don't know if you did this consciously but I loved how you made him (J.J) unpredictable. First J.J shows up and both characters seem to be on great terms, then he brings out a stolen gun and Fitz is upset and somehow prompts J.J to push him over the rail... this part was so well done cause you could almost feel the emotions running through the character's head -especially when he thinks about his mum.

the transition from being friendly with J.J to being really angry with him did not seem very smoothly done. I will recommend buffering this transition with some small talk, even though Fitz, understandably, is really angry. For instance, you could say something like, "Hey man, I know this gun. Curious, where did you get it from?" and then you can continue on with the rest of the dialogue.

Finally, I loved the last few paragraphs especially when he describes his thoughts on the girl sleeping on the bed. It is a rare skill to be able to convey love at first sight (I assume from this chapter that he was seeing this girl for the first time) in a subtle and stylish way. You succeeded in that regard.

As far as JJ is concerned, you actually do a good job in giving him antisocial/psychopathic traits. FYI, people with psychopathic traits also tend to be very charming and manipulative. You can have him (JJ) smile in a disarming/nice way when he jokes about wanting to kick someone's ass for James...This will also make the final attack come as an even bigger surprise to the reader. - Medscifi

Follow this Winner:Medscifi

1st Runner Up: PipSqeeks8

2nd Runner Up: Amy_DuBoff

Final Author's Note: Thank you to all you wonderful authors and reviewers. I tried to reply to each of you, and I hope I did. I chose those 3 commenters because they handed me "tools" with which to improve, not because they were more likable. Thanks for your enthusiasm Maskedbookreader. It's contagious, and thanks Leslie...I will pay it forward.