NBR MEMBERS! We have a very special announcement to make. Please give a warm welcome to our two newest board members, consciousdreamer1 and mamoritai! They will be our new Informer and Talent Scout, respectively. It's great to have you on board, you two!

Commenting time frame (CST): 10/14 ~ 10/23

Moderator: swiftiegirl1010

Comment Topic: The protagonist's not the only one who gets to shine! Comment on the secondary characters of each author's chapter and their dynamics of the relationships with the main character. If there are no secondary characters, then comment on your first impression of the main character.

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Author #1: PackerBacker2

Book Title: Careful

Specified Chapter: 7: The Fellowship of the Three

Summary Thus Far in Book: Tyler, a harsh personal trainer, continues to train two negligent teenage boys- Derek and Mark- for a fairly lax survival competition called InterSurvive. At first, he harbors an extreme distaste for the two. However, after a trip to the bar one Friday night, he realizes a pathetic truth about one of them...and he feels it's his duty to bring the troubled teen out of his haphazard ways once and for all. Along the way, Tyler himself will make some careless decisions, which will ultimately lead to his downward spiral.

Author's Note: Hi everyone! It's great to be back in the spotlight, and I can't wait to see what you all have to say in regards to this chapter. I'd like to thank everyone for their dedication to give quality feedback every week, as well as those who keep this wonderful place running.

Here's some questions I have:

1. For those of you who have read this previously, how do you feel about the personalities of the characters now(do they stand out more, are they realistic, is there any improvement, etc)? For those of you that are new, how do you feel, generally?

2. Thoughts on the big "revelation" and confrontation? Is it a good twist(for those that have previously read: does it help you to understand Derek's character better) or was it executed poorly? I'd like to know what I can do to improve the revelation, if so.

3. I plan on having Tyler sign up for InterSurvive later on in the story, due to a series of poor decisions as of "recently" in his life. I'd like to know how you as a reader feel about this. Does it make sense, or is it too random at this point(since the first part of the story primarily focuses on him training Derek and Mark for the competition)? Tips on improvement are appreciated, if you think it's too random.

As always, any other comments in regards to the chapter are welcome as well.

In-line Comment Preference: WELCOME

Genre: General fiction/Action

Rating: PG-13(for swearing and implied substance abuse)

Winning Comment:  hello and congrats on the spotlight! First off, I have to say, I read your summary of the book up to now on the NBR page, and your blurb, and I was like, WOW. This is so original and so interesting and I really, really want to read it. Perhaps more than any other book I've seen on Wattpad. Like if I was in a bookshop I'd splash out £7 or whatever on it (and I'm a povvo, so that means a lot, lol). And that's a huge achievement, well done. This story and book has huge, huge potential to be amazing. That said, there were things in this chapter that need improving that I'm going to go into here. But I want it to be clear from the off that these are criticisms couched in "I want this book to be amazing as it promises to be", and not "you're a poor writer, give up now". I want you to keep working on this book so I can buy it in a bookshop and push myself over my overdraft limit!!

Question topic: secondary characters. I got a vague idea of the secondary characters. I'm going to cheat a little bit here and use this question to talk about what I really want to address, like a politician who's had media training. Which is Tyler. Tyler's voice and personality and experiences are central to this book. The whole book is about him. As such, when I look at the secondary characters, it's not really them I'm interested in, it's how he sees them, and what that tells me about him. Now, from this chapter, I can see Tyler is a cynical, world-weary tough-guy who's had a hard life, yet still retains some moral substance and the desire to live a good life. Now, and this might sound like a huge criticism, which I don't think it is - his voice rings a little hollow for me. Like his darkness/cynicism is a little shallow; an adult man with worldly-wise problems, as imagined through a teenager's eyes. Innocence portraying experience. I'm so sorry if that sounds harsh. I don't know how old you are, but I'm as old as the hills (lol) and Tyler's thoughts (tbc)Just don't ring true to me. This isn't a problem if the intended audience is 15 year olds, who don't know what it's really like to be a cynical adult, but might be an issue for other cranky olds like myself.Now, maybe he is a teenager, and I've missed that because I've started at chapter 7, and maybe you're a worn-out old adult like I am - in which case I apologise - but if you are young, I'd definitely consider thinking how Tyler can be young too (left the business when his uncle died, now in charge at only 18, something like that?) so you can write what you know. Imagining a decade of tough life experience, and how that might make you think, is pretty darn tough.

Okay, questions. 

1) how do I feel generally? I kinda love the book, as I said. I love the premise, the mood, the characters... I just want Tyler to be more realistic and relatable, as I said before. Like he's supposed to be a tough guy, yet he kinda talks to the kids like they are his equals. He's worried about "proving" to them about the stuff. He wouldn't worry about that! It makes him seem like a total wuss! At the moment, his thoughts are telling us he's a badass, but his actions are kinda weak and pathetic :(

2) I'm so sorry, but I'm not sure what the revelation was, here. Probably because I haven't read the rest of the book? None of it seemed particularly surprising. The kids talking at the end?Seriously, why does it matter? Why does he give so much credence to what they think? Someone like Tyler just wouldn't care what some idiot kids think. We have bigger problems. I know this is harsh, but as a world-weary adult, you don't tend to see gobshite kids as your equal.

3) I don't know the details of the competition, but the idea of him entering works fine for me.

Overall, this is a great premise for a book, and I'd love to read more, well done!

Network with this winner: theemmpress

1st runner up: KillYourDarlings7

2nd runner up: GirlsCanRockToo

Final Author's Note: I'd like to give a HUGE thank-you to everyone who took the time to leave such awesome feedback on my chapter! It was hard to pick three winners; all of the feedback I received over the course of my spotlight was tremendous and thoughtful. This was somewhat of a turning point in my book, and because of these reviews I have been inspired to pick up my pen and begin writing once more. :)

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Author #2: theemmpress

Book Title: Wildings

Specified Chapter: Prologue (Berserker)

Summary Thus Far in Book: A/N

Author's Note: Hello everyone, I'm delighted that it's my turn in the spotlight. I'd like to thank the whole NBR team for the prodigious effort that they put into making this book club so amazing. I've actually just finished and started redrafting, so this has come at a really good time for me! One of the hardest things I'm finding is the beginning of the book: how to set the tone, create the world and hook the reader in etc without too much info-dumping, which can be a real struggle. As such, my questions are as follows:

1. The first chapter contains a lot of background info that's necessary for the story. I've tried to include this exposition as subtly and naturally as possible, so where have I failed (perhaps making the scene unnatural) and where have I succeeded?

2. I want the first chapter to draw the reader in, so have left a few mysteries. Are these too mysterious (confusing) not confusing enough (not engaging, or underestimating the reader) and how could the hook be improved?

3. What do you think were the most and least successful aspects of this as an openin gchapter?

In-line Comment Preference: WELCOME

Genre: Teen Fiction

Rating: PG-13 (references existence of drugs and porn)

Winning Comment: #NBR Congrats on the spotlight!

Comment topic: Judit as a character seemed to be both pretty interesting and realistic :) You've managed to make her seem rather lifelike and believable. Her dialogues are things that real people would say, and she seems exactly like any other sibling - annoying and lovable at the same time.

One thing I noticed was that Judit seems quite mature for her age. She's 12 but she still has quite a bit of insight - which can almost be mistaken for experience - pertaining to things like marriage, sex, and even people's personalities. Or perhaps it's just in my mind that 12-year-olds are more innocent ;)

I was able to grasp a nice understanding of her character in this chapter, and though we don't have much back story or personal info about her, that's fine as this is just the prologue. One thing I would have liked a little bit more of though, is a physical description of her.

Overall, she seemed like a very bubbly, realistic, and interesting secondary character to have!

1. I thought your descriptions were very well done. Everything flows well, and I can visualize everything clearly. Your vocabulary and sentence structures especially made everything pop.

However, while whatever descriptions you had were good, one thing I noticed was that you didn't have too many of them. Take Judit - or even Sannah - for example. The only thing I know about Sannah's appearance is that she has dark curls, and I know absolutely nothing about Judit's except that her hair is different from Sannah's (I think).

One more thing I would have enjoyed more description of would be the house. I want to know more about the house and its positioning on whatever street it's on. For example, rather than just saying 'same old street of blocky houses', you could expand a bit more. After that para, you could write something like:

'It, like all other houses on the street, stood proudly in all its dull glory...'

'Its slate grey tiles refused to glint in the sunlight, casting a dark aura over the pebbled driveway.'

Of course, this is just an example, and you could describe it any way you wanted to ;)

I really liked how you used similes to describe things. The car, for example, you say that it 'sat in the driveway like a malignant slug'. I found that to be a very interesting comparison, and one that really helped picture the car! :)

2. POV: You used Sannah's POV very well, if you ask me. You managed to include her thoughts and bring out her emotions very well, so I think the POV worked out in your favour. Your tenses were good too, so no worries there.

3. Dialogues: I mentioned before that Judit's dialogues all seemed very realistic, and I stick by that for Sannah's dialogues too. The only thing I want to point out in relation to dialogues is this:

A lot of your dialogues have either dialogue tags or actions following them, and while this is generally a good in moderation, sometimes there can be too many of them. Another thing I wanted to bring to your attention is that while you've managed to use just the right amount of dialogue tags/actions normally, a few of them are very similar, and that's when they stand out a bit too much and drag the reader's attention away from the dialogue itself.

'Threw over her shoulder' and 'shot back' for instance - both signify a retort, and the added effect of 'back' and 'over her shoulder' being similar doesn't help. I'd suggest tweaking it a bit so it doesn't seem repetitive.

4. Pacing and flow: You've managed to make everything flow very well, and I like the pacing. However, one thing I noticed, is that while the pacing is just fine for a normal chapter, some people would consider it to move a little slowly for a prologue. Not much happened until the very end, and that could potentially cause wandering minds to wander off.

You've got varying sentence structures and everything flowed well.

A few added commas and a bit more variation in punctuation would make it even better.

Questions:

1) To be quite honest, I didn't see too much background info in this chapter at all - which is probably a good thing. If you wanted to convey things to the reader without this seeming like an info-dump and give out the background stories naturally, you've done that perfectly! I never felt as though you were just handing out facts even once, and everything flowed perfectly :)

If by background information, you're including things like Laine and Jayce's connection with them, then I did have a bit of a problem with the way they were introduced. You first brought up Laine when talking about the house, and didn't tell us exactly who he was until a while later, leaving us wondering who he was. And while we were waiting to find out who Laine was, you also brought in Joyce, which created double the confusion in relation to the characters.

While I understand that you want to try and stay in character and tell the story how Sannah sees it, the POV would still be intact if you wrote something like: 'It would always be Laine's house. Her mother's boyfriend's house. Not hers.'

Writing it like this would not only tell us who Laine is from Sannah's perspective, but also emphasize on how she feels about the house not being a home.

2) I thought your hook seemed pretty intriguing - particularly the latter half of the chapter. There was the mystery of how strongly Sannah reacted to the cat-calls, and the character of Joyce as a whole. You left the reader wanting to know what happened towards the end, when you skip straight to Judit laying in the hospital. Overall, it was a simple, captivating hook.

However, while the second half of the chapter was very intriguing, the most that happens in the first half is Sannah getting cat-called. I would suggest starting off with something slightly more fast paced. Perhaps, after the first para, you could add something like:

'Sannah cast a wary glance over her shoulder, quickening up her pace at the sight of a huddled group of men. Judit hastened to catch up.'

Even just starting with a short, fast-paced scene will keep the reader interested enough to want to read on to the end, and since the end was so capturing, they'll want to read the rest of the story too :)

3) I actually think I discussed most of the positive and negative aspects of the chapter before, so I'll just quickly summarize everything:

The weak points of this chapter would have to be the slight lack of description - not just of their surroundings, but also, at times, of Sannah's thoughts. There were times when I would wonder why exactly she thought a particular thing but received no explanation for it.

For example, when she was wondering how they were sisters while touching her hair, I would have liked to know whether she was saying that because their personalities differed or if they looked different, and if they looked different, I would have liked to know how.

The positive aspects of this chapter (which are plentiful) would include the vocabulary you've used as well as the way you've managed to make everything flow. Personally, I thought the pacing was perfect, and your characters all seem very interesting and realistic. I like the small mysteries you've added in to capture the reader's attention.

Here are some pointers:

- Add commas: 'Sannah and her sister(,) Judit(,) were returning home from school.'

- '...pressed the button' - Pressed what button? I'm guessing that you mean the ones on traffic lights to turn it red, but not all countries/cities have that, so I'd consider elaborating a little more there.

- '"I saw it online, clever"' - If 'clever' is what she's referring to her sister as, it should be capitalized. It's like saying 'Miss Smarty Pants' - it's being used as a title, so it'll be capital.

- I'd suggest starting a new para at 'I shouldn't have been' to emphasize on her thoughts and further distinguish them from the rest of the body text.

- Add a comma: 'No(,) it's not flattering.'

- 'That same old street' - I would consider changing this to 'the familiar old street'. Sannah and Judit may have been to the street multiple times, but it's never been mentioned to the readers, so 'same old' wouldn't quite fit.

- 'Sannah could see the one...' - I would consider rephrasing this a bit to something like: 'Sannah could see the one (that) they were supposed to call (')home(')'.

Upon first read, it seems as though they had to call someone at home. The 'that' would ensure that the reader doesn't make this mistake, and the single inverted commas around 'home' would show more properly that 'home' is what they should call it.

- Add comma: 'For four years(,) Sannah had...'

- 'Bitch face Jayce' - This is what they call her, right? So it's a nickname? In that case, I would suggest adding dashes between the words ('Bitch-face-Jayce'), or changing 'bitch face' to 'bitch-faced'.

- 'Sannah reassured herself as much as Judit' - I would consider making it 'as much as she did Judit'. Right now, it seems almost like you mean to say that Judit was also reassuring her.

- 'Sherbourne University preparatory programme--seriously, it's like...' - I'm not too sure that the cut-in thought flows perfectly with the rest of the sentence. I'd suggest breaking it up. Perhaps something like this: 'She'd finally managed to persuader her mum to cough up for the Sherbourne University preparatory programme, after months of begging and a head full of thoughts such as: Seriously, it's like she actively doesn't want us to succeed. Too bad that joining the programme meant every piece...'

Of course, you could further improve this due to how long the sentence is, but it's a start ;)

I would also consider changing 'actively' to 'legitimately' or something of the sort - 'actively' wouldn't be used in this context. If you wish to keep the word, try something like: 'She's actively trying to make us fail'.

- 'Where did I go wrong' - I'm not entirely sure what she's talking about here. One second she's thinking about the physical differences between her and her sister, and the next, she's wondering where she went wrong. Try adding more thoughts to lead up to this one.

- 'I hope mum's in' - 'mum' should be capitalized. In this case, it's used as a title, and all titles are capitalized. Had it been 'my mum', it needn't have been capital, but since it's just 'mum', it needs to have a capital M. You've left it lowercase in other places too, 'Where's mum?' for example.

- 'I'd licit rather be at school' - perhaps you mean legit? Licit means lawful, and that doesn't make much sense. The same goes for Judit's next dialogue ('Licit').

- 'Laine wants that....' - Only 3 dots are needed ;)

- 'They always come first' - isn't Laine one person? It should be 'He always comes first.'

- The door rattled and juddered? You'd think, with Laine being rich, he'd be able to afford a handyman.

- 'The words still didn't scan' - scanning is basically to scrutinize. Perhaps try 'register in her mind' instead?

- Add comma: 'stretched out(,) swollen and oozing'.

Also, what is oozing? A person cannot ooze - only fluids can. Try changing it to 'Judit's swollen body oozing of blood, stretched out before her.'

- 'On that ascetic' - I'd change 'that' to 'a' as the bed hasn't been mentioned before. Also, 'austere' might be a better word to use than 'ascetic' as 'ascetic' is generally used in realtion to people/their lifestyles.

- 'Fresh-popped' - I'd change that to 'freshly popped'.

- 'For four years Sannah had written this address on all her forms' - Why does she write this address if she's only there during the holidays?

Overall, I loved this chapter! :)

Network with this winner: infinitysbeyond

1st runner up: ahsokajackson

2nd runner up:  samschloesing and wimbug

Final Author's Note: I'd like to thank everyone for their comments, they were extremely useful - I feel like every book on Wattpad would be a bestseller if this sort of beta-reading was commonplace. It was really hard to pick winners - so many were fantastic. Thanks again!

As a little follow on advice to anyone hoping to make champion reviewer, I noticed a lot of people speaking very definitely about what were, in essence, stylistic changes (i.e. "x should be y", or "change x to y") one of the nice things about 's feedback that made it a champion review is that any stylistic suggestions were phrased appropriately as such (i.e. "I'd perhaps use x rather than y here"). Such phrasing might seem like a little detail, but it makes a big difference to the author being critiqued. :)

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Author #3: writervid [NBR Enforcer and Triple Crowner]

Book Title: Sunken Storyteller

Specified Chapter: Chapter 8

Summary Thus Far in Book: Sandrin Letodoter's six brothers--Sinbad, Antal, Barbiel, Castor, Pollux, and Ace--have all been stolen by the sea's evil clutches, or taken by the people that live within the sea. She thinks they are dead until an almost-stranger approaches her with a stiff green book and the information that her brothers are not dead, but they are running out of time. A few months later, she substitutes herself in for one of the yearly sacrifices to the Maren, or the people who live underwater. She jumps into the water with Colin, the other sacrifice, only to wake up in an underwater cave where the wonder about what their jobs underwater might be. Because of the book, Sandrin knows she won't die. After they talk for a while, the underwater cave they've been trapped in is broken by a Maren, and as soon as they enter the water, they transform into Maren themselves. Sandrin is then blindfolded, and both are taken to seperate places to prepare to meet the Council, who will then decide their futures. Sandrin is taught how to taught like a Maren, using thoughts instead of spoken word.

Author's Note: Hi, everyone! I'm thrilled to be in the spotlight again (and really, really sorry for the long summary). I'd really like to thank our fantastic board of directors and all of you fantastic commenters for allowing this contest/community to go on. You guys rock!

Now, for the questions--

1) What is your impression of the description in this chapter, and how can I balance it out and improve it?

2) What do you think of the world established here, and how could I improve this?

3) What is the thing I need to focus on improving the most?

And that's it! Feel free to be brutal, and thank you all so much in advance for your reviews!

In-line Comment Preference: WELCOME

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: PG

Winning Comment: #NBR
Well Anna, you've given us a world of telepathic, fishtailed people to explore and I'm so glad that you've earned the spotlight this week. Congratulations.

Comment Topic: Comment on the secondary character

There isn't really a secondary character. Prince Caritas had 'blue' in his description twice, so he's clearly going to be the love interest, and I liked him, in a saccharine sort of way. But the more brutish, abrupt and greyer Maren had me interested. He behaved in a confident, powerful way and might prove to have more depth later on.

I'm guessing we've already met Colin, because there was very little added to his description or character in this chapter.

1) What is your impression of the description in this chapter, and how can I balance it out and improve it?

I don't want to be brutal, despite you saying I can, but here it is. This chapter reads more like a synopsis than a story. There are many great moments here, plenty to get your teeth into and play with, but it gets skipped over too quickly for me. You show your talent when describing the pain of breathing in water, how she struggles with it.

But I don't feel a sense of wonder at her tail, or horror, or like Sandrin's been violated so inconsolably that it has stripped her of her identity. I don't feel her terror of being below the sea, or amazement at feeling like she's flying, or the magic of colours and light so new to her.

I know when you go underwater, the water makes the lenses of your eyes less effective and everything blurs. That's how I feel experiencing this world with her. I have a vague sense of colour, some wavy shapes, big doors. But I have no patterns, no textures, no objects to orient with. But later her eyes are good enough to identify Colin, see tattoos, and the colour of scales. But even then, I know there are tattoos, but I can't picture if they are coloured, of things or just patterns, fine lines or thick. It is all a blur.

When building a world set in a familiar time and place, you can get away with a few well chosen and detailed descriptions and the reader makes the rest up from matching elements in their own imagination. But when building a completely foreign world like this, that technique takes a lot more work. You need to build with familiar items and ensure such consistency that the reader can add to it with confidence.

2) What do you think of the world established here, and how could I improve this?

I think that moving the section about learning to breath right up into the beginning where Sandrin's getting dizzy and dumb would help set the mood, make more sense, and increase that feeling of disorientation she's experiencing.

You've got a lot to play with here and I imagine readers will want to experience all of it. That is a big part of your hook and if they don't get the rush of gliding through the water, swirls dragging their hair, eddies of cool and colder water rolling across their skin, they'll feel disappointed.

But what matters most is consistency. Especially when differentiating this world from her land. I would avoid things like up and down, when in a world where it makes no difference. There are no 'tall' people when nobody stands on the ground next to another, there are only long, or big people.

Humans in the water move constantly and I imagine Meren would too. This would make gestures and body language much more continuous. The sea is a violet place. No animal dies of old age in the sea, each and every one dies violently as a meal to something stronger or hungrier than it is. When violence becomes normal, references to it, behaviour around it normalise as well.

I can tell from your writing that you have the ability to really explore this world and I wonder if it is only the fear of losing pace that is holding you back. If so, you need to trust that your reader will be with you, loving the experience as you tell it, and not needing lots of action to sustain them.

3) What is the thing I need to focus on improving the most?

I know this is set underwater, but I'm serious when I say immersion. My previous points are all heading in this direction too. Remove everything that is known to destroy immersion, especially telling. Even her own thoughts easily throw a reader out.

Take control of the reader's eyes, make them see details with clarity, give them experiences that fill them with awe. Give your reader goose-pimples when the slippery scales of a strange hand feel both hard on the surface, but soft, almost tender, beneath. Allow your reader to feel attracted to a beautifully muscled torso, then drag their eyes down to make them repulsed at the fish growing out of them like a deformity.

But in all of this, don't lose what is already great about your work. Her immature voice, her indignation and temper, her powerful roots to her culture and people, her deep connection and loyalty to family, her drive to survive. You've got some interesting stuff here to build on.

Inconsistencies:

"I feel claustrophobic." I associate claustrophobia with small spaces, and

then "the door ten times taller than the temple door" with big spaces. So even though the walls are white, I had trouble matching the two.

"I swim into the middle" then "I'd have to go in soon, anyways." I found this confusing because Sandrin's talking in future tense about something she's just done. This is further confounded by the sense that she's been summoned to a hearing and is feeling intimidated by the building's size, but treats the men, who I considered the council, very casually. Then if Sandrin doesn't want to be there, why does she want their attention? If they've summoned her, why ignore her? It all felt contrived to make an impact regarding her surname, but the pieces didn't fit for me. Maybe I missed something. After that, it felt like her surname meant nothing again, making me wonder at their reaction.

Grammar:

"or mud anything normal" Punctuation or word required. My preference would be to replace all the other 'or' with commas and use 'or' here instead. Further reading revealed that you've chosen to give the reader a very immature voice. This works, but it will mean a fine balance between looking like grammatical errors and expressing her voice. I'm sure many reviewers will point them all out, so it is up to you which ones to keep and what accidental ones to correct.

"I hear voices." You've chosen a tricky road going down the path of psychic voices, and to bring the reader along, the language used to describe the experience will be important. Maybe consider "I perceive voices" An exercise where you write a list of words related to speech and find friends for them might be worth while. e.g."said-->projected, shouted-->broadcast, whispered-->nudged, mumbled-->released, listen-->sensitised, gasp->flashed. Not the best, but you get the idea.

"Uh--women's work..." If this was kept with the rest of the speech in the preceding paragraph, I'd have not mistaken it for the other person speaking.

"voyages" This could be what you meant. But maybe "voyagers"?

"cough (and)<it> out"

Notes:

"At least, before an angry monster of some sort destroys it." If this is superfluous, then I'd consider removing it. It just confused me because I didn't know if the castle was in ruins or not. I guessed it was, but later it seemed fine.

"I'm sure that there will be subsections to this plan, but for now, this is what I have to go on." This foretelling doesn't go with the primal need to survive that Sandrin's experiencing.

"but it doesn't have quite the same effect as it did on land." If you delete this phrase, it will restore the chronology. Otherwise, I feel like you're commenting on something failing before it does. And it is repeated in the right location afterwards anyway. I really liked the chant though. The way you interjected it sentence by sentence is an effective tool for building tension and it worked here.

"I swish the tail," I like your choice of 'the' instead of 'my' because I really sense how Sandrin doesn't feel like it is her tail. She rejects it and what it symbolises.

"the beat of a drum I love and hate all at once." Favourite line and it says so much about her.

"I take one last look at the room<, at Colin,> before I'm pulled away.

Sandrin went into the circle to extract him from awkwardness, but then it feels like he's forgotten. She doesn't even glance at him when she's under the distress of being killed for having no skills.

So you'll see here there's a real mixture of positive things and some need for additional focused descriptions. I can see that you really are someone who likes to escape into other worlds and it seems like you're enjoying the opportunity to bring readers alone with you. At some point, Sandrin is going to have to eat a live fish. If you eat a raw fish so you can describe the repulsion, texture, scales and spikeyness with accuracy, please please DM me and tell me about it.

Network with this winner: TimothyMarsh

1st runner up: Hayleyautumns

2nd runner up: GirlsCanRockToo

Final Author's Note: Hi, everyone! First of all, I'd like to thank you all so much for investing the time to comment on my chapter and provide me with the incredibly useful feedback that you did. This week was busy for everyone, including me, and I am so grateful to you for giving up your time to help me improve as a writer. I'd like to thank TimothyMarsh, GirlsCanRockToo, and Hayleyautumns in particular for the thoroughness of their feedback and the different areas they each covered in great depth. They all gave me specific ways to improve on two of my weakest points, description and worldbuilding, instead of just stating their thoughts on it. Their feedback has already started helping me with other stories as I look to edit and rewrite. Thanks again!

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