Comment Topic: Show vs. Tell. It's fundamental in any good writing. Comment on the Author's ability to convey their story by 'showing' it to the readers. 

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Author #1: Nichola_Royse

Book Title: Into The Frey

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/10830021-into-the-frey

Specified Chapter: Chapter 6

Summary Thus Far in Book: Katherine Martin has been blind for the last ten years, with no memory prior to age seven. After coming face-to-face with Maksim Frey--no stranger to the spotlight--she unwillingly draws attention to herself from Maksim's girlfriend. Otherwise known as Satan In High Heels. A bit of Katherine's past is revealed in Chapter Six: her psychological need to abstain from physical contact with any other person, aside from her protective older brother, Charlie.

Author's Note:  I would like to know if the readers feel the suspense in this chapter as they read it. I want them to be invested in Katherine's character, feeling what she feels, thinking what she thinks. "Show not Tell" is a prime rule for authors because it sets the tone for your story; it can be the difference between your readers being engaged in the story itself or being bored out of their mind because facts are simply listed. I'd like it if people can tell me if the story pulls them in and whether they'd read it or not. Some of them might want to start from the Prologue after reading this, and that's fine. I hope they enjoy it.

I just want everyone to remember: even if you hate it or say it's not your 'type of story,' that's fine because you have to comment on it anyway. And if you take the time to comment, then the story moved you enough to do so. That's what every story should do. Please vote, comment, and I can't wait for your feedback.

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG13, slight vulgarity

Genre: Romance

Winning Comment: First, I want to praise you for this masterpiece. Wow, this is amazing! There is suspense, drama, an interesting plot, well described characters, and everything that a story needs! And the vocabulary and descriptions...amazing! It caught my attention starting from the first paragraph. I need to learn a thing or two from you. The only problem is that there were missing words here and there, but only a few. Some proof-reading will fix it in no time! Other than that, awesome job! Now, to the topic: show vs tell. To me, I think you did an amazing job at "showing" us readers what was going on. You didn't just list out a bunch of things in your mind with choppy sentences (ex: Markus slams me onto a wall. My head hits the wall. This makes it hurt even more.) No. You actually showed us what was going on, what was happening to the character, and what she was feeling. The thing I'm even more impressed about is, the main character (narrator) is blind! She's missing a sense. And since the story's being told from her perspective, it's going to be even harder to describe locations, the beauty of a person, stuff like that. Describing nouns is the easiest way to show people what they're looking at in stories. This is the first step to creating a vision in your mind, picturing the events as the story goes on. Despite this, you used the OTHER senses to replace the "sight" sense, and used others like smell, sound, and touch instead! This created an even more vivid picture of the scene in my mind. And thanks to these beautifully described senses, I was able to connect with Katherine as well; I could almost smell alcohol while reading the chapter XD. Good job on that!

Here are a few examples from the story of what I thought were excellent while reading the chapter: "Stale ethyl deposits wafted in my direction every time he spoke to me in that gravelly, smoker voice of his, so I never stuck around him long enough." "Putting my hot hand on my forehead, I meander out of my room and make my way down the hallway, keeping my hand on the wall. The groaning foundation of the house keeps me on edge; being alone in a house makes you paranoid that you aren't exactly alone. I can hear the neighbor'd car parking in the driveway next door, and the slamming of their car doors." "An orange glow brims my blurring vision, but I can't move my neck to see what it is. In fact, I don't have the ability to move my body at all. Smoke rises into the sky, dark and angry, unobstructed by clouds. Smoke fills my nostrils and I taste blood in my mouth." To sum it up, this chapter had minor mistakes, a great choice of vocabulary, an amount of suspense, and connected me to the character. Once again, great job on this chapter! I am finding so many good books through this contest, and yours is one of them. Can't wait to read from the beginning!

Winner: swiftiegirl1010

1st Runner Up: GreatGustav

2nd Runner Up: Kirby-Marcelle

Final Author's Note: I can't thank everyone enough for participating and being honest with their feedback. There were some bumps along the way, but you win some, you lose some. Overall, it was a seriously close call between the winning comment and first runner-up. It was very difficult to choose, and I thank everyone for participating. I appreciate the feedback, and take it to heart. I'm actually surprised by the response I got from the readers. By not having read the prologue, or the first five chapters, everyone was able to focus solely on Chapter Six. I got some good information from reader reactions, and I can't wait to see how you guys react to the rest of the story! :D

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Author #2: shespokewithmagic

Book Title: Am I Pretty Yet?

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/43425260-am-i-pretty-yet

Specified Chapter: Chapter 7

Summary Thus Far in Book: So far in this story, Nina has been entered into a beauty pageant contest in hopes of stepping out of her mother's shadow with the help of new friends: fraternal twins Richel and Parker. Nina begins to notice how her new look affects the way people treat her differently when a party that is thrown in celebration of her successfully completing her interviews for the pageant.

Author's Note: I would really love some suggestions on how else I can explain the actions of my characters and what other words/sentences/phrases I can use. For example, instead of "she looked" or "he leaned" (these are just examples, by the way), are there any other phrases that I can use to avoid sounding repetitive? If you see any repetitively explained actions, please leave me other sentence or word suggestions. Thank you so much!

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG, a punch thrown...in act of love.

Genre: Teen Fiction

Winning Comment: Good chapter. I feel like you successfully described the scenes in a way that was believable and made sense. I even found myself somewhat vested in Nina's plight, even after only one chapter. You have great grammar too. As far as showing vs telling, I think you've done well here. There are many instances where you use the reaction of the people in the scene to convey information versus just coming out with that information. I read your author notes, so I wanted to suggest a couple things to make scenes like these flow even more fluidly: You mentioned not wanting to be redundant and that's good. However, specifically when it comes to dialogue, I find it best to stay with the generic tags of "he said/she said" the majority of the time. The reason for this is flow and how the brain works when reading. As our eyes read "said" it kind of becomes invisible to us over time which is a good thing. It emphasizes the dialogue and pulls us in. While more specific words (like uttered, seethed, hissed, explained, replied) can be fun, but they slow our eyes down. One trick I use sometimes is to write an action before the dialogue. That way I get to be specific and I don't have to worry about flow or a dialogue tag: ex1: "Leave me alone," she hissed. vs. ex2: She spun around with hatred in her eyes. "Leave me alone." I don't know if I created the best example but I think you get what I'm saying. Switching up adjectives on the other hand is a great practice. Also, I'm OK with the text speak in dialogue if that's how that character would say it. Good writing. Voted. - DWMasters

Winner: DWMasters

1st Runner up: ariel_paiement1

2nd Runner up: bookworm3651178

Final Author's Note:  Everyone left such great comments with kind words and helpful critiquing, so thank you to all that took time out of their day to read the chapter and leave suggestions/feedback. I truly appreciate it! It was extremely difficult to choose winners and runner ups, but I did my best to make it fair and narrow it down as much as possible. To the person who won, congratulations and thank you for being both honest and kind! And to my runner ups, you left me with a smile on my face. To everyone who also commented, thank you from the bottom of my heart. All of the compliments towards my writing and suggestions towards this chapter WILL be used throughout the rest of the story, and thank you to those who have followed me and said that they're eager to continue reading! Hope you all have a wonderful day :) -Charlene

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Author #3: tatabug13

Book Title: Esoteric Monstrosities

Book Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/42865513-esoteric-monstrosities-sytycw15-justwriteit

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book: None

Author's Note: My main idea for these chapters are to catch the readers interest and achieve some of the "mystery/thriller" that goes along with the tale. My question is, have I done well with this? Does it have the element of surprise? Feedback and constructive criticism is very welcome! Thank you!

Moderator's Chapter Rating: PG13, No gore, slight violence, slight vulgarity

Genre: Paranormal

Winning Comment: "This was the face of someone deprived, and longing for a simple chance to live"—heartbreaking! This chapter had everything I love to read: mystery, a chilling atmosphere, some potential supernatural activity, and a tortured heroine. I found that you were very successful at evoking (or "showing") an atmosphere of fear and dread (I kept picturing your main character under a gray sky with lots of fog around). The chapter also has a sort of Gothic feel to it which I loved. As for your questions, yes you caught my attention, and I would definitely classify this chapter as a mystery/thriller. I liked how you gave us a lot of time to know Nirvana (I think that's her name? I don't remember if its mentioned in this chapter, but you call her that in your blurb I believe). I think this will come in handy for later. My only concern: You do tend to jump between the past and present tenses sometimes (ex: you say "I snapped out..." in the past tense in one paragraph then "My mind is...." In the present tense in another), which was a bit jarring, but this was a very minor issue and it didn't impact my enjoyment of the chapter at all! Looking forward to reading the rest! Much love, Ivy. - IVM992

Winner: IVM992

1st Runner up: wolfwhistle

2nd Runner up:greatgustav

Final Author Note: Thank you all for the wonderful feedback! I can honestly say that you all blew me away with the amount of refreshing, informative, and helpful comments! You all seem to be able to capture the feel I was aiming for, and the suggestions for improvement was through the roof! It was SO hard to pick a final winner, because all the comments were serious so very amazing, but I again thank you so much! I wasn't expecting such a great result, but I did!