Big Announcement: Do you have that other book or chapter you've always wanted to spotlight? The NBR Spotlight Gates have opened. If you've been spotlighted/featured on NBR and would like to spotlight another piece of your work, please PM me your: 1) book 2) chapter 3) Genre

Comment Topic: One element that differentiate stories/books from one another is through the Voice of the writer. Comment on how the writer's voice has captured the essence of the chapter. (Dawn, how you make us think!)

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Author #1:Hob-Goblin

Book Title: A Dance of Shadows

Specified Chapter: Chapter 1

Summary Thus Far in Book: - London, 1888

The Sentinels, a mixture of warriors who protect the Gentry and human race, are struggling to keep everyone safe. Sluaghs, once mindless and ravenous beasts, have began to hunt in packs. The Underfae, now showing signs of organisation, of mild intelligence, have become all the more dangerous, abducting Humans and Gentry alike from London's streets: though it's always worse when they come back...

There are no sparkling heroes in this story, or damsels in distress. For the first time, the villain might win.

Author's Note:

1. Did you enjoy the style of the chapter; if so, or not, why?

2. What are your initial thoughts about Gem, the main character?

3. Would you want to read on, and why?

Thank you very much!

Genre: Fantasy/Historical Fiction

Rating: PG

Winning Comment:*Let me start off by saying, your prologue's last two lines, "There are no sparkling heroes in this story, or damsels in distress. For the first time, the villain might win." I am loving this! Bad guys are the new interest (like pink is the new green, lol). Well, I tend to think the bad guys/girls are more intriguing and really draw readers in. Plus, it's good to know that what I'm about to read is something far from ordinary. Who doesn't like different?

Edits () change or add <> delete # indicates paragraph:

7- "fabric 'closer' to her face for 'closer' inspection" repetitive. Try a synonym for one, like "fabric (nearer/up) to her" or "face for (better) inspection".

9- "William Parish (leaned) against" might read better.

13- "Gem (threw) the dress"

23- "Why ever not?" (h)e asked"

24- "scoffing noises(;) it came at" would read better.

24- this line would read better if reordered to, "But with Mr. Parish('s sharp eyes) analyzing her every movement, she found..."

37- "For both reasons(,) Gem had" I think a pause is needed here.

38- "to the company(. I)n fact" might read better as two lines.

49- same here, better as two lines, "leave theater (altogether. S)he could"

52- you use 'leant' again here but to me it still doesn't read quite right. However, if this is written this way because the material is '1800's' then nm my comments about it.

52- "The bold(,) forest green shade" needs a pause here.

54- "damage, sir!" (s)he called back"

64- "hurried 'back' into the 'back' room" a bit repetitive, though not bad. If you could reword this, it might help though. Like, "hurried (once again) into the back room".

Second part:

70- I could be wrong, but I think this line should be, "with worry (than) before".

71- "the horses, (and) took slow(,) deep" this is needed to properly link the phrases, but I have to say this line is quite long. You might consider making the 'took slow' part its own sentence.

74- "rocked violently and (then) suddenly" or something similar to note the complete change here.

74, 75- "know 'that' they...'that' they were... 'That' something" this got repetitive for me. I'm guessing you were giving extra meaning to this, trying to push the tension with it, but it didn't quite work for me. I think cutting the third 'that' would help the tension considerably, just saying "Something was wrong."

78- "is happening<,> out there?" no need for the pause.

79- "patted her damp palms (on) her (trousers)" might read better as you don't really 'pat against' something, but 'on' it.

80- "Swallowing her fear<,> in an attempt" flows better without the pause. Also, "dug her (fingertips)" one word.

81- "to half(-)jump(,) half(-)stumble out" would read better. Also, "cobbled surface(,) a spark of" and "Blast!" (s)he cried out"

83- "sheath she had 'implanted'" this sounds surgical, though I know that's not what you mean. Perhaps it's just the way the line is ordered, but changing this to an easier synonym would help it read better, or say how it's attached to her trousers or belt perhaps. Also, "Gem had <only> used the dagger on several" doesn't work here.

85- "gradually (waning) into a" so it reads smoothly as one line.

86- "Relief (rushed) through her" would sound better than 'flushed' as that usually pertains to a 'blush' or 'heat'. Also, "her grip (on the) dagger" less repetitive.

92- "eyes were 'wide' open. They were 'wide', filled" repetitive. Perhaps cut the first 'wide'. Also, "surprise(,) Gem had (no) doubt" and "were a black blur <of nothing> as her head spun" might read stronger without.

93- "when a distinct scraping (sound made her freeze)" even having "scraping sound behind her made her freeze" might read ok too.

*Be forewarned, not in a foreboding way lol, that I have a lot of questions and comments. Just because I want to make sure I understand all that's going on :) So, please forgive the length.

Comments and Questions:

1, 4- "even in the crisp and breeze air" this indicates that she's outside. Yet, "she raced forward and bolted the door" means she's inside. I'm guessing since she was unloading things, the was right at the back of the building, and whatever room she's in now, the door leads directly outside, right? Just want to make sure I'm picturing this right.

5,8 It's said that Gem made sure her chest was "flattened to boyish proportions" and "what it would be like to wear skirts again" It goes on to say it's been years since she's worn girl's clothes. So, she's dressed like a boy. A question arises for me about this. Is she trying to pass as a boy for work, or is she a woman doing small male roles in the theater and always has to dress the part? I assume it's the first, that she's pretending to be a boy, but I don't know why. (Ah, William calls her 'James' later on)

I also don't know how she can pass for one. A flattened chest, I can see, but what about her hair or soft face (as women usually have)? Is her hair cut very short or always hidden beneath a cap? Some remark from her, early on here, about why she's here or exactly why she's doing this, even some very small hint, might be really helpful for readers. I see that the 'hat' bit doesn't come across until paragraph 48. I think it should come sooner, the mention of it at least.

Comments and Questions continued:

9- I don't know much about the theater, especially from this time period, but I take it that the female roles were played by newer/lesser boys, as in the female roles weren't the best parts and given to whomever. So, "Mr. Parish was the only one who had successfully made the transition from female to male roles" means he rose in the theater ranks, yet? You might also want to put some small remark about 'the new guys' always starting out with female roles, because a lot of your readers might not know this is how things were done.

26- "They would realize she was female" this part I get, but "and eventually someone would recognize her, register that she was, in fact, a young Miss Hilpenny" what does this second part mean? As you say 'a' young Miss Hilpenny, it seems that this is a nickname or slang term for someone, like how people use 'Mary' from the bible. But if 'Miss Hilpenny' is in fact her name, I think 'the young Miss Hilpenny' would read better, but then again, we the reader have no idea who that is or why it's important. Adding something here would really help.

33- This line here about a handsome man being before her, yet all she can think of is food, it's very telling about the character, though I'm not sure what it says. Either she's more hungry for good food than men, which, if she hasn't had a decent meal or treat (as she's already stated), is certainly understandable.

33- An added question here that this brought up. However, she also mentions that she resists the urge to barf, which makes me think she doesn't like Will or even men in general, finding his attentions appalling.

But, previously she described how she felt around him, 16, "whenever he got too close her skin began to crawl and her stomach clenched, as if prepared to vomit" 'skin crawling' could just be goosebumps, as in nerves or anxiety, and a clenching stomach could be nerves/butterflies, especially as it then says 'as if' prepared to vomit, like she's not sure. So, is she attracted to him or not? Well, I can't know if even she MC doesn't know now can I?

40- "What the 'hell' does he want now?" I'm not sure a lady, even one pretending to be a boy on the outside, would say something so vulgar (well it was vulgar for those days anyway, lol). Just a thought.

41- "Are you absolutely certain, James?" for me, this question came again after too much description. I had actually forgotten the question and had to go back to check. Though that might be in part to doing these notes at the same time. Just something to go back and take a look at, especially if others mention it.

49- "work as a maid... No, one of the servants or mistresses might possibly remember her" If she found a position in London (which is a big city with a lot of people), and had been 'away' for 5 years, having gone off on her own as a child of 12, how would anyone recognize her now? Also, this line points to Hilpenny being her actual name and not some term.

Second Part:

64, 65 You repeat that she put all the clothing into her large canvas satchel, but there's no need for that.

68- "uneasy 'ache' in her chest lessen" and "unease gradually began to 'drip' back in" I don't see how an 'ache' can 'drip' back in. Perhaps another word to describe the 'ache' coming back would read better.

69- You often use '...' when it's not really needed and this is an example, "between trunks and leafless branches... Not an ounce" This aside though, your description of the park and the dark sky is wonderfully done. Love the 'ground appear like an endless river of shadow". It's such a great line as of course shadows move, like rippling water on a dark night.

70- "with a perturbed expression" here you could 'show' us a bit of this instead of just 'telling' so we can picture her face.

78- "The uncontrollable humming within her veins and the constant prickles of electricity across her skin" this is obviously some kind of foreshadowing. So, this is an odd sensation she's felt before, and it must mean something big which about to be shown to us soon (I assume). As a note, I'm reading "The Dark Days Club" right now which has a similar theme (somewhat). A young girl with this restless energy inside her which takes place in 1800's London.

81- "Gem kicked the door out" if she's nervous, the horses and carriage aren't moving, the driver isn't responding, then why is she 'kicking' the door? That would make a lot of noise and draw attention to herself which seems dangerous given the circumstances.

96,97 You describe all the sounds as gurgling, growling, groaning and snorting. But then you follow with "the scratching of paws, of long ails and steady clicking, against the road" which isn't at all like the other sounds, yet you made it read like a continuation. You do say 'scraping' sound when she first hears something, but the first and last are different from everything in between. Perhaps mixing them would read better, less confusing.

93,99 You say she started to climb off the bench, but she froze at a sudden sound. So she's still on it, perhaps poised halfway off. And yet you go on to say "Her feet tripped to a halt" but she hadn't been walking or even moving. All she did was look over her shoulder.

Overview:

I'll make this short since I've written way, way too much already (grimaces in apology and shrugs, hoping you'll understand that I'm just very curious and want to make sure I understand exactly what's going on in the chapter. Perhaps a weak smile comes after this?)

You have an exceptional way with words here. Your descriptions are wonderful, even poetic at times. They really set the scene, which for the NBR topic, is what really made the chapter stand out as strong. Solid descriptions with light, dark and well written scenes, which is also why I'm voting for this chapter.

Your characters are all done well with strong voices. My only qualm was not quite understanding enough about the MC from the beginning. Great pace and flow to the chapter though. I've pretty much answered your questions except for the last. Would I read on? Well, that end, the hook, is very good. if I want to know what killed the horses and driver in the blink of an eye, without a sound, and is now approaching gem with those awful noises, yes, I will read on!

Network with this Winner:Tegan1311

1st Runner Up:ariel_paiement1

2nd Runner Up:Tetras

Final Author's Note:This whole week has been an amazing experience. All of you, whether you gave an in-depth criticism of the language and plot or wrote about how much you liked the chapter, have been outstanding. I've received so much critique and praise, which has been both immensely flattering and tremendously helpful. Every comment included something that I either liked, agreed with or could improve on, which will (hopefully) help me be a better writer - and editor!

Thank you so much, all of you, for being marvellous and eminently helpful readers!

Without further ado, the winners!

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Author #2 [NBR Board Member - Screener]: shespokewithmagic

Book Title: The Pretty Pact

Specified Chapter:Chapter 2: Spinning Slowly for The Pretty Pact.

Summary Thus Far in Book: Summary: This is a sequel to the first story, Am I Pretty Yet? Nina prepares for the second round of the beauty pageant she is a contestant in. In this particular chapter she is still getting used to finally having her best friend as a boyfriend as well as handling her pageant priorities as the date for the second round comes closer.

Author's Note: Author's Note: I would greatly appreciate some feedback on my characters and how I could add some depth to them, not that I think they have no depth at all but whether or not they seem realistic through their dialogue, their actions and their thoughts. If not, how can I improve this? And if they are realistic enough, what should I continue doing that I already am doing well?

Genre: Teen Fiction

Rating: PG

Winning Comment:Hey there! Wow! That was an pretty good chapter. I skipped right past your blurb (I like doing that for NBR to see if you set up the first chapter good enough so I would know what was going on) and guess what? I understood what was going on! :) I was immediately brought into the world.

I really like how you developed the relationship between Harrison and Nina. They have this awkwardness about them that is really realistic. Like, how Harrison feels like he always needs to be holding her hand as if to tell other guys to back off. Cute! Also, how Nina is a bit uncomfortable being around her other friends when he is acting so protective. Very well done.

Personally, my favourite character was Parker. He just seems so sweet, and a lot nicer than Harrison. The whole scene with the "you've never been on a Ferris wheel?" was particularly adorable. Your dialogue was very well though out in that section.

Let's move onto the Comment Topic. Grrrrr. Voice. I've had to talk about that sooooo much in English recently......so I have experience! Woo! ;)

Voice is, I think, the way a story is told. Just as how the same piece of music sounds quite different if played on a violin versus a flute (or sung by a choir or a rapper), a story that involves that same plot, characters, world, etc, can still change a lot depending on the voice used to tell it.

For now, let's just consider stories told in third person, so we aren't complicating things by talking about character voice (which tends to encroach on "voice" more often in first person, but can still very much affect it in third).

Voice is what helps change a story from:

He saw his mother across the hall and took a deep breath. She was wearing the frumpy hat he'd always hated, the entire thing slumping about her head like a dissolving pink flower. God. He remembered the last time he'd seen her in it. He'd been in seventh grade and had been about to kiss Jessica Dowly right on the lips. The arrival of his mother and that atrocious hat had been enough to scare Jessica away from him for the rest of the school year.

To:

The first thing he sees when he looks across the hall is the dusky pink of his mother's hat. Almost immediately, it catapults him back decades—to hot Savannah summers, and home-made ice cream, and the year he was twelve, when he tried to kiss Jessica Dowly behind the playground and failed.

To:

His mother was across the hall. Pink hat. White dress. He shoved aside a rising memory of seventh grade, when he'd last seen her wear it.

These short excerpts are a bit too short to properly display differences in voice, but I think you can get the general idea! Voice is the lens through which the reader sees the story.

Voice is definitely something that can be developed. However, it is also something that is unique. Your literary voice is exactly like no one else's—and even though it'll probably change over time, whether on purpose or by accident—it will remain unique.

I don't believe that an author only has one voice. Everyone has certain writing habits, of course—certain ways s/he likes to phrase things, or describe things, or even just structure sentences. But many writers definitely match the voice of a book they're writing with the story they're trying to tell.

Let's look at your chapter. I think you used a wide array of "lenses" to convey many different aspects of Nina, and sections of the story.

In the beginning, I think you equipped the lens of an uncomfortable style. Your use of colourful descriptions, and providing Nina's emotions quickly set the scene and created your world. You informed the author about Nina's situation, made us understand what she's going through, and when things were becoming a bit tedious with her friends and Harrison, you switched lenses!

(By the way, during the conversation with her friends while Harrison was there, you conveyed her discomfort very well. I actually squirmed a little bit as if I was in her shoes!)

Then you were using a more relaxed and sweet lens. I felt how Nina and Parker could talk so easily to each other. They seemed to have no trouble figuring out what to say to each other. I thought that you drove the plot along at a slow, but enjoyable speed. However, I also want to know what Harrison will do to keep Nina to himself, and how much longer the relationship between Nina and Parker will develop.

Now for your question.

Your characters did seem very realistic to me, thinking about Harrison, Parker, and Nina. However, they are not perfect, so here are a few tips to help you improve:

1. Remember Flaws and Weaknesses

Nobody's perfect, not even Superman. If your protagonist seems like he can do anything, it's not realistic for the readers. Have him lose just enough battles so that when the final showdown comes around, the readers are biting their nails and furiously flipping through pages.

What's your character's Kryptonite? Spiders? Water? Ketchup?

2. Give Your Characters Quirks

Everybody has some silly habits. What does your character do? Maybe she's redundant. Maybe she wears kooky clothes or mismatched socks (I do). Does your character have a funny way of speaking? Does she use made-up words? Make sure you include that in your story.

3. Focus On Hobbies

We all have hobbies, and your character should, too. Does he read or write? Does he play video games? Does your character like to make arts and crafts? You could even turn one of your character's hobbies into a key element in your story. Maybe the fact that your character is the captain of the swim team at his school will come in handy when he has to cross a large lake to reach the treasure chest.

The key to creating believable characters is not to make them ordinary, but to make them consistent. Readers want to believe in your story. They like to imagine it could be true, even if it seems unusual. And one sign of a true story is that it doesn't contradict itself. So, even if you create characters who are unlike any human being who ever existed, the reader will accept them, if they behave in a manner consistent with the traits you have given them and the background you have invented.

So yes, I will definitely read on. This book is in my library at the moment actually. You have a way with words, and to tell you the truth, I really need to know what's going to happen between Parker and Nina! (I don't really like Harrison......)

That's all for today. I highly enjoyed this chapter, and I wish you the best of luck continuing this book, and the rest of your Wattpading in general! I hope you found my comments helpful. :)

Network with this Winner:Heavenlyhash333

1st Runner Up:ChayAvalerias

2nd Runner Up:consciousdreamer1

Final Author's Note:Each and every one of the comments given was beyond helpful, detailed and thoughtful. As always, being spotlighted has been such a fun and beneficial experience for me on how to improve my writing, as well as boosting my confidence as a writer on what I'm excelling at. This was a sequel so thank you for still providing great feedback despite that. For those interested in learning more about Nina and her story, the first book Am I Pretty Yet? is up on my page. Thanks again lovelies! :)

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Author #3:Jsmada24

Book Title: The Happy Happy Village

Specified Chapter:Ms. Mercedes (Part-1)

Summary Thus Far in Book: One summer day in 1964, a man named John Eliot and his partner Jake travel to the city in hopes of becoming businessmen and climbing up the ladder for bigger and better things. But they jump the gun on smooth sailing towards the good life when the radiator of their car springs a leak; one of life's more cruel curve-balls.

Now, left on the side of the Florida highway in the hot sun and left to fend for himself in the world when his partner leaves him for dead, John has no other choice but to find help and get to his job before time runs out.

Our businessman stumbles upon a path leading into the Florida wilderness. One moment of reminiscence and sight seeing, John finds a small little village with a handful of residents. He runs down the hill triumphantly, as he finally finds the assistance he needs to get to the city. But as he got a closer look at the town, his feet anchored to the ground and blankly stared at what he saw.

Every single villager wore a bright large wide smile on their face.

Author's Note: Thank you Dawn for making this contest, it is an honor to be spotlighted as this story is the first book I've ever written.

I chose this chapter because it's the chapter where things begin to really happen, I think this is the real hook chapter to the story. If your interested/or want to know the full chapter, I suggest giving Ms. Mercedes parts 1 and 2 a look. You don't need to critique those.

1.) What are your thoughts towards this Happy Happy Village?

2.) Is John Eliot an interesting voice telling the story?

3.) If you gave this story a chance would you continue?

Thanks again, hopefully the feedback will be more pleasant than the junk I've been getting on Writeon.

-Joseph

Genre: Mystery/Thriller

Rating: PG

Winning Comment:Hey there! Wow! That was an pretty good chapter. I skipped right past your blurb (I like doing that for NBR to see if you set up the first chapter good enough so I would know what was going on) and guess what? I understood what was going on! :) I was immediately brought into the world.

I really like how you developed the awkwardness and fear between John and the villagers. The villagers have this stiffness about them that leads me to believe they have been brainwashed! So cool. I also liked how you had Ms. Mercedes on the billboard.

My favourite part of this chapter was definitely when John is first walking through Happy Happy Village and he villagers are being so happy, err, maybe creepy is the better word! ;) The continuous "Welcome!"s that you added in between paragraphs really served as a unifying thread that I really enjoyed. One thing that I would've liked for you to add would be to describe the person, or the action that the person is doing whist exclaiming "Welcome!" That would help get the reader more involved in the setting.

Let's move onto the Comment Topic. Grrrrr. Voice. I've had to talk about that sooooo much in English recently......so I have experience! Woo! ;)

Voice is, I think, the way a story is told. Just as how the same piece of music sounds quite different if played on a violin versus a flute (or sung by a choir or a rapper), a story that involves that same plot, characters, world, etc, can still change a lot depending on the voice used to tell it.

For now, let's just consider stories told in third person, so we aren't complicating things by talking about character voice (which tends to encroach on "voice" more often in first person, but can still very much affect it in third).

Voice is what helps change a story from:

He saw his mother across the hall and took a deep breath. She was wearing the frumpy hat he'd always hated, the entire thing slumping about her head like a dissolving pink flower. God. He remembered the last time he'd seen her in it. He'd been in seventh grade and had been about to kiss Jessica Dowly right on the lips. The arrival of his mother and that atrocious hat had been enough to scare Jessica away from him for the rest of the school year.

To:

The first thing he sees when he looks across the hall is the dusky pink of his mother's hat. Almost immediately, it catapults him back decades—to hot Savannah summers, and home-made ice cream, and the year he was twelve, when he tried to kiss Jessica Dowly behind the playground and failed.

To:

His mother was across the hall. Pink hat. White dress. He shoved aside a rising memory of seventh grade, when he'd last seen her wear it.

These short excerpts are a bit too short to properly display differences in voice, but I think you can get the general idea! Voice is the lens through which the reader sees the story.

Voice is definitely something that can be developed. However, it is also something that is unique. Your literary voice is exactly like no one else's—and even though it'll probably change over time, whether on purpose or by accident—it will remain unique.

I don't believe that an author only has one voice. Everyone has certain writing habits, of course—certain ways s/he likes to phrase things, or describe things, or even just structure sentences. But many writers definitely match the voice of a book they're writing with the story they're trying to tell.

Let's look at your chapter. I think you used a wide array of "lenses" to convey many different aspects of Nina, and sections of the story.

In the beginning, I think you equipped the lens of an uncomfortable style. Your use of colourful descriptions, and providing John's emotions quickly set the scene and created your world. You informed the author about John's situation, made us understand what he's going through, and when things were becoming a bit too freaky with her villagers, to avoid spooling everything, you switched lenses, and had the Twins' enter!

(By the way, during the part where John was walking through the village, you conveyed his fear very well. I actually squirmed a little bit as if I was in his shoes!)

Then you were using a more confused and tense lens. I felt John's wariness with the twins, and how he kinda felt the need to run away. I thought that you drove the plot along at a slow, but enjoyable speed. However, I also want to know what this Ms. Mercedes will say to John, and if they will let him leave the village! I don't think they will.... ;)

Now for your questions.

I think I've already told you some of my thoughts/comments/suggestions towards the Happy Haply Village, but I can continue them here:

•Ms. Mercedes is most definitely evil

•I think all of the citizens are brainwashed.

•I want more description of what it looks like. Example, does it have towering buildings, or little huts?

•What does it smell like?

•What are the lyrics of the song? That would be a cool place to add in more creepiness like if the lyrics were something like"Happy, happy, happy, never sad. Once you come, never leave! Or you'll always be sad!" Haha I suck at lyrics, but I hope you get what I'm saying! ;)

•A pretty young voice....male or female? Specify.

•Why does John think that they citizens are wearing the same outfit?

•Is there any children? If so, elaborate.

•Do the citizens eyes seem happy, or are they just smiling without "sparkling eyes"? Translation: Does he think they're actually happy, or being forced to smile? Maybe wearing that smile lotion from Dorothy Must Die......... ;)

•Do the citizens actually do stuff, like jobs, or chores, or do they just "chill" and welcome newcomers?

•Once again, is there a certain landmark that characterizes the town? A fountain, or a town hall, or a library....etc.

•You describe the inside of Ms. Mercedes home, but not the outside.

It's hard to connect with a character after one chapter, but yes, I think John is an interesting protagonist. He strikes me as a bit cowardly, but I think that will change...or maybe not!

Here are a few tips to help make him more alive:

1. Remember Flaws and Weaknesses

Nobody's perfect, not even Superman. If your protagonist seems like he can do anything, it's not realistic for the readers. Have him lose just enough battles so that when the final showdown comes around, the readers are biting their nails and furiously flipping through pages.

What's your character's Kryptonite? Spiders? Water? Ketchup?

2. Give Your Characters Quirks

Everybody has some silly habits. What does your character do? Maybe she's redundant. Maybe she wears kooky clothes or mismatched socks (I do). Does your character have a funny way of speaking? Does she use made-up words? Make sure you include that in your story.

3. Focus On Hobbies

We all have hobbies, and your character should, too. Does he read or write? Does he play video games? Does your character like to make arts and crafts? You could even turn one of your character's hobbies into a key element in your story. Maybe the fact that your character is the captain of the swim team at his school will come in handy when he has to cross a large lake to reach the treasure chest.

The key to creating believable characters is not to make them ordinary, but to make them consistent. Readers want to believe in your story. They like to imagine it could be true, even if it seems unusual. And one sign of a true story is that it doesn't contradict itself. So, even if you create characters who are unlike any human being who ever existed, the reader will accept them, if they behave in a manner consistent with the traits you have given them and the background you have invented.

So yes, I will definitely read on. This book is in my library at the moment actually. You have a way with words, and to tell you the truth, I really need to know what's going to happen in this village!! I LOVE a creepy story! ;)

That's all for today. I highly enjoyed this chapter, and I wish you the best of luck continuing this book, and the rest of your Wattpading in general! I hope you found my comments helpful.

Network with this Winner:Heavenlyhash333

1st Runner Up:Tegan1311

2nd Runner Up:Twin_Cities

Final Author's Note: Hello NBR, I want to say thank you for all of your participation, and all of the supportive feedback you could give me. I'm sorry if I couldn't reply to the comments, I still have school. Anyway, I'm just very happy that this story got the attention in needed so I could see what my strengths and weaknesses while writing this book.

I do hope that I'm able to improve more with time. I'm trying to start again as I'm going for another book to write. I really do aspire to become a writer someday, I really did enjoy this whole journey really. I just hope that FSU has a decent writing workshop to go to.

Thanks again, thank you dawn for spotlighting me, and thank you for those who are still reading the first book I've ever written.

-Joseph

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Remember: DIPLOMACY is defined as: the art of dealing with people in a sensitive and effective way

Remember: Never judge a book by its cover.

Remember: #NBR then write the comment.

Remember: Do not give up on the chapter. The Author chose it for a reason.