damnn zaddy  v

February 14th, 1910

There he was. For the first time in three years. Walking down the street in a blue coat and yellow scarf, acting totally normal. He looked so grown-up, so at ease; it seemed unfair to you, that you found you couldn't breathe and he was perfectly alright. That was always his strength and your weakness: not caring and caring too much.

You couldn't help but stare. You'd heard that people felt it when other people were watching them, but you didn't believe it until the cruel hand of karma swept down and turned Newt's eyes to yours, laughing in the sharp wind that stung your eyes. With a gasp, you turned your back on him, cursing the twist of fate that brought you back to him on Valentine's day of all days.

"(Y/N)!" You heard him call timidly over the rumble of the mid-afternoon traffic.

It wasn't fair for this to happen on today of all days, you decided. So you ran. You ran down the street, into an alley between a baker's shop and a JC Penny, and ducked out of sight in a small alcove.

You took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the racing of your heart. You tried to focus on anything else but the thought of Newt Scamander's imminent arrival: your book club later that afternoon, the new curtains you purchased for your flat, the nice bloke from work who asked you out to dinner.

It seemed you couldn't help it. Newt was always there, lingering. You didn't want to face the life you left behind at Hogwarts- you didn't want to face him. Not after what happened.

"(Y/N)?" You heard your name ring through the small alley in his voice, so much clearer and horrifying without the background noise of New York. "(Y/N), I know you're over here. I saw you."

You kept quiet. Not today. Please, just not today.

"Please, I just want to talk. I-I'm not even totally sure if it's really you, but..." you heard him sigh. "I just want to talk."

You refused to speak. Fate could go pick on someone else.

"I-is it you, (Y/N)? I really hope it is. This would be terribly embarrassing if it weren't."

Nothing. He sighed again. "Fine," he murmured. You heard him set something down- something heavy by the thunk that rang throughout the alley- and rummage around. "There you are! Go, go look. It's what you do best, hm?"

You dared to peek out from the alcove ever-so-slightly. Newt was huddled over a small, violet winged creature with a trail of beady eyes following it's spine.

A Norwegian Eye-Back. Excellent trackers.

Damn.

The Eye-Back perked up, flashing small flaps along its ears. It crawled further into the alley and crowed in Newt's direction, delighted to serve its mother. It skittered around in a wide circle, flashing those unsettling flaps that you knew was finding you.

Suddenly, It seemed to catch your scent, banking to its left and scurrying steadily closer to your hiding space. Caught off by a lonely trash bag, the Eye-Back swerved off course, but quickly found its way back on your trail. Slowly, it crept closer and closer to your hiding spot. 10 feet, 7 feet, 3 feet-

"Okay!" You stumbled out of the alcove. "Okay. Fine. I'm here."

Newt startled, jumping back from a dark leather case he was crouched over. His jaw went slack, his features falling into a dumb stare. "(Y/N)."

Suddenly, the Eye-Back grabbed onto the hem of your pants and let out a small cry. It looked at Newt, flashed its ear-flaps, and started scurrying up your leg.

"Oh-no- Gemma- no, stop it- get back here! Oh, I'm sorry." Newt rushed over, calling the Eye-Back.

"Oh- it's fine, he's just doing what his instincts tell him-" You let out a small squeak as the Eye-Back wriggled under your shirt and started climbing up your back, its small claws digging into your skin.

"Goodness, oh goodness- is she hurting you?" Newt spun you around, hands grabbing desperately at the back of your shirt to try and catch the sneaky little Eye-Back. "I'm so sorry. oh, almost got her-"

The Eye-Back crawled through the collar of your shirt and grabbed onto your hair, letting out a small hiss. You spun around, backing away from Newt in a flush of embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry, she gets a little territorial when she finds something. She's only a baby, she's still learning how to track." Newt apologized sheepishly.

You straightened your blouse, trying to ignore the small creature clinging to your neck. "It's fine," you said stiffly. The Eye-Back peeked out from behind your hair and let out another defensive hiss towards Newt. You felt like doing the same thing.

"Her name's Gemma," Newt said, flashing a small smile. "A Norwegian Eye-Back."

"I know," you replied curtly.

Newt's polite demeanor soured slightly. "Taught you at Ilvermorny, did they? Did you get your NEWT in Care of Magical Creatures?"

"We don't have NEWTS. "

"Same difference," Newt muttered.

You raised your chin, trying to fight off the rising blush. "It doesn't matter. I didn't do anything with my NEWT."

"Too bad," Newt shrugged, averting his eyes in a show of nonchalance.

"Why are you here, Newt?" You blurted, crossing your arms over your chest. Gemma crowed an echo.

"Not for you, if that's what you're wondering." Newt fired back.

You blanched, raising an eyebrow. "Good, because I didn't want to see you."

Newt set his eyes firmly on a rusty pipe lying in the corner. You knew he was waiting for you to say something, but you wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

You lowered your chin and let your arms drop. "I know." Gemma cawed softly, crawling softly over your shoulder and braying her head in Newt's direction. "Oh, here." You took Gemma carefully in your hands and passed her to Newt, being careful to avoid touching his skin.

"Hey, why don't we go get coffee, or something? I know this great place down the street, we can go talk things out, catch up..." you offered, looking at him hopefully.

Newt blinked, then nodded. "Yes, right. That sounds nice."

~~~

The coffee shop was warm, well lit, and smelled of dark roast and warm bread. You and Newt took a small table in the corner by the window. No less than a minute after you had sat down with your coffee and pastry did Newt reinstate your conversation.

"I'm here for a breeder of Apalooska Puffskies. He's the only one in the world." Newt explained, his icy act slowly melting away.

"Oh, MACUSA closed that guy down weeks ago. He's long gone." You said, slurping your bitter coffee.

"Oh," Newt replied, stuffing his hands in his coat awkwardly.

"What do you need one for?" You asked, swallowing uncomfortably.

"I-its a gift," Newt stumbled over the words, surprised by the response.

You scoffed, equal parts amused and offended by the transparency of the lie. "You're bluffing." You peeked over his shoulder at the dark leather briefcase, and narrowed your eyes. "Are you collecting them?"

Newt rubbed the back of his neck. "Er, sort of. I'm writing a book on magical creatures. I'm trying to spread awareness, keep them from dying off. Just barely saved Gemma and her family from dying off in Romania."

You nodded. "That's... interesting. How long have you been doing this?"

Newt blushed, his cheeks turning rosy red. "O-oh, about right after I left Hogwarts. Halfway through my final year. At first I wasn't collecting them to write a book- it was just because I liked them really- but then I got an offer." He swallowed, his blush deepening. "I wrote to you on my travels."

You blushed, remembering the letters. "I know."

"Why didn't you answer them?" He asked.

"I didn't know if you'd get them," you lied. "You were always writing for some different place- Hungary, Thailand, Cancun. I was afraid they'd get lost."

"Oh," Newt swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "It wasn't... because I said I-"

"No," you said quickly, not wanting to approach that particular subject. "No, not that."

Newt frowned. "Are you sure?"

You sighed. "Look, can we just talk about this another time? Because I have things to do, and-"

"No," Newt cut you off, looking at you forlornly. "No, we.. we have to talk now. I don't know if I'll ever see you again after this, and I want to clear things up."

You wrinkled your nose. "What do you mean 'never see me again?' "

Newt drew back, his shy nature kicking in. "W-well there's nothing guaranteeing that after this, you'll ever want to see me again."

He was so hopeful that you would prove him wrong. But you couldn't.

You looked away.

Newt exhaled, his voice shaky. "Alright, then. The truth, please."

You inhaled sharply. "Okay, I guess we're doing this." Taking a deep breath in through your nose, you met Newt's eyes, so longing and doe-like, imploring you for answers you'd withheld for far too long.

"It was because of the letter, actually. When I left, you promised you'd write me all the time. And then you didn't. It was like you'd disappeared. I know you got expelled, but... I missed you. I missed my best friend. And then..." You inhaled sharply, trying to ignore the deep wound that opened in your chest as the memories came back. "You just... said that you loved me. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did, but can you blame me?"

Newt drew back as if you'd slapped him, his face flushing crimson with your invisible mark.

"We were best friends, and you just... you just threw me away the minute I left for America," You sighed, running a hand through your hair. "Newt, all I wanted was for you to love me. I was in love with you!" Your voice cracked, the despair of memories only three years prior piercing through the thick curtain you'd put up to keep it out. Your eyes fluttered shut, barricading the tears that pushed against your eyelids, prepared to shatter your facade in an instant. "I gave up on you after you stopped writing back. I was hurt. So for you to send me that letter, after..." You shook your head. "I just... I don't know. I'm sorry. I was scared."

Newt swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Well. Okay. Thank you."

Averting your eyes, you dipped your head. "I'm sorry." It came out weak, unforgiving, a whisper of real regret.

Newt shook his head. "N-no, it's alright. I, um, I understand. I made a stupid mistake."

"We all made stupid mistakes."

"Just..." Newt looked away, his fist clenching and unclenching. He was always fidgety, you remember. "I, just... um... you loved me? Then?"

You blushed. "Yes. Then. Not anymore."

He glanced at you for a split second, his gaze lingering no longer than a millisecond. That was all it took, though, for you to see the heartbreak tattooed on his face. "Yes, of course. Not anymore. No, I understand."

You bit your lip to keep it from trembling. It made you wonder what part of fate could be so cruel to bring you together and then rip you apart just to see you bleed.

He coughed and glanced at his case, trying to hide his cherry-red face. "Well, I'll be in New York for a couple more days. If you'd like to talk some more, at all, I'm staying at the Merriloft Hotel. I could really use your help, with some of my creatures, I mean. You can just, um, stop by, if you feel like it."

You smiled weakly, knowing you wouldn't take him up on the offer. "Thanks. Maybe I'll drop in, if I have the time. I've been very busy lately."

Newt returned your smile, equally as weak. "Yes, of course, you must be. Um, it was nice to see you, (Y/N)."

"You too, Newt," you waved. "Bye, Gemma." The little creature crawled out from under Newt's tie and cooed forlornly, its ears quirked in confusion.

"It's alright, girl. You'll be back home soon." Newt said softly. Gemma crowed, sniping the air in your direction. Newt glanced over his shoulder, his face full of hope that you'd call him back to you. You wouldn't.

"Goodbye," You said weakly. He looked over his shoulder, a smile taking over his lips. "Goodbye, (Y/N)." And with that, he tightened his scarf, picked up his case, and walked out of your life for what you hoped would be the last time.