Every day I wake up with my alarm and it scares me to bits . It brings back all the memories of you and him .

I was 10 and he was only 4 and I still remember waking up early for him.

I would turn off my alarm and walk downstairs to see if you guys had finally went to sleep .

Daddy would be on the couch and you'd be in your room.

I would make sure you two were done fighting .

My alarm went off at 4:15 everyday for almost 3 years . Sometimes I would go downstairs and you'd still be awake and yell at me .

At 4:15 I would I check if everything was okay . Then at 4:20 if it was I would go take a shower and get ready for school .

By 4:45 I would be dressed and I would wake daddy up .

Daddy would kiss me good morning and say "how's the baby kangaroo?" And he would smile .

Daddy would go get ready and I would start breakfast. It was usually the same thing but they didn't seem to mind .

Bacon ( cooked in the oven ) and scrambled eggs ... Sometimes I would make crescent rolls and stuff them with cheese and bacon .

By 5:30 I would wake up my little brother and he'd eat . I would eat next to him with the morning news on .

You would come downstairs and take a cup of coffee and be on your way out the door without a kiss goodbye.

By 6:30 he was dressed and his lunch was packed . Daddy and I would take him to preschool and daddy would drop me off at grandmas .

Grandma would take me to school while daddy went to open the restaurant and check orders .

Even to this day I wake up at 4:15 and struggle to get back to sleep even though my alarm clock is set for 6:15.

Those two hours I'll lie away and recall the times of you and daddy yelling .

Or I'll be sleeping and hear my alarm and scramble to get up . I would run across my room to my clock and see it's not even 4 yet and fall to the floor .

I pulled my head between my legs and let the tears fall of my face . You did this to me momma ...

It wasn't Daddy , because through those three years daddy would try and make things better .

To this day I hate my alarm clock ... And I want it to catch fire and burn ... Just like my anxiety levels reaching peak heat ...

With much alarm clock angst ,
Cruthie M.