Hey it's me. Yeah a lot of you probably don't remember me and that's ok.

Its took me a long time to write this purely because I've been so terrified to, but staying silent isn't better.

I've thought about this a million times but never truly been able to gain the courage to write it. Things have changed a lot and I don't mean just with this virus.

Were not here to dwell on that.

I'm . . . Done I guess is the way to put it? That makes me feel like I've gone through some terrible drama and have just had enough of it. I guess in a way it's true but only that I've had enough. Enough of a lot of things, but the main one is not telling any of you what's going on. So let's go ahead and do that.

I can't keep writing about the Newscapepro crew. If I were, I'd be writing without true feelings in it and I don't think that's fair to any of you. You all deserve the world and back. Certainly not anything I could ever give you.

Things have changed so much and I've become blind to that. I'm so afraid of it and that's one of the main reasons this has taken so long to get out. The Newscapecrew  has changed a lot. Heck I'm not even sure if Cory, Ashlie, Nick, etc are even friends anymore. I've kept myself in the dark about the things that happened between them and their channels cause I'm afraid of what happened.

The Newscapecrew was one of the first things I ever truly held deep in my heart besides actual people. When they suddenly stopped being what I had known for so long. I broke down and instead of facing things head on I simply cut it out from my life. I closed off in fear of the new reality. I'm still kinda scared but not for the same reason. I'm sad about it if anything. I haven't watched any of them in so long because it hurts too much to think about what they used to be.

I've tried to write things but they always weren't right. I could never truly get anything on the paper that could actually be meaningful and that didn't make a knot form in my stomach. The knot was there for a variety of reasons but the biggest was it hurt to write about Youtubers that weren't even the same friend group as before.

If I were to continue writing about the Newscapecrew . . . It would not be the Newscapecrew that truly exists. In fact I don't even think the Newscapecrew I wrote before was even truly them.

It's not fair to any of you that I just stayed on silent. I should of at least told you I couldn't write about them anymore instead of making false promises.

This probably doesn't make sense and probably has went all over the place but it needs to be put out there.

I don't regret writing anything though. I had so much fun writing and hearing your guy's support. It fueled me to keep going and to keep improving. It was my lifeline and my escape from anything wrong in my life. Yes in many people's eyes it's just cringe, but to me it's more than that. Always will be.

The only thing I truly regret is the friends I invariably left behind.

People like Decilley, paperclipsandchalk, Nightwolfz25 and so many more.

Most of you probably don't care about me and forgot about me. Some of you might be angry, and some sad.

Whatever it is you feel towards me I just want you to know I'm sorry. You mean the entire world to me and more. I'll never truly be able to thank you all enough for all you did for me.

You might not care about it anymore but I will always cherish the memories we made.

So to any of my old friends still here on Wattpad reading this.

I'm truly sorry.