Chapter 19
Fidel
The Storm

It's no surprise that Renee calls me at exactly 12 AM. She sings for me gracefully as if she's not tired from work. We talked for a couple of minutes, we discussed our plan for the day. After almost an hour, I told her to get some rest.

"I'll see you later, now, go to sleep, okay?"

"You're such a party pooper, I still want to sing for you."

"You already did, Renee, magising pa pamilya mo dahil sa ingay mo," natatawang sabi ko.

Nakasimangot niya akong hinarap bago pa muling nagsalita, "Fine, I'll sleep na, ikaw rin, birthday boy!"

"Yes, Miss Aguirre, I'll see you later."

"Happy birthday again, New Year boy." nakangiting sambit niya dahilan para mapangiti rin ako.

"Weird, I missed that nickname."

"Really? Well, I should continue calling you on that name."

"Fine, fine, just go to sleep. Sobrang late na." pahuling sabi ko bago pa namin ibaba ang tawag.

That late night I slept with a big smile, not only because it's my birthday, but also because I know it's going to be special and a good one. A few hours later, I woke up early, I have a lot of plan for my birthday and first on my list is to visit Mama.

It's just a quick visit, I stayed there for half hour and went to our shop to meet Kuya Rico, Ate Baby, and their son Diem for my second agenda. We prepared the things that we'll be needing for my birthday celebration. It's only 7 in the morning yet I feel like I did a lot of things already.

While waiting for something, I received a lot of greetings from people I know, some are from our customers and old friends, Doc Santos extend his greetings, too. Few moments later, Renee finally arrived, and as expected he greeted me a happy birthday.

"Hey, New Year boy, happy birthday!" nakangiting bungad niya sa akin.

"Well, for the nth time, thank you," nakangiting sambit ko pa.

Kasunod n'on ang panonood ko sa kilos niya, may inabot sa kaniya si Kuya Rico na isang bouquet ng bulaklak matapos ay nakangiti siyang humarap sa akin at inilahad ng hawak na bulaklak.

"Wait, that's for me?" gulat na tanong ko.

"Yup, a simple birthday gift."

"But I arranged that one," natatawang sambit ko.

"Well, that's good to hear, for sure you'll like it." natawa rin siya.

Nahihiya kong tinanggap ang bulaklak na binigay niya, marahan ko pa iyong inamoy matapos ay nakangiti muling bumaling kay Renee.

"Wow, daisies, roses, and carnations in one bouquet for birthday celebrant, I could see you did your research."

"Well, it just happens that I know someone expert with flowers," nakangiting sambit niya dahilan para mangiti rin ako.

Next thing to that we're finally on our way to the venue of my celebration. I planned this idea for a whole week and now that we're finally here I couldn't help myself but to be excited. We're on our way to one place in Rizal to visit a home for sick kids.

The place is called Sunny Side Garden, I've been looking for it for a long time after Renee's Mommy's birthday, since I really decided to visit home like this again. And good thing I remembered this place my Mama and I used to visit. While on our way, I felt the familiar feelings, it's giving me nostalgia, and I know Renee felt it because she keeps giving me a comfortable look.

And hour and a half later, we finally reached our destination. Sinalubong kami ng maaliwalas na paligid, may malawak na damuhan malapit sa parking area kung saan kami huminto. Ilang sandali pa sinalubong kami ng staff ng lugar.

"You must be, Fidel." nakangiting bungad sa akin ni Ate Rose, nakilala ko na siya sa boses niya sa ilang araw kong pagkausap sa kaniya.

Marahan akong natango kasunod ang pagtanggap ng kamay niya. "Hello po, thank you for letting me visit your home."

"Oh, don't mention it, it's an honor for us." nakangiting sambit pa niya. "Tulungan ko na kayo," mabilis na pag-iiba niya ng usapan.

Kasunod n'on ang pagsisimula naming magbaba ng gamit mula sa dalawang sasakyan na dala namin. Kaagad na pumasok Renee and Ate Baby sa loob para mag-ayos ng lugar, habang kami naman nina Kuya Rico at Diem ay nagtulong-tulong sa pagbaba ng mga pagkain. Maging mga staff ng lugar ay tumulong na rin sa amin.

Ilang sandali lang ang lumipas at naharap na namin ang kabuuan ng loob ng Sunny Side Garden. Pilit kong kinikilala ng mga batang nasa harap ko, ngunit halos walang pamilyar na mukha. Matagal na rin kasi akong hindi nakadadalaw rito.

Sakto ang laki ng kwarto kung nasaan kami ngayon. If I'm not mistaken there are at least twenty kids in front of us. Nakangiti silang nakaharap sa amin. May ibang bata ang naka-upo sa wheelchair, habang ang iba naman ay nasa monobloc chair na hinanda nina Renee.

"Kids, this is Kuya Fidel and his friends," binasag ni Ate Rose ang katahimikan dahilan para mabaling ang atensyon namin sa kaniya. "Today is Kuya Fidel's birthday, let's greet him a Happy Birthday!"

Sa isang iglap narinig namin ang kaliwa't kanang pagbati ng mga bata, "Happy birthday, Kuya Fidel!"

Bakas sa mga mata nila ang kasiyahan sa pagbati sa akin, ngunit sa kabila n'on makikita mo ang kahirapan sa pagsasalita. They're too young to feel something like that, to experience that pain. And that reminds me of Mama, this is the reason why she loved this kids, she saw how innocent they are.

Naramdaman ko ang marahan paghaplos sa akin ni Renee nang sabihan ako ni Ate Rose na mag-message, marahan akong humakbang paharap, tipid pa akong humugot ng paghinga at nakangiting humarap sa mga bata.

"Hello, kids," nakangiting panimula ko. "I'm Kuya Fidel, yes, today is my birthday, and I want to thank you all for celebrating it with me," halos pilit kong pinipigilan ang mabasag ang boses ko. "I hope you'll enjoy this day." pahuling sabi ko matapos ay muling kumaway sa kanila.

Sa hudyat na iyon nagsimula naming bigyan ng pagkain ang mga bata. Minsan pang mangigingiti sa akin sa akin si Renee habang abala kami sa pagaasikaso sa mga bata. Nang masigurado naming nabigyan na ang lahat, bumalik muli kami sa pwesto namin para magsimula na rin kumain.

"Hey, how are you, birthday boy?" narinig kong tanong ni Renee dahilan para maangat ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

"I'm doing good, great even." nakangiting sambit ko.

Nakita kong magsasalita pa sana siya ngunit natigilan nang may lumapit sa aking isang batang lalaki. Nabaling ang atensyon namin sa kaniya.

"Hi, Kuya Fidel," nakangiting bungad niya sa amin. "I'm John."

"Hey, John, may problema ba?" mahinahong baling ko sa bata.

"Nothing, Kuya, I just want to give you this," sambit niya kasunod ang pag-abot sa akin ng isang pulang papel.

Naangat ang kilay ko sa pagtanggap ng papel na binigay niya, marahan ko iyong binuklat at laking gulat ko ng mabasa ko ang nasa loob, Happy Birthday, Kuya Fidel, thank you for making our day special.

That moment I froze for a while as I looked back at John, he's smiling at me so innocent. Marahan akong nalunok at hindi ko na namalayan na tinakasan na pala ako ng mga luha.

"Why are you crying, Kuya Fidel, don't you like my gift? Sorry, ayan lang po ang nagawa ko." mahinahong sambit ni John dahilan para mabilis ko siyang harapin.

"No, John, I like it so much, these are tears of joy," mabilis kong sambit. "I really appreciate your gift, I should be the one thanking you all for making my day extra special."

Mabilis na kumurba ang ngiti sa labi ni John, at bago pa siya tuluyang bumalik sa pwesto niya marahan ko pang hinaplos ang buhok niya. Nang harapin ko muli si Renee, nakita ko ang mabilis na pagpalis din niya ng mga luha. Tipid kaming nangiti sa isa't isa.

Nang akala ko'y tapos na ang pagtanggap ko ng mga papel, pinaulanan ako ng sunod-sunod na paglapit ng mga bata. Halos sumabog ng puso ko ng isa-isa silang lumapit sa akin at nakangiti akong binabati kasabay ang pag-abot ng nakatiklop na papel.

Sa sandaling 'yon hindi ko maiwasan ang hindi maging emosyonal. Tuluyan ng kumawala ang mga luha sa mata ko hanggang sa huli kong pagtanggap ng papel. Naging malalim ang paghugot ko ng hininga para pakalmahin ang sarili. Hindi ko inasahan ang sandaling iyon kaya naman halos sumabog ang puso ko sa tuwa.

It's so overwhelming. It makes me weak in the most beautiful way. And looking at them makes me so emotional. They're too pure to be here, to be in pain, to be sick, yet they still managed to bring such a wonderful feelings every time you look at them. They reminds me that there are still hope. I saw myself in them, not because we're all sick, but because we still managed to continue looking forward to another day without any assurance from it. It's going to be a hard battle, but I'm so glad we still managed to make every day count and make it special.

After we ate, we rest for a while by reading them some stories. Renee and I narrated the stories, we read different genre of children books. And afterwards we played a sit-down game. We sings Happy Birthday, some nursery songs. And before we even said goodbye to the kids, I left them a simple message.

"I honestly don't know what to say, it's just that it's so overwhelming, I didn't expect you guys to give me something so meaningful. I couldn't be more grateful to you all. Your messages means the world to me, I'll always remember that." nakangiting sambit ko sa kanilang lahat. "And I want to thank you all for making my birthday so memorable and special. I hope – I really hope to see you guys once again, I would be so happy to see you all reached your dreams and do the things that you love." pahuling sabi ko pa bago namin tuluyang lisanin ang lugar.

When we left Sunny Side Garden the skies were so gray, it feels like anytime soon a hard rain will pour. And when we're finally back in the city, the rain welcomes us. Ang kaninang nagbabadya lang ngayon ay sumalubong na sa amin.

"Wow, it's raining," komento ko nang mahinto ang sasakyan. "Maybe this is Mama's way of greeting me a happy birthday, then, I'll consider this as a blessing." nakangiting sambit ko pa bago kami tuluyang tumuloy ni Renee sa restaurant nila.

Renee planned a lunch for my another birthday celebration. Sinalubong kami ng pamilya niya sa itaas kung saan kami kumain n'on. We just greeted each other at nakangiti rin nila akong binati. Kaliwa't kanan pa ang kumusta at pagpapakilala namin sa mga kasama bago pa magsimulang kumain.

It's a fun lunch, we talked about what happened on Sunny Side Garden, then again, they sing birthday song to me as Renee delivers my cake. It's so overwhelming, it feels surreal, and too good to be true.

"Once again, thank you a million times, I really appreciate everything you've done, guys." nakangiting sambit ko pa. "Sige na, let's have our dessert." dagdag ko pa at hinayaan silang pagsaluhan ang cake.

Seconds later, nakangiting humarap sa akin si Renee habang hawak ang malaking paper bag. From that may inabot siya sa akin isang bagay na nakabalot sa brown paper, marahan kong inalis ang tali kasunod ang pagbungad sa akin ng isang libro.

"Oh, wow, this is that book right?" nakangiting sambit ko matapos ay humarap sa kaniya.

"Yup, I bought that a month ago, so, don't worry, it's not new anymore, I read that already and I even annotated it, so, enjoy reading, it's really a great book." paliwanag pa niya dahilan para maangat ang tingin ko.

Marahan kong binuklat ang libro at tama siya may sulat nga iyon, may ibang mga poems pa ang naka-highlight. And I felt so special that moment, I love annotated books, it feels so personal, and I feel like there's really a great memory from it.

"Wait, there's more." narinig kong sambit pa niya dahilan para bumalik ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

Kasunod n'on ang paglabas niya ng isang hoodie mula sa malaking paper. Nakangiti niya iyong hinarap sa akin. I love the color of the hoodie, it's in deep shade of dark blue which made it look almost black.

"Well, I don't know how to make this one not new anymore, so, it's either you use this one or stick to your principle." sambit niya dahilan para matawa naman ako.

"Yeah, right," natatawang sambit ko pa. "Wait, is that personalize?" komento ko ng makita ang design ng hoodie.

"Yup," nakangiting sambit niya. "I know how much you like sharing random words, so, I did my research and decided to put it as a design." marahan niyang hinaplos ang isang maliit na salita sa dibdib na parte ng hoodie.

"Tinatangi." pagbasa ko sa nakasulat. "What does it means?"

Sa pagtatanong kong iyon hinarap niya ang likurang bahagi ng hoodie dahilan para bumungad sa amin ang mga salita sa likuran. Muling naangat ang tingin ko sa hoodie, I really love how minimalist and wholesome the designs are.

tinatangi

noun

a beautiful filipino word

to use and express when someone

is special to you

"Wow, that's beautiful," komento ko. "I have an idea."

"What?"

"Wear it,"

"And why, Mister Laurente?"

"So, it's not new anymore when you give it back to me," I said. "And the design suits you, you're also my tinatangi, you know." I added, smiling.

Nakita ko pa ang nahihiya niyang ngiti, kasunod n'on ang pagkuha ko ng hoodie sa kaniya, marahan ko iyong sinuot sa kaniya. At nang maayos ko ang itsura niya narinig pa namin ang panunukso ng mga kasama namin dahilan para makaramdam ako ng hiya.

Muli naming binalik ang atensyon sa mga kasama namin. Nagsimula na rin kaming kumain ng cake na dala ni Renee. We talked for while about random things, and later on they asked how I'm feeling, and since Sebastian is here too, I feel like I'm consulting with my own doctor. Moments later, we were already saying goodbye to each other, and before we even part ways I told them how grateful and happy I am today.

"So, Fidel's?" I heard Renee asked.

"Of course," I said, smiling.

The rain has finally stopped. The gray skies earlier are now in the mixture of yellow and red, meaning the sun is finally setting. I let Renee drive as she wishes, and while on our way to Fidel's I couldn't help but to admire the breathing skies because of the sunset.

"Wow, it's really beautiful," komento ko habang nakamasid sa harapan.

"Well, thank you," narinig kong sambit ni Renee dahilan para pareho kaming matawa.

Sandali pa kaming natahimik, napako ang atensyon niya sa pagmamaneho habang ako'y pinagmamasdan ang mabilis na pagbabago ng kulay ng langit at mga ulap. Sa kaunting minutong lumilipas, iba't ibang kulay ang pinamamalas ng paglubog ng araw. Napakaganda.

"Wow, the sunset must really beautiful today, isn't it?" mahinahong baling ko kay Renee.

"I couldn't agree more." nakangiting komento niya rin.

In a snap, I decided to take a picture of her as the sun rays lays on his face. Napakagandang tingan ng pagtama ng sinag ng araw sa mukha niya, marahan pang nililipad ng hangin ang buhok niya. Gulat niya akong tinapunan ng tingin.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking a picture, bawal?" nakangiting tanong ko.

"Oh, no, continue." nangiti rin naman siya.

Tinuon ko ang atensyon ko sa pagkuha ng picture sa kaniya. Sa bawat segundong lumilipas, unti-unting nag-iiba kulay ng paligid. Nahinto lang ako sa ginagawa ko ng marinig ko ang pagsasalita niya.

"When we got to Fidel's remind me to take us a picture," sambit niya. "We never did that."

"Copy, Miss Aguirre," nakangiting sambit ko.

Tipid lang din siyang nangiti at muling tinuon ang atensyon sa pagmamaneho. And as we reached the overlooking, the sun finally sets. Sinalubong kami ng madilim na paligid, pamilyar na malamig na simoy ng hangin at payapang katahimikan.

"Okay, 1, 2, 3... say cheese!"

We took a lot of photos when we sat on my car's trunk.

"Jump shot naman," natatawang sambit ko dahilan para matawa rin si Renee.

Sandali kaming natahimik, katulad ng mga nakalipas na araw hinayaan lang naming lunurin kami ng malamig na simoy ng hangin. Malayo ang tingin sa tanawin, maliwanag ang buwan ng gabing iyon. May mangilan-ngilang bituin sa kalangitan at nariyan pa rin ang ilang mga ulap. Maaliwalas ang kalangitan, tipong mapapako ang tingin mo sa itaas at hahayaan ang sariling magpahinga.

Ilang sandali lang naisipan kong magsulat muli sa bakod sa harapan namin. I wrote the day today, it might sound bias that it's my birthday and I wrote it here but I must say, it's indeed a memorable day. Before I went back to Renee, I wrote one word at the top of the fence.

"You wrote something else aside from today's date, what was it?" salubong sa akin ni Renee.

Umayos ko ang pagkakatayo sa harapan niya bago pa tuluyang sumagot. "Antiophobia," tipid ngiting sambit ko.

"Let me guess, it's from John Koenig again?" mabilis na tanong niya dahilan para mangiti ako. "What does it mean?"

Marahan kong inangat ang tingin sa kaniya, "It means the fear you experience while leaving a love one, wondering if this will be the last time you'll ever see them," mahinahong sambit ko. "It leaves you the question how you spent your time with them, and if you showed them just how much you love them."

Sa pahuling sambit ko walang nakapagsalita sa aming dalawa. A whole familiar silence wrapped us. We looked back at the view. Marahan akong humugot ng paghinga. May ideyang naglakbay sa isipan ko at ilang sandali pa nagkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob ipagpatuloy 'yon.

Marahan kong binuksan ang radio ng sasakyan, hinayaan ko ring nakabukas ang dalawang bintana para marinig namin ang kantang nagbigay ng kakaibang atmosphere sa itaas. It's an unfamiliar song but it feels close to my heart. I bet it's a new song.

Nakangiti kong inalahad ang kanang kamay ko kay Renee, nagtataka niya iyong tinanggap hanggang sa alalayan ko siyang makababa. Marahan kaming naglakad patungo sa gilid ng sasakyan para sa maayos na p'westo at sa sandaling 'yon inalalayan ko ang kamay niyang magpahinga sa magkabilang balikat ko.

"What are we doing, Fidel?"

"Dancing," I whispered. "Don't you want it?" mahinahong tanong ko pa.

Nakita ko ang marahang pagkagat niya sa ibabang labi, matapos ay pagtama ng tingin sa akin, kasunod ang pagbigay ng pahintulot na ipagpatuloy ang ginagawa namin.

I put my hands on her waist, I felt her soft gasped. I looked back at her and smiled. I slowly move left and right as we listen to the song. It's calming, peaceful, overwhelming, yet so emotional in a way. We continued moving slowly as the song goes on. I'm way too tall for her that makes it so perfect to let her head rest on my chest. We stayed like that for a moment while enjoying the song, I hugged her softly.

"Thank you, Renee." I whispered to her while looking at the whole city with her body resting on me. "I want to write that words on your arm or hand, so you won't forget how grateful I am, not just for today, but for every day. God knows how grateful I am that I met you. Thank you for the past few days that you're here for me, for being their while I'm fighting for my life, and thank you for today, for making it memorable." I softly strokes her hair. "And I want to thank you in advance for anything that will happen, you're indeed tinatangi¸ Renee."

As long as you're the one I'm with

Blessed for it to end like this

Silence. Just beautiful silence. With a blasting peaceful song. Under the moon and stars. I hugged her as the sun hugged the whole day. That moment I knew we were more than special. That moment I knew we were more than the moon and stars.

If I had just one minute left to live

I would reach to hold your hand

I would make a toast, I'll keep it short and sweet

The song goes on. In that moment, I knew my fate is near to its end. And with a snapped, something hits me, that night, that day, that moment – that was the very last time I could remember that I celebrated my birthday. A lot of things happened after that night, a lot of memorable memories, but there's one thing that I know, that dance it more than what you think it was, because that was the very first and last time I had it with Renee.

I'm counting down the seconds as we dance

It doesn't matter how it ends

It's frightening. It's making me weak in the most terrifying thing that you could imagine. I don't know how it happens. I don't know when it happens. I don't know how and when. It's happens within a quick snap, just like how the colors of the sunset changes the sky and clouds. I don't know how I spent my last one minute.

A lot of things could happen under the stars and I can't seem to find how I died. It could happen a week after, or while I'm sleeping, worst while I'm driving on my way to Renee or back at Fidel's, it could happen the day before Christmas, or any day now, and unfortunately it could happen on New Year's Eve.

For you, I hope you will know, I hope you will continue exploring my stories, it was written in the stars, I hope you'll found out the last words I said. And I hope one day when we finally met, you'll tell me how and when I died.