Chapter 17

Fidel

Holy Grail

It's all over my head. It was all over my head. Ever since I got home from visiting my Mama and Daryl, I couldn't help myself but to think of the conversation I had with Renee. I've been thinking a lot about it.

As far as I know and I'm aware, we're friends and we're good with that, nothing more nothing less. And I want to keep it that way, we maybe share some intimate moment but I don't think of it as something more than what we have. I want to treasure what we have right now, I think it's beautiful just the way it is.

After that day I went back on our shop, I helped Kuya Rico and Ate Baby just like what I'm doing before. I could say everything went back to normal, except for the fact that from time to time they're both asking if I'm okay and reminding me to rest for a while. I appreciate that they care for me just like how Renee do, but I'm always telling them that I need to do things, to work, and be back on track to keep me sane.

"One dozen of lilies, Fidel," I heard Kuya Rico told me.

Kaagad akong tumungo sa refrigerator para asikasuhin ang order na sinabi ni Kuya Rico, he even helped me packed the lilies dahil wala naman gaanong customer, after that we decided to have an early lunch.

"Kumusta ka, Sir?" Ate Baby asked for the fourth time today.

"I'm good, Ate Baby, don't worry, if everything feels wrong I'll stop working and rest." mahinahong sambit ko dahilan para tipid silang mapangiti sa akin.

We continued eating, and after a few seconds I received a message from Renee asking how I am, mabilis ko siyang nireplayan at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. Moments later, we decided to closed the shop for a while dahil naisipan naming mag-decorate na for Christmas.

"Wow, mas lalo kong namiss si Mama," mahinahong sambit ko habang abala sa pag-aasikaso ng Christmas Tree, tipid naman silang napangiti sa akin.

"Sigurado ako, proud na proud siya ngayon sa 'yo, Fidel," sambit naman ni Kuya Rico.

Tipid na lang din akong napangiti at nagpatuloy sa ginagawa, nang matapos namin ayusin ang loob, naglagay lang kami ng ilang decorations sa labas hanggang sa tuluyan naming matapos ang buong lugar.

"We did a great job," nakangiting sambi ko habang nakamasid sa kabuang lugar ng shop namin mula sa labas.

"Pasko na nga talaga, ibig sabihin malapit na rin ang birthday mo," baling sa akin ni Kuya Rico.

"Anong plano mo, Sir?"

I told them my initial plan, napangiti pa sila sa akin matapos ay binigyan ako ng makahulugang ngiti na hindi na nagawang pagtuunan ng pansin. Matapos n'on muli naming binuksan ang shop, naiwan naman ako sa labas para laruin ang ilang mga pusang dumaraan. Nabalik lang ako sa reyalidad nang makatanggap akong muli ng message from Renee.

I kinda miss Fidel's, need fresh air, too.

Let's g, later? I'll drive don't worry.

Napangiti naman ako dahil d'on, maging ako'y na-miss ang Fidel's, back then I'm always there pero dahil sa sitwasyon ko ngayon nabago ang lahat. Good thing I still managed to visit that place, breathe for a while, and escape this chaos.

Sounds great, I'm there.

Yeah, keep on dreaming that I'll let you drive.

I'll pick you up later. Send my regards to your parents.

Matapos kong mag-reply sa kaniya kaagad din naman siyang nag-message, kaliwa't kanan ang naging batuhan namin hanggang sa mapag-usapan ang oras ng plano. Kasunod n'on ang pagbalik ko sa pagtulong sa shop.

After a few hours we decided to close the shop earlier than usual, it's always like this during this time of the month, madalang ang customer, pero sa huling linggo ng October at first week ng November inuulan kami ng customers.

It's like calm before the storm.

"You're really not going to let me drive, are you?" bungad sa akin ni Renee nang makasakay siya.

"Well, it's not that I don't want you to," sambit ko kasunod ang pagpapatuloy magmaneho. "It's just that I want to drive for you while I still can."

"Fair point," she said then played the radio.

Pinagsaluhan namin ang nangyari sa buong maghapon hanggang sa makarating kami sa overlooking. The sun has finally sets kaya naman madilim na sa buong lugar. The air feels familiar, the lights from the building looks familiar, it feels like I haven't seen them for a long time.

"What's that song we've listen to earlier?" I asked Renee as I sat on my car's trunk.

"Oh, that one," sambit niya matapos ay bumaling sa akin. "If I'm not mistaken, that's Bruno Major's Nothing, why?"

"Oh, cool, well, it sounds beautiful." mahinahong sambit ko.

"Well, you want to listen to it again?" tanong niya matapos ay marahan akong natango. "Good thing I've saved it." dagdag pa niya.

She took her phone from her pocket, seconds later she played the song. It's so peaceful, calming, overwhelming. I smiled to her as she looks at me, she smiles back. The song goes on. I looked at the view, let myself drown from it, with good music, cold air, and Renee by my side.

I slowly looked back at her, she did too. We smiled, no one's talking. It's so cold up here yet so warm, it feels nothing yet it also feels everything. I looked back at the view and she did too. The song goes on, still feels magical. I saw her hug herself that made me give my jacket to her, she insisted on not taking it, well, she won't win, I insisted on letting her use it.

"Thanks," she whispered, I smiled.

We looked back at the view, I closed my eyes and later as I speak I opened them.

"Time really flies so fast, right?" I said without looking at her, but I feel she's looking at me.

"Yeah," she replied. "I almost forgot the first time I was here, the first time I saw you." she added that made me look at her, I was right, she's looking at me.

"It feels so long ago, isn't it?" I smiled. "A lot of things happened already."

"Yeah, right."

"That day I found out I was sick, and now here we are, I guess I'm almost three months away from the given deadline." I said, casually, but it made her stopped for a while.

She gave me a complete unknown look, her looks are full of random emotions but I can't seem to get one from it, it's overwhelming. She smiled, bittersweet. Then looked back at the view.

"You're really not gonna tell me your plan on your birthday?" I heard her asked.

I looked back at her, "No, I want to surprise you."

She laughed as she looked at me, "It's your birthday and you're gonna surprise me? Classic Fidel."

That made me laughed, too. "I'll tell it you once it's completely done."

"Well, I could help, you know."

"Soon," I smiled, softly.

After that the song stops. She picked up her phone and closed it then she looks back at me.

"That's indeed a great song." I commented.

"Well, thank you." she laughed, softly, it made me laugh too.

We smiled at each other. Pagkatapos n'on, bumalik ang tingin namin sa harapan. Marahan akong humugot ng paghinga. Namayani ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin. Ilang sandali pa narinig ko muli ang boses niya.

"So, you're gonna be 29?"

Bahagya akong natawa matapos ay bumaling sa kaniya, "I'm 93's baby, Renee, I'm turning 28."

"Oh, I'm sorry." natawa pa siya matapos ay bumalik ang tingin sa harapan.

Sumimoy pa ang malamig na hangin, marahan akong napikit at nilunod ang sarili sa maaliwalas na paligid. Namulat ako nang muli kong marinig ang boses niya.

"You're on your late 20's," mahinahong sambit niya.

"Well, yeah, thanks for reminding me." natawa pa akong muli. "Yeah, I'm on my late 20's and dying." dagdag ko pa dahilan para mapako ang tingin niya sa akin.

"Fidel," pagtawag niya dahilan para maangat ang kilay ko.

"Renee?"

Marahan pa siyang humugot ng paghinga bago tuluyang nagsalita, "Let's do that..."

"What do you mean?" kunot-noong tanong ko.

"Let's do the things that we're missing, before it gets late." diretsong tanong niya dahilan para diretso ko rin siyang harapin.

"You mean we'll do those things we've talked about before?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter what me do, we don't exactly have to do those things, just the things that we can do." paglilinaw niya. "Anything you want."

Tipid akong nangiti, "So, that's how it'll go? That's how our story will go? Completing our bucket list? Doing random things before I die?"

"You can call it whatever you want," mabilis na sambit niya. "We'll do this while accepting your fate, fighting for your life, and now enjoying this battle." dagdag pa niya. "We'll hit three birds now, Fidel."

I gulped as she said those things. Tipid din akong nangiti at marahan pang nabuntong-hininga.

"I love that idea, let's do that."

Nangiti rin siya habang hinaharap ako, "So, what's our first on the list?"

"Wow, that's a big pressure," nabuntong-hininga pa ako matapos ay humarap sa tanawin. "Let me thing about it."

"Do you want to get completely drunk?"

"I would if I could," natawa pa kaming dalawa.

Muli kaming natahimik habang nag-iisip ako, ilang sandali lang marahan ko siyang nilingon kasama ang naisip na mga ideya.

"Well, first thing, I want to find him and tell him how coward he is for leaving her wife and son." seryosong sambit ko na mukhang ikinagulat niya.

"Okay, that's big." komento niya. "After that?"

"After that, I'll focus on myself and with you," I continued. "I want us to watch the sunset at the seaside, of course I want to watch the sunrise, too, we'll wake up early and by that time you won't have to worry about me getting sick," I gave her a small smile. "Then after those things, I want us to get on a bus, go somewhere, anywhere, far away from here. We'll stay there as long as we want, until we get bored. When we got home, I want to have an exhibit for my drawings, pets are allowed of course."

She smiled with her eyes.

"Then, I'll expand Flora For You, I know she'll love that. Hopefully, I'll be able to build my dream house for Mama, and go to her dream country Amsterdam. When I got home, you'll be waiting for me at the airport, you didn't get the chance to come with me because you're busy with your family business that's so famous by that time." I continued. "Lastly, we'll go back here, drink our coffee, feel the cold air, listen to complete random songs, and if we have time we'll watch your favorite movie as we wait for the fireworks to blow up because it's New Year's Eve and we're here to welcome the New Year." I took a deep breath as I finished telling her the things that I want to do.

"Wow," she said. "Those are beautiful, Fidel."

"Thank you," I smiled. "But those things are completely impossible."

"What do you mean?" she said. "We'll do those things, Fidel, I'll be here for you."

"Thank you, Renee, I appreciate you for doing that, but let's face it I don't have the luxury of time."

"That's why I told you we'll do that before it gets late." she said, directly looking at me.

"I know, but don't worry, I'm fine with the things I've done." I smiled.

"Fidel..."

"Oh, I actually thought of something," mabilis na sabi ko.

"Hmmm?"

"Let me take you on a date." agarang sabi ko dahilan para magulat siya. "We'll eat somewhere, not in you restaurant because I don't want you to feel that you need to work for me or something," dagdag ko pa. "We'll eat on a fine dining restaurant, I always wanted to do that."

"Wow, you're asking me for a date?" para bang hindi pa siya makapaniwala.

"Well, you could say that," sabi ko. "I always wanted to take someone of a fine dining restaurant, and I would be happy if it's you."

"So, you mean, you'll do that to just experience it?"

"Yeah, does that sound uncomfortable? Don't you want it? I'll understand, if it makes you unworthy, I'm sorry." mabilis pang sabi ko.

"No, Fidel, it's not like that." mahinahong sabi niya. "I actually love that idea, it would be an honor to do that, I want to experience it with you, too."

Kaagad na kumurba ang ngiti sa labi ko, matapos n'on marahan akong humugot ng paghinga at muling nagkaroon ng lakas makapagsalita.

"So, yeah, take me on a date, Fidel, I would be happy."

"Well, I can't wait for it." I said, smiling. "We'll dress up, formal, I will be on some suit not on some random jacket. I'll pick you up by 6 PM, will drive for you, hopefully you won't insist on driving because you're in a complete stunning dress. We'll eat somewhere around the city while someone's playing unfamiliar song for us, we'll have wine, steak, anything that will ruin my diet meal plan for that night. After that we'll go back here and wait for us to get tired on this place." I said while picturing those things.

"Wow, you really put some effort thinking that, aren't you?"

"Those are some random cliché things to do on a date, Renee, nothing special."

"Well, it'll be us on a date – that makes it special." mabilis pang sabi niya. "I just hope you'll let me pay." dagdag pa niya.

"Of course, I'm not rich you know," sabi ko at pareho pa kaming natawa.

"So, when is our date, Mr. Laurente?"

"Hmmm, are you free tomorrow, Ms. Aguirre?"

"Let me check my schedule first," mabilis pang sabi niya dahilan para bahagya kaming matawa.

After that we looked back on the view, hinayaang malunod ang isa't isa sa malamig na simoy ng hangin at sa nakabubusog sa matang tanawin. Ilang oras lang ang pinalipas hanggang sa tuluyan naming maisipan lisanin ang Fidel's.