Alex P.O.V.

I don't know what happened. Herc was throwing a party and I wanted to go. I begged John to go and after awhile of begging he did go. It was fun. Then I got drunk. Started yelling. I hit him.

I hurt him.

I slapped him.

I made him cry.

He broke up with me.

I can't focus in school. I can't think straight. I need him. But I hurt him. I don't deserve him. Now he's with Charles Lee. Now he won't talk to me. Or look at me. He acts like I don't exists. I barely even brush my hair. I just throw it in a loose ponytail and go.

I'm an awful person. How could I do that when I spent so much time convincing him I wouldn't. So much time feeding him lies.

Ever since we broke up I've had at least five people ask me to be there boyfriend. I remember John saying Lafayette liked me. Maybe if I get with him he'll be jealous.

No one really knows why we broke up. John doesn't like spreading rumors about people so he won't tell anybody except the Schuyler sisters. I didn't tell anyone because I knew everyone would think I was a jerk and they would all hate me.

I deserve to be hated.

I've tried texting him on a bunch of different phones. My phone. Blocked me. Washington's phone. Blocked me. Herc's phone. Blocked me. Eliza's phone. Blocked me.

He hates me.

I deserve it.

I'm an awful person

"Mr. Hamilton, pay attention please" Washington said. I sat next to John in this class. He wouldn't look at me. He wouldn't talk to me. He wouldn't acknowledge my existants at all. He passed notes with his new boyfriend, Charles Lee.

He'll never forgive me.

———————————————

I decided to do what I did when I first texted him. Get a different number and text him without telling who it is. Or tell him it's Eliza. Eliza said I could do that.

I changed my number and texted him.

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Unknown: hello
John: hi???? Who's this??
Unknown: It's Eliza
John: oh hey Lizzy
Lizzy: hi
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eliza was reading the text. We were at lunch and she was sitting beside me. John was across the room. Eliza was on her phone texting Peggy so it looked like she was texting John.

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lizzy: how're things going with Charles
John: he doesn't protect me like Alex did...
Unknown: then why don't you get back with Alex? I'm sure he'd be willing to get back together.
John: maybe..but he hit me. He hurt me. After spending so much time telling people to leave me alone. He hurt me.
Lizzy: he's sorry
John: is he reading our texts??!?
Lizzy: it's my fault. I let him. I won't let him anymore.
John: thnx
Lizzy: mmhmm
John: I don't care how sorry he is. That won't heal the bruise on my cheek.
Lizzy: ........
            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't know I hurt him that bad.

I'm going to be sick.

I just got up and ran. Eliza went after me but I was faster than her. I kept running and running and running. I ran outside. I ran to the parking lot. I ran all the way to my house.

Tears streamed down my cheeks.

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John: was that Alex?
Lizzy: yeah
John: what's the matter? Why was he crying?
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't respond. I didn't even see the second message. I was on my knees sobbing. Eliza kept calling me. I never answered.

I'm an awful person.

I hurt him.

After school ended Eliza came over. I was still crying. I wasn't sobbing anymore. I was just laying in bed crying silently.

"Alex," I heard Eliza say from my door. I didn't respond.
"Let me see your phone" she demanded. No reply. She started looking around my room until she found my phone.

            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John: Lizzy?
John: what's wrong with Alex?
Lizzy: He had a panic attack
John: why?
Lizzy: he won't talk about it. Maybe he'll listen to you.
John: no. I'm not talking to him. I can't. I'm too scared.
Lizzy: John he was drunk when he hit you.
John: it still hurt!!
Lizzy: how do you think it makes Alex feel?!? What if you were the one that slapped him?!
John: ....
Lizzy: What if that was you?! How would you feel?!
John: I'll come talk to him
Lizzy: thank you.
         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What did you say?!" I snapped at Eliza when I looked out the window and saw John
"I just said you wouldn't talk to me and that you might listen to him. He refused to come so I asked him how he would feel if he was the one that slapped you" Eliza explained
"Eliza you're a love wizard"
"You can call me Super Schuyler" she joked.

John knocked on the door. He wants to talk to me. But his cheek is bruised. I did that. I hurt him. I opened the door. He smiled a bit. His cheek was all I could focus on. It's purple and it's my fault. It hurts and it's my fault. I fell to my knees and started sobbing. I'm an awful person. I did that to him.

"Alex!!" Eliza yelped. She bent down beside him.
"It's ok, he wants to talk to you" She told me
"Did I do something?" John asked
"No" Eliza answered for me

I couldn't stop crying. I hurt him. I did that to him. It's my fault. My fault. My fault.

"Alex" John said sitting on the floor beside me. I didn't respond. I couldn't stop crying.
"Why're you crying?" He asked me
"I h-hurt you" I stuttered still crying
"I don't care. You were drunk. I would feel the same way if I hit you" He said hugging me. I hugged him tightly, burying my face in his chest. I hurt him. I hurt the same guy who is trying to comfort me. I hit the nicest person in the world. I hit him. I hurt him.

I just couldn't stop crying. He hugged me. I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay here forever. Just in his arms.

"My work here is done." Eliza said
"Thank you" John said
"You can call me, Super Schuyler" she said proudly. John chuckled. Soon enough I stopped crying. I didn't move though.

"Alex," John said softly "it's getting late, I should go home"
"No." I said hugging him
"Alex I have to go home some time" He pointed out
"Stay the night."
"I'll ask my mom" he chuckled grabbing his phone. I waited for an answer.

"She said I could stay the night" he said. I hugged him tightly.

"Do you still love me?" I asked
"I-

And because I'm evil I'm stopping this chapter here >:3 mwaha))