(Trigger warning)

John P.O.V.

When I saw the text I screamed- like really loud.

"WHATS WRONG" my mom asked worried.
"Nothing." I laughed
"THEN WHY'D YOU SCREAM"
"BECAUSE ALEX ASKED ME OUT"
"Isn't that the kid that told you that you were trash" my mom pointed out
"No, that was his friend" I lied
"Mmhmm"
"Well it doesn't matter because he sticks up for me now" I said ignoring the fact that she rolled her eyes.
"Mk" she sighed leaving my room.

              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex: wanna come over, Washington says it's fine
John: you live with Washington?
Alex: er..yeah
John:oh um..sure, I'll ask my mom.
Alex: Mk.
*ten minutes later*
John: I can go
Alex: cool
John: where is Washington's house anyway?
Alex: (insert address)
John: Mk, I'll be there
                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mom drove me to Washington's house. She waited in the car incase we got the wrong house or something and had to leave, I knocked on the door nervously. Washington answered the door.

"Hey, John." He said in a welcoming tone "Alex is upstairs in his room"
"Thanks" I said smiling. I waved at my mom as a gesture to tell her that we were at the right house and she could leave.
"Come on in" Washington said. I stepped inside. His house was huge.
"The second door on the left" he said. I. Nodded and went upstairs, I knocked on the door that I thought was Alex's. Luckily, I was right and it was Alex's door. Alex opened the door and smiled.

"Hey babe~" He said causing me to blush.
"H-hey" I kind of expected him to yell at me for stuttering. I stepped back a bit, Alex noticed this and looked down.
"You can come in" he said stepping aside. I nodded and stepped inside his room.
"I'm really sorry for everything I did before" he said. No doubt about that. He was very sorry and he wouldn't stop telling me but the things he said before hurt and I don't know if I'm going to forgive him yet. I only said yes when he asked me out because I had a crush on him for some strange reason, I was still scared of him.

"It's fine" I shrugged like I did every time he apologized. Alex was a very smart kid and he could tell when something wasn't ok yet he didn't say anything.

I heard a knock on the door. Alex looked at me blankly, I looked back at him confused. He went over to the door and opened it. I saw the Frenchmen who I think is named Lafayette. I stood over by the window so he couldn't see me, I knew how important Alex's dumb reputation was to him.

"Hey Lafayette, what're you doing here?" Alex asked Lafayette.
"You invited me, last week"
"Oh" Alex said
"Can I come in?" He asked, his french accent showing. Alex glanced at me. He's embarrassed of me.
I tried my best not to tear up.
"Yeah" Alex said. Lafayette came in and saw me. We made eye contact for a split second, there was nothing but hate in his eyes.

"You've met my boyfriend" Alex said proudly. He shocked me a bit, I didn't expect him to want anyone to know we were a thing. I thought he was embarrassed of me.
"He's only with you because he's scared of you and what you would do if he said no" Lafayette said. Parts of that were true, I was scared of what he would do if I said no but that's not why I agreed to be with him.

Alex looked at me as if he expected me to say something or argue with Lafayette.

"You scare him. Me and Herc heard him crying in the bathroom" he said rolling his eyes. I had no words.

"It's a shame that he thinks you might care." Lafayette continued, he then turned to me "you should've heard all the things Alex has called you behind your back."
"Lafayette. Don't" Alex said firmly. He tried to sound tough but I could tell that if I wasn't in the room he would probably be on his knees begging.

Lafayette ignored Alex.

"He's called you trash, a loser, ugly, stupid,-" Lafayette was cut off by Alex shoving him into the wall. I tried but couldn't keep the tears out of my eyes, I started to cry. Lafayette and Alex started to fight.

I ran downstairs, Alex followed me but I had a head start so I got downstairs first. Washington saw me crying and went over to me.

"What happened?!" He demanded.
"Lafayette!" Alex yelled angrily.
"It was Alex" I told Washington.
"What did he do?"
"Can you take me home?" I asked. Washington nodded.
"Go ahead and get in the car, I'll be there in a minute" I was told. I did as he said.

I waited in the car about 10 minutes before Washington and Lafayette both got in the car. I sat in the back, Washington drove, and Lafayette sat in the front beside Washington. Tears were still rolling down my cheeks.

               ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John: I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore.
Alex: John please don't break up with me
Alex: please

Message not sent. You have been blocked by John Laurens
            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm sorry, John" Washington said as he pulled in my driveway. I didn't say anything. I got out of the car and went inside without saying a word.

"You're home early- why are you crying?" My mom asked sympathetically. I wiped the tears of my cheeks.
"Leave me alone" I said going to my room and locking the door.

I got online and watched YouTube.
"Are you ok?" My mom asked as she knocked on my door.
"Go away!"
"....ok" she said shocked.

I closed my computer and went to the bathroom. I looked through the drawers, in one drawer I found scissors. I brought them to my hand but helped in pain. Deciding against it I put the scissors back. In the drawer the scissors were in there were also bobby pins. I cut the ends of the bobby pins so there wasn't plastic covering the sharp medal on the end.

My sister knocked on the bathroom door, "you've been in there forever" she complained. I stuffed the sharp pins in my pocket and left the bathroom going back to my room.

"Time to go to bed, you're tired" my mom said. I rolled my eyes "fine. Whatever." I went to bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

————————————————————

"Wake up" my mom said shaking my arm. I got up and went to the kitchen.
"I made you cereal" she said smiling. I gave a fake smile and sat down to eat. I finished eating and went upstairs changing into a black hoodie and black jeans. Maybe if I dressed like everyone else they would hate me less. I put my hair in a bun but took it down when I realized how much it looked like Lafayette's hair.

"Hurry! You'll be late!" My mother shouted from the dinning room.
"I'll be fine!" I snapped. I pulled my hair back in a messy ponytail and ran downstairs so I didn't miss the bus. I got outside just in time to get on the bus. As always, I sat in the front. It was mainly because Hercules Mulligan rode my bus and I was scared of Alex and his friends.

On my way to my locker I ran into Alex. People crowded around us and went "oooooh" I turned to leave by people were surrounding us. One person started chanting "fight fight fight fight fight" over and over and over again. Soon enough one person turned into two people which turned into three people, then four, then five, then the whole group of kids were chanting. I refused to even look at Alex. Alex turned around and pushed past the group of kids around us. I could tell he didn't want anything to do with me and I didn't blame him but by now I was desperate, if dating Alex meant I wouldn't get picked on as much then I was willing to.

Lunch rolled around and I made my way to the lunchroom. I got my food and sat down beside Alex. His friends stared at me a second before getting up and leaving. We sat in silence awhile.

Martha came over and sat on the other side of me, "hey John" she said kindly. Martha was a cheerleader and kinda popular.
"Hey" I said back not making eye contact.
"Hey John" Alex muttered under his breath in a mocking tone. Eliza came over and sat beside Alex, her sisters followed her. Peggy sat beside Martha and Angelica sat on the far end by herself.

Martha smiled at me, "so, what are you doing later, like after school" she asked me.
"Tying a noose" I said sarcastically. The whole table got quiet, everyone stared at me. I rolled my eyes "I'm being sarcastic" everyone sighed relieved.

"Like any of you would care if I did it anyway" I said getting up and leaving. I got my books out of my locker.

Someone pinned me to my locker, I looked up and saw Alex.
"Just punch me already" I said rolling my eyes again.
"Are you ok? You've been acting different lately" Alex said with worry in his voice.
"Do you even really care!?" I snapped
"Of course I do!" He claimed
"Really."
"Yes! What do I have to do to show that I care?"
"First of all, stop pinning me to lockers"
"Ok,"
"Second, Leave me the hell alone"