Alex P.O.V.

I gave John a month to get out of my house. I'm tired of my feelings being played with. I don't know if he really ever loved me or not.

One second he's saying how in love he is with me, the next he's having sex with Francis because he called him beautiful.

Anyone can call someone beautiful.

My honest opinion on the whole thing....relieved. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I mean, I still love him but it's nothing I can't get over.

You'd think 'Alex. Weren't you popular. Can't you date anyone you want?' Nope. John is popular because he's quarterback.

We were still sharing a locker, which was unfortunate. We graduate in a month it's not a big deal anyway.

While me and John were getting our things from our locker Samuel Seabury went over to John. Apparently someone was spreading a rumor saying that I was John's sugar daddy.

As much as I gave him I might as well have been but that's definitely not true.

Something else blah blah blah more rumors.

It's been two weeks and John not only looks completely different- he acts completely different. He also acts like we've never been together.

First let me explain his looks. He got his hair cut a little lower than the center of his neck. He also got glasses. He never left his hair down anymore like he usually did, it was always in a ponytail. It was cute with his length of hair.

Now for the way he acts- no words.

He has a job and was able to afford an apartment. The thing is, he wants Eleanor back.

Ok all changes about John aside- in history we have a partnered project and if we don't pass it we don't graduate. The thing is- my partner is John.

We agreed on meeting up at his apartment. He gave me his address.

I felt super weird about going to my ex's house but John acted pretty casual about it all.

He acts so much more...mature. And I still act so weird every time I talk to him.

He wears long sleeves a lot and it makes me worried that he's still hurting himself. I can't help but think it's my fault. I always think 'If I didn't yell at him that night he wouldn't hurt himself'. I don't even know for sure if he is hurting himself but just the thought of it makes me feel guilty.

I know despite the maturity change and his looks being different that he probably still thinks the same. Probably still thinks he isn't worth anything and that he's ugly. Which is the worse part.

All of a sudden he started bottling up his feelings and now everyone wants to talk to him again. No one wanted to be his friend before because he was 'too depressing'. That just goes to show how shallow some people can be. They don't want anything to do with you when you're hurt but any other time they're there.

Which makes me feel even more guilty because I basically did the same thing to him when I broke up with him. Of course he didn't give me anything. He didn't have any money or even a place to stay. He gave me what he could and I still thought that wasn't enough.

I'd like to get back together with him but it's for all the wrong reasons.

I'm kinda tired of chasing after him too. You'd think I would've realized by now it's not gonna work out between us.

And yet every time we brake up, something pushes us together again.