a/n YALL I- ty wth 💕💕

also this chapter do be taking place in therapy tho so lots of talk with his mental health n also mentions of suicidal thoughts (but he doesnt actually think them, kais telling the therapist that he doesnt think that)

-

Session 1.

Kairi's eyes danced around the room, looking at everything but the lady in front of him. The second-hand on the clock hanging on the wall ticked slower and slower each time he glanced up. His heartrate refused to settle, and he just knew she was observing his white-knuckled fists and the way his leg bounced up and down.

"So, Kairi, this session is just for us to get acquainted. If you feel a question is too personal, you can refuse to answer and we'll circle back to it once you're comfortable. Everything you say in this session is entirely confidential, except for if a court orders to see relevant records or if I believe you pose a danger to yourself or others. Do you have any questions before we begin?" Dr. Hita asked, looking at him expectantly. Her voice was surprisingly soothing.

Kairi shook his head, stomach tying in knots. "I'm good, thanks."

"Why don't you tell me about yourself?" She suggested, trying to prompt him.

"Um... What do you want to know?"

"Well, anything you feel comfortable sharing. It could be about your family, your hobbies, your job, your friends, your significant other-"

Kairi must have met her eyes at that point, because she paused.

"So, do you have a girlfriend?" His jaw tensed, but Dr Hita was unfazed. "Boyfriend, then?"

Kairi briefly worried about how she'd react- until he remembered that his mum had specifically chosen Dr Hita because she had worked with LGBT people before. "I- uh, yeah. His name's Mattia." The name itself calmed him, and her soft smile made him feel at ease.

"How long have you been dating?"

"Today marks two months. He's, um, taking me out after this to celebrate." Kairi's leg stilled, his shoulders gradually untensing the more he talked. "We're going ice-skating because I really like it, but he's pretty bad." The therapist huffed a laugh, and Kairi finally cracked a smile.

"Sounds like a great time! Did you do something similar for your one-month-anniversary, then?"

"Um, not really. We just spent the day together, because the day before, Mattia got suspended and I had to go to hospital. I'm fine now though, and he did bring me flowers. And, uh, he called me out on saying I love you, because apparently I hadn't done that since we started dating. He got so excited over it, it was kind of ridiculous." He smiled again at the memory, happy to talk about such a good moment.

"Oh! Were you friends beforehand?"

"Yeah, we've been friends since freshman year. It's me, Mattia, Alejandro and Robert. Alvaro and Roshaun moved to Florida, but they're still part of our group. Oh, that's another thing - We all do TikTok. It's stupid, I guess."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"I mean, yeah, but..."

"Then why is it stupid? If you all have fun doing it, why be ashamed of it?"

Kairi shrugged and chuckled. "Some people just say things I guess. Last year- well, never mind."

"I'm here to listen to you, Kairi. What happened last year?"

"Uh... Is it possible- Can we make that one of those circle-back topics?"

"Of course! Anyway, let's move on. Have you ever been to a therapist before?"

"Only school counselors. You're better than them already, though."

"Thank you! Now, I am going to shift the conversation a little, just so I know how to help you. What would brought you here?" At Kairi's silence, she tried again. "Your mum told me a bit about your chat, and from what I understand, you've been having some troubles at school. However, I'd like to hear it from you. I get the feeling that there's more to it?"

"Yeah, you could say that."

-

Arms circled around his waist, tugging Kairi close to a solid chest. "That's my baby, this my, look," Mattia's voice whispered in the other's ear, making him grin and turn around in his arms.

"Simp," Kairi replied in an equally soft voice, gazing up at Mattia with adoration.

"So I was a simp for not dating you and now we're together, I'm still a simp? Make up your mind, bubba."

"That's my petname for you. Deal with it, simp." Kairi giggled as Mattia's grip strengthened. Before he knew it, he was being lifted up and spun around, laughs bubbling from his chest as he tried to tell Mattia to stop. "Fine! You're not a simp, okay? You're going to make me sick!"

His boyfriend placed him back on his own feet, giving him a quick peck. Kairi mimed throwing up into his mouth.

"You're gross. I love you."

"Don't make me use the s-word again," Kairi threatened, snaking his hand into Mattia's.

"I'll never be nice to you ever again. How am I supposed to tell you I love you?"

"I love you, bitch. I ain't ever gonna stop loving you, bitch," Kairi quoted, making the other roll his eyes.

Mattia handed Kairi his skates that he had hired before the other boy arrived and they started walking over to the benches. "Alright, but seriously, how was therapy, bitch?"

"Better than I expected, honestly. We didn't really talk about much since it was more of an introductory thingie, but she seems nice."

"That's good. Now, let's strap on these fucking skates so I can fall over on my ass already."

Kairi laughed and sat down, heart fluttering in his chest just from being near him.

-

Session 2.

"Welcome back! How did your date go?"

"Mattia bruised his ass and I laughed at him the entire time." Kairi grinned as he sat down in the chair.

"So, it went well, then?"

"Yeah, absolutely!

"That's good! I'm glad you're in a good mood, however I'm afraid I'm going to ask you about last year again. I know that last session, you mentioned you had been struggling with some self-worth problems for a while, and that you didn't want to talk about it then, but it's important to tackle these issues when we're feeling well so you're better equipped to manage them. Is that alright?"

Kairi's smile had slipped off his face, but he nodded regardless. "I... I think so. I don't know where to start though."

"Okay, well, last time you alluded that people were mocking you last year. Why don't we start with that? What did they say?"

"It's stupid, honestly, but like... I don't know. There were these strangers making comments in the hallway about me and teasing me, which is fine! Like, I've gotten used to it now and it doesn't bother me anymore, but back then... I guess it took its toll? Especially because, I don't know, I was sort of feeling a bit down anyway. It just, added on, I think."

"Why were you feeling down?"

"I don't really remember. It was just this... persistent feeling. Like, I'd be happy one moment, but then that feeling would just go numb? And I remember thinking at one point that I might never be genuinely happy again. I don't know why. I didn't have a reason, or anything.

"Like, so many people have it so much worse than I do, but I just couldn't be happy. Everything felt numb and faded. It wasn't like I was tired, but that was the best word for it. I felt tired of daily activities like showering and talking and even sleeping. I just... couldn't be bothered to do any of it. And then when people made those comments, I would internalise it. It would just replay in my head, over and over again, and I had these- thoughts, I guess? I don't want to say voices, because I'm not crazy, but I would just keep thinking to myself, 'God, you're so worthless, you can't do this right, what's wrong with you?' It was like a secondary monologue, I guess." Kairi paused, taking a breath. He glanced up at Dr Hita, who nodded for him to continue.

"I knew that it was bad. That it wasn't normal to think like that all the time, nor to feel like my life meant so little. Not like that! Not like, in a suicidal way, I don't think. I didn't want to kill myself."

"I believe you, Kairi," Dr Hita assured him. "It's okay, there's no judgement here. Please, keep going."

"Okay. Well, I guess I kept thinking that if I did die, it wouldn't matter? That everyone would eventually forget about me. And I thought about that a lot - I was so quiet back then, that when I was sitting with my friends I kept thinking, 'hey, I don't contribute anything to this group. They'd still have each other. They'd get over it.' And I'd sort of... test it? I guess? Like, I wouldn't hang out with them for a while and see if anything had changed. Or I'd miss school until one of them called."

"You were isolating yourself," Dr Hita noted. "Have you distanced yourself from your friends or family either emotionally or physically before? Or recently?

Kairi gulped. "Yeah- yeah. Um, this wasn't too long ago, but I felt really drained and I just... couldn't get out of bed. And I think- I think that's when I started realising, holy shit, I'm bad again."

"Bad?"

"That's what I call it, I guess. That feeling- that sort of, uh, numbness and exhaustion... it comes back every now and again. Not for too long, usually! Only like a couple weeks, then it'll fade for a month or so. But like, recently it's sort of... stayed? Or been more persistent, at least."

Dr Hita hummed, nodding her head. "You know, it's important to have a support system for times like that. Does your family know?"

"No- not really. I don't... I don't want to worry them. My mum's got a lot on her plate and Maiya's twelve, so..." Kairi shrugged.

"How about friends?"

"Yeah- um, Mattia and Ale looked out for me last year and this time too. They keep telling me that I can talk to them, which is nice of them." He smiled, but it faded when Dr Hita asked her next question.

"Do you take them up on that?"

-

Private Chat

bb❤️:
therapy WACK

dr hita is like "ur friends love u n care for u" n im sitting there like

👁👄👁 are you sure about that.

mattia❤️:

i hate to break it to you baby but your friends do kinda love you tho

bb❤️:
receipts?

mattia❤️:
me tf ily??

-

jersey bois✊

CEO of kissing the boys:
when he calls u his friend

edgar allen HOE:
heart ❤️ been 😡 broke 💔 so 😔 many ✊ times ⏱ i 👁 dont 🙅‍♂️ know 🧠 what 😰 to ✌️ believe 💭

robo the hobo:
@kais boyyyyfriend why would you do him like that??

kais boyyyyfriend:
I WAS TRYING TO BE SWEET TF

kai bb im sorry for saying ily 😔😔

CEO of kissing the boys:
thought you were bae... but ur really just fam...

straightale:
wait hold up im confused af why are we mad at mattia

CEO of kissing the boys:
he dumped me 😔

straightale:
HE BELONGS TO THE STREETS

kais boyyyyfriend:
KAI HOW DID YOU GET THAT FROM "ily"

slomo king:
I just sit back n observe

robo the hobo:
i see i see

don't abbreviate you fucking bitch 🔫🐸

straightale:
🔫🐸

edgar allen HOE:
🔫🐸

slomo king:
🔫🐸

kais boyyyyfriend:
now everybodys ganging up against me

FOR WHAT WHAT DID I DO

CEO of kissing the boys:
mattia is the best boyfriend ✨🧚‍♀️💕 but boy is silent 🧚‍♀️💞✨✨

jk i love him 🥰🥰

robo the hobo:
i-

slomo king:
Anyone else getting whiplash here

straightale:

kais boyyyyfriend:
ive said this like 3 times but yes bb i love you too smh

CEO of kissing the boys:
👁👅👁
      🍆✊

^^ thats me as an apology

straightale:

robo the hobo:

CEO of kissing the boys:
cant 🙅‍♂️ take 🍑 big 😳 dick 🍆 but 😌 i 👁 suck 🥵 on 💦 it 😍

slomo king:
I hate it here

-

Session 3.

Kairi plonked himself in the chair, greeting Dr Hita.

"Hey, Kairi! How are you feeling today?"

"Honestly? This past week has been pretty good. I did what you said about getting my mum to email the school and they replaced the counsellor in like two days. Fastest change I've ever seen!"

"That's great news! Goodness, I don't know how schools think that that's acceptable- but I digress. Have you been making that journal?"

Kairi nodded, a little sheepishly. "Yeah, but I've already forgotten like, twice."

"That's alright, it isn't part of your routine yet. Do you have it with you today?"

"Yeah," Kairi answered, reaching into his bag. "I, um, know that the first week is sort of all over the place, but this week has been good. I think, anyway."

"That's good," Dr Hita smiled at him. "Is it alright if I take a look? It's okay if you want to keep some parts hidden."

"No, no go ahead." Kairi wrung his hands as she skimmed the book.

-

jersey bois✊

CEO of kissing the boys:
dr hita thinks i might have Clinical Depression™️ lmao

edgar allen HOE:
"lmao" ?? LMAO??? BRO

fr kai u okay?

CEO of kissing the boys:
hehe last year me is gonna be so fucking validated

i didnt ace those depression tests for nothing 😎

"extremely severe" damn right bitch im so good at this shit lets go

kais boyyyyfriend:
bb :(

CEO of kissing the boys:
let me have this its the one thing im good at

straightale:
take that back :(

kais boyyyyfriend:
ur good at sm, ur smart n nice n ur always looking out for ppl and ily :(

slomo king:
Fr Kai you're a great friend and you're always there for us don't say that :(

robo the hobo:
i will literally come over and hug tf out of you :(

edgar allen HOE:
ye bitch ur good at sucking mattias pp too :(

CEO of kissing the boys:
alvaro ur my fave 🥰🥰

kais boyyyyfriend:
heart ❤️ been 😡 broke 💔 so 😔 many ✊ times ⏱ i 👁 dont 🙅‍♂️ know 🧠 what 😰 to ✌️ believe 💭

CEO of kissing the boys:
i love you simp ❤️

straightale:
and they say romance is dead

-

a/n emotional whiplash who? lets go fuckers

once this book finishes imma steamroll those fwb chapters out bc holy shit the plot 🥵🥵 the drama 😍😍 the planning 😌😌