Ah, the mall. A teenage loitering tradition that has gone on for however fucking long malls have been around. Did you know loitering is actually a crime made up by white people to punish black people for existing near them? And don't even get me started on the story behind picnics! Anyways, this is getting away from me now. Where were we? Oh yes! The next day!

Crap.

I'd forgotten to order my textbooks! My parents were gonna kill me if I didn't get on that soon!

In the changing room, I hastily tapped in order confirmations after checking that there was enough in my account.

Damn, those books were expensive! No way could anything in there possibly be valuable enough for that price tag! Just another way to gatekeep pathways to success from the poor, and by extension disproportionately POC. What was I saying? Right! Books.

Upon checking my account, I noticed a couple extra dollars were sent to it. It was titled "Clean Bathroom Money - Dad".

Maybe he did still love me.

Okay, I was way off track! I closed my phone and began to undress, hearing the sounds of Anais and Candace bantering outside my dressing room.

I tried clothes on, but who was I kidding? I could never afford those things. I guessed a flashy town came with flashy price tags.

"I'm gonna go ring up," I heard Anais say, and the clattering of the several hangers with clothes she held.

"Gotcha, hon'!" Candace replied sweetly, "And Kelita! How are you doing in there?"

"Good!" I lied.

I was just wasting time at that point. What kind of store was this? I was used to being told by my family that I needed some meat on my bones, but in that dressing room I tried on "large" after "large" to no avail. I couldn't imagine how Candace must've felt, as, I'd remembered the store's piteous "plus sized" section.

Damn. I pored through outfits. Cute top? The buttons bursted open. Pretty dress? I couldn't even breathe too hard, else the zipper come undone. Skinny jeans? Don't even think about it. They wouldn't go past my thighs!

I guessed at least I felt Beyoncé's pain...

Gosh, what was the truth, then? "Don't nobody want a bone but a dog" in one community, but too curvy in another. It began to really hit me - the ways I'd always been held to two drastically different standards, with an impossibility of meeting both.

Oh well, I told myself. So it goes. One more try.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiip!

Crap.

Okay, that was it. Too much too fast. Too skinny, too fat. I started crying.

After some moments, a knock sounded on my door.

"Kelita? Can I come in?" Candace spoke softly.

Reluctantly, I opened the door, and it was then that Candace saw the massive tear at the seam of the bodycon dress I'd attempted to fit into. She stepped in swiftly, shutting the door behind her.

"Shh, shh, shh. C'mere," Candace commanded, and she hugged me as I whimpered a few moments longer.

The cold air conditioning and the faint chatter of other customers blared in the background.

"...better?" Candace asked.

I nodded after a time and let her go, "Better. I'm sorry, though. I know it's so dramatic for me to have a fit over this when you probably have it much worse..."

Candace shook her head, "No need for that! Hon', we're not supposed to fit clothes, clothes are supposed to fit us."

I smiled half-heartedly, "Totally."

I sighed again at the thought of explaining it all to my parents. They were firm believers in "you broke it, you bought it".

I could almost still hear them saying, "Don't look at nothing, don't touch nothing, don't ask for nothing."

"What's the matter?" Candace coaxed, helping me out of the torn dress.

"There's just no way I could pay for this without calling my parents for money. They're not exactly fond of me right now. I don't know which would be worse, my super stern mom or my overbearing dad..." I considered in my head.

Before I could wander off into a stream of disjointed thoughts, Candace spoke again, "What? No problem! I'll buy it for you, and we can sew it up and thrift it!"

Oof! Incoming financial guilt in 3, 2...

"I couldn't let you do that!"

"Hmph. Did you try that one on over there?" Candace pointed at the rack, which I thought I'd left empty.

"Huh? Was there something I- HEY!"

But Candace was already closing the door with the broken item in hand.

"So mean! Now I feel obligated in a social cue and guilt sort of way to thank you!" I pouted as Candace and I walked aimlessly around the mall, having waved a "tapped out" Anais goodbye moments before.

Candace beamed, "It was my choice. And anyhow, I'm not leaving this mall until I can buy you something that fits."

I financially malfunctioned.

"Well then I'm not leaving until we find something for you, either!" I insisted.

"You're on!" Candace smiled mischievously.

Insert coming of age movie mall montage.

In all seriousness, it was like a damn relay race. Wait, that's not how they work? Well, this is my story, and I say they do, so that's that!

Candace and I rushed from store to store, flipping over hidden bins and poring through clearance section items over and over. We stopped in a Hot Topic (not sponsored) to buy matching lanyards. We zoomed through a Sear's (still not sponsored) to test out their mattresses before the employees politely encouraged us to move on. We stopped at a pretzel cart, and Candace laughed at me as I aggressively bit into a pretzel dog, causing the meat to shoot out the other side and over the second floor railing, landing on a man's head. We ducked and ran, unable to contain our laughter. We whirled through the mall's arcade briefly, taking advantage of the one dollar ice cream cones they sold at their concessions stand. We mixed our mint chip and cotton candy flavors, concluding that that was a bad fucking decision. Eventually, we ended up in the exact same store we started in. We hadn't found any clothes.

"...okay, so I think we got a bit off track," I told her.

"You think so? I think I found something that fit!" Candace insisted.

"Really? What?"

"The sunflower lanyard!" she smiled, then hugged me, "And I'd say you're quite a peach, too, Kelita!"

"Teehee. I look like a juicy ass."

Candace giggled, and then her phone pinged.

"Got to go?" I frowned.

"My daddy's outside, yeah," she mirrored my expression, "But I'll see you again, okay? I can show you how I make my peach cobbler."

I chuckled, considering for a moment, "Hey, Candace?"

"Yes, Kelita?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course you can, hon'!"

...and so I did. I confided in her the same bits I'd shared with Anais, except this time I couldn't stop myself. The floodgates poured open. I recounted every detail. The reasons and the shame and the backlash and the aftermath. Her expression became more and more difficult to read as I went on, but eventually I finished.

I hoped she would still want to be my friend.

"Wow!" Candace blinked, "Well, that's not so dandy. Bless your heart. But really? You were younger and dumber. No need to look at it like a sword on a thread over your head."

I perked up, "You think so?! Gosh, I thought you'd, like, unfriend me and then I'd be shunned from every circle in our community that you're in, and years later you'd invite me to your wedding just so you could get gifts, and yes maybe I watch too much Charlotte Dobre, but anyways I also know I trauma dump on people but I forget you're apparently not supposed to do that, which I can see why, I guess it makes me more annoying, but like have you seen my hair, it totally makes up for it, and not to mention the fact that I'm hot-"

I stopped myself, though Candace appeared to be listening intently, despite the time limit she didn't seem to care about to get to her dad looming.

"You were saying, hon'?" she gestured for me to continue.

"...to be honest, I forgot."

I lied. Sure I was forgetful, but I hadn't actually forgotten that time. I just felt over exposed.

Candace giggled, "Well if you remember, you have my Instagram to rave away!"

I grinned, "Well anyways, you probably gotta get going, right? Sorry for keeping you!"

"Yup, gotta blast. Until next time!" Candace waved as she began to walk off.

"And then we'll do it all again, okay?" I called out, and she smiled before disappearing, though I was unsure if she could hear me, or if she would even want to.

Crap, mayhaps I had a small problem with assuming the worst of people's intentions in order to protect myself...

Oh well!

I turned around, searching for a place to text my parents to get me and to wait.

And that's when I noticed him.

Behind a pillar I saw DeMario, and he looked up at me. His eyes were wide. He hadn't looked like he'd moved from that spot in a while.

Oh no. He'd heard everything, hadn't he?

CRAP.

I began to say hi, to test the waters of what he knew, but instead of reciprocating the engagement, he swiftly walked in the opposite direction.

Ouch. That hit right in the honey nut feelios.

So, he'd heard. And he knew what I was really like, what I had really done. And now he was avoiding me. All the effort I'd put into befriending and being as nice as I could towards everyone? It didn't matter anymore. I guessed I should repack. I guessed I should block all of them and make another new account. My time was up.

And twistedly, in came Belle, a sorrowful expression on her perfect face. Ahem, I mean her face. No I don't.

...she was sad, okay?

Wait. Had it been my fault? Was she still upset about the prank? Maybe it was too far. I mean, the first thing I knew about her was that she carried mocha frappuccinos wherever she went. Nevermind the fact that they were nasty. They obviously mattered to her.

Should I apologize? I should apologize.

"Belle, wait up!" I called out to her as she made for the Bath & Body Works (you know the drill).

She stopped, confused to see me.

"What?"

"Woah! Fiesty! Easy, tigress, I just," I paused, trying to convey the sincere emotions on my face, "I just wanted to say sorry about the prank yesterday. Wait, is calling it a prank offensive? I promise I don't mean it in a 'it's just a prank, bro' way! Like, if it actually hurt you, I take it seriously, too, and it wasn't my intention, but intentions don't matter as much as impact, so I'm super, super sorry because you look upset right now, and I didn't mean to bully you or anythi-"

"Kelita," Belle stopped me, and her tension melted away to a sort of softness, "It's fine. It's cute you care, but it's fine. I honestly forgot about that. That's not why I'm upset."

"Oh..." I mentally paddle spanked myself, "Well, why are you upset?"

Belle huffed, "Like you don't know."

"...because I don't."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter."

Belle began to continue her trek, but then she paused. She turned to me again.

"Kelita."

"Belle!"

"I want to know. Are you...or, were you..."

"Am I, or was I what?"

"When you're flirting with me, is it apart of your little games?"

"My games?"

"Yeah, the little games you play when you're talking to people. Like how you repeat after everyone. And how you go on tangents."

"Those aren't games, silly! That's just the way I am."

"Are you gonna answer the que-"

"No. Wait, not no to am I gonna answer, but like, no to the question. The first question! No it isn't apart of my games, I don't have games, I just have thoughts!"

"Is it fun for you to interrupt people?"

"Oh, sorry! I sometimes can't tell when people are done talking or when I'm supposed to say what I wanna say, but I promise I'm listening, I just-"

"Well, it's fun for me."

I giggled, "I owe you a mocha frappuccino, you know."

Belle leaned closer, engaged in our conversation.

"It's weird that you remember the kind of drink I like but you don't remember when you're supposed to cut in."

"Pfft, it's weird that you remember how to chat with people but you don't remember you're not supposed to blackmail them!"

She grimaced.

Oops! That was supposed to be funny! She's not laughing!

Instead, she sighed heavily.

"Look, Kelita. I'm sorry. DeMario doesn't even matter anymore. And I wanna explain," Belle took a pause and a breath before continuing, "I saw you and him across the classroom on orientation day. I know you were with those other girls too, but all I could focus on was the way you two looked when you were talking. Like, just try to see things from my perspective. Out of nowhere some curvy chick with pretty brown eyes and this beautiful smile pops up, and then you overhear from multiple students how she's so flirty and bubbly? And this after months of little to no attention from your supposed boyfriend. I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party. I just want you to understand..."

"Wow. And I thought I invented social situations in my head. Belle, DeMario is hot, but just because he's hot and I would 100% bang doesn't mean I would want to steal him from you."

"...that doesn't make any sense."

"And wait, let's put that thing down, flip it, and reverse it! You think I'm curvy, I have pretty eyes, and that I have a beautiful smile?!"

Belle rolled her eyes, keeping them off of mine through her reply, "That's what you took from that?"

"Well, you can't just speed past that like you didn't just say what you just said! It's giving very much Dolly Parton and Jolene vibes, Belle."

She scoffed, "I was just explaining the situation."

"Damn, and I wish you were situated on my lap!"

"How do you turn everything into a pickup line?"

"Come on, you're saying you don't want me to be your Gaston?"

"Gaston was the villain."

"I know, and my drop dead gorgeous looks are just as criminal."

This surprised a laugh out of Belle. It was something whole and sweet, like the church bells ringing on Christmas morning. I had to stop a moment just to admire, savoring the angelic sound before she had the chance to recover.

I gave her a saccharine smile, "But just one more thing. How did you find out?"

Belle sheepishly scratched the back of her neck, "I just found your old Instagram page and DM'ed one of the people in the comments..."

"Oh my gosh, you e-stalked me? Was it in a Joe Goldberg sorta way at least?"

"More like a Peach Salinger."

"...I have a thing for mean girls."

"And I have a thing for naive, sweet people who fall for idiots, which is fitting given your pas-"

"DID YOU SAY YOU HAVE A THING FOR ME?"

Suddenly, the warmth I saw in Peach's - sorry, Belle's - eyes was snuffed out, replaced by a quiet alarm.

"Don't get it twisted," Belle hissed, looking around frantically before she rushed off.

Crap...

Oh no, oh no, oh no! What had I said? Did I not do the right social cue at the right time? Did she think I was weird forever?

Why did I care so much?

Wait...

Was it me who had a thing for her?

Crap.