Chapter 10

I wanted to try the nightlife, something I had been thinking of doing again ever since Meg and Lenny dragged me to that club last month. I just wish I knew more people here that would go with me. I searched the house and found a few bottles of alcohol and attempted to make my own mixed drink. The only thing my mother had was some cranberry juice and lemonade.

I grabbed two cups and filled one halfway with the cranberry juice and added a splash of lemonade and then filled the rest with the different alcohols I found. I wasn't sure what this was going to be like but it was worth a try. Once I filled the cup to my liking I began mixing by pouring them back and forth between the two cups.

"Well here goes nothing." I took a deep breath before taking a big sip of the mixed drink. As I swallowed my throat instantly burned and it tasted like I just drunk flavored battery acid. "Oh god, how do people drink this stuff?" I asked myself as I poured it down the drain. I will stick to professionally mixed drinks.

I cleaned up my mess washing out the two cups I had used before grabbing my phone and calling Vincent. Maybe he'll get me in the right mindset to go venture off.

"Hey Sweets." His cheery voice called over the phone. I never understood why he began calling me that ridiculous name, but it stuck.

"Hey you. How is everything?" I asked casually.

"Same old, same old. I was just getting ready to lay it down. I'm not sleepy but unfortunately, I have to work tomorrow. I traded shifts with Judy so I'm opening tomorrow." I heard the faint sounds of him plopping down on his bed.

"Oh shoot, I shouldn't have called." I said realizing even though it's 9 p.m. here didn't mean it was 9 p.m. there. It was nearly midnight and here I am bothering the man.

"Stop it right now." He said in a warning tone. "Don't overthink the situation. No there wouldn't have been a perfect time to call me, but like I always tell you, anytime is a perfect time." He said in a stern voice. "You obviously called because you needed to talk. I'm always open to talk no matter what time it is."

"I know, but it's so late. Like you said you have an early shift at the diner and you need your rest. I'll give you a call around lunchtime, your time?" I questioned trying to calculate just when would be the right moment to call him.

"Breathe in." He continued to ignore what I had said spoke with such patience. I followed his lead and took a deep breath in and breathed it out slowly as he instructed.

"Now let's start this conversation over." He laughed lightly. "Hey Sweets how has your day been?" He laughed.

"My day has been pretty good. It was nice seeing my mom again. She's doing great even though she hasn't touched a penny of the money I've been giving her." I rolled my eyes thinking back on the conversation I had with my mother yesterday.

"Maybe she's just trying to hold on to it for a rainy day. If she was able to get by without part of your inheritance then I'm sure she knows how to manage even with you giving it to her.'' I found myself rolling my eyes again at his words.

"Have you talked to my mother since yesterday? That's literally what she told me. Although her exact words were 'I want to save it for a very special day'." I laughed. "Whatever that meant."

"You never know. Just let the woman enjoy what she has. She knows you mean well." He laughed. "So may I ask what caused this impromptu call? Last I checked you still have seven hours until you were to give me a call." The way he spoke wasn't harsh but genuine curiosity. That's what I liked so much about him. He didn't frown at my need for having control over everything. He found ways to help me through it.

"It's stupid. I don't know why I even thought it was a good idea. So much could happen and I'll be alone with no one looking out for me--"

"1... 2... 3..." he counted slowly effectively stopping me in the middle of my ranting. He understood me so well. Better than anyone else has ever tried. "Breathe and stop thinking. What's going on?"

"I wanted to try and explore the nightlife again. Ever since Meg and Lenny took me last week I had wanted to try again. Since I was going by myself I tried to make my own mixed drink at home and was going to catch a cab but the drink turned out to be horrible. I'm not sure how these bartenders make it look so easy?" I laughed.

"Well, first they're trained professionals. Or at least got some kind of training." He chuckled. "Secondly, it's okay if you want to go out again. Although I do prefer you to go out into that kind of crowd with a friend. If you really feel the strong urge to try to go, then be mindful of what and who is around you. I'm happy that you're sticking to this path of exploration. Just try not to have too much fun."

"Trust if it's anything like it was back in college I won't have that much fun. I can always take my phone holder I use when I work out. It straps to my arm. I won't take a drink from anyone, and I'll make sure to locate all the exits."

"That's my girl. See it's okay to need control over situations. This would be the perfect example. Baby steps. But I'm always here for you. Give me a call no matter what time it is and I mean that."

I knew he was serious. I always brushed off his words when he'd say stuff like that, but the weight of his words I felt.

"Thanks Vinny. I'll see you the day after tomorrow."

"Good night and please be careful."

"I will." I waited until he hung up and made the final decision to go out. The town was small so maybe I would see a few people I knew. I may not have had friends but that didn't mean I hate everyone.

I got up and searched through my closet trying to find something to wear. When I left here I hadn't taken a single piece of clothing with me, besides the bag that was packed for the wedding. Now I stood in front of my entire wardrobe and nothing stuck out to me.

I searched the dress section of my closet last in hopes to find something remotely okay to wear. I tried to remember the last two times I had been out with Meg and what I had worn. Just as I was about to give up I found a black lace dress. Similar to the very first one I wore to that bar lounge area where Vincent sang those songs.

I couldn't remember ever buying it. Then I vaguely remember Joelle shoving it in my arms that one time we went shopping. I was scared to even try it on so we just picked out a size that seemed good enough and bought it. I stuck it in the back of my closet never to be seen again.

I took it off the rack and held it up. It would have to do. I dug in my shoe bag and pulled out the shoes I had worn with the white one. Once I was dressed I paired the outfit with silver accessories and left my hair down in its loose waves. I searched my jewelry box once more for another ring to wear when I spotted the blue butterfly pin nestled in the center.

I hadn't worn it since the day I left. I honestly thought I had lost it a long time ago. I fixed my hair and pinned a few strands behind my head. Even though the majority of the pin was blue, it still held a few silver stones inside it. It felt right to wear it.

I took a step back from the mirror and observed myself.

"Emory Manuela Vine, you are absolutely gorgeous." I said with finality. Then it hit me. This was the first time since I could remember that I got dressed without having to do my affirmations first. I gave myself a compliment and actually felt the truth behind the words.

"Emory Vine I think you've just reached a new level." I smiled to myself. "Manuela meet Emory. Emory meet Manuela." I laughed to myself as I turned in different angles and admired the outfit and how pretty I looked. I left like me again.

I grabbed my phone and snapped a few pictures. After carefully looking over them I chose the best one and sent it to Vincent.

"This caterpillar has turned into a butterfly." Smiling, I copied the message and sent it in the group thread with Megan and Lenny. For Megan's amusement, I even threw in a few of those silly emoticons she liked to use. I found a caterpillar and a butterfly. Then I added two of the kissing faces with the heart mouth at the end.

I grabbed my phone holder, putting my phone inside with my essential cards and some cash. I strapped it to my arm securely and made my way down the steps.

"Well don't you look nice." My mother beamed as I rounded the corner to head for the door. She looked at me with a bright smile. "And where are we off too?"

"I got bored and thought I'd enjoy one night before I have to go back home." I answered now feeling slightly foolish. I should be spending this time with my mother. "Is that okay with you?"

"Nonsense." She waved off my question. "You look beautiful. It's about time you enjoyed your life." She stood and made her way over to me. "I'm so proud of you baby, and I know your father would be too." She pulled me into a tight hug and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Let me get one picture and I'll leave you be." She rushed over to the couch to grab her phone. I laughed and remembered the prom when she made a fuss over taking a million photos then. I entertained her miniature photoshoot before she let me leave.

Since the drink I had made was useless, I felt there was no need to call a cab if I was staying sober the whole night. I climbed into my rental car and headed for downtown where the action was.

I pulled into the parking lot of Gravity. It had been the go-to spot during the college days. I would hear everyone talking about how great it was. I just hope things hadn't changed too much since I was gone. I made it to the front door after waiting in line for about 5 minutes. The music was extremely loud. So loud you could feel the base from outside. I paid the entry fee of 10 bucks before getting swallowed by the dimly lit room.

I immediately wanted to leave but I took a deep breath and just imagined Megan calling me chicken shit. I laughed and kept those memories with me as I made it through the room feeling the vibration of the songs. I pushed my way to the middle of the dance floor keeping their memory close by. The song switched to one of my favorites and I began dancing.

A group of girls that were here together circled around me and danced along. Adding to the fun. They were my invisible shield.