So why slow the evil and at the same time leave you unprepared and vulnerable to an attack when we could enlighten you on this evil. True, this evil may find you quicker this way, but by telling you, we'd give you at least a short time to prepare and find a hope we have yet to discover. It's just like I told you when we trained. It's best to know your enemy before fighting them.

::::::::::
L U M O R N E L
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"Please, sir, I'll give you some coins. If only I can look at the map. You can even hold it—I just need to see it for a minute." The warmth of frustration pricked at my eyes and noticed all too well the attention we were gathering. I felt their gazes crawling on me and was grateful for the chilly weather that provided an excuse for the thick scarf around my neck. I hoped they wouldn't see through the brown dye in my hair, hoped the shadow from the soap shop's sign was enough to hide my white roots and too green eyes.

"Coin, eh?" He lifted his white-whiskered chin, then nodded toward my waist. "How much you got?"

Finally! Some leeway!

   I brushed aside my cloak, unhooking my coin purse from my belt. The leather tie came undone easily—

"Hey!"

The man hefted the small animal-skin bag, weighing it in his hand. He nodded to himself, satisfied, and his brown eyes lifted to mine.

   Wordlessly, he handed over the map I had so desperately been trying to catch a peek at. The small town of Faeirn had no maps that I could find, and the one person who provided them was a simple merchant who had not yet finished an available one.

Gen had said the Western Hope was somewhere between the Ciril river and the Firien Wood. That left Legolas' location somewhere in the mountains... and I had no idea where that was in relation to me.

   I quickly snatched the parchment, it wrinkling under my bare fingers. The town of Firien stood out loudly, the fancy script of the name dwarfing the small dot marking this even smaller town.

   I trailed my finger along the rough fibers of the paper, along the marked path north, forking off to the north-east, then along the Ciril River where it ran along the mountains, then through it—

   The paper was yanked from my hands.

"That ought to be an age of time, right good enough for you."

   I stared at the wizened man, my mind only taking a second to pick through his native-to-this-side-of-arda phrases. He briskly folded the map and tucked it away into his coat, right before weighing my coin purse once again and tying it to his belt.

My cheeks flooded with heat, my sensitive ears warming."That—that was hardly a moment, sir—"

"Yes, well, those elven eyes work right good. I reckon that head of yours will sort out what you been seeing." The old man sniffed, stuffing his cold hands into his pockets and turned to leave.

But I froze—elven. How did he know—?

I immediately yanked up my hood and reached out and grabbed his shoulder.

"I'd like my coin purse back, sir. I'll keep my word; you can keep a few coins for yourself, but please hand over my coin purse."

The man paused and turned. Those brown eyes of his searched mine for a silent moment, the few seconds seeming to span into an eternity and I resisted the urge to squirm.

"The way I be seeing it, I have a mouth to feed—my own. I'm an old, old man who cannot go killin' animals like Béma. I reckon you can do so mighty easily."

With that, he turned once again, the bitter breeze ruffling what white hair he had left.

My fists clenched at my sides. That's my bribe money! My supply money!

I strode forward, weak hands trembling as light strained to illuminate—

But I saw people watching, their brown cloaks wrapped tight. Men, women, children.

I stopped, breathing in deeply.

I'll barter, I don't need that money. It'll be more work, but I can do it. I can survive without it.

My teeth clenched at the thought though. I've already got my work cut out for me; find the Western Hope and Legolas so I can regain my memory and stop it from evading me, to survive with no shelter and little resources, to not let my identity be known. I've got the weight of being an elf in human territory, the weight of hatred because of whoever I had been searing me. The weight of being scorned for who I am. Not only do I have to watch out for orcs, mercenaries, and uur rauko, but I have to watch out for everyone else too.

I'm weak all the time too. I can't eat or drink the amount I should be intaking in fear of my abilities going out of control and revealing whoever I am. It's a miracle I have the strength to fight off the things I do. But soon I'll be in the rugged wild and won't have the choice of being weak.

I have to be wary of everything. My rapidly worsening memory is a threat to everything I know. Soon, will I even remember how to draw a bow or wield a sword? Will I enter someplace that knows about my disguise, having forgotten they knew?

But I have to continue on. I'll barter for supplies, I'll hunt and offer meat for new arrows and clothing and other delicates.

Nonetheless, I clenched my fists, took a few more steading breaths, and turned the opposite direction away from the man.

Let him keep my coins, I can do this without them.

::::::::::

I decisively thought that rain was horrendous. Especially when travelling. And when one was trying to keep dye in one's hair.

I sighed, disgusted at the sludge washing itself from my hair, making my locks appear like muddy snow, but slick as a slug. The raging storm outside had blown into the foothills of the Ered Nimrais. It was here that I had found a man-made, shallow cove in the base of a foothill. I was lucky enough to find the shelter, especially with the torrent of rain just outside.

Winds still blew in, shaking the flames of my small fire with a sigh. Over that fire roasted a rabbit I had found hiding from the thunder.

I rotated the skinned animal, allowing the flames to lick the tender meat and savoring the heat on my mostly bare skin. Upon entering the shelter, I had been lucky enough to find dry wood! Obviously someone had recently been here, which unnerved me. But after having a fire breathing steadily, I had stripped off my clothing, all except for my underthings. My clothing now lay on a dead, skeletal branch drying off. I now watched as the orange light flickered across my scar-littered skin. My skin was a canvas, my past painted all over the pale surface.

A gust of wind swept through the small space, tickling my skin. I threw a glance at the cooking rabbit and quirked a smile.

Sorry, little thing, I thought its way, for having to see me in such a state of undress.

I huffed a laugh, then bit my lip as I finished writing today's entry in my notebook. Nothing special, except for the fact I was awakened by a rabid squirrel. And, well, those things aren't as cute when one thinks my clothing is a nest.

I pursed my lips, tapping the butt of my pen against my chin as I flipped backwards through the entries, scanning through each entry.

Maybe I don't have to worry about my memories, I thought confused as I easily remembered each of the entries.

Turning more pages, I passed by a loose sketch of the map that old man had let me 'glance' at two weeks ago. If I was going in the right direction, it shouldn't be too long before I stumble upon the Western Hope. Well, hopefully I'd stroll in confidently instead of stumbling in like a fool. I'd rather look like I could keep my head on my shoulders. Knowing me though, I'd trip on a rock as soon as I enter their haven. Or get distracted and completely miss whatever they try telling me.

I worried though. Would they accept me? What if whatever I did was enough to make even them keep me back? Would I be prohibited to see Legolas? The guards would probably try killing me before I could even open my mouth.

I'll have to come up with a plan, then. I wouldn't be able to disguise myself... not well, anyways. I used up my last batch of dye the same week I had run into that grouchy man.

Turning a page, I rotated the almost fully cooked rabbit, snorting as I read through the day I tried convincing a young girl I was a very young looking grandma in my panic of trying not to be discovered.

A few more pages later I stopped and reread an entry.

'... despite his wife warning him, the man had stepped forward without threatening to kill me! He had instead thanked me for saving his family and asked if he could do something for me, and even though I told him I only wanted Legolas's bow, he still wanted to do something for me—a monster. Why would he ever want to do that? He knew who I was, he had said my name. Anyway, after asking, he bought me this notebook and pen...'

I frowned. I didn't remember that.

Sitting back, I racked my brain for any memory of a man actually not being afraid of me. Or not attacking me in anger. Surely I would remember that?

Surely I'd remember such a surprising act of kindness?

No, Valar no!

I flipped to the previous entry, the account being the first one written, but actually being several pages long, and listed several events. Everything I read rung no bell, no memory attached to it, not even a vague feeling of familiarity.

How long ago was that?!

I checked the corner—two months ago. Two months.

A scream threatened to claw out my throat as I set the journal aside, curling in on myself until my head was between my knees. I ripped my hands through my damp hair, breathing far to quickly until my chest about ready to implode.

   How long until that obsolete abyss catches up with me?

   How long until reaching Legolas is too late?

   I felt the clock ticking, ticking down to me being a mindless husk of an elf.
But I won't let myself go that easily.
I glanced over to Legolas's bow, laying next to my worn pack. The warm glow of the fire gleamed on its polished gray wood, whorls and leaves etched stylishly into its elegant curve. The flames flickered, illuminating the tengwar letters of Legolas's full name.

Who could this Son of Thranduil be to own such an exquisite bow?
It didn't matter, I just needed to reach him before it's too late...

... but how fast is my memory deteriorating?

Biting my tongue, I picked up the book and turned to the next free page. Writing down today's date, I wrote next to it how far back I could remember. I bent the corner before closing the notebook, so I could easily find the page.

I took a deep, calming breath.

Breathe. Breathe.

Everything threatened to bubble over and consume me, I could feel it all looming over me like how a predator does to its prey. That power in me bucked.

I bit my tongue harder, feeling blood bloom—

The rabbit.

Right.

Setting the rabbit aside on a separate rack, well, stick, I let the draft cool off the meat. I knew that if I didn't calm down soon, I'd reveal to any passerby my location with a burst of dangerous energy.

My brows furrowed. If I couldn't remember my past, then how did I know the danger involving the divine power in me? How did I know how to wield a weapon or build a fire? I hadn't had any dangerous encounter with a mortal recently involving my power; so how did I know of its lethal grace?

Why was it only my past that was missing and not all my survival skills?

Breathe.

I held my fingers in front of my face, noticing how they trembled as if thin branches in the midst of a storm. Light as pure as the stars leaked from my clammy palms, little shock waves revertabrating through the air around my fingers. I could feel everything around me, as I usually could, but in my fragile state the usual numbness of my surroundings became like a roaring river. The energy of the earth, of the Valar's power, screaming at me.

The storm outside did not make it any easier. The howling wind held such life to it, held such energy.
My only relief was how tired I was, how weak. My stomach growled in tune to my thoughts, angry at me for neglecting it for so long. So I needed to calm myself. I needed fuel for my journeying. I'd be entering the mountains soon. Already, if I stepped outside, I could see their looming purple silhouettes towering up almost as far as my eyes could see. Travelling with only a morsel of food would not keep my legs moving in such an environment. I'd either have to keep utterly calm or deal with the overwhelming strength of my abilities.

I just... I just wished I had somebody with me. To at least scold me when I didn't want to eat for fear of my powers. But I've made it this far on my own.

I counted my fingers, one all the way through ten, over and over again. I focused on them, thankful for having all ten digits and devoted all brain activity into counting them until... I could breathe.

I can do this. I've made it this far by myself, I need no one and nothing, just myself. I can do this.

Tomorrow I'll be one day closer to Legolas.

So I packed up my journal and picked off the first tasty morsel of rabbit—

I coughed, reaching for my canteen.

Not so tasty.

Grimacing at the dry, bland meat, I silently wished I had spices... and knew how to use them. But I ate the meat anyways, a whole meals worth, and curled up by the fire. I stared into those flames, imagining them being little dancing figures, alight with their blissful joy. I let their beauty warm my marred skin and sing me to sleep.

::::::::::

I awoke panting, bolting upright as the light of glowing embers from my once-roaring fire gleamed on the sheen of sweat that coated my skin.
My entire body—head to toe—shone in pure starlight.

I could feel it beneath my skin, running wildly. A thousand wild horses ran and bucked, each pounding at my skin. The light grew brighter, bouncing off the coves' packed dirt walls.

I was on my feet in a second, backing into the furthest corner.

"No." My body trembled, a power greater than I threatening to tear it apart. The light grew brighter by the second. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing for the power to be quelled. But the light penetrated even through my closed lids. The cove's temperature rose, and it had nothing to do with the dying embers.
I sunk down the wall, gasping for air as whatever ability fought for control, as it forced itself into the air around me. It bucked to be free, it longed to be used, and yet the light only grew brighter, the temperature only rose to scalding levels.

"Stop," I moaned, reaching out with my hand as if I could actually pull the strength of the light back into me, rein it in. The power ripped itself out of me though, unrelenting in its hunger. My body ached, my fea screamed, straining yet singing in delight. My core felt pulled in all directions, the sensation so uncomfortable I squirmed.
I clawed my hands through my hair, gasping as I felt like my body warred with something alien. My warm tears felt cold on my skin through all the heat as they rolled off my chin.
Divine light filled my vision, engulfed it, and soon all I could see was pure white. I cried out, lost in a sea of ethereal power with the ground and wall the only thing to anchor me.
I fell forward, lost in the tulmultous state of my excited yet overwhelmed fea. My forehead hit the damp soil, the dirt rubbing into my skin as I breathed rapidily. The air whooshed in and out of my lungs, the scent of the earth filling me.

Fine! Fine... have it your way...

I let the power run its course, completely helpless to stop it as it poured out, out, out. My head found itself buried in my arms, my whimpers a steady stream. I stared, desperately trying to see something, anything, yet the light pierced my eyes and I was lost in a world of white.

What felt like hours later, but it had to only be minutes, the roaring in my ears quieted. The sound of my breathing filled the cavity of earth, a steady heartbeat in the air. A warm droplet fell from my lashes and mixed with the soil, the earth lapping up my tears.

A few minutes later my panting returned to normal breathing and I no longer felt my skin singing with the purity of the stars... instead I felt a cool waft of air.

I rose shakily to my feet, feeling nausea roll in my stomach.

Oh Valar... Valar.

I steadied myself on the wall, breathing in deeply as I felt a fresh bout of warm tears well in my eyes. But I bit my tongue and tried shoving the events that had just unfolded away.

I squeezed my eyes closed, then opened them. I readied myself for the day, desperatly trying to keep my mind devoid of anything other than my task at hand. Who knows who could have seen that? I'd be lucky if I could escape the area without being seen. It'd be a miracle if no one saw it.

That light....

I fiercely shoved on my trousers, the fabric snapping at my feet at the ferocity of it. My fingers trembled as I tied the laces on my sleeves, then vambraces, and as I buckled on all my weapons and supplies. It was then that I noticed that my clothing was dry and warm, not damp and cold, and my weapons were hot to the touch. I cursed.

I cursed some more as I shoved the last of the cooked—now burnt—rabbit meat in a pouch.

This... that is why I don't eat. I'm just lucky I wasn't in the middle of a town!

Scowling, I stalked my way out of the cove, Legolas's bow in hand as I left behind the cove and its now memory-stained walls on trembling legs. I'd eat the rabbit, oh yes I would... only to keep my strength up for these darned mountains! Plus, who knows what lurked through the these foothills. I'd have to survive with the attacks of my power, have to deal with them for as long as they decide to torture me. I wish it could feel me scowling at it.

Already I could feel the emptiness of my stomach, it seemed whatever thing dwelling inside me got its power from my energy-source. Although I felt a day away from starvation, I could feel life running through me. I was ready for a day—or even several days—of walking and hiking. My elven feet craved to walk and dance beneath the cover of those mountain trees and on the those rocks. I could feel nature's call tugging on my fea.

And yet, I could feel a vein of that starlight deep within me. It was a sleeping beast, curled up in slumber. It was spent, and if I fed it, it'd awaken.

It seemed I had more energy in me than I thought, for when I thought about that starlight, it shifted.

I averted my attention and gazed up at the wall of earth before me, the mountains nearly clothed in purple in the pre-dawn light.

Perhaps only a few days away now...

Then I need only find the Western Hope.

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Yoooo I updated!

And if you haven't seen my latest announcement... the trailer for the Tolkien movie is out!