:::::::
L U M O R N E L
::::::.

I didn't know why, but my heart beat as fast as the wind. At Legolas's recognition of my soul, the hairs on my neck stood and everything had gone cold, charged with energy.

The brownish-black words inked onto the paper were an illusion—no, they were so very real that they seemed as if they could not possibly be.

He knows. He knows it's me.

And... and I really am Lumornel.

I again read that line, the one where his fea recognized mine. My fingers drifted up to my chest, to where my own spirit seemed to rejoice.

It seemed as if a live evanescent flame danced within, twirling to a song I couldn't hear.

His words were not false. No, my fea somehow found the truth in them, somehow recognized them.

I set the papers down before me, yet my eyes kept drifting to the parchment, snagging on the words.

He didn't hold me.

I didn't want him to hug me, not really. To feel the arms of a stranger around me, my head folded close to the body of someone I didn't know, I didn't want that. But for some reason... I did want him. My fea seemed to be pulled to him, now more so than ever. I hadn't felt the attraction before, but now it seemed like a beacon from within, a soft connection from me to him. A line being tugged from the other end, a tug that I couldn't possibly ignore—

I scrambled from the bed and strode to the door—I quickly rushed back to safely tuck the letter under the loose cushion of the desk chair. And then, I pulled open the door.

The guards immediately jumped, their hands quickly going to the hilts of their sheathed swords.

"Get back in the room."

"Please, take me to Legolas."

The man on the right looked to his companion, who shuffled nervously, then back to me. He unsheathed his sword a few inches.

"In the room. Now."

Desperately, I looked down the hallway, as if Legolas would appear. I shook my head.

"No," I said, somehow breathless. "I need to see him."

The first guard glanced at his friend, nodded, and began to advance as the other pulled his sword. "You are not authorized—"

"I don't care!" My skin erupted into a glow and its brilliance glimmered off of their weapons. "Please."

Something in me pulled, desperate to reach that thing, that fea, that was familiar. I grasped at my chest.

And suddenly, I felt like I was starved of air, and if I didn't get to Legolas, I'd suffocate.

"Please."

The guards paused, faces pale. One advanced, firm in his steps. He went as if to lay a hand on me.

Someone's fingers engulfed the guard's wrist. "What is going on?"

Aragorn looked to me, my glow reflecting in his irises.

"Aragorn," I glanced at the guard, his face in a firm mask of frustrated relief as he stepped back. "I-I need to see Legolas, but they won't let me leave."

He assessed me; my stance, my expression, the hand clutching my chest. "I am headed for a meeting so I cannot take you—"

My eyes widened. "No—"

"The guards will in my stead."

The man in the hall stepped forward. "But, my Lord! She cannot be moved without an escort!"

"Then be her escort." Aragorn looked at me once more. Gave me a look saying, well, what are you waiting for?

I nodded fervently. "Thank you, thank you."

I strode out the door and into the candlelit hall, not bothering to wait for the guards. And, just after their hurried footfalls and jangle of metal on metal met my ears, I slowed. Just slightly, to allow them to lead me. Their hands never left the pommels of their swords.

I felt like crying, felt like sitting and staring just to absorb all that I read, felt like jumping out of my own skin from the feeling that was coming from deep within me. My hands shook as I walked, my head felt light as air. And my fea... it seemed to be pulling me along.

But... he said we hadn't bonded...

Feas, I decided, are weird.

Or just are more delicate than I thought.

It made me think back to that letter as we neared the corner, to all that he had told me, all that he revealed—

None of those memories felt familiar.

Coldness stuck to my skin and the world seemed to tip as a heavy dread settled upon me like a living weight. I stumbled, bracing myself against the wall as my world seemed to spiral even more out of my control.

I didn't remember.

I couldn't remember any of it.

It was supposed to help. Legolas telling me who I was was supposed to help.

Instead, I was still a shell of who I had been.

A guard wrapped his hand around my arm and pulled me off the wall. "He's just around the corner."

Just around the corner?

That meant his room was just a hall away from mine...

It was enough to pull me out of my dysphoria, so I nodded and we continued into his hall. My eyes roved the deep hazel doors of the corridor, wondering what wooden door he lay behind. And yet...

My eyes landed on the second door to the right. He was in there.

I shot past the guards and hesitated in front of the room. To barge in or to knock?

The dark door opened before I could decide.

"Lum?"

He stood there, something like hope written across his strong elven features, golden hair still hastily pulled back.

"Do you remember?"

I couldn't help it, I flung myself at him before I could really think, wrapping my arms around his torso. Almost immediately, that thing in me sighed, calming down and settling within.

Legolas paused, but just as quickly wrapping me up in his strong arms.

It was strange. I felt as if I was hugging a stranger; my head and body tucked up beside someone I barely even knew. But if I didn't look at him, something in me did know him. His embrace might be unfamiliar, but his presence was not.

"Do you remember?" He repeated softly, hesitantly.

I simply held him for a moment, holding on tight to the familiarness. "...No. I'm sorry."

He began to pull away.

"No," I said, holding tighter. "Just a moment longer."

After a beat of silence, I explained. "I read your letter, but I still can't remember who I was. I read the end, where you said that your fea recognized mine, and it... set something off in me."

I breathed in deeply and continued. "I still don't see you as someone I know, but you feel like a part of me."

And Valar, I'm scared. How long do I have left? A week? Two?

Suddenly, I was even more glad to be hugging him.

I felt Legolas nod against my head, his arms tightening around me once more. "We'll solve this."

Finally—begrudgingly, I pulled back, trying not to look into his stranger's eyes. Behind me, the guards had posted themselves on either side of Legolas's door. I bit my cheek, knowing they had heard and maybe even saw everything.

I put my hand on the door, questioning with a look if I could close it. He nodded and as I did so, he seated himself on his unmade bed, the dark blankets dipping around him. He stood back up, unable to remain still.

Legolas began pacing. The dim room was too small for the both of us with his long legs moving so I looked to the bed as a place to sit. But... it seemed too personal to sit on the blankets he had laid on, the mattress that he had spent long nights with. So, I settled for the desk chair.

And my word, he was right. This chair really is uncomfortable.

"I'm not sure how we can," I said hopelessly. "I... I really thought I would've remembered when you told me."

He ran his hands through his hair. "Mithrandir may know something, we can—no" He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "He's away, it'll take weeks to find him, even more to get a message to him and receive a response."

I stared. "Mithrandir? You said in your letter he died!"

Legolas shook his head. "He came back."

"But—how—" I came back too. I sighed. "I think it may be useless now, trying to get my memories." I closed my eyes, as if to push away the terrible thought as that heavyweight blanketed me again. "I think for now I should just focus on helping the Western Hope..."

Legolas whipped around, blue eyes alight. "If you ignore this problem you'll soon be gone! Withered away! You can't—" Legolas shoved both hands into this hair, turning his furious gaze away.

"You cannot give up, Lum. If anything, do it for me. Please. I cannot lose you again."

I sat silent for a moment, contemplating. I didn't think there was much hope for regaining who I was, not now that I was all out of options. I tried pushing against that suffocating sense of hopelessness to no avail. I merely shrugged as an answer.

"Lumornel."

"What? What do you want me to say? I don't know how to get back to who I was! I'll try to search in the library, but I doubt I'll find any answers there! And I don't know where else to get answers. It's not like I'm going to ignore help. I just... I just don't know what to do. So in the meantime, while I can, I'll just make myself useful. And please stop trying to pull your hair out." It's too pretty to waste like that.

He sat heavily on his bed, hands falling to his knees. "Do not give up."

I took in a shaky breath. I knew, no matter how hopeless I felt, some small, tiny fragment of me wouldn't stop hoping. At least for my memory loss to stop. By next week would I even remember this moment? "Okay."

As if he couldn't help it, he put his elbows on his knees and tangled his fingers in his hair once more, taking a moment to breathe. Stop it.

As if he heard me, he leaned back and turned his gaze to me. In the light of two candles, his irises appeared to be dark stormcloud blue. The bright flame of the candle danced in his eyes. He said nothing.

"What?"

He smiled softly. "I am glad you're back."

I could only smile weakly, for it didn't feel like I was.

I fiddled with my hands, inspecting the nails, wondering where I had gotten that scrape on my index finger. His anger the night before flashed before me.

"How do I know that you won't turn on your word tomorrow? When I first came here you seemed like you wanted to help me, and then suddenly you wanted nothing to do with me. What if you change your mind again?"

Legolas was silent for a moment, staring into the dancing yellow flame. "When I first saw you in the healer's ward," he began, "it was like a dream. I could not fully believe that you were there, but like any good dream, I held onto it. And then I was given time to think and all the pain flooded back. The pain made me angry, reminded me that you... you died in my arms. To acknowledge that you were alive was to acknowledge the pain. I did not want to do that." He looked at his hands, hiding his face from me.

"The next time I saw you, I could see in your eyes that I was a stranger. That dream of the Lumornel I loved being alive and well vanished. You were simply an elleth that looked like her. When that dream was ripped away, the pain doubled. I couldn't look at you without feeling angry, mostly at myself for being deceived. And partly towards you for making me think Lumornel was with me again. Then, you attempted to have me tell you of who you were. I couldn't voice it aloud and...  haven't been able to since...

"When I returned here—" he gestured to the room around us "—I knew I could not live without trying everything I could to get you back. So I wrote the letter and, in the process of writing, I found that Lumornel really did return to me."

Legolas gazed at me. "Know that I know you are Lumornel; I won't leave you. I can promise you that."

"But... how do I know that you won't treat me like I'm not her? Because you know as well as I do that I can't be the person who you loved, not without my memories of the two of us."

Legolas eyes locked onto mine. He touched his chest. "Do you feel the connection we have?"

I nodded. It was what brought me here.

"After writing the letter to you, I felt it. This connection is stronger than anything physical, though we aren't... bonded. If you can feel the tangibility of it, then you know I can't—won't—leave you. Just like before you..." —died— "I'll stay by your side. I'll help you regain who you were. And... and if we can't, I won't forsake you even then."

"Even if I'm a mindless body who doesn't even know who or what she is?" I asked miserably. But his words... I was still terrified of that abyss of nothing threatening me, but at least I wasn't alone. As selfish as that is.

He nodded, looked at my hands as if he wanted to hold them. "Even then."

I let out a shaky breath. "Thank you."

He nodded again, eyes searching me. "You are welcome. It will be hard seeing you like this, but I will be with you every step of the way."

I bit my cheek. "I'm sorry. For the way I treated you."

His eyes widened, taken aback. Then he laughed. "I was the one who treated you badly, meleth—"

He paused as he realized what he said, my heart stuttering, but after the tightening of his lips, he smiled. "Meleth nîn, you have treated me far worse. And I believe this time I deserved it."

After the shock wore off, warmth flooded my face. Meleth.

He saw the blush and looked away, voice quiet. "Would you rather I act as if we're simple friends?"

I closed my eyes, biting my tongue hard. Although I didn't know him, I hated hurting him. I nodded. "Yes."

"Alright."

Thoroughly feeling awkward, I turned around, my eyes immediately snagging on the tens of drawings hanging on the wall. My breath caught. They were sketch-like, nothing like masterpieces, but they were still beautiful. Most were charcoal designs for swords or arrows, but there were a few of trees and wildlife. And—

And there was one of me.

My face was sketched with ultimate care, my hair free to tumble down my shoulder. He had depicted me with a soft, loving smile. The cheeks were rosy and plump, my eyes cheery and focused on something extraordinarily dear. I found myself searching within those irises for what the drawing of me was so enamored by. But a breath later I knew. Why had I even needed to wonder?

"What do you think of it?"

I nearly jumped. Legolas stood behind me. I could feel his warmth on my shoulder.

"It's wonderful." Though I think he got my nose wrong.

"I believe I depicted your nose incorrectly."

I refrained from laughing, but nodded anyway, smiling. Then I noted the parchment it was drawn on. The quality was amazing, not something that would be easily found in such a place as this.

"Where'd you find the paper?"

"My father sends it my way every couple months, along with cases of wine."

"For you?" I couldn't imagine him as a drinker.

He smiled, shook his head. "No. The paper is for me and the wine is for the people, though..." His eyes went distant, "I did partake in some."

I hesitated, remembering something from the letter. "Who is your father? You made him sound like some noble-ellon."

Legolas froze in surprise, but then appeared almost giddy. He looked at me, blue eyes twinkling.

Suddenly, I became nervous.

The elf seemed to sense my anxiety and drew out the suspense a moment longer.

"My father... is the king of Mirkwood."

My mouth fell wide open. "What?!"

Legolas grinned broadly. Then he lifted his stature regally. My eyes widened.

"That... that would make you—"

"A prince?"

I nodded. I looked him over, trying to find the title written in his build. He had the body of a lean warrior and... and I suppose his face was regal, what with his jawline and brow bones...

I am standing in front of a prince.

I bowed my head, locking my eyes on my shoes as a deep mortified blush consumed me. "Hir nîn."

I had been rude to a prince. I am dead. I am so, so dead.

He laughed and I looked up, puzzled. Then immediately blushed more and looked away again.

I had fallen in love with... a prince?

The import of that fact had me floored. If we had been in love then... I would've become a queen.

I thought I was going to be sick.

There's no way they'd have me now.

"You only called me that when you were teasing me, hiril vuin."

"But..." Just treat him like he's your friend. "Okay... hir nîn."

I smiled sheepishly, trying to show that I was joking.

He returned the smile, though it was tinted with sadness.

I looked away, wishing I hadn't even tried to be funny. You're such an idiot, Lum.

I mentally smacked my head.

"So..." I turned from the drawings. "What is there to do here? It's really boring staying in my cell."

His gaze darkened, but he let the comment about my "cell" slide. Instead, his nimble fingers plucked a small arrow from his neatly cluttered desk. It was the same one I had seen him playing with before: too small to be used practically with its silver head and green feathers.

"There's a library, although there is not much reading material to be found there, and the training rooms. And I remember Arwen inviting you to her rooms. And, of course," he flashed a smile, "there's me."

I couldn't help it, I raised my eyebrows at the cockiness. I waved my hand. "You're too boring."

Then, I again inspected his drawings. There seemed to be something familiar about the sword sketches. "I've already seen the library and... I'm not sure if it's best I go to the training rooms..."

That left only Arwen.

"Will you come with me? I don't know her, I mean, I don't... I don't know you very well either but at least I'm comfortable around you." A prince, I'm comfortable around a prince.

He nodded, seeming to understand. "Of course."

I smiled meekly. "Thank you."

:::::::

I shook my hands out, shifting from foot to foot.

"Would you like me to knock?"

I nodded, moving aside gratefully as Legolas stepped forward.

I barely got two breaths in before the door opened, revealing Arwen in all her beautiful glory.

She immediately smiled in welcome, her eyes traveling from me and Legolas, then to the guards who stood behind me. "Suilad, mellyn nîn."

"Suilad," Legolas said, gladly speaking in Sindarin. "Lumornel and I have come to visit."

She again turned her twinkling eyes to me, elvish rolling from her tongue. "You two are welcome in."

I smiled, entering into her home and closing the door on the guards.

Immediately, I was surprised. Her home wasn't simply a bedroom like mine and Legolas's quarters. She had a small sitting space, just large enough for a small couch and chair, rug, and table. Directly in front was a door and in the wall to the left there was another door, this one open.

She read the surprise in my face. "We were given one of the small family quarters, though it was partly due to Aragorn's position."

I nodded, but weren't all families given rooms like these? Apparently not.

"Eldarion," Arwen said as she straightened a pillow. "Come greet our guests."

My heart sputtered. I didn't realize I'd be meeting someone else.

A small boy with dark brown hair appeared at the side door, looking no older than five years old. He wore a white tunic and loose brown pants, a toy soldier in his hand. His gray eyes locked on mine and they widened.

Oh no.

"Hello," he said breathlessly, those eyes still wide.

Arwen came to stand by my side, smiling at her boy. "Eldarion, this is Lumornel."

He nodded, those eyes of his still wide. He glanced at my hands.

"Can you show me your light?"

What?

I glanced at Legolas, but he merely smiled and leaned in to whisper. "He's starstruck by you. He's heard many tales of you from Aragorn and Gimli."

But not you.

And then—

Starstruck?!

Well, I thought, glancing again at the boy, it's better than fearful.

I smiled and waved him over. Hurriedly, he rushed to me as I perched on the edge of the couch. Cautiously, I dipped a finger into that reserve stored within me. Immediately, my palms glowed brilliantly, so bright that I had to squint. As did the rest of my arms. It was far more than I had meant to call upon.

I spooled some of that power back in until only a dim light shone in my palms. The glow reflected back in Eldarion's awed eyes.

"Woah."

I grinned. "You can touch it if you want."

He turned his boyish face up towards me, looking as if I had told him he could have one of Fëanor's silmarils.

"Go ahead."

Slowly, he reached forward, his small fingers timidly touching my palm.

"It's warm."

I hadn't meant for it to be. I tried to take away the heat, but it then felt like I was holding onto the glow by a string as thin as a singular hair. With slippery hands. The light sputtered out.

Eldarion pulled back, high on joy.

I laughed, looking up to see Arwen also smiling and Legolas—

Legolas looked as if rain had come and swept away his summer day.

It sobered me enough that I cleared my throat. "So Eldarion is your son?"

"Yes. And a joy he is."

As if he knew it, Eldarion climbed onto the couch next to me proudly and held up his wooden soldier. "His name is Rhawion. It means 'untamed.'"

"Actually," Legolas intervened, "it means 'son of Untamed.'"

Eldarion scrunched his eyebrows in disapproval, as if he knew this fact but wanted to ignore it.

I smiled smugly and added, "it also means 'son of wild.'"

He shot his betrayed gaze to me.

"I'm an accomplice of his." I pointed to Legolas.

The boy continued to pout. "That's not fair."

I shrugged.

"Eldarion," Arwen warned. "Do not pout."

Despite his mother's words, there was still a crease between his brows, though he did flash a weak smile.

Legolas, ever the rescuer, swooped in and took Eldarion to gather a few toys to play with.

"Come with me," Arwen called, moving towards the closed door. "I'll show you the nursery."

The nursery, it turns out, was simply a small corner in the bedroom Arwen and Aragorn shared. There sat a white crib, a few boxes of unpacked baby supplies and decorations by the feet of its legs.

She saw my confusion and explained. "Aragorn and I thought it best if the baby slept with us until she's old enough to sleep with Eldarion."

I nodded but— "she?"

"Yes." She ran her pale fingers over the white wood of the baby's bed. "It's only a feeling, but I sense that we'll be having a daughter."

She turned her face to me, waves of hair falling over her shoulder. "I invited you here for more than help with the nursery."

Her eyes darted in the direction of Eldarion's small room where he and Legolas played. "I understand that conversing with one who claims to love you may be a little strange."

I smiled at that. That was an understatement.

"And I know that the burden you carry is heavy. It cannot be easy losing the person you were and knowing that you might lose the person you are now. Should you need a friend, I am here. Please do not hesitate to come to me."

My heart nearly seemed to stop. How does she know?

Though she was right, it wasn't easy. It... it's terrifying.

I wanted so badly to talk to someone, to at least connect with someone who understands the feeling.

But, I hardly knew Arwen. I hardly knew Legolas. Though it was comforting to feel the familiarity of his soul, all I could see in his eyes is our unknown past together. He looked at me and saw someone else and yet somehow was able to see me to my core. It was unnerving. Like being around someone who had stalked you their whole life.

Arwen didn't have that feel, though she too was a stranger.

I almost smiled tightly, almost turned to open a box and left the conversation to the wind. I wanted to but... my future felt so uncertain, felt so bleak. Soon I won't even remember this conversation with her, so why not confide in her?

"I feel as if I'm falling towards a dark abyss with no way of stopping or slowing. I can no longer remember what lays outside this cave. And I know that by next week, I probably won't remember last week. Maybe even this week."

My fingers roughly traced the wooden lines of the grooves on the crib, pressing hard to ignore the way my heart drummed heavily as I spoke my feelings.

"It feels like a dark and terrible monster is chasing me from behind and I can't turn to look it in the face. And instead of running faster, I'm running slower. I can't... I can't even try to escape it. I write down everything that happens to me and though I read over it every day, twice a day, sometimes more, I'm not actually remembering that which I lost. It's as if I'm simply reading memories from someone else's mind.

"Legolas... Legolas even told me of my past and it didn't return to me. I'm so terrified every moment, scared that in the next minute I'll be gone."

Arwen moved closer to me, set a hand on my arm. "I do not know what words of comfort I can give, though I am certain each and every one of your friends are looking for a way to reverse this. I also have sent word to my father. He may know what ails you and how to cure you."

I nodded my thanks, though I knew that by the time the return letter arrived, I'd be long gone. Though... that burden on my shoulders lightened a bit, as if my voice verbalizing my thoughts carried away some of the weight.

I let my shoulders hang in relief, though I knew that in a few hours yet another memory would be lost. "Thank you."

She bowed her head.

Much of the evening consisted of girl talk or comfortable silence as we unload boxes of baby things—which I learned were leftovers from Eldarion's first months of life. Arwen would lovingly stroke a blanket or rattle, the light of some happy memory shining in her eyes. I suddenly and inexplicably longed for that joy too.

A baby. A little bundle of light.

Occasionally Legolas would pop his head in, his gaze always lingering on me. He'd nod to himself as he saw the work we had done, or ask if we were having fun. Once, he somehow managed to squeeze himself underneath the frame of Arwen and Aragorn's bed. A few minutes later, Eldarion came about to investigate.

By the time Aragorn strode through the door, it was unbearably late. The moon had to have been near setting. But the nursery was done. There hadn't been much to set out anyway.

Aragorn had smiled and laughed with us—Arwen then scolded all of us, sending a meaningful glance in the direction of Eldarion's room where he slept.

And although I wanted nothing more than to find some food, I also never wanted to leave.

Time, could you please stand still? I had thought.

Candlelight had flickered over the walls, but all four of us had been smiling.

And I even managed to forget that I'd soon forget them all.

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• E N D   O F   P A R T   O N E •

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Suilad, mellyn nîn
⇾ greetings, my friends

Hir nîn
⇾ my lord

Meleth nîn
⇾ my love

Hi! I know, not a very exciting chapter but... either next chapter or the one after that will be full of excitement. Depends on if I decide to split it up. If I don't, it may be a very long update... so may take a while to write.

Also! This chapter would've been up like a week ago but my AP Art Portfolio is due on the 10th and I am still not done (right now it's the 5th). And I need to do the writings for it. So that's what's been delaying getting this chapter up. And! I also have an essay due the 14th and my senior board is due the 15th and I haven't even started *starts pulling hair out* so it may not be until the 16th that I start writing chapter 22.

And I'm so happy part one is over. The story hasn't even really started yet.

I'm really missing the old Lumornel. I mean, this Lumornel is her and has her characteristics but... not the same :(