TW! fighting scene, mention of dagger, blood, and cuts (I promise it's not bad, but just a heads up!).

Y/N

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YOU KNOW THAT feeling when you know you've screwed up?

Well I feel that every single day of my life, and yet this moment was the worst of them all. Maybe it's because I have my dagger clutched in my hand, aiming the blade straight at the boy I just kissed.

The boy who I like.

Louis was paralyzed to his spot, staring at me in horror as he tried to figure out what I just said.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, barely able to move his mouth, "what?"

Clearly he had questions.

He had every right to be confused, or to be whatever he was feeling, but I didn't have time to answer any of them. I saw his fingers twitch, clenching into a fist hesitantly. He knew he had to fight me, and I knew he was going to, because it was practically inevitable. 

The topic of life and death left no room for exceptions.

"I'm supposed to kill you," I restated, my voice faltering in panic, "I don't have a choice."

Louis clenched his jaw, his eyes narrowing, "have you been planning on that this whole time?"

"No," I sighed, "it's just that—"

"Is that the reason why you came here?"

"Of course it isn't!"

"Then has this all just been a lie to you?" He hissed, taking a brave step forward, "I don't know why the hell you want to kill me, and I don't even know if I care to know, but now I'm just mad that you've been messing with me this whole time."

He was taking this the wrong way.

Wait...no he wasn't. He was mad, because I was going to kill him, but he's also mad because he thinks I was using him. I wasn't using him! I really do like him, and that's the truth.

But...dammit.

The lovesick look that used to be in his eyes changed to fear as he saw me grip tighter around the dagger in my hand. I didn't mean to do it, but I couldn't help it. 

I was scared.

"Kill me then," he spat out, "try your best."

And with that, he grabbed his own dagger and lunged towards me, the blade just nearly hitting the side of my arm. In turn, I stepped to my left and swiped my blade back and forth, missing him every time.

He was good. 

Better than when we fought in the forest a few days ago, which showed me he had been training. Maybe he knew this moment would come, or maybe he suspected this all along. That hurt to think about.

Letting out a grunt, I flipped my weapon with ease, somersaulting to the ground to avoid another one of his hits. Hopping back onto my feet, I made another leap, my dagger raised above my head.

But I forgot he knew my fighting patterns.

Ducking, he grabbed my waist and shoved me against a tree trunk, my head flinging back and colliding with the bark. Ouch. Before I had a chance to feel the full effects of the pain, I felt the cool blade of his dagger press up against my face.

He tilted the knife, cutting a small ridge through my skin and into my cheek. It was barely anything, and it barely hurt, but I could feel a trickle of blood run down towards my lips.

It tasted bitter, like it was full of salt and guilt.

"I told you to kill me," he growled, his face pressing towards mine. He paused for a moment, both of our breaths heavy with exhaustion, but then his gaze flickered down towards my lips. The lips he just kissed. He looked back into my eyes quickly after, "or can you not do it?"

I winced, the cold air stinging my fresh cut. Now it was starting to burn, and I wanted nothing more than to stop it. Louis noticed the flicker of pain in my eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you," he sighed, one of his curls falling across his face, "I never wanted to hurt you, not even now, but you need to talk to me."

"No," I sighed, "I need to kill you."

Kneeing him between his legs, I kicked him backwards and shoved him onto the ground, everything blurred in the heat of the moment. Louis' was now on his back, pinned down with my weight pressing against his chest.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, my eyes starting to water, "I'm so sorry."

Hook was going to kill me. He was going to find me if I didn't kill Louis, then he was going to kill me. It was me or Louis.

Raising my dagger over my head, I took another look into the boy's eyes.

His sweet, brown, and loving eyes. He used to look at me with pride, love, and every bit of hope, but now it was just fear and anger.

And I deserved it.

Bring my knife down, I let my fingers unclench from the handle, the dagger tumbling onto the dirt floor.

It was me or Louis, and I chose him.

"I can't kill you," I said, collapsing on top of him, my head buried into his chest, "I'm not going to kill you, because I....

...because I love you.

That's what I wanted to say. That's what I wanted so desperately to say. But I'd betrayed him already, so I couldn't hurt him more by telling him something that I know would hurt like hell.

At least I could spare him.

"Because Hook wants you alive," I said, giving him a different excuse, "I'm sorry."

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I stood onto my feet and stalked away from the forest.

I'm sorry, Louis.

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this book kinda almost over (5 chapters I think?) maybe more, idk lol