Y/N

_

THE THING ABOUT me and Louis, is that we don't exactly know how to tell the other goodbye.

I found this out twelve seconds ago, because we're standing dripping wet in a forest, freezing to death, but we still can't figure out who should get the last word or go in for a farewell action.

"Goodbye, then," I said, sticking out my hand towards the boy in front of me.

"Yes," Louis said, opening his arms for a hug sheepishly, "goodbye, then."

As soon as I saw his arms splayed out, I widened mine in return, but he switched to a handshake at the exact same moment. After staring at him inquisitively, I switched back to the handshake, but he switched back to the hug.

This was ridiculous.

"For goodness sakes," I sighed, furrowing my brows, "let's just shake on it."

Louis seemed offended at that statement, "I think we're past the point of giving handshakes."

"So you want a hug?"

"Are you not comfortable with a hug?"

"It doesn't matter to me," I shrugged, "I'm just trying to say goodbye in the most convenient way possible."

"So you don't want a hug?"

"Louis, it doesn't matter!" I said, flustered, "it's up to you!"

He waved his hands around in confusion, as if he couldn't possibly fathom how I was giving him the option to do anything on his own, "why is it up to me?"

"Well, what do you want to do?"

He paused, blinking, his hands slapping down to his sides with a loud smack. He had this sudden seriousness lined onto his face, as if he was fighting with himself internally. About what, I don't know, but I was honestly tired, and I had to get back to the ship in time.

"Honestly?" He mumbled, a profound look glazing over his eyes, "I want to kiss you."

I stared at him in the dusky moonlight, the sounds of the forest humming around us, goosebumps trailing along my arms, and a pile of wet tangled hair dripping onto the ground.

I was cold, and tired, and I didn't want to play any games with the boy at the moment.

"Whatever, you idiot," I exhaled, grabbing his hand and giving it a firm shake, "that whole kiss joke is old, so it doesn't work on me anymore."

Louis didn't have a chance to mutter a sound, before I spun on my heels and disappeared into the leafy branches of the trees around us.

As I stumbled my way back towards the shallow cove where my row boat was docked, I couldn't help but rack my brain for answers. 

I was usually very honest with myself, but now I could tell there was something I wasn't outright expressing. Was the whole reason why we couldn't figure out how to say goodbye, was that we didn't want to say goodbye in the first place?

Now that I think about it, I can't help but drift back to that one moment in Skulls Rock, where we were so close to each other it felt like we could...

Kiss.

"Sod off, Louis," I swore under my breath, clambering into my boat, "you and your bloody antics."

He knew what he was doing. He knew exactly what would happen if he so much as looked at me with that expression he always makes. The one where he tilts his head, his brown hair swaying perfectly to the side, flashing me a pearly smile where the indents of his cheekbones carved into his skin like a freaking sculpture.

He knew that I always rolled my eyes at him when he mentioned that kiss, and that's exactly why he did it.

But—in a completely anonymous thought— what if I did?

What if I...kissed him.

What if I pretended it was a joke, and that I only did it because he told me that's what he wanted? Did he actually want it?

Did he actually want me?

"Did you find the boy yet?" Hook's voice said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I hadn't realized I was sitting in the captain's office, my head tilted towards the ground. I must have been so drowned in my own worries, that I forgot I had made it to the boat and walked myself into Hook's office.

Thinking about Louis always distracted me.

"No," I said quickly, clearing my throat, "not yet."

It was an obvious lie, but the captain was always too oblivious to see through it. In fact, he wasn't even looking at me, he was just twirling his metal hand around in annoyance.

"I expected more of you," he said, pursing his lips thinly, "it's been days since you took this position."

"Then expect less," I frowned, "I'm only doing this to go home."

"Then work harder."

"Are you implying that I'm not?"

"Yes, you blithering fool," Hook said, slapping his good hand onto the table and turning to look at me, "that is exactly what I'm implying!"

I had no respect for the pirate, yet his words sunk through my skin like the blade of a knife.

"It's not like I can summon him from wherever the hell he is," I frowned, "he knows I'm after him, so it's natural that he'd be hiding."

Hook didn't seem to care, and instead just stood onto his feet with a silent grimace. He circled around his desk with ease, the silver chain on his belt ringing as it swung against the sword on his hip. I still couldn't believe he gave me a dagger, instead of an actual blade.

Cheapskate.

"Change of plans, then," the man said, sweeping up a handful of his brown curls, "If you can't find the Partridge boy, you'll just have to kill him."

Yes, I should kiss him.

Wait, did he say kill?

At that exact moment, my mouth dropped open in horrific shock. I wasn't more confused as to why the first thought I had was that Hook told me to kiss Louis, or that he might have actually said the other horrible word.

"What?" I said, stumbling back into the wall.

"I said you need to kill him," the captain shrugged, "while I wish I could do the honors myself, it just saves time."

Oh no.

I wish I could just pinch the side of my arm, pretend this was all a nightmare, and carry on with my sucky life back on Earth, but I knew I couldn't do that.

This was all real, and it was all horrible.

Snatching my dagger out of my belt, I clutched the handle and threw it onto the floor, watching as it tumbled across the carpet with a loud clattering noise.

"No," I said, standing my ground, "I'm not going to do it."

Hook yawned, "why not?" Have you grown feelings for him?"

I knew he was being sarcastic, but the real truth was yes. I have. I don't know what they are exactly, but I know that killing Louis was the last thing I would ever want to do, and the one thing I couldn't bear to think about.

And, in general, I didn't want to kill anyone.

"That doesn't matter," I spat out, spinning around towards the door, "but I won't hurt him."

Before I had the chance to reach for the handle, I felt the presence of a cold metal hook slide against my neck. Hook pulled me away from the door sharply, and leaned his ear level to mine, so he was sure I would listen to him.

One slight nudge away, and his hook would puncture my skin.

"You forget yourself," he said, his voice lowering in spite, "you work for me, remember?"

And before I could even think about escaping, the man said his next sentence; one that I would hear echoing in my brain everyday after.

"Kill the boy," he sneered, "or I'll kill you."

_

spicy