* * *

I struggle to see how any of this helps. Charlie is trying his best but he is well in above his head. I can't remember the first time I ever felt the way I do or if I have ever felt different. Life seems so pointless and grey. It's as if everyone was given the ability to see colours and I am colourblind. Everything is plain, vague; dark. No matter how many times he shines a light on the small things, I am always left wandering blind.

I care for him and I know Charlie cares for me too. He always has done but time is wearing thin. I can see it in his eyes just how much I am dragging him down into the depths of pain and discomfort. His eyebrows are permanently furrowed and wrinkles have started appearing on his forehead when he sees me. I can't keep doing this.

That's why I need to leave. I am hurting him more now that he knows. Charlie has become a trap in my labyrinth, he is lost amongst the troubles and the only way for him to escape is if I destroy the maze. To destroy it means to kill myself.

I can feel his eyes on me. It's dinner time and his mum just laid down a heavy roast dinner. My stomach is churning. Aesthetically, it looks amazing, like one you would see on a TV advert, but I know what would happen if I ate any. I'd be fuelling myself, feeding me into a cycle of survival. He kicks me.

"A quarter," Charlie mouths to me from the opposite side of the table, he was already scooping up some vegetables to eat. I chewed the inside of my mouth, I can't do it. He knows what I am thinking. He always does. "Just try."

I pick up my fork, staring at the metal prongs that could easily end my life if I stabbed my jugular hard enough. I stab a sprout at the thought of it and I stare at Charlie as I put it in my mouth. My mouth waters, my stomach growls I know it wants the sprout, the rest of them too, the potatoes, the carrots, the stuffing, the yorkshires, the lamb. It wants it all. I don't.

He nods his head as I swallow, nudging me with his foot to keep me going. He matches me, every time I take a bite he does it too, almost like he is trying to encourage me, as if him doing it will make me more wilful to do it. It won't work.

It wasn't long until I physically couldn't do it. I felt the tears prick the corners of my eyes and my legs began to bounce. If I ate anymore I would combust. He smiled at me. He was proud but I could still see the pain witling away at the back of his head. Charlie doesn't deserve this.

I know he loves me as if I was his sister. But he has a sister, Ginny. Ginny is more than enough sister for him. I'm just a girl he had known since I was born. In reality I shouldn't be anything to him. I wish he didn't care for me as much as he does. It would be better if he didn't. He wants me to get better, to end this veil of darkness cast over me but I just want it to end altogether.

Charlie read over  a piece of parchment he had discovered, it was as if he was there in that very moment. It was from near the beginning of their long and seemingly endless journey. It always tore him apart when he read the words she wrote. He struggles but it emphasised just how much of an impact he had on her life.

Hattie was visiting him in Romania for a few days. They had taken a trip to see the dragons and Gilbert popped in to say 'hello' too but now it was just the two of them again. After the binge-eating episode back home Sirius and Remus thought an excursion do her the world of good. It seemed as though it was.

They were sat at the dinner table, both eating some chicken and chips. Hattie was eating well, not quickly but she was eating. All seemed well.

"Charlie?"

He hummed in response.

"Do you think you could fall in love with me?"

He choked on his chips, grasping his glass of water to help ease him. "You what?"

"Do you think you could fall in love with me?" Charlie's heart thumped against his chest. He already knew the answer but actually having to vocalise it was something he never thought he would have to. "Please... please answer me."

"Hattie... I- I already am in love with you."

"You are?"

"Yes, but not in the way you are thinking. I am in love with your everything, you own a piece of my heart and will forever but I am in love with you as if you were my own blood. It's not a love in which dabbles with marriage but love that is eternal between siblings."

He could see her face drop, "you've never thought you could love me like a wife?"

"No. Hattie, where is this coming from? You have Dallin- I swear if he has hurt you again-"

"He hasn't hurt me and I am happy with him. I just, it baffles me that someone could care for me the way you do and not be in love with them in such a way."

Charlie reached over and squeezed her hand, "love is a powerful thing in this world. It has no limits or boundaries and it gives me the ability to love you with everything I have but as family. I couldn't think of ever loving you the way my dad loves my mum, it would be weird. Not just because of the age gap but because of what we have gone through. You'll always be my sister, Hattie through thick and thin."

"Forever?"

"Eternally."