20 February 2020

Score: Last First Kiss - One Direction

Mark

"What?" I blink at her stupidly.

I clearly misheard. My jumbled thoughts about kissing Lydia last night are playing tricks on me.

But then...

"Kiss. Lydia." Gloria squeezes each word through her teeth. "Tongue and all." Her smug smile means only one thing: she has an agenda. Also, she's enjoying this immensely.

For a few seconds, I can only sit there in silence, not sure how to respond. Can I do this? And, most importantly, should I do it? I've done enough damage already.

I can just say I don't want to. Lydia's my friend. It'd be totally fine if I say I don't feel right about it...

However, every inch of me, every cell of my body wants to kiss Lydia. I could not stop thinking about her and our moment last night. Her soft lips, her fair skin...Our little kiss...

Only it wasn't our moment at all, nor was it our kiss, because she thought I was Patrick, and I played along.

From our brief exchange last night, I figured she must be having something going on with the Baby Lord. What the fuck was that about loving him? She said she was sure she loved him after we kissed, which cannot be true, because she kissed me. Nonetheless, I can see the way he's looking at her. The stolen glances, the longing sighs in her direction. It's clear he's pining over her, but, from what Lydia said last night, I figured that nothing's happened yet.

But how long before something does happen?

And what do I care?

I don't!

Do I?

Fuck, I shouldn't have kissed her! I should have just left her there on the bed and walked away. She doesn't remember any of it, anyway...

But I've been obsessing about it ever since. I couldn't sleep last night. I went for a walk! In the freezing, alpine night. Then, I came back to the hotel and sat in the lobby, sipping coffee until the sun came up. And all night, I was thinking about what I had done. And about how it had felt.

It was wrong, all of it, pretending to be someone else and kissing her, while she was drunk, but the kiss...The kiss felt so right! Even though it was completely innocent, our lips pressing against each other for just a brief moment...

That was Lydia's first kiss...

And it was also a lie.

But then it hits me! This is my chance to make it right! I can still be her first kiss! And I can do it properly, not pretending to be someone else! I get to kiss her as Mark Carter, and I get to do it when she's sober so that she remembers it. So that she knows, for the rest of her life, that I was her first kiss.

"Are you going to do it, or what?" Gloria's voice pulls me out of my trance for the second time tonight.

I clear my throat.

"Of course, I'm going to do it," I snap at her. "Unless," I move my eyes to Lydia, "You don't want me to."

She just shakes her head. "It's fine," she says. "Let's do it."

She looks flustered. Nervous even.

So am I. I can feel I'm shaking. This is it!

I move to my knees and walk on my knees to the center of the circle we're sitting in. I watch Lydia, as she moves to kneel, as well. She looks at Gloria, who is whispering something to her. Then, Lydia's eyes lock with mine and my breath catches in my throat...

This is really happening!

She scoots closer to me. She looks so small in the position that we're in! I feel like the height difference between us, the way we're standing, and me, looming over her, is intimidating her. I lower myself a little.

I look into her eyes and seek permission in them. She nods her head lightly.

We are both buzzing with the electricity of what is about to happen.

I just stare at her for a second, mesmerized. As if I'm seeing her for the first time. Her eyes are so wide.  We're so close I can smell her perfume. A naughty strand of hair is caught up between her lips, but she doesn't notice. Her bottom lip is trembling. I reach with my hand and push the strand of hair out of her face. Out of my way. Lydia gasps ever so lightly when my hand brushes her skin.

She's blushing. Her lips are slightly parted. And her eyes...I cannot tear my own from them.

"It's OK," I whisper to her, gently running the backs of my fingers against the skin of her arm, trying to help her relax. My eyes finally move away from her eyes, to her lips. She notices because her tongue darts out to wet them. I try to find her eyes again, but they are glued to my lips now.

Perfect. It's good to know she's anticipating this, too.

So, I lean forward, until my lips touch hers. I close my eyes and try not to move.

It is the most innocent of kisses, our lips barely brushing against each other.

Yet.

Then I press my lips a little harder to hers and start moving my mouth over hers.

Her lips are so soft.

I can hear my own heart beating frantically in my chest. She can probably hear it, too, because she's reacting now. Her lips are pushing back against mine, her mouth is moving in unison with mine.

Then, I part my lips and brush my tongue along the seam of her mouth. She makes a small noise in the back of her throat, something between a purr and a groan, which sends jolts of electricity down my spine. Her lips part and make way for my tongue to enter her mouth...

And my world fucking implodes. I suddenly feel weak and, if I weren't on my knees already, I would have crumbled to the floor. 

Her mouth is so warm, sweet, and wet. She tastes like fucking strawberries. Her tongue is moving against mine, on instinct, and, even though it's her first kiss and she's a bit shy, and it's awkward that everybody's watching us, and it's a stupid dare, it's perfect. I wouldn't change a thing about it.

I swipe the inside of her mouth with my tongue once, twice, and then, I have to pull back. I have to, because, if I keep going even a second longer, I'll not be able to stop.

I want to drown in her kisses.

I purse my lips and pull away, kissing hers one last time, before I straighten up until I'm standing on my knees in front of her again. I feel shell-shocked. My face is unbearably hot and her taste is lingering on my tongue.

Bloody hell! I'm so fucked!

I look into her eyes, looking for her assurance that she's fine. Trying to read her expression. Looking for her emotions.

She looks flustered and hot, but she nods briefly.

Relieved, I quickly scoot back to my place, trying to look calm and collected, hoping that nobody's able to see through my act and see how my pulse is racing, my hands are shaking and my cheeks are flushed.

Lydia's still kneeling in the middle of the circle, looking like she's trying to catch her breath.

Good. Because she took mine away.

Finally, she scoots back into her place.

This whole act must have taken no more than a minute, or so, but time feels weirdly distorted. I feel like hours have passed since Gloria made her dare.

Suddenly, the whole room erupts in cheers and hoots. Alex pushes her shoulder gently against Lydia's, while Gloria raises her hand for a high-five. Marco is clapping his hands. Everybody is cheering Lydia for just having had her first kiss.

Everybody except Patrick. He looks like he's just heard that somebody died. He doesn't even look at Lydia. He's looking in the opposite direction, and then, his eyes move and meet mine.

If looks could kill, I'd be dead and buried right now.

He's fucking jealous! He most definitely fancies her! It's written all over his fucking face. Hurt. Resentment.

I bet he wanted to be her first kiss.

I can't help but smile at the irony.

Sorry, mate, you're late.

Lydia's always going to remember her first kiss. Everybody does. Even if they actually got together, it'll always be me, who'd kissed her first.

And I'm fucking ecstatic about it.

Now, I only have to deal with the pressing issue at hand.

What the fuck do I do, now that I know I have feelings for my best friend?