Warnings: Mentions of Ino/Shikamaru, but they aren't endgame.

Beta Reader: No one but me just yet.

_____ 

Haruno Sakura is in love with Uchiha Sasuke.

As Jane Austen might have said, it's a "truth universally acknowledged" by everyone they know, except perhaps the Uchiha boy himself.

Sasuke is either utterly oblivious, or even willfully ignorant, of the depths of Sakura's feelings for him. Oh, she knows he cares about her in that inscrutable way of his—if he didn't care about her, he wouldn't spend so much time around her. He tolerates the presence of other people, but he is always relaxed and at ease around her. Still, it's been the challenge of a lifetime trying to figure out if he likes her that way.

"You could just ask," her best friend Ino has suggested on more than one occasion, but Sakura is quick to refuse. She values her relationship with Sasuke far too much to jeopardise it by saying her feelings out loud. Besides, if everyone else accepts it, it's just a matter of time before he does too, right?

But at the same time...she's a little lonely.

It's not like she dates, not really. There have been offers, of course; from junior high and high school classmates, and once from a cute redheaded boy on the train. All of them have been nice guys, people she wouldn't have minded spending time with or getting know better. Except...

Except none of them are Sasuke.

None of them make her stomach flip-flop just being in the same room, or fill her with a feeling of intense joy at the sight of the rare, tiny upward turn of their lips. No one has his dry sense of humour, intelligent in a way that goes above most people's understanding, but can put her in stitches with just the right tone. No other boy would patiently endure her propensity for taking selfies of them and posting them to Instagram, or be proud of her when she beats him on a test. Or when she flips him over her shoulder in martial arts class. No other boy would unflinchingly buy a pack of tampons for her when her period arrives unexpectedly while on an outing with friends or ignore the patch of drool on his uniform when she falls asleep on him during their train rides to school.

Those closely guarded moments make it easier to cope with the stories her girlfriends tell of their own forays into romance.

"He's not bad for a first boyfriend," Ino says of Shikamaru.

"I like how you say first," Sakura teases.

"Hey, I intend to have at least a dozen before I have to be married off to some boring corporate drone that my parents like," Ino sniffs; her family owns the most prominent chain of flower shops in the city. "They'd like nothing more than if I did marry Shikamaru one day, since our families have always been friends. But he's so mellow. He can't even be bothered to argue with me—just gives up!"

"Then why are you still with him?" Kasumi wants to know.

"He's a good kisser," Ino admits, her casual tone belied by the light blush on her cheeks. "I'm pretty sure it's just to shut me up, but..."

Her words are lost in a cacophony of girlish squeals as the girls demand details. All of this prompts a confessional of each of their own first kisses (and other firsts for Fuki and Ami), moonlit walks and exchanging promise rings.

Sakura reacts to all of this gossip with the appropriate amount of scandalised pleasure, but deep down has to hide the tiny, glowing ember of jealousy because she doesn't have any similar experiences to share.

And it doesn't look like it will happen any time soon.

It's fine. Some boys take longer to mature than others, right? And Sasuke isn't exactly the average guy ...

Still, she won't lie that sometimes she wishes he weren't so ensconced in his own little world and actually reacted to things the way other people do.

サクラ

"Have you gotten any acceptance letters yet?" he asks one day, for once the one who breaks their companionable silence.

They are at the mall having a study-break before their cram school session, sharing a meal—or rather exchanging the food she doesn't like on her plate for the dessert he didn't want. Still, in some cultures that would be seen as the height of intimacy, but she knows Sasuke just sees it as the most economical way of eating.

"Nothing except for the University of Tokyo, which I already told you about. Why, have you gotten another one?"

"Hm." He nods and chews thoughtfully at his omusubi. "Keio."

"Oh! Congratulations, Sasuke-kun! That's an amazing school!" She sighs then. "Wouldn't it be great if we both ended up in the same place again? I don't think I can imagine school without you since we've been together so long."

Sasuke shrugs, not looking at her. "Tokyo has the better program, but Father will want me to go to Keio. The entire family has gone there."

"Oh." Sakura considers for a moment. "They do a second round of admissions though, right? Maybe it's not too late to apply to Keio."

She says it innocently, maybe a little hopeful, hoping to elicit an agreement or even an encouragement of her suggestion. Sasuke doesn't answer right away. He has that small wrinkle in his forehead that suggests preoccupation. Just as she is about to prompt him to speak, she shoves his plate away.

"I've no doubt you could do it," he says, rising from the table. He says it with the same certainty he always expresses with regard to her abilities. "Let's go, or we'll be late."

She scrambles to her feet as well, tipping the last of her soft drink down her throat and hurrying to catch up. As usual, her fingers itch to reach out and wrap around his, but she holds back. Sasuke does not like to touch people in public, and never has. It makes him anxious and besides the day of their first meeting all those years ago, she never tries to force the issue. Sasuke will reach for her when he's comfortable doing so, whether it's a rare hug or offering her pre-warmed mittens in winter or wrapping an arm around her shoulder when she's hiding under a blanket in the middle of a thunderstorm.

It's just the way things are, and she tells herself she's fine with that.

Until a conversation with Ino during the first months of senior year makes her question it.

They are camped out on Ino's bedroom floor, surrounded by junk food and with a soppy romance playing in the background, while Ino lazily throws thumb tacks at a picture of Shikamaru. Their break-up hasn't left her broken-hearted, per se, but Sakura suspects her best friend is miffed that she wasn't the one to end things. Rather than complaining about him the way she might have been if she felt any remorse about the end of the relationship, Ino is more practical minded, discussing her "coping" plans for the future.

"I'm going to Harvard," she tells Sakura. "Mother's not very happy about it, she hates the idea of me going so far away, but Daddy thinks it's a great idea. He's already imagining being able to introduce his super-lawyer daughter at board meetings in the future."

"I can imagine," Sakura laughs. "You're going to become a complete shark, aren't you?"

"Who said anything about becoming"?" Ino asks, bearing her teeth in a grin.

It's already common knowledge that she has an uncanny ability to get her way in most matters.

"Fair point. Well, I'll miss you when you go."

"I think we should go together," Ino declares decisively, as if they are just talking about taking a trip to the beach.

"To Harvard? I don't know about that," Sakura laughs nervously. "I don't know if I'd be brave enough to apply there."

"Why not? You're brilliant, it's not like you wouldn't get in."

"That's not...I mean, it's awfully expensive. And travelling that far away...I don't know."

"Why not try? The application isn't due for another few months. You should send yours in," Ino insists. "And who cares how far away it is? It's an amazing school—best medical program in the world, right? And, more importantly, you'd be with me."

"Yeah, but..." Sakura shifts and shrugs.

Ino sighs. "But Sasuke is staying here."

"Probably," Sakura agrees. "He wants to go to Tokyo University, but will probably end up at Keio."

"Good for him. What does that have to do with you?" Ino wants to know, but before Sakura can speak, she interrupts. "You have to stop making life decisions based on a guy that barely acknowledges you!"

"What are you talking about? He acknowledges me all the time!"

"I mean acknowledging you as a woman, not his personal social buffer."

"That's not—that's not what we are! We've been friends since we were kids, and we...well it's...it's just not what you think it is!"

"I doubt it's what you think it is, either."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Let me put it this way...do you go over to his house a lot?"

"You know I do."

"So, you're allowed in his bedroom."

"Of course."

"With the door open, or closed?"

"Either."

"Huh."

The thoughtful noise makes Sakura pause. "What do you mean, 'huh'?"

"I just think it's interesting."

"What?"

"Well, either his parents don't mind the idea of him fooling around with someone in his bedroom—"

"Ino!"

"—or, they know it's something they don't have to worry about at all," her friend concludes. "And they'd only know that if he had mentioned it to them."

"That's...that's ridiculous!" Sakura gasps, though an uneasy feeling creeps into her gut.

"And, you know, his brother's gay," Ino goes on thoughtfully. "That sort of thing runs in families sometimes, so maybe—"

"There is nothing wrong with being gay," Sakura cuts her off sharply, frowning at Ino's casual dismissal of Itachi's lifestyle as a "thing". She's as protective of Sasuke's older brother as he is, and even a hint of criticism directed at him makes her see red. "And if Sasuke was, he would have told me."

Of this she is sure, because they tell each other everything. She's the only one he has ever told of his feelings of inadequacy around his brother or his fear that he'll never live up to his father's expectations. Likewise, he's the only one she's ever confessed to about being terrified of failing in life, of being left behind while everyone else moves on to better and brighter futures.

They don't have big secrets from each other.

Ino waves a dismissive hand, both an apology and indication to move on. "Okay, fine. You're probably right. But what if he's the other thing? You know, the one where you never want to have sex?"

"Ino that's not how it works," Sakura rolls her eyes. "If you're going to be so small-minded, this conversation's over."

"Fine, fine...you're clearly in too much of a stubborn mood to listen to me anyway," Ino drawls. "Should we call up the girls and meet for karaoke? I feel the need to sing angry girl music, and since you're too chicken to step outside your comfort zone, you might want to take advantage of hanging out with me while you can."

Sakura scowls at her.

サクラ

In the end (and somewhat out of spite), she decides to apply to Harvard's medical program. She doesn't expect to hear back from them—it's not like she's a top student, after all, despite what a few academic awards and Sasuke's insistence might have to say about it—and even if she does, she doubts anything would come of it. She wasn't lying to Ino when she said it was expensive.

At least studying in Tokyo, I won't have to worry about putting pressure on Mom and Dad. And a train pass is less expensive than a plane ticket ...

But their conversation weighs on her mind for several days afterward. Eventually tired of chewing it over in her mind, she tries to broach the subject with the object of her affections.

"Can I ask you something, Sasuke-kun?"

"You just did," he replies, hunched over her kitchen table frowning at his Economics homework; outside, her parents are playfully arguing over the yard work.

"Very funny, you know that's not what I mean."

"Hm."

She draws her shoulders in and holds her breath, preparing herself for the awkwardness of the ensuing conversation if this goes wrong.

"Do you...are you attracted to guys or girls?"

As usual, Sasuke disappoints expectation.

"Why does it matter?" he asks, punching something into his calculator.

"It's...just a question."

"And they're just bodies. There isn't much of a difference."

"Besides the obvious," she deadpans.

"Hm."

He continues on his work without answering. Sakura scowls and puffs out her cheeks in frustration, before trying again.

"What I mean is, if you were interested in someone, would you be more likely to go for a guy or a girl?"

He pauses this time, glancing up at her in puzzlement, clearly having no idea why she's asking this. A beat later, he seems to decide it doesn't matter, because he shrugs and says, "Neither," and goes back to work.

"Oh." Sakura thinks on this, her stomach sinking. "So...you're asexual."

"I am not," he replies tersely. "I never said that."

"Don't get offended!" Sakura hurries to say. "There's nothing wrong with it—"

"I never said there was."

"Then why are you so defensive?"

"Because you're trying to label me as something I..." he trails off, eyes narrowed and cheeks red with embarrassment and maybe a little panic. Then he takes a breath and shakes his head, body going still and calm once more. "Never mind. This is a stupid conversation, and I have to finish this if I'm actually going to sleep tonight. If you're going to distract me, I'm going home."

"N-no, no, sorry, it was just a random thought," she hurries to say. "I didn't think it would...never mind. Want me to double-check your calculations for you?"

"...I guess," he allows, albeit warily, like he expects more odd conversation topics from her.

She doesn't bring it up again, but the interaction makes her curious, and causes her to pay better attention to their relationship.

And to relationships in general.

She begins to notice things, little details she never really thought too much about before. The way her girlfriends go on dates with their boyfriends and hold hands and wear matching sweaters.

Which Sasuke would never do for me, but that's okay, because it's kind of lame, she decides.

Her friend talk about future plans with their boyfriends, work around class schedules to find time for dates, and some like Kasumi and Unagi are already thinking about marriage. That's more common for the kids that come from families that have large companies. They bring each other little gifts, even when it's not Valentine's Day or White Day or Christmas Eve, and tease each other with inside jokes.

Sasuke would never do anything like that, she muses regretfully.

That's not to say he is stingy or unyielding; he has his own way of being kind.

When she was eight and was recovering from having her tonsils taken out, he snuck her out of her room so they could sit on the roof and watch the fireworks together on New Year's Eve. They almost even held hands—okay, it was just barely touching pinky fingers, but still!— and they might have been kids, but it was one of the most romantic nights of her life. She can't help wish she had had the courage to kiss him then instead of just thinking about it.

And once, he showed up to a party she went to with Ino and the girls, where someone slipped something into her drink. She barely remembers it, but Sasuke apparently single-handedly took out three upperclassmen for harassing her and even broke one guy's arm for it. A week later, every single one of them showed up to class with a bouquet of flowers for her and an apology.

(Which was a much lighter penalty than she would have given them.)

He really is more likely to make grand gestures, but she really wishes that, once in a while, he could make a smaller, more easily interpreted one.

"Sasuke-kun, why do you parents let us study in here with the door closed?" she asks, one afternoon while they prepare for their midyear exams. Her tone tries for casual.

Sasuke is sprawled across his bed on his stomach, looking rumpled and comfortable, while she sits at the plush swivel-chair by his desk, right beside the aforementioned door.

"Because it's quieter?" he suggests.

"Yeah, but...aren't they afraid we might...I don't know. Do stuff?"

He raises an eyebrow at her, clearly not following.

"Fool around?" she clarifies. "Watch movies on our phones, build a pillow fort, play twister, drink booze...make out?"

He frowns. "Why would we do any of those things? We have finals coming up."

"Well, yeah, but...we could take a break," she suggests. "I mean, if we don't know it now, we probably won't even if we cram."

He considers this, and then nods. "Alright."

"R-really?" Sakura gasps, having not expected that to work.

"A walk would help us clear our heads," he decides, standing up and stretching.

Sakura resists the urge to knock her head against the wall. "I was...thinking more along the lines of us staying in here."

"You just said we should do something," Sasuke points out. "I suggested a walk. Is there something wrong with that?"

Her courage finally fails her, and she jumps to her feet. "Nope! Let's go!"

Eventually she accepts the fact that Sasuke is the dumbest smart person she knows, and that the only way she's going to find out if he feels the same way about their relationship as she does, is to have him state it, point-blank.

She finally musters the courage to do so, the day her acceptance from Harvard comes in the mail.

Holding the thick envelope in front of her, the typed note heaping praise on her and expressing excitement at her presence at their institution, as well as pointing out her eligibility for several different scholarships, Sakura realises it's time to make a decision.

Here in Japan, there's no shortage of offers from prestigious universities, something her parents are ever so proud of considering their low-income background. She could have her pick here, could go on to an amazing career and still be close to Sasuke.

But if it turns out that she's been misconstruing his feelings for her and the nature of their friendship all these years, and she gives up on the opportunity that a globally recognised school could offer her? Won't she regret that the rest of her life, too?

"It's time to stop waiting," she tells her reflection in the living room mirror, and sets off to confront Sasuke.

サクラ

Mikoto lets her into the Uchiha house with a smile on her face and an offer of bringing up tea for them. Sakura gives a wan smile, assures Sasuke's mother that she's not hungry and that she can't stay long anyway—best have a reason to leave if this doesn't go well—before hurrying up the stairs.

She finds Sasuke lying in the middle of his bedroom floor, reading a comic book that he stows guiltily when she walks in. Upon seeing that it isn't one of his parents, he takes it up again.

"I thought you couldn't come over," he says. "Didn't you have plans with Ino?"

"She had to stay after school for some kind of emergency with the graduation committee," Sakura answers vaguely. "And I...I needed to see you."Talk to you, she corrects, struggling to find a way to bring up the subject. "I would have called, but..."

She trails off, but Sasuke makes a dismissive gesture; it's been years since she's called before showing up at his house.

Needing a way of bolstering her courage, she lowers herself to sit on the edge of his desk and reaches for the green dinosaur plushie that's been there ever since she can remember. Mikoto told her Sasuke used it to protect him from the monsters under his bed when he was little; she hopes it protects her from the growing sense of fear in her belly.

"Sasuke-kun..."

"Hm?"

"Are we dating?" she asks him, blurting the question out before she can find another reason not to.

She expects a weighted pause, blushing and sputtering, possibly even nervous shifting in response.

But Sasuke only wrinkles his nose. "Why would we do something as ridiculous as that? There's no point."

And there it is.

Sakura feels like she's just been punched in the stomach, her heart lurching painfully. The world seems frozen for a moment as she processes the unwanted implication of his words.

"What's that?" Sasuke asks then, his voice breaching the inner stasis of her shock like cracks in a frozen window.

Numbly, Sakura looks down at the damned envelope that she set next to her, and it takes her a moment before she remembers.

"I got into Harvard," she tells him dully, but her voice sounds like it's coming from far away. His eyes go wide and he reaches for the envelope to examine its contents. She lets him take it, too busy trying to dislodge the feeling of being underwater. "I was...I have to make a decision and I...I needed advice."

"About?"

"Well...well, it's a hard choice," she says, not looking at him and concentrating on enunciating her words. And maybe she misunderstood, maybe she should be a little clearer. "It's so far away, and Tokyo does have a good program, and I was...I was thinking—"

"Are you kidding?" Sasuke interrupts. "Of course, you're going to Harvard. They have the best medical program in the world. There's nothing for you here, so you need to go."

"Nothing..." she echoes, and she thinks she can literally feel her heart breaking into tiny pieces now. A lump forms in her throat. "No...you're right. Absolutely nothing."

She can't hide the strain in her voice here, but she doubts he notices. Today, though, she doesn't feel so able to sit there and tolerate it.

"I have to go," she tells him, putting down the plushie erstwhile guardian. "I just came by to ask...to hear what you had to say. Thank you for the input. I have to...get home and help with supper."

She doesn't wait to hear his response, fleeing his room and his house as fast as her feet can carry her without it actually being classified as running away. She barely notices Mikoto on her way out, or the trek home, or even her mother's greeting when she gets there. Instead, she makes a beeline for her bedroom and that when she finally loses her composure.

Sasuke's dismissal of the nature of their relationship hurts as much as her realisation of her own failings.

Ino was right.

Suddenly, the past decade of her life looks entirely different to her, a series of missed opportunities and willingly holding herself back. She has always put Sasuke and his feelings first. She has allowed her entire future to hinge on whether or not he loved her.

I can't keep doing this, she realises. It's unhealthy. Worse, it hurts too much.

Objectively she knows this, but she still cries herself to sleep that night.

サクラ

Sakura refuses to leave her room in the morning, somehow unable to face the future knowing what she has to do first. Her parents try to ask her what's wrong, and she plays it off as stress, that having to choose between all these schools is overwhelming.

"Take a breath and think about it a few days," her father says. "We support you no matter what you do."

Instantly she feels guilty for lying, but she doesn't want her parents to know that this is really all just about a boy.

A boy who soon grows aware that she's avoiding him. After three days of blowing up her phone with text messages and one-line emails asking after her whereabouts, he actually comes to the house. Sasuke calling the house phoneline is a rarity in and of itself, but showing up to her door without her being the one to lead him in is rarer still.

Mebuki, perhaps sensing something is amiss, doesn't just let him upstairs as she might be wont to do under normal circumstances. She knocks on the bedroom door, asking if Sakura might see him.

"I have a migraine," she says, the lie made all the more convincing by the closed curtains in her room and blanket pulled over her head. "I'll talk to him later."

If her mother suspects either of those things are untrue, she doesn't say it and Sakura hears no more about Sasuke after that.

But Ino arrives the next morning, into Sakura's home and room in an impulsive way Sasuke would never venture. She throws open the curtains and orders Sakura to get dressed.

"Your mother called. She says you won't even talk to Sasuke, which of course, is a sign of the apocalypse," she declares, throwing a pair of jeans and a lumpy sweater at her. "We're going out and you can tell me all about it."

Sakura complains, makes excuses and even resorts to shouting childish insults, but Ino is unyielding. Eventually, Sakura pulls her clothes on in sulky silence and lets her best friend drag her from the house.

They take the train to Harajuku, a place Sakura is sure she won't accidentally run into Sasuke, and over a plate of ice cream crepes, she haltingly relates the whole affair to Ino.

"That giant idiot!" Ino declares loudly, earning curious glances from the people sitting around them. "I can't believe he actually said that to you! After all this time—oh, the next time I see him I'm going to kick him so hard it'll make his ancestors dizzy!"

"Don't you dare!" Sakura snaps, fiercer than she expected. "It's not his fault I got the wrong idea."

"Yes, it is!"

"No, I'm the one who should have asked sooner, when I first started to...to feel the way I do."

"So, the first day of grade school?" Ino retorts dryly. "Oh, yeah, I can see that working out great..."

"Ino..."

"Seriously, Sakura, you don't have to be defending him anymore. He hurt you. You're allowed to be mad and hate him."

"But I don't," she protests. "Even if he doesn't love me like I love him, I still care about him. I just..." She trails off and then lets her face fall into her hands. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Maybe you should be the one to punch him in the d—"

"Ino!"

"Fine," she sniffs.

They sit in silence together for a while, Ino moodily eating her ice cream and Sakura playing with hers until it melts. Eventually, Ino's rage ebbs away, and she sighs.

"You already know what you have to do," she tells Sakura softly. "For your sake, and I guess even for his. He's never going to be able to function in the world while you're holding his hand and giving him excuses not to try. Yeah, so you've never had a boyfriend because of him...but he's never had to look at another girl or even another person when you fill up his female quota just by existing. Maybe this will be good for both of you."

"Maybe." Sakura doesn't feel convinced.

"You have to move on."

"I'm going to move on," Sakura insists, and for a moment she sounds so determined she imagines she can believe it. After a pause, her shoulders slump a little. "But I can't be around Sasuke to do that. If I see him again...if he's around, I'll lose my resolve. I'll just go back to the way things were."

"Now that is something I can help you with," Ino muses. "And since you won't let me cause him bodily harm, I'll just relish in his misery this way."

"I don't want him to be miserable."

"Tough. You're miserable right now, so he deserves to be to. Now stop arguing with me. I'd much rather talk about Harvard. We're going to share a room together, right?"

"Well, I...I hadn't said I was going yet..."

As keen as Ino is to change the subject, she becomes much more protective of Sakura from that point on.

サクラ

The rest of the year becomes about protecting Sakura's heart, and her friend seems to have decided that's her job.

She invites Sakura for supper practically every night, and Sakura supposes she might have said something to Mebuki and Kizashi, because they are apparently aware of the new arrangement. Over the next few days, the doorbell rings and one of her parents will rise to answer, then return talking about a salesman or neighbour. Sakura knows from the strain in their smiles that Sasuke was the one at the door, and for a moment she feels guilt at not even speaking to him.

But then the reminder of the nauseous, wrenching feeling that hit her at how quick he was to tell her she ought to leave the country overwhelms her. And she knows she doesn't have the strength to face him yet.

So she pretends she believes her parents and goes back to filling in her scholarship application.

At school, Ino and all of their other girlfriends surround her like herd animals protecting their young, guarding her from loneliness. They whisk her from class to class in a talking, giggling group that provides a barrier against any Uchiha that would play havoc with her heart.

She thinks Ino might have enlisted Shikamaru and Chōji too, because whenever Sasuke comes close to approaching her, one or both of them appear and distract him with something that apparently can't wait. Then he'll walk away, hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched.

After the first few times, he stops trying. He goes back to his studies and apparently seems to forget her existence. It would hurt more if she didn't feel his eyes on her when no one else is looking.

She spent years hyperaware of any time he paid her the tiniest bit of attention, and to have it now makes her stomach jump. It's not the same happy bounce she once would have felt, but an agonizing misery because of the truth behind it.

In the evenings and on weekends, she spends her time with Ino, as they plan how they intend to decorate their dorm room at Harvard (they've managed to find a room together) and what clubs they might want to join when they get there.

Despite the excitement of starting university soon, Sakura feels hollow every second. Even though she knows it's necessary, she feels as if she is only going through the motions. The things that brought her joy before seem diminished now, and there is a very specific shaped hole in the fabric of her life.

And then one day, after three more weeks of this, Sakura's carefully constructed defenses are breached.

Somehow, she is alone in the hallway, fetching a teacher's forgotten chemistry book, when she turns the corner.

And there he is: stoic and beautiful as ever, posture utterly calm, but the way his eyes blaze at her she half-expects them to turn red. Chills travel up her spine and she feels the breath catch in her throat as he stalks toward her.

"Sakura," he says. "What the hell is going on?"

He doesn't ask why she is avoiding him, or what caused the change, but she can hear those questions in the one, angry sentence. In the same way she can hear his bewilderment and even, dare she say it, hurt.

That same agony that overwhelms her when she feels his gaze on her threatens her again now, only with an additional wave of guilt. She wants to tell him everything instantly, wants to pour her heart out, to confess her feelings, her feelings of inadequacy, her shattered hopes—

But the cracks in her heart have not yet mended. If she tells him any of this, he'll either ridicule her or worse, spell it out with cool logic and expect her to get over it and return to the way things were.

And she can't do that. Not this time.

This time she will be strong.

"I'm sorry," Sakura tells him, mustering up an apologetic smile that feels waterier than it should. "I've been really busy lately getting things ready for school. It's a big deal, moving to another country."

She tries to play it off with a laugh, but he's not buying it.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Yes, it is," she says, forcing herself to be firm. "I have to...I have to focus on my future, Sasuke." It almost kills her to leave off the honorific. "And...and what you said was right. There's nothing for me here. So, I'm going to go out in the world and find something more than...than this."

She gestures vaguely, not sure what to call what they are—what they were.

There's a spark in his eyes, though, like he understands what she's saying, and that's when her courage fails her. She has to turn away before he sees her weakness, has to get out of here before he says something that makes her change her mind—

Fingers wrap around her wrist, and she shudders, because it feels like a current of electricity has travelled from his palm and made the circuit of her entire body.

"Sakura," he says again, though her name is softer on his lips this time even if the grip keeping her from leaving is like iron.

She bites her tongue but does not turn around, even though her brain is alight with amazement and awe, because when does Sasuke ever voluntarily reach out to her in such a public place? Her heart is racing, she hears its thundering pulse in her ears, and her lungs hurt from not breathing right now.

Maybe ... maybe I got it wrong ... maybe he does ...

But then Ino is suddenly there, hooking her arm around Sakura and dislodging his hand. Two girls from the graduation committee glom on to Sasuke and try to drop hints to him about asking them to their last dance of the year. Sakura hears him grumble, sees him trying to shrug him off, but then she and Ino are around the corner and her friend is tugging her away at a run.

"That was close," Ino tells her. "You were about undo all your hard work."

"Yeah..." Sakura says shakily.

"Should I be making some horrible allusions about sparkling vampires and heroin?"

"It's nothing like that," Sakura retorts, clenching her firsts.

She doesn't explain that it's more like dying of dehydration and still refusing water.

サクラ

The day she and Ino say goodbye to their parents at the airport, Sakura half expects Sasuke to show up. She imagines him swooping in like what happens in the movies, whisking her off her feet and apologising profusely.

But in her mind she knows it won't happen, because she hasn't spoken to him since that day at school. She didn't even tell him what day she was leaving. She wanted to—she even picked up the phone a dozen times before hanging up again.

After all, after avoiding him so long, what right did she have to say goodbye to him?

And more importantly, what if in saying goodbye, her resolve shattered and she did something stupid, like decide to stay?

No, it was better they didn't speak.

It doesn't stop her from being dejected when the plane starts to take off, the last of her tiny, fluttering hopes dashed.

She tells herself over the sound of her still-breaking heart that this is necessary—a new beginning.

I deserve something more, she repeats to herself. This is the only way I'm going to find it.

つづく

_____

Kudos to those of you who knew I wasn't going to just let his be a happy, angst-free story :P Both Sakura and Sasuke have some growing to do, and they need to have a conversation... 

For more information regarding updates, original stories or just to get in contact with me, check out my Twitter (Typewriter Ninjutsu at KuriQuinn)  

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