Score: Circus - Christina Aguilera

Mark

Do you remember the first time, when you were somewhere you knew you didn't belong? When you were trapped in a place, or a situation that you really wanted to escape, but couldn't? Like, that time, when you were walking towards the person you fancied, finally ready to confess your feelings, but, then and there, you saw them kissing someone else? Or that time when a friend invited you to a party, where you knew no one else, but you agreed to go just because you had no better place to be? And then, you found out that you didn't belong there and the rest of the people were weird?

The urge to leave right fucking now, or to dig a hole into the ground and just crawl into it? The sensation of pinpricks on your skin, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up, gooseflesh rising on your arms? The whooshing sound of blood, rushing in your ears?

That's exactly how I feel right now. Even worse.

The restaurant that Laura has booked for hers and my dad's pre-wedding dinner is a fancy taverna in Peraia, a beach town near Thessaloniki. And, if you think that "fancy taverna" is an oxymoron, you might want to think twice.

It is on the beach and our long table is placed directly on the sand. It is draped with a white linen table cloth and the covers on the backs of the chairs are matching. Fairy lights and white curtains are hanging from rails, propped on four posters, sticking from the sand close to the four corners of the table. The night breeze is swaying the curtains gently, opening them enough to allow for the rest of the guests, dining in the restaurant, to sneak a curious peak at the noisy party, hosted inside the extravagant box on the sand.

Seafood and cheese, and freshly baked bread are being served on silver platters in the middle of the table and bottles of cooled white wine are being passed around.

The setting is perfect for a pre-wedding welcome dinner, but the guests and the conversation? Not so much. It was supposed to be a cozy family dinner, but, apart from me, my future step-sister, and my grandparents, no other family is present. Even Laura's parents didn't come. The rest of the guests are business associates and partners of my father.

The conversation that has been going on sounds like a business meeting. For the past two hours, I've been listening to my father and Laura talk about merging their businesses, adding a clinical trials unit to their portfolio, and future expansions to new markets. Nobody is talking about the wedding or the flowers, the beautiful view, or the dreamy setting. We could have been in a stuffy conference room, eating crackers and drinking bad coffee, and it would have made no difference at all.

If it wasn't for Lydia, who's sitting in the chair next to me, I would have left long ago.

My soon-to-be step-sister Alice, who's also the Maid of Honor, is sitting across from us next to her girlfriend and looks equally uncomfortable. Alice is working at her mum's dental clinic, at the registration desk. Understandably, she doesn't look pleased, when her mother steers the conversation her way.

"Alice is going to dental school next year, and I've assigned someone to train her at the clinic," Laura tells my grandma, who nods politely. I'm grateful that I can see her and Gramps. I last saw them three years ago. At least they seem healthy and happy. We had a long talk about my mum and Lilly, at the villa earlier today. I'm glad they seem to still like Mum way more than Laura. "I'm looking forward to Alice stepping in a little more. I'm a bit tired, to be honest, and I'd love to have someone that I can trust around."

"Thanks for asking me what I want, Mum!" Alice whispers under her breath loud enough for everyone to hear. Smriti, Alice's girlfriend, chuckles.

"Young people these days..." Laura says, smiling coldly at her daughter. Her green eyes turn to ice. "We try to do everything right for them, and they still don't appreciate it. If you think your grandparents asked me what I wanted to do, when I was your age, Alice, you're wrong. I knew I'd go to dental school and become a dentist, just like your grandfather. And my life turned out just fine. So, instead of giving me this modern teenager "You don't respect my feelings" attitude, show some gratitude for not having to intern for free somewhere you'd be serving coffee and watering potted plants."

"Only, I don't want to be a dentist at all." Alice snaps. Everyone at the table falls quiet. My dad's middle-aged business associates look amused at the exchange, going on between a teenager and her parent, in real time. I can't help but wonder whether they'd be that amused if they had to face their own children right now.

Laura squints her eyes so infinitesimally, I wonder whether it happened at all, but her smile, as fake as her front teeth, does not waiver a bit.

"Oh, why don't you tell us, then, what do you want to do?"

It's not a real question. She is trying to embarrass Alice. I suddenly feel sorry for the poor girl. I don't know Laura that well, but it seems she and my father are a match made in heaven.

"Stop it, mum," Alice says, her voice small.

"No, no, go ahead, please, tell us what you want to do."

"I want to work in fashion," Alice says. "I want to have my own clothing brand someday." Even though her voice is small, Alice says this with confidence.

"And you're going to turn down the thriving clinic that I have built, to chase a volatile dream?"

My compassion for Alice grows even deeper. Somehow, I think I can relate to the way she was raised.

"At least it is my volatile dream, Mum. And my life."

I suddenly feel so bad for her, I need to do something. But, before I think of what to say, I hear Lydia's voice coming from next to me.

"I think it's great that you want to achieve something on your own. And I admire your passion for your dream." She says. I turn to look at her, my heart swelling with pride.

That's my girl. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Everyone's eyes are now locked on Lydia, but she doesn't mind everyone staring.

She's probably used to it, a small voice in my head says. There was so much publicity around her mother's attempted suicide that she's probably not bothered by a bunch of tipsy middle-aged party-goers, after having to deal with the tabloids at sixteen.

My grandfather smiles at Lydia warmly. My grandparents on my father's side last saw Lydia on my sixteenth birthday, but my grandfather has always liked her. He told me once I should watch out for her because a girl like her would only break my heart. I had laughed at him back then, saying that there's nothing between us and there never could be, because we are pals. The joke was on me, I guess. I am yet to tell him we're together now. He'll laugh his ass off.

"I agree." He says. "When Peter was young, he chose to study Pharmacy, and we were happy to support him." He squeezes Grandma's hand gently. "And we are proud of him every single day."

"Yes, but, now that there's so much that's been done, it would be unacceptable for everything that I have built to go to waste, once I step down." My dad says. Oh, fuck, here we go... "That's why Mark's going back to LA after the wedding, and is stepping in for the merger between our company and one of our greatest recently acquired assets. It also happens to be the same clinical research company, which is running trials on Lilly's medication." He says proudly. I can't help but think whether to him, taking care of his sick daughter means him buying the company which is developing her meds.

I hear Lydia suck in a sharp breath next to me. I force myself not to look at her. I haven't mentioned my dad's plan to her yet. I didn't think there'd be anything to mention, really. I was just as surprised as the next guy that we somehow ended up together.

"Thanks, Dad," I say. A smile is playing on his lips. For those, who don't know him, it can probably pass as a smile of pride, but I know better. It is the smile he puts on when his plan has fallen into place. When he's made a successful business deal. When he's won an argument with my mum. "But I think it'd be a better idea to put someone more experienced in that position. I don't know anything about business. I'm not even majoring in anything related."

"It's the name, Mark." My father says. "It keeps people on edge. It works wonders to have someone from the family at the site of action."

"Actually, I was thinking of returning to England," I say. I feel Lydia tense next to me. I can feel her eyes on my face.

My dad freezes. We've had that same argument for weeks now. Ever since Lydia's prom, the idea of returning to England has been brewing in my head. I finally have her. I'm not leaving her again.

My dad's preparing for a come-back, I know, but I'm expecting it. Anticipating it, even. My skin is tingling with excitement and I can hear my pulse, pounding in my ears. Tonight might not be that boring, after all.

"I don't think now is the time to talk about this. There's really nothing more to say. We've discussed the matter enough since you've been back for the summer." He stresses on the last word, for additional drama. I know he's intimidated by me challenging him in front of all of these people. But I don't care.

"I told you, I think I'd have a lot more to achieve back home."

"Your mother and sister need you." He says these words very slowly and articulately as if to show me I've crossed a line. But I'm not the one, who's crossed it. It's him. Playing dirty, as usual.

He clenches his jaw and stiffens in his chair.

"There's nothing much I'm doing for them in LA, anyway." I push further. How dare he use my mum and Lilly to make a point! My leg starts twitching under the table. I can feel Lydia's little hand wrapping around mine, as she whispers my name so softly, only I can hear. I squeeze her hand. "Lilly's either at the hospital, or a caregiver is looking after her at home, and mum is, understandably, always at her side, both at the hospital and at home." I shrug my shoulders, ready to deliver the final blow. "Lilly needs her father right now, not a big brother.

I hear a couple of gasps. I don't know where they come from, and I don't care. What I know and care about is fucking crushing him. I don't take my eyes off him. A muscle is twitching under his eye, a tell-tale sign that he's about to snap.

"I'm not of much use there," I add, innocently, as if nothing has happened, struggling to keep a cool exterior, despite the hot ball of anger, choking me right now. "Back in London, however..."

"Enough about this." My father finally snaps. I can tell he's putting in all available effort to keep a cool exterior in front of his important guests, but spit is coming out of his mouth, as he speaks. "You've been distracted enough this summer. Don't forget what your true priorities are." His eyes dart to Lydia and then back to me.

"Oh, I'm clear about that," I say, my voice flat, squeezing Lydia's hand harder under the table.

"Mark, please..." Lydia's voice is coming from somewhere far, far away.

"I've set my priorities straight," I keep going. The anger is now spreading all over my body and is boiling under my skin, threatening to make its way out.

He really shouldn't have brought up Mum and Lilly.

I tear my eyes off his and drag them around the table. The rest of the guests are all looking extremely uncomfortable, caught up in this weird stand-off.

"The question is, Dad," I say, finally locking my eyes with his again, "Have you?"

"That's enough, Mark," Grandpa says.

"I don't need you to stand up for me," my father spits out, without moving his eyes away from mine. "He's going to do what he has to, for the interest of his family and our business. I'm not letting a summer...fling jeopardize his future, or the outcome of this deal." All of that is delivered in a smooth, cool voice, like an arrow, flying swiftly through the air, steel head first. Sharp. Lethal.

And for all I know, it hits right on target, because I turn to face Lydia just in time to see her pull up to her feet, her hand still holding mine, her other hand balled into a fist at her side. She drops my hand, then pushes her chair back with the backs of her legs. The chair tumbles and falls onto the soft sand, without making a sound. She turns and walks away from the table and out on the beach, disappearing into the darkness.

Silence falls heavy on the table. Even the music from the tavern and the voices of the other patrons are strangely muffled. As if the volume of the entire world has been turned way down. Then all the noise comes crashing back in, deafening, around me.

"Let's stop right here," Laura says, trying to restore the peace at the table. It's too late for that, sweetheart. "The wedding's tomorrow, let's not forget that."

I look at her and nod. I'm afraid that, if I speak, my voice might shake. I stand up to my feet and shoot a glance, full of disappointment and hurt at my father, before walking away from this charade.

I need to find Lydia.