The soccer ball slammed into the pole and Steve saw the car crash into his boyfriend. The jeers of his teammates brought him back to reality and he ran down the green, as fast as he could go, then he saw himself sprinting after Bucky, they were headed towards the road --

He kicked the ball hard into the goal and it sank into the net. Panting, he jogged over to the sidelines where Tony, T'Challa and Peter sat talking. As Steve joined them, T'Challa joined the game, and Steve collapsed onto the grass.

His arms were beginning to heal, and he hadn't seen Bucky for two days. It was Monday, now -- the start of a new week. After that, it was back to school, and that Friday, a spring dance to kickstart the new term.

Steve was trying not to think about it. Or anything in particular, really.

"Hey, Cap," Peter said, and Steve looked at him as he took a drink from his water bottle. "I made a friend recently, d'you think we could add another player?"

"Don't see why not," he replied. Peter brightened and nodded, glancing at the field once more.

"Great! Her name's Carol, she's super cool," he said excitedly. Tony grinned at him.

"Kid's been keen on this idea for a while," he explained. "She's an old soul, like you."

"Ah, I might take a break from this for a while anyway, got a few things I need to go over," he mused, looking at his bandaged hands. Tony watched him quietly as Peter finished his water.

"She's actually a captain too," he said. "She could take over for a while."

"Cap's gettin' replaced?" Sam tagged Peter in as he jogged over, out of breath. Steve waved a hand and sighed, staring up at the sky.

"Maybe."

"It's not concrete," Tony added. "New girl, Carol."

"Ah. Danvers. Yeah, she babysits for Riley sometimes," Sam added with a grin.

"Riley's a dad?"

"Nah, dude's got like five cats," he explained.

As they chatted, Steve couldn't help but think about Bucky. With a small sigh, he collapsed back onto the grass and laid his arms over his eyes, blocking them from the sun.

"What am I gonna do?" he murmured, blinking up at the clouds.

"About what?"

He flinched at the sudden voice and rolled over to see Peter sitting there again. Steve shook his head and followed the clouds with his eyes.

"Oh, I just... have a lot on my plate right now," he explained. Peter laid down beside him, hands folded over his chest.

"Y'know a saying my aunt told me? 'How do you eat an elephant?' Well, the answer is 'one piece at a time'." He shrugged. "You just need to find what piece you're starting with."

Steve considered this, and finally nodded slowly.

"You're right."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, kid," Steve breathed as he stood up and ran off the field. Peter watched him go.

"I'm only, like, two years younger than you!" He tsked. "So... not a kid." He nudged a chunk of dirt with his shoe. "He's already gone. I'm talking to air."

"C'mon, Pete!" Tony yelled. "We need you!"

Shaking his head, Peter scrambled to his feet and ran back into the game.

////

Why couldn't a hospital be anywhere nearby?

Grumbling to himself, Steve climbed onto the bus and thought.

He was going to explain himself. He was going to tell the truth; all of it. And if Bucky wanted nothing to do with him then, well -- heartbreak would be hell, but if it made Bucky happier if he wasn't in the picture, then that was what he'd do.

It was rainy out today. As if things couldn't get worse, Steve spotted Rumlow and his crew around town, laughing as they walked down the street. He gathered himself and walked quickly, hands in his pockets.

"Hey, hey!"

"Shut up, Rumlow," he snapped as he jogged down the street. He saw the hospital coming up and quickened his pace. Rumlow dragged one of his boys along with him as he chased Steve down.

"Where you goin' so quickly, huh? It's been ages!"

Steve kept going. Rumlow grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back, and Steve jerked free. Rumlow cocked his head and studied him, studied the way he held himself differently. Something had him scared.

"Just leave me alone," Steve muttered as he tried to walk away again. Rumlow's friend this time grabbed him and started to hit him, and this time, Rumlow watched.

Steve tried to fight back, but all he could see was his mother, his grandmother -- people he trusted hurting him because he didn't agree with what they said. He hated that it scared him. He hated that he wasn't strong enough to truly stand up to Elaine.

He hated that all of this had happened.

When Steve's down and not making an effort to get back up, the boy laughed and Rumlow dragged him away from the scene.

I'm not giving up. Steve, on trembling hands, pushed himself up off the ground, and ran to the hospital. Soaked, covered in dirt, a bruise welling around his jaw and eye, he burst through the door and walked quickly. Down the hall, into the elevator, up the two floors, and finally, into Bucky's room.

"I messed up, and I'm sorry," he announced. Natalia looked at him and a cold look flashed over her face. Bucky stared at his lap as his friend walked over and yanked Steve outside.

"You sure as hell have," she hissed. "You got him hit by a car, you broke his heart -- "

"Please just let me talk to him," he said. He sounded exhausted, and looked it, too. Natalia took in the sight of him and moved to hold his cheek. Steve flinched, ever so slightly, and her heart sank.

"Tell me what happened."

Steve wrung his hands, looked away, cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "My grandma Elaine, we were... really close. One day when I was a kid, I guess I did something, said something wrong, and she hit me. It went on like that for a few years." He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes. "Um. What happened that night, why I said those things.., "

"You were scared," Natalia said in a quiet voice. "And she hit you."

His throat was tight. "Let me tell Bucky the truth. Please."

Natalia's features softened and she nodded, stepping aside and letting him through.

"What happened to you?"

Steve sighed as he walked over. "Uh, Rumlow and his guys." He stood awkwardly, aware that he must look a sight. "I came here to explain. I just want you to listen, you don't have to forgive me."

"Okay," Bucky said. So, Steve started talking. He admitted to what his grandmother did, he explained why he said what he said, and by the end of it, he was on the verge of tears. To be fair, emotions had been running very high lately and Steve had lost the will to keep them back anymore.

"So when I say I'm sorry, I am sorry," Steve choked. "I was scared, Buck, I--I didn't know what to do or what to say."

Bucky didn't answer as he looked at him, self-consciously holding his stump of an arm. Steve looked helpless.

"I don't know what to do," he wavered, rubbing his eyes. Bucky teared up as he watched him, considered what he said. He held out his hand, and Steve hesitantly sat and took it.

"I'm still upset, Steve, I've got a hell of a lot goin' on," he said quietly.

"I know. You don't have to forgive me, it's... it's my fault you're in here, my fault she said those things, and I never should have agreed with her -- "

"Steve," he murmured. "Shut up and come here." He pulled him close and wrapped his arm around him, ignoring the pain. Steve hugged him back gently, relief almost making him dizzy.

"I'm so sorry," he choked. Bucky shushed him and stroked through his hair, and Steve could only hold him. "I'll be better, Buck, I promise you."

"I can't fault you for being scared. I understand how she's a brutal lady now," he added with a weak smile. "Just stop beating yourself up. That's all I ask."

Steve took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. So... what's going to happen going forward?"

"Let's just focus on right now," he suggested. Steve looked at him and nodded. He pulled away, but took Bucky's hand and held it gently within his own.

They sat in silence for a while and when Bucky looked up again, Steve was passed out asleep, his head on his shoulder. His cheeks were tear-stained, and shadows sat under his eyes. Everything that had happened really took a toll on him.

Bucky gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "We'll be okay," he murmured.

////

Honestly I just felt so bad for Steve here, so much crap. If anyone was triggered by any of this, I am sorry, but know you can always talk to people. I'm always open to talk :)