Maddy

"You are a pain in my ass, Xander Williamson." My lips pull up into a smile that luckily, he can't see. He laughs, "I don't know why you acting like you don't like talking to me." It's currently two in the morning and I'm in the communal bathroom, sitting on the dirty floor. It's not like I can talk on the phone with him in my dorm room. I have a roommate who most certainly does not know that I'm entertaining Xander. Nobody knows for that matter and I want to keep it that way.

"Your voice is the most annoying thing in the world," I rebut. I feel him grinning on the other side of the phone just like he always does when I tease him like this. Others would be offended by my words but he isn't. It's a special talent of his really and I hate to admit that he has any type of talent. Whatever he'll never know I said that. "Oh yeah? Hang up then," he challenges. I've never backed down from a challenge before. "No," I reply. The line is quiet before his voice fills my ear again. "Why?"

"Because then that would mean that you would win," I retort. "Win what? This isn't a game," he tells me. I roll my eyes, picking at the old nail polish on my nails. I haven't gotten them done again since I've been saving money so I recently painted them red. "Of course, it is," I say. "So everything to you is just a game then? That's a terrible way to live, Madison Hayes," his voice is getting huskier by the hour. Truth is, I called him about two hours ago since I was bored and couldn't sleep. He was already asleep, but he stayed on the call for me. I think he thought I was going to fall asleep eventually but here we are.

I smirk, "It is. Only if I win, though." He laughs instantly. "So if you lose then it's not fair game? Talk about being a sore fucking loser," he says. I roll my eyes, annoyed even though he can't see me. "I'm not a sore loser, I just don't like losing. Plus, I rarely do," I admit proudly. "Oh wow, I'm surprised you even admitted to ever losing," he says. I only lose to you, Xander. This is something he also won't ever know. Though I'm sure his cocky ass already knows it.

"I have my faults, just like you have plenty of yours," I say. He chuckles lowly. "You're right about that. I'm not perfect like you, Maddy," he tells me. I raise my eyebrows in surprise at his declaration. "I mean I knew that, but I never thought you'd admit it out loud. Or are you just trying to stroke my ego so I can give you some head?" I ask sarcastically. He laughs again. "Well when you say it out loud it makes me sound kinda dick-ish," he sucks air through his teeth.

"You are a dick, I'm not surprised," I shrug my shoulders lightly. "But you don't have to stroke my ego just so I'll give you head. I'll do it without all that," I add honestly. The line is quiet again for a few seconds. "Really?" Xander asks. "Yeah, really," I say. I like doing it and don't have to be asked. Giving Xander head is one of the best things I've experienced in a while. He's very big which makes it a little bit hard but it's not too, too much. I can handle it just fine. Sometimes.

"Well now I'm turned on," he says in a sexy whisper. My body heats and my core begs for something fuller. Shit. "That sucks," I say, completely hiding my real thoughts. "So are you," he says. I furrow my brows. How does he know that? No, he's just testing me. I definitely won't give in. "Not really, no," I chuckle, a fake one.

"Can you come over? I'll get you turned on once you're here."

I laugh at the suggestion. "You're crazy. It's 2 in the morning,"

"Yeah, and? I miss you," he says lowly. My brows furrow at the sentiment. He clears his throat. "I need to be inside of you is what I mean," he corrects himself. I roll my eyes. "You've got a hand for a reason," I tell him, holding back a small laugh. My hand is better than his hand. "I like yours better," he says. I smile at this. "I'm not coming over so you might as well help yourself, babe," I tell him. He's silent. Again.

"Did you just call me babe? Wow, am I moving up on your likable people meter?" I roll my eyes with so much force I swear they almost get stuck at the back of my head. I didn't mean to call him babe. "Definitely not. I still despise you, Xander. It was a mistake," I assure him. He gasps shortly. "At least you're admitting to your mistake," he remarks. I'm still wishing that hitting someone through the phone was possible. "You're a mistake," I retort.

He chuckles, "And you're extremely ugly." My mouth gapes open, taking me a second to come up with a comeback. "What? I thought we were telling each other lies?" he adds. That's what I thought. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in. "I am not ugly," is all I manage to say. "You definitely aren't," he whispers, his voice softer than usual. My face starts to flush. Ew. I clear my throat lightly. "Don't use your little flirty voice with me, Xander," I say firmly.

"What flirty voice?"

"That one."

"That's just my voice."

"This is how you speak to other girls too?"

"Definitely not," he says quickly. "Well, I don't exactly believe that." I stand up from the floor and put him on speakerphone. I set my phone down on the sink and start tying my hair up in a messy bun. "Don't believe what?" he asks me. I pull strands of my hair out to make it messier. "That you don't talk to other girls like this," I clarify.

"I used to. Not anymore," he tells me. I don't believe him one bit. I'm sure he's still out there having his fun. Xander and I actually spend a good amount of time together, but I'm not always with him. He can do whatever he pleases when I'm not around. I don't care. "Yeah, right," I say. He smacks his teeth. "I'm being fucking serious right now," he says firmly. "Xander I don't care if you do. It's not like you're obligated to stay loyal to me," I say.

I wipe some leftover mascara that stains black under my eyes. I forgot to do my excessive night routine tonight. "So what? I'm not interested in giving anyone else my attention right now," he tells me. My heart skips a beat for some reason. I clear my throat again. Why would he even say that? I'm sure there are a million girls he'd rather be doing stuff with. He just mentioned about a week ago how so many girls were dm'ing him because of Nova's YouTube vlogs.

"Lies, lies, lies," I say not changing my tone from its usual ice. "If you're talking to other guys yourself, cool. Just tell me if you're fucking them because then you can fuck off," he says sternly. I clench my jaw slightly, not liking his tone. "Excuse me?" I say. "You heard me. I'm not fucking scared of you, Maddy," he retorts. Well, I'm not fucking anyone else but I might just to get him mad — I definitely won't.

"I'm not having sex with anyone else, Xander. Don't get your panties in a twist," I assure him. I'd usually not easily forgive his choice of tone, but I know it'll be a never-ending battle with him. After all, our relationship now is only different in the aspect that we have sex and I can stand him most times. "Good," he says lowly. I roll my eyes at this. I'm not obligated to him at all but I don't think I'd sleep with anyone else if I got the opportunity to. I like where I am with Xander. I haven't felt safe with a guy while having sex in a long time.

I'm trying not to imagine a time down the line when we both decide to stop seeing each other because that would mean I'm going to have to find somebody else to have sex with eventually. Putting my trust in guys when we hook up multiple times is a struggle for me. It's why I don't really do it. One and done is what I like to do.

"Let's keep it like that," he adds. Oh? It's not like I wasn't going to, Xander. "No shit. I don't want to sleep with anyone else," I say but immediately regret it. I don't want him to get cocky about it because I will take it back quickly. "Yeah," he pauses "me either." A small grin creeps onto my face and I roll my eyes at myself. Each day that passes and Xander gets less and less cocky. I like it. Although he still is the biggest pain in my ass. He doesn't get any less annoying. I do like him though, so I guess I have to deal with it.

"Question?" I say after a couple of seconds of silence. "Hit me," he says before yawning. It's getting late and I should probably be asleep since I have to get up early for work tomorrow. "What is it with you and complimenting my body during sex? I don't like being lied to, Xander," I say that last sentence firmly. The line is silent for a couple of beats. "What exactly am I lying about?" he finally responds. I brush a loose strand of hair that falls out of my bun from my forehead, annoyed. Even though I'd never tell him to his face, I think Xander is pretty smart. I might have to rethink my opinion since he always seems to have to follow up questions to my questions.

"I've known you for a couple of months now and I know what kind of girls you like," I shrug my shoulders even though he can't see me. He chuckles, "What kind of girls do I like?" Why is he laughing? I'm being very serious.

Usually, I don't get insecure. I believe that every woman is beautiful in their own way but with the world we live in today, it's kind of hard to feel beautiful all the time. The standard of beauty today is curvy women with huge breasts or butts and pretty faces. Guys will have sex with girls who have nice bodies even if they don't think she's pretty. Ergo, men are repulsive and will do anything to get laid. The only reason I even brought this up is because I've seen a handful — or a select more — of the girls Xander has been with. They do not look like me. Face-wise, body-wise, personality-wise. Though for some reason, the body part is the one that gets to me the most.

I'm not at all curvy. My arms and legs are super thin, my boobs can be big depending on the bra I wear, and my butt is pretty much nonexistent. Whatever, I'm not scared to admit it. I don't have the most ideal body and it's always been one of my biggest insecurities. I just hate feeling inferior to anyone and I don't know why I'm finding myself comparing myself to the other women Xander has slept with.

"Curvier women than me," is all I say. "That's true," he says. That's it? I don't know what answer I really expected but that definitely wasn't it. I bite on my lower lip in frustration. "But I still think you're fucking beautiful. Don't get all cocky on me but I've never met a girl I've been more attracted to than you. You do something. . . to me, I don't know how to explain it," he adds, easing my frustration. My shoulders relax, I didn't even realize they were so tense.

I smile a little, my face flushing very lightly. "Really?" I question. "Yeah, really. You're like too sexy for your own good," he says. I laugh, a small one. I shake my head slightly and lean it back onto the wall. "Well, it's a good thing you have all of me then," I say. "Do I though?" he questions. I don't even have to think about it because yes, he does. This is the longest friends with benefits compromise I've been in ever. I've never actively talked to someone as much as I talk to him either. Usually, I don't text the guy unless we're making plans to meet up.

I think I've gotten more comfortable with Xander over the past couple of weeks. I guess we're somewhat friends now. "I mean no one else has me. So yeah, you do," I say a bit lowly. "Lucky me then," he breathes out.

Oh, he's very lucky. No one else has me, only Xander. It's weird to say.