Xander
May 29th
TW: mention of suic*de

I woke up this morning, almost panicking when I didn't feel Maddy in bed next to me. That is until I remembered that she volunteered to wake up extra early and go pick up a cake from the bakery. Since we were home alone yesterday, we used that opportunity to have sex in comfort. No roommates around to hear. We went on a little too long and by the time we were done, the bakery was closed.

Since today is Rhys' 21st birthday, we're driving down to Los Angeles and spending the day at the beach with him. He's originally from Cali so he loves to surf. The beaches in L.A. are better than those in Oak Hill. He stayed out kind of late last night so we told him we'd wake him up at 6 so we can get on the road earlier. We're spending the night there since the three of us have flights tomorrow. Maddy and I are going to New York and Rhys is joining Cgc in New Orleans.

Maddy just got back from the bakery and she takes the small white frosted cake out of the box. She swipes her finger through it and licks the icing off of it. That was. . .

"Ready?" she asks. I push all of the dirty thoughts I have of her to the back of my head. "Uh, yeah, let's do it." I lean in to grab the cake but she stops me. "I want to do it," she says, picking up the cake herself. I furrow my brows at her. "Really?" She nods quickly and then starts walking up the stairs. I don't argue with her just because I know if she does it, Rhys can't get mad. I pull out my phone and start recording.

Both Cgc and Valdez texted me yesterday and told me I better send them a video since they're both not here to see. I mistakenly record my girlfriend's ass for too long. "Shit, hold on," I whisper as we reach Rhys' door. I hold the phone in front of me and start another video. "Okay, go," I whisper. Maddy opens the door slowly and before either of them can process, Rhys is already standing behind his door, cake in hand. As soon as the door is open wide enough, he slams the cake right in Maddy's face. I stumble back, Maddy's feet making my own, trip.

My mouth gapes open and I forget that I'm still recording. When Rhys notices who he just caked, fear swims in his blue eyes. He was probably thinking I was going to be the one who would smash the cake in his face, not Maddy. Maddy stands there, pink frosting all over her face and hair that she's unnoticeable. "Maddy. . ." Rhys says. She swipes cake frosting off her eyes and it splotches onto the ground. I just notice that she never lost grip of the cake in her hand.

Rhys sees the cake and tries to run into his room, but she yanks him by the hair and shoves the cake in his face. I record that and then end the video quickly. I choke back laughter as Rhys falls back into his bed, hair, and face full of frosting. Maddy picks up the remainder of the cake he threw at her on the floor and flings frosting at him. "I"m sorry, I thought you were Xander!" Rhys yells, trying to block the frosting with his hands.

I stay by the door, avoiding any type of frosting being flung. Once she's out of frosting, she uses her hands against him and pinches his nipples. Rhys winces. "Xan, get your girl!" he says. Maddy shoots her head towards me and I tuck my lips back to hold in my laughter. She glares at me, her eyes noticeable from the lack of frosting on them. I hold my hands up in defense and with that, she turns back and smacks Rhy's bare chest. "Ow!"

I walk into the room and grab Maddy's hand, "Alright, alright! It's still his birthday, babe," I remind her. "He smashed a cake in my face!" she argues. I look at Rhys who sits on the bed and push his head back with some force. "What the hell, man!?" he says. "You smashed a cake in my girl's face," I shrug. Maddy flips him off and he rolls his eyes. "Okay, calm down. Both of you need to shower and fast, we have to get to LA in time for when the beach opens," I remind them. Rhys rushes out of the room first. "I call Valdez's shower!" he says from the hallway.

Maddy wipes as much frosting off her face as she can, letting it fall onto the ground. "I'm gonna kill him," she says through clenched teeth. I kiss her cheek, licking the frosting that sticks to my lips. "Maybe tomorrow, it's his birthday," I remind her again. She glares at me some more. I am on nobody's team right now. "I'm gonna go shower," she says and saunters off. "Sure, I'll fucking clean this!" I shout out. She doesn't say anything and a door slams seconds later.

I look at the ton of frosting all over Rhys' sheets and floor. "At least his rooms fucking clean."

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Maddy works on a tan and takes selfies while I sit and read. Yes, read. Even though it's summer vacation, I like to pick up a book every now and then to make sure I'm not losing brain cells. Rhys has been in the water for some time now, surfing. It's inching at 3 pm. We left late, around 7, and got here at almost 9. Then we took Rhys to breakfast until our room was ready to be checked in at 11:00. We changed into our bathing suits and ended up facetiming Nova and Valdez for like an hour. We've been for like two hours only.

"I need a margarita," Maddy says, turning to face me. She wears a white bikini that looks amazing on her, obviously. She covers her eyes with her hand and squints. "Ask Rhys. He's the only one who's 21," I say. Rhys turned 21 today, but Maddy and I still sit at 20. She's turning 21 in five days, June 3rd. My birthday isn't until a month after — July 3rd— so she's a bit of a cougar. "I'm almost 21," she rolls her eyes, looking away. "Not there yet, babe. 5 more days," I say. She groans and gets up.

I follow her as she's finally going to the water. I know she won't actually get in, but I rather be there with her. Rhys currently rides a small wave. "How does he do that?" she says as we inch closer to the water. "No fucking clue," I say. Rhys falls off his board and Maddy starts waving her hands towards him. It takes a couple of seconds but he finally notices her. He juts his head towards us, pushing his long blonde hair out of his face. "Come buy me a margarita!" Maddy shouts, both hands around her mouth. She catches the attention of other people from that, but she doesn't care. I force back a small laugh.

Rhys paddles towards us on his board. "Seriously, Maddy?" he says. She smiles, "Please." Rhys looks at me like I can do anything about it. I'm not 21, he is. He rolls his eyes, "Fine, let's go," he says. She smiles at me and the three of us walk back to our chairs. Rhys shakes his hair like a dog and dries his body off with a towel. We didn't bring much, only towels and our phones, so we don't worry about getting anything stolen.

We start walking up towards the bar that is connected to our hotel. This beach is private since the hotel owns it. "I'll have a margarita and two beers, Budlight and corona," Rhys tells the bald man behind the bar. "ID, please?" he says. Rhys pulls his ID out from the back of his phone case. The bartender looks at it. "Just turned 21 today," Rhys tells him "it's not fake I swear!" Maddy shakes her head. "He gets it, Rhys," I say firmly. The guy hands his ID back to him, looking at him like he's suspicious or weird, I can't really decipher which one. Rhys turns to us and shrugs his shoulders.

The bartender gives us the beers first, Rhys hands me the Corona. A minute later he gives Maddy the margarita and we pay quickly before any more questions get asked. Maddy and I aren't 21 so we could still get in trouble. "Never say your ID is fake or they will assume it is even if it isn't dummy," Maddy says, taking a sip from the straw. "Hey, shut it. I got you your margarita," he says. She pats his back twice. "I know, thanks, Rhysie," she smiles at him.

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"We have to buy a beach house here one day," Rhys says. We left the beach a while ago to go to the liquor store. It's 8 p.m and the sun is starting to go down. Pinks, oranges, and blues ombré in the sky. Maddy drinks a bottle of wine while we stick to beer. Luckily our hotel is only a walk away, so none of us are driving tonight. "Buy it for us with your NFL money," I say, elbowing him lightly. He chuckles and shakes his head "Let's see if I even make it to the NFL. Valdez will though so maybe he'll buy it," he says. I think Rhys underestimates his football skills. He was one of the best running backs in the whole college football this year. He's always talked about in the football rankings shows.

I think both of my friends have a good shot at making it in the NFL.

Maddy gets closer to me, the wind picking up a bit as it inches nighttime. We sit close to the water, but not that close that we'll get wet. We're already all dry. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss her head. "I know it was only the three of us this year, but did you at least have an okay time?" I ask Rhys. He swallows the beer in his mouth and nods repeatedly. "Hell yeah, man. Any year I don't spend my birthday alone is a blessing," he smiles.

Maddy and I both smile. I don't know much about Rhys's family since he doesn't talk about them much. All I know is that it's only him and his mom. He has no dad and no siblings either. Still, he doesn't talk much about his mom. He stays in Oak Hill during the summer and goes on vacations with Cgc and his family. I'd bet Cgc might know more about his situation with his mom.

"Happy birthday, Rhysie," Maddy says. He smiles, "Thanks, Mads."

This reminds me of when we did exactly this after the Orange Bowl in Miami. Only this time, I'm dating Maddy, and it's just 3 of us. "I know we won't spend most of it together, but," I lift my beer and they follow after me "let's have the summer of our fucking lives and enjoy this small freedom before we become seniors and then have to real about the real fucking world after that."

"Cheers," we all say, and drink our drinks.

There was a time when I didn't even think I'd make it past college. When my dad died, he took a little piece of me with him. I thought there was absolutely no way I'd live the rest of my life without him. I didn't like planning a future for myself outside of college because I didn't think it was coming true. I thought my life would end early because of myself. I'd be the one who would take my own life. Shit, that was almost my reality.

Days like this, with friends, having a good time without a care in the world. I'm so glad I decided to fucking live. Imagine all the things in life I would have missed out on if I wasn't here. Friendships, trips, falling in love, and God knows what else is to come. Today, I know that this life I'm living will keep going for how many more years I'm blessed with. It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to push forward every day so that I can continue to have days like this. Experiences like this. I wish it was all of us here right now, but I appreciate the two amazing people with me right now. Both of them are only two of the reasons I choose to wake up every day and live this life.

Rhys lays back on the towel below him with his beer close to his chest. Maddy places her chin on my shoulder. "Hey," she says, catching my attention. I turn my head to face her. A smile sits on her pretty lips, bare faced and gorgeous. She studies my face for a little bit. "I love you," she whispers. My whole body ignites at those three words. It took a while, but she finally got there. I don't even question if she means it. I wipe my hand on my bare stomach, removing any sand and then cup her face. "Actually?" I say. She smiles wider, "Actually."

In this moment I realize that I've never felt more alive in my life. The girl I love finally loves me back. I'm so glad I lived long enough to feel this one, overpowering emotion. One that doesn't overpower all the trauma and grief in my life, but one that comes damn close second, that it'll make the harder days in my life easier.

"I love you too."

THE END.