Maddy

I think agreeing to go on a spring break trip with friends was a terrible idea. Novalee said that Cgc's parents were paying for the condo we were staying at, but we'd have to pay anything else. Which means going out to eat, drinking, and all that other shit you do on spring break. After my parents decided to drop me financially, I decided that I needed to get a job. I wasn't very fond of the idea, but I still have to go to school for a couple of more semesters, meaning I have to pay for fucking classes somehow.

I applied for a couple of stores at the mall, avoiding any kinds of food places. I would prefer to go absolutely broke than work at my local McDonald's. Also being a waitress wasn't something I was fond of in high school so I avoided that too. I have a couple of interviews to attend throughout the week so hopefully at least one of them goes well enough.

"Wait, I can't believe they'd do that." I finally told Novalee about my parent's decision to cut me off. I don't hide the fact that they absolutely despise me to anyone. Making fun of my own shitty at-home life is something I find comfort in. Maybe it's because I think it'll make it suck less and sometimes laughing about it actually does. Sometimes it does the opposite and just makes me resent that part of my life even more.

My parents not giving a shit about me growing up made it difficult for me to form relationships with other people as I grew older. I never really knew the why. Why was I so distant from people? Why did I never like opening up to anyone who wasn't myself? And why do I absolutely despise people who I don't even give an opportunity to get to know? I guess as I got older I finally figured it out. It's the way I was raised. I never felt any sort of emotion from my parents. Love. The word still sounds so foreign to me.

I know there are a lot of people in my life who actually do care about and love me, but after being raised the same way for 18 years, I'd say I'm not completely open to the idea of showing the same emotion to them. It's a process, I think. I'll get there, eventually.

"Because they're shitty and they hate me," I tell her truthfully. They've never actually admitted to it out loud but what other reason do they have for treating their only daughter like hot garbage? I couldn't tell you. "I'm sorry, Mads. I'll get a job with you if you want! Maybe we'll end up getting the same shifts," she says, cheerfully. I smile at her excitement but shake my head once. "Thank you, but no. You're gonna have to quit after a while to go work on your show anyway, so what's the point? Plus, you don't need the job like I do. I'm already going to be miserable, I don't want you to ride that same boat," I say.

"I won't be miserable if it means I get to keep my girl company while she's miserable. It'll be fun!" She waggles her thick brows at me. I tilt my head like saying no. She holds a smile on her face that never seems to disappear no matter the situation. I wish I could be like her in that way but my resting bitch face always wins that battle. "Fine," I say "I'll tell you which job I get and then you can apply too." I don't want her to apply now and then get a job that I don't end up getting. Like she said, if I'm going to be miserable, I rather it be with her by my side.

She claps and leans in for a hug, shaking and squeezing the life out of me for a couple of seconds. "I can't believe you're willing to spend your free time working a job you don't have to then spend that time with your boyfriend," I tell her when she pulls away. "Uhm, I'm with Christian like every single day. He'll be fine without me for a couple of hours throughout the day," she assures me. She's right. Ever since they've started dating, they've been attached at the hip.

"He's gonna hate me when he finds out I made you get a job with me though," I tell her. "You didn't make me do anything, I made this decision," she smiles. I return it, "Fine, I'll tell him to come for you instead of me." She chuckles. "He would never, so we'll both be let off the hook." She winks and sticks her pinky finger out for me. I smile and loop mine around hers. "I hope you're right," I say.

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"I can't believe you made her get a job with you!" Valdez says through the other end of the line. I laugh. I told her this was going to happen. "She didn't make me do anything, I told you! I made the decision," Nova says for the second time. The three of us have phone calls like this way more often than I'd like to admit. It's not because I ask for them, but he's always there whenever I call her and he loves putting his two cents in every conversation. "Yeah, Valdez, if anything I told her not to get a job with me," I tell him. "It's not my fault my parents are assholes," I also add.

He sighs, "Fine, you'll still get your karma for taking my girl away from me." I hear a small smack. "Stop exaggerating," Nova says and I can feel Valdez smiling at his girlfriend.

"Hey, guess who's getting a job?" Valdez says.

"I am!" Nova adds, excitingly.

"Why the fuck?" Xander says. I roll my eyes instinctively even though he can't see me and I can't see him. "Maddy made her," Valdez calls me out. I'm gonna kill him. He knows I didn't make her do shit. "No, I didn't, she chose to join me in my misery!" I say, knowing I'm on speakerphone. "I don't think anyone would hire you, you've got that little mean face all the time and a snarky attitude," Xander says. I almost laugh angrily. It's like unnecessarily being annoying gets him off. "Good luck though, Madison," he adds before I can get a word in.

I decide to ignore him. "Did you guys hear someone else speak? I think I'm going crazy," I say easily. I hear Xander laugh before saying something that I can't really make out. "When's your first interview?" Valdez says after a couple of seconds. I already mentioned to them how I applied at multiple spots for a better chance. "Tomorrow, at Saks and then at H&M," I say. They're both some of my favorite stores at the mall. "Then at this small boutique the day after tomorrow. The rest I haven't heard from," I add.

I applied for at least 10 jobs. I know it's a lot, but I was worried I wouldn't get any of them to begin with. I haven't been interviewed since I was 16. I think I'll do good though besides the fact that I don't have experience working in stores. "Oooo, I hope we get the Saks job," Nova says. It's actually the one I want too. It's been my favorite store since I was 14. Some of the stores in there are expensive though.

"Same, maybe we'll get discounts," I say excitingly. The thought is cut short after I realize that I have to start saving up. There's no way I'll have enough money now to be able to shop whenever I want and also waste as much money as I used to. I'm officially broke. "I think we will!" she says. "Can I have my girlfriend back now? You're going to get to see her more than me soon enough," Chris says. I know he's not really mad, he's just playing around. We're not the best of friends but we still get along well enough. I look down at my phone and realize I've been on the phone with Nova for almost an hour.

"Sure," I answer. After saying bye to Nova, I decided to go back to working on my semester project. I still haven't fully designed out the men's designs I want to do. I go to all the fabric stores every day in hopes they have or order new fabrics. I've already been looking and ordering online and I'm waiting on a couple to arrive. I don't want to be plain and make them just one color so I might add some kind of design or different stitching to them. I don't want to make them look childish though.

Maybe I'll even make some of them speedos. That'll probably make it easier for me if I'm being honest. I'll have less fabric to stitch and maybe I'll think it's woman's and come up with some sick design that dudes will like.  I'm putting too much hope into the Speedo's thing. So far I have one design done from the women's swimsuits, so I continue to stitch one of the other tops with the fabric I ordered for it. I finished the bottoms part a couple of days ago and I was waiting on the top's fabric to get here.

A bang against my door almost makes me sew my finger to the swimsuit top. I hear the doorknob jiggling so I get up quickly and walk over to the door. When I open it Natasha almost falls over. She looks up at me, "Oh thanks!" She walks past me and I close the door behind her, following her into our room. "Had one too many drinks," she chuckles, taking off her heels. I smile, crossing my arms over my chest. "I figured just as much," I say. She struggles to jump into her bed, so I come up behind her and give her a slight boost. Once she's on, she lays down and pulls her blanket over her body.

"Thanks, Mads," she slurs. Her red hair is pushed back into a sleek ponytail atop her head. "You're not gonna take off your makeup?" I frown. Her eyes droop heavily already so I think I have my answer. "Tomorrow," she says in almost a whisper. I decide to let her sleep it off, turning off the lamp that's in the middle of our room. The room grows dark and the only light is the one coming from the small ring light I have. It shines on my desk where my swimsuit lays. I would keep stitching, but my sewing machine is kind of loud and I don't want to wake her up.

I switch it off and climb into bed myself. I'm already starting to get nervous for tomorrow's interviews so I just hope that I can get in some good sleep before tomorrow morning. I know well enough that a sleepy me is also a very, moody me. I can't be moody tomorrow, not if I want any of these two jobs. So I close my eyes quickly, easing my nerves so that I won't have trouble sleeping.