Maddy
TW: mention of suic*de attempt

Nova and I enter her dorm, just coming back from the boy's house. They were going to spend the rest of the night together, so the two of us came back home. I talked to Nova briefly yesterday about how I got fired from my job, but not about anything else. I knew Xander wanted to tell his roommates about his battle with depression today which is why I withheld that information from Nova when Xan first told me. I figured Valdez would have gotten the chance to tell her before I did anyway. We texted back and forth a couple of times while we were still at their house. She told me we would talk more about it when we were alone — her and I — since she was with Valdez.

I throw my purse onto her vanity and follow her onto her bed. She leans back on the wall while I sit at the edge of her bed, my legs dangling off the double twin bed. "What's up?" I start off first. We've both been MIA with each other these past couple of days. Her face instantly flushes and she covers her face with her hands, shaking her head. "I just don't like seeing people I love cry," she says, her voice muffled behind her hands. My brows furrow in worry. She shakes her head quickly again and removes her hands from her face. Instead of looking up at me, she plays with her fingers instead.

"Is Xander okay?" she asks me. I inch closer to my best friend and lift her chin with my hand. Her huge brown eyes are glossy. "He's fine, Nov. What's wrong?" I ask her, worried. She shakes her head again. "Chris was really upset about it. He felt bad that he didn't realize it sooner. Also, Xander almost killing himself. That cut him the deepest," Nova tells me, tears falling from her eyes. A lump forms in my throat. It hurts me as much as it hurts anyone else.

I remember when Xander told me that and I just felt my heart break into a million little pieces. More so because I was so horrible to him that night. I don't even want to think what could have happened if I never showed up that night or worse if I had, but he never joined me at the club and went along with his plan. He assured me that none of my words actually hurt him but that doesn't make them any less horrible. I still said those things and I would have still blamed myself if anything had actually happened to him. No doubt.

"I've never seen him cry that much. It's why I told you we'd talk about it later. I was trying to calm him down." She sniffles and tucks a piece of her brown hair behind her ear. "Xander knew I was texting you. He asked me if Valdez was okay and I told him he was. I didn't know," I tell Nova. She nods her head. "Yeah, it's fine. He'd never show that much emotion to Xander's face just because he feels like it'd overwhelm him. We talked about it a little bit more before we left, I tried to distract him a bit," she tells me.

Valdez is the closest friend that Xander has, Rhys and Cgc close behind. I can only imagine how he must have felt when he found out. "I was a mess when he told me too trust me. I still think about it every day, but Xan is too good with words. He doesn't want me blaming myself for all the shit I've given him over the past couple of months. If anything, Valdez was actually there for him when he needed him the most. It's not his fault, Xander just did a good job at hiding how he really felt," I explain. Nova nods repeatedly. "I tried telling him that, but it didn't really help. He still thinks with how close they are that he should have figured it out," she tells me.

"Yeah, I get that. Hopefully, they'll do some much-needed bonding tonight," I say with a small smile. She smiles too and nods. "Maybe we can too?" she asks, tilting her head a bit. "Duh," I say. Her smile grows a little bigger. "Okay. . . let's start with you and Xander?" she gasps "how did that come about?"

I share with her all the details of the night Xander and I first hooked up. She asks if he was okay after getting jumped multiple times to which I said yes obviously. I also tell her about all the times we made excuses to see each other whenever she'd go out with boys sometimes. Lastly, I mention how Rhys actually knew about Xander and me. I didn't know this until today. Xander told me how he wasn't worried whenever he texted me that one time I was with Rhys because he had told him already a couple of weeks before. Asshole. We both said we wouldn't tell anyone. I would have told Nova if I knew he told Rhys. Maybe.

Okay, probably not. I thought sleeping with Xander was kind of out of character for me since I was always going on about how I didn't like the guy. I don't think I was ready to come to terms with the fact that I actually developed feelings for him over time.

"I love you guys together. I think he's the only person who can handle all of your beautiful self." She boops my nose. I smile, "Yes. But don't tell him that or he'll get overly cocky," I say. Yes, Xander and I are together now and while I like him a lot, I still cannot stand him. In a good way obviously. I wouldn't put up with him if I couldn't actually stand him. "So cute, my new OTP," she smiles wide. "You're crazy," I say. "You guys need to take a selfie together so I can post on my story, #OTP." She wags her thick brows. I roll my eyes playfully.

"Now you're just doing too much," I say. She laughs and slams her hands down on her thighs. She stops laughing abruptly, "I'm serious." I furrow my brows and move my finger back and forth in her face saying no. If people find out we're dating, cool, but it's not going to be because we go public on Instagram. I'll post him somewhere eventually, but not because I'm showing off my new relationship, but because it feels right. Nova suddenly gasps, covering her mouth with a hand. Dramatic, I tell you.

"You know what this means, right?" she asks. I try and guess, nothing coming to my head. "No, what?" I question. "We managed to make two of the most attractive boys on campus our boyfriends." She throws her head back in laughter. I smile and shake my head. "No, Valdez and Xander managed to make two of the most attractive girls on campus their girlfriends," I fix it for her. That sounds more correct than her statement. "I'm not as confident as you," she whispers to me as if we're not the only two people in here.

I fix her long brown hair over her shoulders, flattening out some of the flyaway strands. "You're beautiful," I assure her. She smiles, her cheeks flushing. "You know I'm terrible at accepting compliments," she whispers again. I know, Nov. She flushes so much whenever her boyfriend compliments her, even to this day. Anyone complimenting her makes her flush though. Three knocks at her door interrupt us. "Ooo, more guests." She hops off the bed and fast walks toward the door, disappearing shortly. "Hey," I hear her voice from around the corner.

My phone dings, distracting me. I turn back around and pick up my phone. It's Xander. I feel huge arms around my neck and I know instantly who it is. I set my phone down and swivel my head towards him. Nova jumps back on the bed. "Maxwell," I say. "I was looking for you," Max says, jumping on the bed between Nova and I. I place my hand over my heart. "You came all the way to campus to see me?" I ask. He rolls his eyes. "It's a five-minute drive, loser," he places his hands on his lap "but yes." My lips pull into a smile.

"Word on the street is that you have a boyfriend." He points at me. My eyes widen and I look at Nova who smiles. This is what she wanted. "Says who?" I ask. "Nat. I didn't automatically assume you were in Nova's room. I went to yours first and Nat said you left a long time ago to Xander's. I called Xan but he said you were back already," he explains. "So Nat told you Xander and I are together?" I question. He furrows his brows and shakes his head. "No, I just assumed since you were at his house. And you guys used to fuck," he shrugs his broad shoulders.

"F-buddies turned lovers," Nova says. We both look at Nova, Max then turns to me. "You love him?" he asks. I glare at Nova. Could she have not used a better word than lovers? "No. Strongly like," I tell Max. He nods slowly. "Can I talk to you alone really quick?" he suddenly asks me. Nova frowns and he notices. "Don't worry, nothing serious," he says to her. She just nods. Max and I both get up and walk outside to the hall. Luckily, no one's hanging out out here.

We both lean up against the long piece of wall that separates Nova's dorm from the next girls. "Are you sure about, Xan?" he asks, voice low. I furrow my brows but nod. "Why?" I question. I'm sure he's just being a concerned best friend — like always — but I still want to be sure that's all that it is. "I just know how he is and eh, he's not my ideal guy for you," he admits. One thing about Max is that he never holds back. I appreciate that but my heart clenches at the fact that he doesn't accept Xander. I don't need him to, but his opinion means a lot to me.

"I know him the way you know him but I also know a much deeper part of him that you don't. Max, you know I'm not stupid. Especially when it comes to relationships," I assure him. He knows I'd never jump into anything — even with a simple hookup — if I wasn't 100% about the guy. I'm 100% about Xander. He crosses his muscly arms over his chest and just studies me like he's trying to find uncertainty within my reply. "I don't care that we're friends and teammates, if he hurts you, he's done for. I'm serious," he says. I roll my eyes playfully and unwrap his arms from around his chest.

I hug him by the waist, my head resting against his chest. He's much taller than me at 6'5. "Okay, protective brother I never had," I say sarcastically. He is actually the brother I never had though and I appreciate it. I would've killed for him to actually grow up with me. He's my platonic soulmate for sure. He loops his arms around my shoulders, resting his chin on my head. "I'm serious," he says. "I know, Maximoff. I heard you the first time." I pull away from the hug and he glares at me. He hates his first name as much as I hate mine. It's why we go by Maddy and Max instead of Madison and Maximoff.

"Also I lied, I came to see Janae, not you," he says. My jaw clenches and then I glare at him. He sucks air through his teeth. "Probably not a good time to mention her name after everything," he says. I don't care about whatever happened between her and Xander, that's in the past. I'm just mad he lied about coming to see me. "I hate you," I say. He smiles. "Hey, but I'm actually," he pulls out his phone from his pocket "30 minutes late to see her. See, I'm a somewhat good friend."

I flip him off. "The best," I say dryly. His face turns into a frown. "I like her, alright?" he says. I furrow my brows. I didn't know that. "Maxwell, are you falling in love?" I tease, poking his chest. He backs up a little. "Chill, not like that. I mean I like sleeping with her." I should have figured. This man is immune to feelings. I think. I would've said the same thing about myself a couple of weeks ago and look at me now. He checks his phone again. "Shit, she's texting me. I gotta go, I'll catch you later though," he says, patting my shoulder as he walks past me. "Wrap it up!" I yell as he walks away. We don't need another false Janae pregnancy again.

He holds up a thumbs up, not turning around. I chuckle as I walk back into Nova's dorm.