Maddy Hayes

I pull Xander into our shared bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind us. "Have you gone to the doctor yet?" he asks as I lunge forward and wrap my arms around his neck. I shake my head and his brows furrow. I lean in to kiss him, but he pulls back. "How far along are you?" he asks another question. I shrug my shoulders and lean in again. He grabs my hips and pulls me back, my arms falling to my sides. I groan and roll my eyes as I walk past him. "Maddy."

I throw myself on the bed. "What?" He pushes me aside softly and sits down next to me. "How do you know you're pregnant then?" he wonders. "There's something called a pregnancy test. I took one," I say. He rolls his dark brown eyes at my comment and I smile. "I wanted to tell you before I did anything. I don't think I'm too far along since I got my period in July," I tell him. It's about the middle of October now. I'm one month pregnant at most. I don't know, I've tried not thinking about it. Being pregnant is scary, but I know Xander would want this.

We haven't talked about kids mostly because he knows my stance on them. I never wanted any. It was a problem we ran into about a year ago. He wanted kids, I didn't. We almost broke up but he ended up deciding to keep kids out of the equation if it meant keeping me. It was selfish of me to let him stay with me but I did. Xander is one of the only people in my life who I can't live without. My best friends being the other people. They're my family. I don't have a real family outside of them. I couldn't lose Xander because then I'd lose myself. I didn't know if I could lose myself. I didn't want to.

"Talk to me," Xan says. I furrow my eyebrows. "I'm talking," I say. He tilts his head slightly and grabs one of my hands, intertwining our fingers. "Maddy. You don't want this." His voice comes out in a whisper. Xander wears his heart on his sleeve most of the time. My boyfriend may have been good at masking things in college but a lot has changed since then. He's more open. He's more vulnerable. He's who he was before. His soft eyes are so different from my hard ones and they swim with sorrow.

I know what he's talking about, though. I didn't want this. He means kids. I sigh because he's not entirely wrong. I didn't. Both of my parents were shitty fucks who never gave a shit about me, their daughter. They threw me aside and had no part in my life. But when my cousin Josephine moved in after her mother went to jail, they accepted her with open arms. I'll never know why. I don't want to know why. I don't care.

I swore off having children because of them. There was no way I was going to birth a child and possibly become the same mother my mom did. The same father my dad did. I couldn't do that to a human being and even if I believe I'm one hundred percent better than them; I could scarily be just the same. We do share DNA after all. I was scared. I am scared. I don't want to be that parent to my son. He deserves better than me as a mom. Xander deserves better than me as the mother of his kid.

"We made a mistake. We should have been using protection," I tell him, swallowing the tiny amount of bile that wants to rise. "But. . . this isn't a mistake. This was supposed to happen. A kid is not a mistake," he says. I sometimes forget my boyfriend and I are very different individuals. I'm such an asshole that I'd call a kid a mistake. He isn't like that. He won't say it aloud but a kid to him would be a miracle. I was a miracle. My mom was told she had a low probability of having kids and then I was born. I wish that was the case with me as horrible as it sounds but I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant.

"Xander, this could have been avoided had we used protection. We didn't. This was not planned, therefore. . ."
I don't say the word 'mistake' again. He winces, looking away from me and letting go of my hand. I breathe and it comes out shaky. No, do not get emotional, Maddy. Not now. "Maddy if you don't want this kid, I will take you to that clinic tomorrow and we won't have this kid." Xander stands up. He can't even look at me. I sit up from my position and shake my head. "I never said I wanted to get an abortion. If I did, I would have done it already," I admit. I might be scared shitless but as much as I fear becoming a mom, my nerves are at ease when I realize Xander will be by my side. He'll help me. Nova will help me, too.

"You don't want this. I know you. Don't put yourself through this because of me. This shit is permanent, not temporary. I would never forgive myself if you were miserable for the rest of your life because of me," Xander spews. His chest heaves a little bit. "You don't think I know that? Xander, I love you, but I would never go through with having a kid if I didn't see it fit in my life in the future. Yes, you're a big part as to why I want to keep this baby but I want it too. Even if I might absolutely suck at being a mom, I know you'll be an amazing dad," I admit. I keep my composure for now but my boyfriend's eyes and features spill thousands of emotions.

"You won't suck at anything," his voice softens slightly. My shoulders slouch inwards. Of course, he would say that. While I want to give this baby the best life possible, I fear not being able to feel anything for it. People say the love you have for your children is unreal, a different kind of love. Then why didn't I feel that love from the woman and man who brought me into this world? At one point in my life, I would have killed to feel any ounce of love from them. The love Xander's mom has for him and his brother and sisters is something that was so deranged to me.

Ever since I met her at the end of my junior year of college, she's shown me kindness and love. She treats me as if I'm one of her own and tells me Xander's father would have absolutely loved me. I might not feel close to my family, but Xander's family has made me believe that there are families who are different from mine. Who aren't broken. Bringing a kid into that family, his family, I want to do that. Xander deserves to have his own family and I want to be the one to give it to him. I might still fear the unknown, but it seems a bit clearer with Xander. He's mine forever. This love isn't going anywhere.

"You don't know that," I whisper. My eyes don't meet his as I focus on my hands like they're the most entertaining movie in the world. "You're the best person I know, of course, I fucking know that," Xander replies. "Work has been stressful, Xan. I have been the busiest I've been since I started my clothing line. What if I fuck up?" This is the biggest worry of mine. While I wouldn't mind being a workaholic, I don't want to abandon my kids the way Cgc's parents abandoned him because of work. I had been selling my designs to different companies for months during my senior year and after graduation. A couple of months after my 23rd birthday, I started my own clothing line. I didn't know it would do as well as it did. I'm already making close to one million a year. Insanity, I know.

Never in a million years would I have thought I would get this lucky. This successful. This is my dream. Designing my own clothes. Having my last name written on said clothes. Seeing famous models and celebrities wear my pieces. It's only the beginning for me but I don't want my job to interfere heavily with me raising a kid. Xander and I are both busy with his new job at Oak Hill University. He always wanted to be a professor and this is his first semester as one. We're both doing what we've always wanted to do. So would this baby fit in our lives the way we want them to? Or are we both going to royally fuck this up?

Xander makes his way back to me again. "You won't. Neither of us will. But if this isn't what you want, if you're having second thoughts, then. . . that's fine. I'm gonna stick by you forever. We'll do what you wanna do, baby." He grabs ahold of my hand again and squeezes it lightly. I know how much that might hurt him to say so the fact that he is saying it, makes my heart clench. I place my free hand on my invisible stomach. This baby and I have grown closer since I found out about its existence. Keeping a secret from his dad hasn't been easy but we did it together. He could be my little partner in crime one day. I smile.

Xander's eyes flit down to my hand and then back up at me. "I don't want to lose him," I say, talking about the little person forming in my body. Xander reaches a hand out and puts it on top of my hand that sits on my flat stomach. "Me either," he says. We both smile at each other before I pounce on my sexy boyfriend again. I wrap my arms around his neck, straddling him. His long arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me so close that we're chest to chest. I lean in to kiss his lips but he pulls his head back. "Stop calling our kid he, by the way," he whispers, our faces still very close.

I roll my eyes so hard I almost pull a muscle. He grins. "Don't tell me you believe Valdez's stupid assumption?" I say through gritted teeth. "I do," he replies smoothly. I unwrap my arms from around his neck and begin to stand up. He pulls me back down and I gasp slightly at his force. "Shit. My bad. I can't be doing things like that anymore," he says, eyes flitting all over my body. I almost ask 'why' until I remember. I'm pregnant. I almost groan. Damn, baby. He's already altering my sex life. "Like hell," I shrug, "the baby will be fine." Xander smiles, shaking his head. His hand slides up my thigh and my body heats all over.

"I have to be just a little more gentle," he says, his voice husky. No, I almost say. He won't listen even if I do say it. "Fine. But not too gentle," I say, giving in. His hand slips under my skirt and I try to keep my composure. He plays with the brim of my panties, teasing me. "Never that," he says. I almost smile. "Well are you going to keep talking or are you going to fuck me?" I ask. "Didn't know you were so controlling in bed," he quips. I roll my eyes. He told me something just like that the first time we slept together in college. How full circle we've come.

I lean in and kiss his lips for a short second. He groans when I pull away. "I love you," I say truthfully. "I love you," Xander replies. "Always." My lips upturn and I grab his face with my hands. "You're not going anywhere," I demand. His stupid, kissable lips pull into a smirk. "I wasn't planning on it," he says. Before I can say anything else, he shuts me up with a passionate kiss.

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I couldn't wait any longer.

Cgc, Brynn, Rhys, Monet, Xander's mom, and siblings already know we're pregnant. I had to save the best for last.

My stomach is barely noticeable at this point. I'm only two months pregnant according to the doctor. No one would know I'm pregnant unless I told them which is why Max hasn't questioned anything. I try to see my best friend at least twice a week but we both have busy schedules so it's hard to catch each other when one of us is free. Luckily, he's off today and I just got home from Los Angeles. I wasn't going to waste the opportunity to tell my best friend the news I've been hiding from him. . . and something else too.

I type in the passcode to his apartment and the door unlocks for me. I open it and walk into his place, setting my purse down on the table. "That you, Mads?" His voice comes from the kitchen. It smells like chicken so he might be cooking his boring, healthy food. "Who else would it be?" I say, stepping into his kitchen. He wraps his long arm around my shoulders and pulls me in for a side hug all while flipping over the chicken in his pressure cooker. "Just getting back in?" he asks. I nod and make my way over to one of the bar stools that sits behind his island. "I stayed in the city for a little longer tonight." It's almost 11 p.m.

"Aw. You miss me that much?" Max puts a hand over his heart. I roll my eyes playfully. "Actually," I start. He leans back against the counter and crosses his muscly arms over his chest. "I have something to tell you!" I say. He wouldn't be able to guess I'm pregnant. He's one of the people I've talked to about not wanting kids and why. Max has been my best friend for at least five years now. Not only that, but he's like a brother to me. I trust him more than I trust myself sometimes. It's why I'm going to ask him to be my baby's godfather. If something happened to Xander and I, I would be content knowing I left my baby with the second best man I know.

Xander and I talked about it already and he trusts me. We already told Nova earlier this week that she would be our baby's godmother. She cried. Of course. Nova and Max are the most important people in my life so making this decision wasn't difficult. I'm content. Xan and I both are.

"What?" he questions. I can tell he's curious. His leg starts to bounce against the floor anxiously. I chuckle and get up from the barstool, walking over to him. I stand in front of Max and grab one of his arms. He lets me and I bring his hand over to my belly, laying it there. He looks up from his hand on my stomach, to me. His brown eyes widen and he brings his free hand up to his mouth. Thank God I didn't have to explain it. "Seriously?" he exclaims. I laugh and nod. "Maddy what the fuck!" Before I can answer, his big arms wrap around my small frame and he's carrying me in a hug. I wrap my arms around his neck as I laugh.

He sets me down and fixes my hair. "Oh my God." He shakes his head like he's still in disbelief. "Wait," I stop him for now. I might as well drop the bomb on him now that he's still in shock. "I want you to be his godfather," I tell him. His eyes widen again and it isn't even five seconds before they get glossy. No! "Max!" I exclaim. His hand shakes as he rubs his lips. "Me? Maddy, I don't deserve that," he chokes out. "What?" My brows furrow and I grab both of his hands between mine. Tears slip from his eyes. "You're my family Max. My brother. I wouldn't trust anyone more with him than you. You're always going to be in my life and his of course. You deserve it," I assure him.

I wipe the tears on his cheeks with my thumbs. "I love you, kid," I say, wrapping my arms around his neck in a hug. He hugs me back, rubbing my back. "Wait," he says. I pull back and look at him. "His? It's a boy?" I smile. "I'm only two months, it's too soon to tell, but I hope," I admit. He chuckles weakly and his hands find my shoulders. "Maddy, are you sure? I mean, fuck, I'd love to, but this is a big decision. Does Xander know you're asking me this?" he wonders. "I'm positive. And yes, Xan knows. It's his kid too, you know? But we trust you. And Nova," I say with a smile. He returns the smile and shakes his head. "You just made my whole year."

There's no one better for this than Max. I wholeheartedly believe that.

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"I hate this, I hate this!" I groan in between pushes. Someone better remind me to never, ever have unprotected sex again. "You got this, baby. I promise," Xan says, next to me. I squeeze his hand so tight, that his knuckles whiten. I'm sure my nails have already left marks on his hands as well. I glare at him, not wanting his uplifting words. Not when I'm pushing a whole human out of my tiny body. "I can't," I breathe out. Sweat glands fall down my face and arms. I bet I look like a hot mess right now. Oh, God. Xander probably thinks I look hideous. "Okay, mommy, give it another go," my nurse says. Xan nods, "Don't you want to see if you're right?"

He's talking about our baby's gender. We decided to wait until the baby was born to find out. Our friends all had their skeptics — more specifically Valdez — but I didn't think I could manage to find out so I told Xan we would wait until it was time. Having a girl terrifies me. I don't know if I can do a girl. I take a breath. It's a boy, I tell myself. I nod to Xan and push as hard as I can for as long as I can. "Almost!" Nurse Aria says. I groan and throw my head back on the pillows. "Don't peek," I tell Xan. "I won't," he replies. "Breathe, baby."

I try my best to. This is the last time I'm doing this, I swear. I have no idea how Nova pushed Aviana out. My muscles pull taut and I try to relax them. "Go ahead and try again," the nurse says after a while. "Last one, let's do it," Xan tells me. I nod. Last fucking one. I push so hard I swear I damn near paralyze myself. Cries fill the room and the nurses wipe down my baby. My baby. "Congratulations, it's a girl!" The nurse smiles as she places the baby on my chest. I freeze. A girl. I didn't want a girl. My muscles tighten again and I seem to lose time. Is this real? I stay unblinking, trying to figure out if I heard the nurse right.

A girl? I'm so, so sure it was a boy. I don't know what to do with a girl. "Maddy!" Xander says, catching my attention. I look up at him and he grabs my hands, placing them on her. Tears fall from his eyes, but none from mine. I look back down at her but I can't look for too long. "Should you take her for tests?" is all I manage to say. "Maddy," Xander whispers next to me. The nurse looks at me like I'm unnatural. Yes, I may be. "Sure," she says. She grabs the baby from me and takes her away. I watch them take her, but not for too long.

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She's been asleep for about an hour now. Xander sleeps on the couch next to my bed. We were moved to a recovery room about three hours ago. Our baby didn't want to stop crying for hours. I almost prayed to go deaf. She sleeps peacefully in her bassinet next to my bed. I stare at her like an absolute creep. Her lips are full, she has tiny freckles on her cheeks and nose, and she has the tiniest nose. She's all Xan. I adjust myself on the bed as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake up either of them. She's swiveled up which hides her hands from my view. Her dark hair is covered by a tiny hat. God, she's so tiny. She's too fragile to touch I think.

I poke her chubby cheek gently, but she says dead asleep. "Fuck it," I whisper. I lean over and pick her up for the first time. I make sure not to wake her as I set her in my arms. She flinches slightly but her brown eyes stay closed for now. I stare at her for another long moment. "Do you hate me?" I murmur. She doesn't answer me. "I think I might like you," I admit. Of course, I like her. She's Xander in a girl, that's basically perfection. I won't tell him I thought that though. "What should we name you?"

Xander and I only discussed boy names because I was so set that our baby was going to be a boy. Staring down at my baby girl, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so scared to fail as a mom the same way my mom did with me. It's why I wanted a boy. I thought maybe it would be easier not to fail. But the love I feel for my daughter hurts my chest. I want to be her everything because she is part of my everything. I fix the tiny hat on her head and lean down to kiss her head. The name hits me in an instant. "I think Zya. Let's hope daddy likes it," I whisper. It might be my first choice but it's the perfect name for her, I already know it.

"Daddy does love it." Xander's groggy voice makes me flinch. I let out a breath as he smiles, stretching his long limbs. "Don't call yourself, daddy. And eavesdropping is rude," I retort. I panic, wondering how much he heard me say. Maybe he thinks I hate our daughter. He stands up from the couch and comes over to my bedside. "The name is perfect babe. You like it?" He ignores my comments, looking at me with his pretty brown eyes. I hope Zya's changes his color from their current light brown. I look down at our daughter. "It matches her don't you think?"

"It does," he agrees. Xander places a hand on my upper back and the other under my hand where I hold Zya. "I hope she likes shopping. And clothes. And the color red," I say. Xan chuckles. "But it'll be okay if she doesn't?" His statement comes out more like a question for me to answer. "Hm. I don't know about that," I reply. I don't know who this little baby will become in the future, but I hope it's someone amazing. And I sure hope she has the same fashion sense as me. I guess the latter isn't as important. As long as she's confident in what she wears.

I'm starting to question why I felt like a boy would have been better than a girl. Women rule the world and this little one will be my partner in crime, teaming up with me to tease her father until the end of times. He will be on his knees begging me to give him a baby boy. Though, it won't take a lot of convincing. I never wanted kids but looking at Zya for the first time did something to me. The love I have for her is quite unrivaled. Plus, I would be lying if I said I never thought about giving Xander a son. I want him to be able to have a relationship with his son like he had with his father before he passed away. I know he'd love that and I would love to be able to give it to him.

"She'll love," Xander grabs my chin with his fingers and turns my head to face him, "what she wants to love." I glare at him for a bit. I pull away from his touch. "What if your son didn't like football?" I question. Xan shrugs and walks over to sit by my feet on the bed. "Then he doesn't like football. As long as he's doing what he loves, right?" he questions. I look down at Zya. She looks like she'll have a marvelous fashion sense and interesting hobbies. I smile and nod. "We need to start baby shopping ASAP. Maybe I can make her something too," I suggest. Xan waves his phone at me. "Godfather and mother are bringing over gifts right now," he tells me.

My eyes widen. "You told Nova and Chris she was a girl already?" I question. His dark brows pull together. "They're our best friends, of course, I did. And like I said, they're on their way. Don't worry, Brynn, Cgc, Monet, and Rhys don't know anything yet. Her godparents will stay quiet for a couple more hours," Xan assures me. I let out a breath of relief. While I would love to have all our best friends here right now, I think I like the quietness of it all. God, knows it'll only last so long.

Nova and Chris arrive about thirty minutes later. My best friend rushes to hug Xander but let's go quickly to beat Chris at a first look. She kisses my temple and gasps when she sees Zya. "She looks like a baby princess!" Nova says in a whisper shout. Zy seems to be a heavy sleeper but we're still trying to keep her asleep. Her cries are deadly. Chris comes up from behind Nova and rubs my upper back. "Oh, stud. She's all you," Valdez says, turning to look at Xan with heart-eyes. I glare at both of them even though Valdez is correct. He smiles, "She's beautiful, Maddy."

"Isn't she?" I say before lifting her into my best friend's arms. A tear slips from Nov's eyes. I didn't even realize she was tearing up. Valdez wipes the tears as Nova picks up Zy to carry her. "What's her name?" Valdez asks. "Zya," Xander says proudly. "Zya and Aviana are going to be the prettiest besties!" Nova exclaims as she admires my daughter. "Where is Avi by the way?" I ask. "She's with Nova's parents. They came into town for a couple of days," Valdez says.

The four of us catch up for about two hours before they return home to their own baby. Aviana is barely over a month old so they didn't want to leave her alone with Nova's parents for too long. Zya only woke up once and I fed her. She fell right back to sleep afterward. Xander lays at my feet and we both watch her sleep. I reach over to grab one of his hands and intertwine our fingers. I feel touch deprived and it's only been a couple of hours.

"Hey, so I was thinking," I start. Xan looks over to me and nods. "Although the thought of giving birth again makes me want to die. . ." I pause, "maybe I can do it one more time." Xander raises his brows like he's shocked about my declaration. "Not anytime soon though." I need a couple of years to get myself together again and raise my perfect daughter of course. "Where did no baby Maddy go?" Xan asks, arching a brow. "I buried her six feet underground when I saw Zya. Also when I realized Zy was a girl because I want to have a boy. For the both of us, but mostly you," I admit. "Me?" he questions.

"I know how close you were with your dad. I would love to see you build a relationship with our son and even Zya like that. I just say son specifically since it's the special relationship you had with your dad. I want you to have that with our future son," I tell him, rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb. His eyes redden slightly. "Maddy. ." He whispers my name. I lean over as much as I can and kiss his lips softly. "Yes?" I question. Xander smiles and nods, kissing me again. "Fuck, yeah. If that's what you want. I'm okay with it just being you, me, and Zya, though," he assures me. I straighten my body back up again and shake my head. "One more baby won't hurt," I say truthfully. Two kids seems perfect for me and Xan. I can't wait for that day when our family is complete, but I keep this to myself.

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Xander Williamson
20 years later

I change into more comfortable clothes as Maddy stands at the corner of our bed, eyeing all of the board games on the bed. "Pick a game, Madison," I tease. She stands up straight and glares at me. My back is to her but I can see her through the mirror. I smirk, giving her a once over through the mirror. My wife might be the most gorgeous woman on the planet, no question. She dresses respectably for the sake of our kids but I'd have her naked right now and for the rest of the night if it wasn't for family game night. We do it at least twice every month just to catch up with our kids and have some time together. I've become such a sap since I became a dad so it brings happy tears to my eyes knowing all of my kids still live at home. Once one of them moves out, it'll never be the same.

Zya's a junior in college but she's going to Oak Hill which is why she still lives with us. Once she graduates, she'll move out. My son, Izaak, who's barely seventeen has been talking about going to the University of Miami since he was a freshman in high school. He's at the end of his junior year now meaning not one but two of my kids will be moving out in the coming years. It tears me to pieces, but they're growing up. I can't get mad at that. As far as I know, Izaak's twin brother Justus plans on staying here for college like Zy did. I hope he sticks to those plans. Then there's my last son Hayden who's only 11. He's not leaving anytime soon luckily enough for me.

I want my kids to have the fullest lives and that involves them leaving. Maddy doesn't show that it affects her as much as I do, but these kids have been my whole life since the day I found out about their existence. For years, I thought I would never be a father because Maddy had told me she didn't want kids. I tried not to get too excited when I found out about Zya because a little part of me feared Maddy wasn't being entirely true to herself. Kids are a big thing to not be sure about and then change your mind when you find out you're having one. I just wanted her to be sure about it because a kid should be brought into this world immediately being shown complete love. We did eventually give Zya that and then Justus and Izaak and finally Hayden.

Maddy and I were only supposed to have two kids. We never thought when she got pregnant for the second time that it would be with twins. Especially, two boys. I was fucking excited about it. But her? Well, she was a little bitter that not even one of them was another girl. It's why we tried for another girl again a couple of years after the twins were born. Clearly, we were just blessed with another boy. Maddy wasn't too excited but she told me that was it. She didn't want any more kids. Even if she hoped for another girl, Maddy loves all of the boys as much as she loves Zya. She might even favor Hayden the most, but she'll never admit it out loud.

"Izaak wanted to play Hot Seat, so I guess we'll respect his choices, no?" She picks up the box and reads the back of it. Izaak? Another one of her favorites. We played the game he wanted to play last month too. "Sure," I say. She nods once and we both descend the stairs. Our four kids already sit around the living room, waiting for us. "Mom, Izaak said the f word!" Hayden says, pointing a finger at his brother. Izaak groans and lunges at his little brother. "Get 'em," Justus says, distracted by his phone. "Izaak, get off your brother," Maddy says sternly and pulls him off Hayden. "And no f word around your brother, please." She pinches Izaak's chin before sitting across from him on the couch.

"We're playing Hot Seat?" Zya asks, snatching the box from her mom's hands. "Yes," Maddy says with a smile. "Hell yeah," Izaak says, suddenly entertained. Zya opens up the box and pulls out the cards, putting them on the table that surrounds us. "How do we play?" I question. "The cards have questions that we'll ask another person about ourselves and they have to try their best to answer them. Totally PG," Zya explains. "Good," Maddy says, shuffling the cards. Justus laughs from behind us. He's not in the circle with the rest of us. He types quickly on his phone. "Who are you talking to?" Maddy questions. He looks up from his phone. "Sienne," he replies.

Izaak rolls his light brown eyes. Maddy smiles at the mention of Nova's daughter. "I'm sure Sienne will be awake later, come sit so we can play," I tell my son. Izaak shakes his head as he stands up. "I need something to drink," he says as he walks into the kitchen. I might know the reason for his frustrations but I don't say anything now. Maddy glances at me knowingly. We don't like interfering when any of our kids are having problems with each other, so we stay out of this one, again. It always seems to be Justus and Izaak fighting. Even though they're twins — fraternal not identical — they're vastly different.

Izaak plays basketball, Justus plays football. Izaak has more of my personality, Justus has Maddy's personality times a thousand. Izaak could give two shits about how people perceive him, Justus cares about that entirely too much. Izaak's calm, Justus' temper is short. They love each other a lot. They've been together their entire lives. But when you're that close to someone, well a lot of the things they do tend to piss you off. My boys aren't the exception. Like I said, Maddy and I let them handle their problems on their own since they always do.

We start the game when Izaak comes back and it only lasts so long before Hayden passes out. Maybe we should have started the game a bit earlier. Izaak and Justus don't stick around much longer and Maddy takes the chance to finish some work in her office. I stay back and clean after the kids, washing the dirtied dishes we used tonight. Zya sticks around too, giving me some much needed company. She stares hard at her phone as she eats pretzels slowly. "Dad," she questions. I dry my hands on the cloth that hangs off the oven. "Yeah?" I say, walking over to sit with her at the dining table. "You said you knew Aiyden Johnson in college right?" I roll my eyes immediately.

I'm aware Zya is classmates with Aiyden Johnson's son who is also named Aiyden Johnson only adding the third to it. Never did I ever think my good friend Lauren Jones would stay with the guy long enough to date let alone produce his offspring. Zya will bring him up occasionally but of course, never in a good way. She despises the guy. It makes me smile, knowing how full circle it is. I don't know him personally, but what I've heard from my daughter, he's a lot like his dad was in college. The only difference is that Aiyden the second was never as good at basketball as his son Aiyden the third. He's famous here in Oak Hill. He's supposed to be drafted this summer.

"Sadly, yes," I say, stealing the bag of pretzels from her. "His prick son won't stop bothering me and I can't freaking escape him because we have so many classes together. The world obviously hates me," she says. "Ignore him. Sit away from him and for the love of God, please stay far away from him," I basically plead. I sound like Cgc telling Lauren to stay away from Aiyden when we were in college. It didn't work. "Ugh, if you're sugarcoating what I think you are, please do not. I would never go near that man's. . ." she pauses and cringes. I nod, understanding. I don't want to hear my daughter say that word. "Boys will manipulate you," I remind her.

She scoffs. "Mom raised me, Dad, let's not forget." I try to hold onto that fact. My daughter was raised by a woman who judges men entirely  — me being the exception — and won't hesitate to point out every single thing wrong with men. It saved me from having a heartbroken daughter in my hands at fifteen so I'm grateful. Zya has been in short relationships before — annoyingly — but none of those guys had ever been good enough for her. I'm glad she knows her worth and won't settle for less than she deserves. Which is the whole world.

Right when I'm about to say something, Zy motions her head to the living room. Izaak hops off the last stair, dressed in something other than pajamas. He holds the keys to his Mercedes Benz in his hands, trying to walk past me and Zya as quietly as possible. "Last time I checked, your bedroom was upstairs," I say, popping a pretzel in my mouth. Izaak stops in his steps and turns around slowly. He glares at his older sister. She gives him a fake smile before returning her attention to her phone. I arch an eyebrow at my son. "I'm just going for a drive, Dad," he says into a sigh.

I glance over at the stovetop. "It's almost midnight, Zak." I sweep his features quickly. He seems frustrated but he's been like this all day. I haven't asked why. "Come sit, baby bro. We'll talk about it," Zy says, not bothering to look at him. His eyes flit from me to her. Just as I think he's going to retreat upstairs, he joins us at the table, taking a seat next to me. "Is this about Jay's annoying ass?" Zya asks, pushing the pretzels towards her younger brother. They're only three years apart, but they're not as close as Izaak is with his twin. My daughter is closer to Chris' daughter and Cgc's son. They're the same age as her. "No," Izaak says tersely.

"You two fixed whatever was going on there?" I question, hoping he says yes but also hoping he says no. If he isn't upset because he and his brother are in a fight, then I don't know the cause of his distress. "Sure, I guess," he replies, looking at Zya, "you probably know because of Aviana." I furrow my eyebrows, eyes flitting between both of my kids. Zya furrows her brows too, but she seems to figure out what he means. "Oh yeah, that. I didn't know you were upset about that," she says, frowning. "I guess I shouldn't be. Mom would say, I shouldn't be. Don't say anything to her." They talk like I'm no longer in the room. I have no idea what they're talking about.

Zya nods. "You'll get over it, little bro. I'm sure." Izaak finally grabs a couple of pretzels from the bag, his face unchanging. He still seems upset. "Anyone care to fill Dad in?" I say. They both look at me. "No," Zya says first. I frown. I don't think Zak would have told me but I had hoped Zya would. I guess I can't be too mad if my kids are keeping secrets from me if it's between the two of them. It's better than one of them keeping a secret from everyone. They did mention Aviana though. Maybe Chris knows something. I'll ask him tomorrow. Curiosity kills.

Izaak shakes his head too. Footsteps sound down the steps and a feminine laugh is heard. "That's what he gets for being a fucking pussy," Justus says as he steps into the kitchen. He's only wearing sweatpants and socks now, his upper half bare. I cringe at his words. "Language," I say sternly. "Sorry, pops," he replies, making his way to the fridge. I can see a female on his phone screen so I'm assuming he's on FaceTime with a friend or girlfriend. I don't know if he has the latter. "Whore," Zya says under her breath. Izaak just rolls his eyes, ignoring his twin brother. Justus grabs a water bottle from the fridge and shuts it.

"Baby bro, we need to talk tonight. Come to my room in thirty!" Jay says before he disappears upstairs. "I thought you two already talked?" I question. He nods, swallowing the food in his mouth. "We did. It's probably about something else," he tells me. I nod and start to chug the water bottle in front of me. "Tell your brother to stop being a man whore. I hear him fucking so much it's disgusting," Zya cringes. I almost choke on the water as I set the bottle down. Zya and Izaak stare at me in concern. "You good, Dad?" Zak asks. I nod, wiping my mouth with my forearm. "You hear him what?!?" I question if I heard my daughter right.

"Having intercourse, Dad. Please tell me you've had the talk with him," Zya says with a small groan. I figured my kids would. . . do that eventually. I had sex for the first time when I was 15 and both of my boys are 17. I don't want to think about Zya doing anything like that though. Not her. Izaak and I lock eyes. Maddy and I gave both him and Jay the talk when they were 12, so yes. "When? Where? And how frequently?" I ask Zya. I can't have him doing that shit all the time especially if it makes Zy uncomfortable. I just fucking hope he's being safe. I didn't know he was having sex until now. I might have assumed, but there are just some things parents choose not to believe and want to imagine. This was one of them.

"His room, I hope. And I don't know, it depends I guess. Last time I heard was two days ago." She cringes again. Izaak chuckles lowly. I turn to look at him and he holds his hands up in defense. "What do you know?" I question. "He doesn't always tell me when he plans on bringing someone home. Only occasionally," Izaak admits. "Well, you have to start warning me too! I need to be prepared or maybe tell him to have sex in his car like any other teenager," Zya tells Izaak. I shake my head. "Car sex is not entirely safe." My kids both look at me. I would never speak about my sex life to them, ever. "I've heard," I say.

"Sureeee," Izaak says with a smile. "Ew?" Zya adds. I hold back a laugh. "Tell him to chill it, alright? If Maddy finds out he's having sex, she's going to kill me," I tell Izaak and shake my head. "Who's having sex?" Fuck. I stiffen in my chair as Maddy enters the dining room. I didn't even hear her coming down the stairs. "Hello?" she speaks again when no one replies. She sets her glare on me, waiting for me to say something. "No one. We were playing a game," Izaak says something first. Maddy turns to look at him, her eyes softening a fraction. I hope the favoritism kicks in and she believes him. "You think I'm dumb?" she questions, arching her dark brow. Izaak shakes his head. Maddy smiles, returning her gaze to me. "Spit it out. One of you."

Zya stands up and grabs Maddy's shoulders, pulling her over to the chair she once sat in. "You'll need to be sat for this one, Momma," she says. Maddy furrows her brows, looking up at Zya who stands next to her. "Justus," I finally say. Her jaw clenches as she glares at me. Yup, I'm the one who gets the ass beating, not the one who's actually having sex. "I didn't know," I tell her honestly. "Zak?" She looks at our son. "Twin brother confidentiality," he replies, holding up his hands. She passes over him quickly, already knowing he probably wouldn't have said anything. "Baby?" Zya winces. "I didn't think it was a problem. Only thought it was very annoying since I could hear him some nights."

Maddy makes a disgusted face before taking a deep breath. "JAY! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" she yells. "Mom, I love you, but you realize I am taking his side, so if you yell be prepared I might be a bit of a. . . problem," Izaak says quickly. Maddy rolls her eyes and brushes him off. He always gives us this warning but we already know he'd defend Justus even if he committed murder. They both defend each other no matter the circumstance, it's nothing new to Maddy and I. Justus' heavy footsteps sound down the stairs. Zya moves back towards Izaak and Maddy and I stay upfront. Justus comes into the dining room and furrows his brows at the sight of us.

"Family meeting at midnight? Where's Hayden?" He looks back up the stairs. Fuck, I hope Maddy didn't wake him up. He's too young to be in this conversation after all. "Sit," Maddy says firmly. Justus looks towards his siblings for an answer. Zya stays stoic but Izaak's light brown eyes fill with apologies. "When did you start having sex and why are you, without telling us," Maddy points a finger between her and me, "bringing girls over to our house?" Justus' green eyes widen. He looks over at Izaak and glares at him. He's all Maddy when it comes to that damn glare. "Why am I the only one getting in trouble? Those two have sex too!" Justus points an accusatory finger at his siblings. Zya gasps and Zak's eyes widen.

I try to stay calm. Three out of four of my kids are having sex. I cringe. This is a fucking nightmare. Someone pinch me awake. "Since when do we throw our siblings under the bus? If they're having sex, fine, but they're not inviting their sexual partners over without letting us know first," Maddy says sternly. Justus smacks his teeth and shakes his head. "Yeah, like I'm going to come up to you and Dad and say 'hey mom, I'm gonna bring a girl over and we're gonna fuck! See you later!' Are you insane?" Justus bites back. Izaak stifles a laugh. "Did he just call me insane?" Maddy asks, turning to look at me. Definitely not a smart choice of words. I shut my eyes and take a breath. "Grounded!" Maddy says with a smile.

"Mom," Izaak cuts in. "You want to be grounded too?" Maddy questions. Justus rolls his eyes and shakes his head at Izaak. He's trying to tell him to shut up so he won't get in trouble alongside him. Izaak stares at his brother for a long moment before looking back at his mom. "If that means staying home and keeping my brother company, then yes, I would love to be grounded." Zya rolls her eyes this time, backing away from her younger brother. "You two are idiots," she says under her breath. "I agree, stinker," I tell Zy. She smacks my shoulder and I laugh. I don't call her the nickname as much as I used to. I coined it after she refused to shower for a week and a half because she was scared of water after a rainstorm flooded the backyard of our old house. She was only 4.

"Fine. Both of you are grounded, so hand over the phones," Maddy says. Both of their eyes widen again. "Mom-" Maddy shakes her head. "Go, now." They don't fight her anymore as they both go upstairs to their rooms. My wife turns to look at Zya and smiles. "You're having sex?" she asks, pure excitement in her voice. I cringe again. "Mom!" She motions towards me and Maddy rolls her eyes. "You're being safe, I hope? Of course, you are." Maddy fixes Zya's braids over her shoulders. "Always," Zya reassures her mom and I even though she's not talking directly to me.

This is reality, Xan, your kids are growing up. I just wish they didn't sometimes. I already have two more years with Zya than I had with my dad. He died when I was 18. When I look back on our memories, I appreciate them but always wish we created more. It feels like Maddy was just telling me she was pregnant yesterday. I can't believe my daughter is almost 20. Soon enough she'll be getting married and starting her own family. I just hope I'll still be here to see that. Especially since my pops wasn't here to see me build my family and fall in love with the woman of my dreams. I know he's proud of me but I just wish I could see him one more time. It's why I never take advantage of the times I have with my kids. They're my entire heart and soul. Without them and Maddy, I'd be lost. I wonder if I would even be here at all.

Justus and Izaak both return with their phones in their hands. Maddy puts her hands out and they both give up their phones at the same time. She smiles before setting them down on the dining room table. She tiptoes to kiss Izaak's cheek. "Go to sleep. I love you," she shoos off the younger twin. "Love you too. Night," he says sadly before leaving again. Justus turns to leave but Maddy grips his wrist. "Please tell me you're being cautious. You're too immature to have a kid right now. Or an STD," she says. Justus releases from her grip, turning back around. "I hoped you would at least have some faith in me," he replies. Maddy steps closer to him and pinches his face with her hand. "Of course I do. Just don't do it in secret. I hate secrets, you know that" she says, her voice softening a fraction.

Jay grabs her hand and lowers it. "I know. I'm sorry, Mom." Maddy smiles, accepting his apology. "I love you. You're still grounded though." She shrugs. He sighs and nods. He was never going to be let off the hook that easily. "Love you too. See you tomorrow." We all say goodnights before he and Zya leave upstairs. Maddy sighs once she hears both of their doors close. I walk closer to her and wrap my arms around her waist from behind. She melts back into me. "Finish work?" I ask, kissing her neck once. She nods. "I did not think I'd be having that conversation tonight," she says. I chuckle as she turns around and wraps her arms loosely around my neck.

"Don't laugh, Xander. Our kids are participating in something that could potentially make them sick or make them create spawn of their own," she says, glaring into my soul with her pretty green eyes. "Trust them," I tell her even though I'm trying hard to do it myself. I do trust my kids, but anything can happen. "I do. Always. I'm just. . ." She shakes her head. She realizes they're growing up, the same way I do. We have the same mind, Maddy. I'd never tell her this out loud, but it's true. She fears the same thing I do. "Hayden is 11," I remind her. She scoffs weakly. "Do not mention Hayden right now. I cannot let him leave our nest." I laugh.

"We have approximately seven more years until that happens, I wouldn't stress about it," I tell her. She nods. "Your kids already give me gray hair. I can't add more stress." My eyebrows raise and I smirk at her. "I'm almost 45," she hisses. "Oh really? I had no idea," I tease. She rolls her eyes and smacks my chest, pulling out of my hold. "Also, no secrets?"
I ask. It's probably a shitty way to bring up the topic we don't touch on so much anymore. It's been almost twenty years. Maddy freezes in front of me, her face dropping. "They're very curious about that," I add. The kids have always asked Maddy why she hates secrets as much as she does. She always tells them that one secret ruined her life. I wouldn't go that far, but it affected her a lot.

"I know. They shouldn't ask questions, just know that I hate them," she replies quickly. "Betrayal runs deep, babe," I say. She rolls her eyes viciously. "And that's why we don't make friends," she retorts. "We have plenty of friends," I remind her. My wife more than me. She's met thousands of people in her life. Being a successful businesswoman will have you doing that. I'm just the male wife. "Only a couple of real ones. Those who have been with us for decades." I don't fight her on that one because I agree. Chris, Nova, Brynn, Cgc, Rhys, and Monet. The only six friends who have stuck with the both of us through everything. "You still let it bother you."

Maddy sighs heavily. "I do not." She really does. I don't want to piss her off anymore, so I drop it for now. "As long as you don't regret the decision you made," I say, pushing her raven hair behind her shoulders. "I don't. Never," she assures me. I nod firmly, grabbing one of her hands. I turn off the dining room lights and lead her back upstairs to our room. I shut off the light as soon as we enter, the muted tv lighting the room. She drops down on the bed after I do and we both turn to face one another. "I do think about it a lot although I hate to admit it," she admits, a shaky breath leaving her lips.

I wrap an arm around her small waist, pulling her closer to me. I knew I was right, but I rather let my wife think she wins. As long as she's happy. She always ends up giving me the win later even without saying she did. I win, Maddy. I nod, motioning her to go on. "You'd think after twenty years, I'd be over it. That man should have no power over me or my thoughts." She grimaces. "He has nothing over you. At least you're living your best life and he's miserable," I say. She smiles lightly but it disappears way too quickly for my liking. "He's happy," she says in a whisper. "We both know that."

I sigh. He might be. Even if I would prefer him to be miserable because seeing Maddy upset even after two decades, makes me pissed. "We don't bother checking in on him. For all we know, they're not together anymore," I lie. I know they're still together. I hate that I still — every few years — check his social media to see what's happening in his life. "Yeah. Maybe not," she pauses shortly, "I just hate thinking about him when he probably doesn't think twice about me. I hate that I want to know if he's still with her or not." She shakes her head. "Would you consider forgiving him if he wasn't?" I ask curiously.

I would support her decision, whatever it may be. As long as she's happy, I couldn't care less. My happiness stems from hers and my kids. I wouldn't be closed off to the idea of it either but if she is, then I'm completely with her. No matter what.

"No. Definitely no. He made his bed. He shall lay in it," she says. I chuckle. "You should like Cgc's kid," I say. The dramatic best friend to my daughter Zya. Maddy glares at me but her eyes soften quickly. "I mean it," she says. I nod, wiping a stray eyelash off her cheek. "I know. I believe you," I assure her. "You don't have to convince me." She grabs the remote from the nightstand and shuts off the tv completely. Darkness overtakes us and she sighs, moving closer to me. I lay on my back now so she can rest her head on my chest. "I love you more than words can ever describe."

Her words make me feel whole. At the end of the day, we always say them to each other and the kids. We never know when our last day together is. If mine was today, Maddy, Justus, Zya, Izaak, and Hayden would know I left this earth loving them with everything in me. "And I love you more than that," I say, kissing the top of her head. I feel her let out a heavy breath and I shut my eyes closed. "Finally, silence," she whispers.

"JUSTUS!!!!"

And just like that, my eyes are open again. "Spoke too soon, babe." Maddy groans, but I smile. A little over a year from now, I'm going to miss the sound of my kids yelling each other's names in frustration as I try to sleep. So while I can, I soak it in and never take it for granted.