#NewClassicNRO

Chapter 34
Fear

My thighs were sore the next morning. Even though I was still lying on the bed, I could feel the pain on my lower body. I couldn't help but groan as I tried to pull myself up and sit on the bed.

Napansin kong nakabihis na ako. I could remember Jirro putting a night dress on me while I struggled and failed to keep my eyes open because of exhaustion.

"Does it hurt bad?"

Gulat kong nilingon si Jirro. Tahimik lamang siya na nasa aking tabi. Hindi ko man lang namalayan na nandito pa pala siya. I thought he already got up. But judging by his clothes, mukhang kanina pa nga siya gising.

The shock didn't last long though. It immediately faded as soon as I remembered what we did last night. We did it three times with short breaks in between, since Jirro didn't want me to feel exhausted. Ngunit parang balewala rin ang mga pahingang 'yon.

No matter how much Jirro tried to be gentle with me, our rhythm and pace always changed in the end. Once we were about to reach our limit, his movements would turn fast and rough.

I thought the female leads in romantic adult films or novels were just exaggerating when they explained how they felt after making love with their lover. Dahil ako na mismo ang nakaranas, naisip kong hindi sila nagkakamali. I was really physically in pain.

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang maramdaman ko ang pagpisil ni Jirro sa aking pisngi. Nang muli ko siyang tiningnan ay bumungad sa akin ang kanyang mapaglarong ngisi.

"You are blushing so much," he playfully said and licked his lip.

I had no idea if he was trying to seduce me, but I refused to get seduced. Gusto ko munang ipahinga ang aking sarili, lalo na ang aking katawan.

"Why are you avoiding my eyes?" Jirro asked when I averted my gaze away from him, stopping myself from being a slave to pleasure.

Nang hindi ko pa rin siya tinitingnan nang ibinaba ko na ang aking mga paa sa lapag, binalot ng kanyang baritonong tawa ang kuwarto. I rolled my eyes and tried to focus on walking, while trying to feel less pain. However, just as I was about to take my second step, my feet suddenly left the ground.

Mabilis at maingat akong binuhat ni Jirro. He carried me in a princess style way.

"Jirro, ibaba mo ako!" Pinalo ko ang kanyang dibdib.

He chuckled while taking me out of the bedroom. "I'm giving you a favor here. I know you're having a hard time walking," he told me. "You should stop feeling shy, you know."

Mas lalo akong nakaramdam ng hiya dahil sa sinabi ni Jirro. He should've just pretended that he didn't notice how I was feeling, instead of pointing it out like I wasn't aware of my own feelings.

"I hate you." I didn't really mean that.

"I love you, too." There was a small playful smile on his face.

Napakagat ako sa aking labi. I just let him carry me to the dining table. Napansin kong mayroong nakahaing penne pesto roon. Kaya nga lang ay mukhang hindi iyon ang niluto ko.

"Hindi ito ang niluto ko kagabi..." pagpuna ko nang makaupo na ako nang maayos.

"The pasta you cooked was already spoiled," he told me. "Iyong chicken barbeque na lang ang okay pa. I just cooked a new one for us to eat for breakfast."

I pouted my lips. I really wanted him to taste my cooking of one of his favorite dishes.

"You can just cook for me next time," he told me with a smile, while his hand caressed my cheek gently. "We have a long future ahead of us, babe. There's nothing to worry about."

A long future ahead of us?

Jirro didn't hesitate when he said those words. I could see in his eyes how sure he is when it comes to spending the rest of his life with me. It's like he's indirectly proposing to me. It's like indirectly promising me of a lifetime with him.

I suddenly daydreamed of a future with him. Nangyari na ito sa akin noon. Natigil lamang noong kailangan naming maghiwalay. But the images of building a family with him were getting into light once again.

But regardless of how much I wanted those images to be the stills of my reality and settle down with him right away, I knew I wasn't ready yet. I had goals and dreams on my list still unchecked. I wanted to save enough money to provide for my parents and continue studying film and work in the film industry.

I know Jirro is more than capable of providing a better future for me and the family that we'd be making in time. He's earned a lot and still earning from new projects and royalties. However, I don't want to just sit still and look pretty. I also want to earn my keep.

In the middle of thinking about pursuing my dream, I suddenly thought of our very intimate moment. We didn't use any protection and Jirro let it all out inside me.

Wala sa sarili akong napahawak sa aking tiyan. It was possible that I'd get pregnant since we did it thrice without protection. Hindi rin ako umiinom ng pills. No matter how much I wanted to carry his child, I couldn't let myself get pregnant yet.

Naagaw ni Jirro ang aking atensyon mula sa pag-iisip nang malalim nang makita ko siyang naglapag ng isang box ng birth control pills sa lamesa. My lips parted as I looked up to him.

It was like he could read what was on my mind. I thought of discussing with him about my plans. Ang akala ko ay kailangan ko pang ipaintindi sa kanya na hindi pa ako handa, ngunit mukhang naisip niya na ito agad.

"I asked my sister what's the best birth-control pills I can buy at the drugstore," he told me, letting me know that he thought hard about this. "But she said it's best if I'll take you to the OB and let you get a shot. For now, you can drink this. We can go tomorrow. I already booked an appointment. May meeting ako mamayang hapon kaya hindi tayo makakaalis ngayon."

Ilang segundo pa rin akong napatitig sa pills bago nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. His simple gestures made me emotional. Nararamdaman kong umiinit ang gilid ng aking mga mata.

"Jirro..." I was guilty as I looked up to him.

I wanted to say sorry. I was sure that he wanted to build a family with me, just like how I wanted the same thing. Even though he's an idol, I was sure that he wouldn't mind. However, I knew he was thinking about me.

"You don't have to look at me like that, babe," he softly said with a smile on his face. "I want to marry you right away and have a child with you, but I know you're not yet ready. I understand, Cloe. I told you, I can wait. We don't have to rush. We can go on your pace."

Pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo lamang akong nahulog kay Jirro. Lumapit ako sa kanya at mahigpit siyang binalot ng yakap. He immediately wrapped his arm around me to hug me back. His warmth comforted me from feeling sorry.

I spent the morning cuddling with Jirro. Nang maghapon ay umalis na nga siya para sa meeting kasama ang banda. Sa condo rin siya natulog kinagabihan. He reasoned out that we needed to be early for my appointment at the OB. Mas mapapabilis daw kapag sa akin siya natulog. Although I knew his reasons were absurd, hinayaan ko na siya. Ginusto ko rin naman na magkasama kaming dalawa.

Maaga ang appointment sa OB upang hindi pa ganoon kadami ang pasyente. I told him that he didn't have to accompany me but he insisted. Mukhang trusted naman ang OB dahil kaibigan ni Tita Jennie kaya hindi na ako masyadong nag-alala na magkaroon ng isyu si Jirro.

At work, sometimes Jirro couldn't keep himself from following me. Madalas niyang ginagamit si Ike upang ipatawag ako mula sa office para papuntahin sa kanilang private lounge at makasama niya ako nang walang pangamba. I had a feeling that Sir Rick was doubting the kind of relationship I have with one of the members of the band, but he was hinting on the wrong person.

"Mukhang close na close kayo ni Ike, ah?" Sir Rick told me. I didn't have to read in between the lines to know what he was implying. "Sana lang ay mag-ingat kayo dahil mainit pa rin sa mata ng media ang New Classic."

Sir Rick gave me a friendly advice with a concerned smile before leaving me confused and speechless.

Because Jirro always asked favors to Ike, it looked like Sir Rick got the wrong idea. He must be thinking that I had a secret relationship with Ike.

Bandang huli ay natawa na lamang ako sa naisip ni Sir Rick. Kinuwento ko iyon kay Jirro. He didn't seem pleased with it. He didn't like the idea that Sir Rick thought I was in a relationship with Ike. Kaya naman simula noon ay siya na mismo ang pumupunta sa akin. He kept following me around the company whenever he wasn't busy.

Kita kong medyo naguluhan na rin si Sir Rick nang makita kaming malapit sa isa't isa noong pictorial para teaser photos ng bagong single na ilalabas ng New Classic. Pagkatapos no'n ay tumungo naman sila sa executive lounge para sa interview with Prima Media.

I heard Sic teasing Isaiah nonstop because he was too excited for the interview. Ang sabi pa ni Sic ay sa lahat ng kanilang naging schedule ay iyon ang pinakagusto ni Isaiah. The person being teased didn't seem to mind though. Napapangiti na lamang si Isaiah at minadali na sila para sa interview.

Napakunot ang aking noo at saka nilingon si Jirro. "Ano ang mayroon sa interview?"

Jirro turned to me, wearing a smirk on his lips. "He requested for that interview."

His vague answer led me to form more questions inside my head. But before I could interrogate him again, tinawag na sila para pumunta sa lounge dahil nandoon na ang mag-iinterview sa kanila.

Nauna sila at naiwan ako saglit sa studio dahil may mga kailangan pang ayusin. Nang nakasunod ako ay mukhang matagal nang nagsimula ang interview.

My eyes met Jirro the moment I stepped inside the lounge. He smiled at me before shifting his attention to the interviewer. Nahagip naman ng tingin ko si Isaiah. He looked distracted. His eyes were fixed on someone.

Due to my curiosity, I traced his line of vision and saw Zendaya beside the person interviewing them. Napangiti ako nang wala sa sarili. So, that was the reason why the guys were teasing him. He requested for the interview because of Zendaya. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung bakit mukhang hindi siya masaya.

"We decided that after continuously working and promoting for three years, ever since our debut, we want to take a break from doing group activities and focus on our other priorities as individuals."

Natigil ako sa pagmamasid kina Isaiah at Zendaya dahil sa sinabi ni Jirro.

"The company understands our decision, so they let us do as we please," Jirro continued.

"For how long are you going to take a break as a band?"

"It's still indefinite, but I guess the minimum is one year," Ike was the one who answered the interviewer's question.

"We hope that First Class would anticipate our activities as individuals," Sic surprisingly answered seriously. "But we will still try to be active on our social media accounts to update our fans from time to time."

Jirro already told me the band's plans to take a break or hiatus from doing band activities. They were drained out because of their hectic schedules as they had been working for three years without a proper break. But what really triggered them to make that decision was because of Isaiah's dating issue. They realized that their individual and private lives were already at stake―and that was why they wanted to be out of the limelight for the meantime.

They didn't care that their popularity might decline because of that sudden move. They didn't care about the fame. Ang sabi ni Jirro ay kaya sila nagpapatuloy ay dahil sa pagmamahal nila sa musika at hindi sa atensyon o katanyagan.

Mas lalo lamang akong namangha sa banda nang nalaman ko 'yon. I was reminded why they are currently at the top of the music industry. They aren't doing it for fame and money. Their passion and love for their craft bore fruits that they deserve to have.

After the interview, Jirro immediately went up to me. Hindi ko lang siya pinansin agad dahil pinanood ko si Isaiah na lumapit din kay Zendaya. His hopeful eyes showed dejection after a few seconds.

Jirro stole my attention from the two when he blocked my sight. He was frowning because I wasn't paying attention to him.

"Stop looking at them," he told me.

Ngumuso ako. "I can't help it." Sobrang nakukuryoso ako sa relasyon nilang dalawa lalo na't nakikita kong mukhang iniiwasan ni Zendaya si Isaiah.

Mabilis siyang nagpaalam sa lahat at pati na rin kay Jirro. Mukhang hindi niya rin ako napansin dahil sa pagmamadali. Halatang umiiwas siya.

It was probably because of their dating issue. Siguro ay ayaw niyang mapahamak ulit si Isaiah. Parang gusto ko tuloy siyang kausapin, ngunit ayaw ko ring makialam sa kanilang dalawa.

"Ha?! Hindi na tayo tuloy?"

Sic's scandalous voice filled the lounge. Gulat akong napatingin sa kanya. Mas lalo kong nakalimutan si Jirro na kanina pa nagpapapansin sa akin.

"Zendaya said she's not available today so..." Isaiah shrugged his shoulders.

Sic looked so betrayed when Isaiah said that. Nilingon niya kaming dalawa ni Jirro. "Don't tell me may sarili na rin kayong lakad?"

I didn't know what he was talking about but Jirro wrapped his arm on my shoulders casually. "Yes. Uuwi na kami ni Cloe."

"Ganyan na ba talaga kayo?" Bumagsak ang kanyang mga balikat. "Hearts over friends?"

"Just let them go, Sic. Ako na ang sasama sa 'yong kumain sa labas," sabi na lang ni Ike upang matigil si Sic.

Sic acted like he was really hurt. He even hugged Ike tightly. "Buti na lang nandyan ka, Ike," kunwari siyang naiiyak. "Please hayaan mong ako ang mauna sa 'yong magkagirlfriend para 'di ako maiwan mag-isa lagi."

"What are you fucking talking about?" Ike sounded like he was already done with Sic's shenanigans.

Natawa na lang si Jirro habang ako ay naguguluhan pa rin sa nangyayari. Hindi nagtagal ay inaya na ako ni Jirro umuwi. Since their schedule was the work assigned to me, puwede na rin akong umuwi kasabay nila.

Jirro and I met each other on the basement parking lot. He changed into his loungewear and removed his makeup. He gave me his key fob before he changed his clothes. Nauna na ako sa kanyang sasakyan kaya pumasok na lamang siya sa driver's seat.

Agad din kaming umalis sa parking lot. Nang nasa daan ay pinaulanan ko kaagad siya ng mga tanong.

"Ano iyong sinasabi ni Sic kanina?" kuryoso kong tanong.

Like he was remembering something very funny, he chuckled before answering my question. "Isaiah had a private reservation in a restaurant. Inaya niya kaming kumain dahil balak niyang ayain si Zendaya kumain kasama namin. Isaiah even told me that you could come as well. He also invited his sister para hindi lang si Zendaya ang babae na kasama," paliwanag ni Jirro. "Pero mukhang hindi pumayag si Zendaya kaya ayaw na tumuloy ni Isaiah. He'd probably just cancel the reservation."

Medyo naawa ako kay Isaiah. He must be looking forward to it.

"Mukhang iniiwasan siya ni Zendaya dahil sa isyu..." mahina kong sabi.

Jirro nodded. "Isaiah knows that," he said. "But he's also at fault. Hanggang ngayon ay nagpapakatorpe pa rin siya. They are both playing near the line. No one's brave enough to cross it."

"Siguro ay natatakot silang dalawa na masaktan..." sabi ko na lang.

Sa tingin ko ay natatakot ulit masaktan si Isaiah. He just came from a heartbreak. At siguro ay ganoon din ang nararamdaman ni Zendaya. She must also be afraid. Natatakot siya dahil sa tingin niya ay hindi sila parehas ng nararamdaman ni Isaiah.

They had a very complicated relationship.

"Walang mangyayari kung walang susubok sa kanilang dalawa na maging matapang," seryosong sabi ni Jirro habang nakatingin nang diretso sa daan. "Nothing will work unless they have the courage to admit what they are feeling for each other."

Napatahimik ako dahil alam kong tama si Jirro. Sana lang ay maging okay rin ang lahat para sa kanilang dalawa balang araw.

Habang papaliko na sa tower ay biglang tumunog ang aking cellphone. Jirro gave me a quick glance. I took my phone out of my bag and saw that my mother's calling me.

Hindi ko masyadong inisip kung bakit siya tumatawag. Lagi ko silang kausap kaya hindi na ako nagtaka. Noong isang araw lang ay kinumusta ko sila ni daddy.

"Hello po―" Natigil ako sa pagsasalita nang madinig ko ang paghikbi ni mommy sa kabilang linya.

"Cloe, anak, makakauwi ka ba ngayon?" tanong niya sa gitna nang paghikbi.

Fear immediately enveloped my whole being. Anxiety attacked me hard.

"Bakit po? Ano po ang nangyari? Bakit po kayo umiiyak?" kinakabahan kong tanong.

Huminto ang sasakyan ni Jirro nang makapagpark na. Agad niya akong nilingon. Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay at marahan itong hinimas.

"Iyong daddy mo, sinugod namin ng tita mo sa ospital... Hindi siya makahinga kanina. Hirap na hirap siya. Tinitingnan pa siya ngayon ng mga doktor..." Kahit pilit na kinakalma ni mommy ang kanyang sarili ay dama ko pa rin ang kanyang takot at kaba. "N-natatakot ako, Cloe..."

Gaya niya ay sinubukan ko rin pigilan ang sarili na kainin ng takot kahit na binabalot na ako nito ng yakap.

"Uuwi po ako ngayon, 'mmy," agad kong sabi, walang bakas ng pag-aalinlangan. "Uuwi po ako."