#NewClassicNRO

Chapter 16
Argument

The first trimester went by so fast. I was enjoying myself learning new things about filmmaking. I thought I was doing great, even though I was still constantly adapting to the hectic college life. I was confident because I knew I was doing my best.

However, when I saw my grades, I felt threatened. I suddenly regretted those times where I chose to have a break instead of studying. I knew I told myself not to feel pressured because of academics, but my grades were barely hanging on the cliff. Muntikan ko nang hindi mamaintain GPA na kailangan upang hindi mawala sa akin ang full scholarship.

That was when I realized that I shouldn't only be relying on my scholarship. My mother's right. If I'd lose the scholarship, I'd lose everything. I took the risk for nothing.

And so, instead of lying around my room and doing nothing during our one-month vacation before the second trimester started, I searched for a part-time job around the city. Mabuti na lang at mayroong hiring sa isang milk tea shop. Medyo malapit din iyon sa bahay ng aking tututoran every weekdays kaya kinuha ko na agad.

I decided to save and earn money just in case the scholarship would slip away from my grip. Kung sakali mang mangyari 'yon ay handa ako. Mayroon akong magagamit na pera pangtuition. Susubukan ko ring mag-apply sa financial assistance scholarships na ino-offer sa school.

Hindi ko na rin ginastos ang aking naipong pera sa pagbili ng bagong camera. Though it still made me feel guilty, I accepted Jirro's gift when he decided to just give his DSLR to me along with a new lens. That was his Christmas gift.

Ang plano ko lang sana ay hihiramin ko pa rin sa kanya ang kanyang camera upang may magamit pa rin sa eskuwela. I had no idea that he was planning to give it to me. Ang sabi niya pa ay balak niyang bilhan ako ng bago, but he knew that I would feel uncomfortable and pressured to receive it.

Honestly, I really didn't know how I would survive without Jirro. But I knew I shouldn't rely on him too much. Even though he kept telling me that it was okay to depend on him, I didn't want to end up abusing his kindness. As much as possible, I wanted to do and get things on my own.

"Thank you po!" I enthusiastically greeted the costumer as I handed him over his takeout.

Pinanood ko ito hanggang sa lumabas ng shop. Sakto rin naman ang pagdating ng sasakyang pamilyar na pamilyar na sa akin. I pursed my lips to stop myself from smiling because of his arrival.

"Mukhang nandyan na naman ang boyfriend mo, ha?" mapaglarong inis sa akin ng may-ari ng milk tea shop.

A shy smile touched my lips. Though it was a bit embarrassing, I was happy that Jirro never failed to show his support by coming here almost every day. He would also order different flavors of milk teas and fruit teas. Sa tingin ko nga ay natikman na niya lahat sa sobrang dalas niya rito. Ever since I started working, he would come after their band practice or if they didn't have any gigs.

At first, he didn't want me to work part-time. Ayaw niya akong magtrabaho dahil ayaw niyang mapagod o mahirapan ako. However, he knew that he wouldn't be able to change my mind. So instead of having a disagreement with me, he just fully supported me.

On the other hand, the friend of Ike's father officially cast them as one of the performers in his bar. They were already getting paid for doing the gig. The last time I came to watch them during my day off, I learned that most ladies would come to the bar for them. They were getting a lot of attention.

I wouldn't be surprised if a big opportunity would come their way. They are all talented and dedicated. Madalas din ay self-composition pa nila ang mga kantang tinutugtog instead of just doing covers. And not to mention their handsome looks which could make girls fall on their knees. Alam kong isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit pinupuntahan sila ng mga babaeng tagahanga ay dahil sa kanilang itsura.

Jirro asked me one time if I was jealous because of those girls trying to get their attention by showing up to their gigs. However, rather than getting jealous, I was even prouder of him. And I also accepted the fact that it was normal for him and the band to gain fans.

One day, I knew they are going to be very big. Kung magseselos ako sa mga humahanga sa kanila ngayon, paano pa kapag tuluyan na silang umangat sa larangan ng musika?

"Hey, babe." His eyes glistened when he smiled as he approached me at the counter.

A smile automatically appeared on my face. "Ang aga ninyo atang natapos ngayon?"

It was only quarter to six when he arrived. Mayroon silang band practice kanina sa bahay ni Ike sa Quezon City. Doon sila laging nagpa-practice dahil mayroong studio. They would usually end at five in the afternoon, and he would arrive here around seven.

"May alis kasi si Isaiah ngayon kasama ng kapatid niya at ng best friend no'n. It's also the reason why we're not performing tonight," sagot niya sa akin at saka tumingala sa menu. "Ano pa ba ang hindi ko natitikman dito?"

I didn't answer because I had no idea. Sa dami nang nainom niya, para sa akin ay natikman na niya lahat.

"I guess I should just get the lemon fruit tea," he said after contemplating.

"Okay. What size?"

"Large cup," he replied, then gave me a five hundred peso bill for the payment.

Pagkatapos ko siyang suklian ay ibinigay ko na sa staff na gumagawa mismo ng drinks ang order ni Jirro. Nang mabasa niya ang pangalan na nakalagay sa cup ay natawa siya.

"Malapit na atang magkadiabetes 'yang boyfriend mo, Cloe," biro niya sa akin. "Patingnan mo na kaya."

I just laughed her joke off and returned to the counter. I found Jirro sitting on his usual spot. He was scribbling something on his music notebook. He must be writing chords or fixing the arrangements of their songs. Either way, I just let him do his thing.

Hanggang sa magsara ang milk tea shop ay nanatili lamang siya sa kanyang puwesto. He barely sipped on his drink because he was too focused on what he was doing. Like always, when it comes to music, he's burning with passion.

"It's already your last day working there, right?" Jirro asked me once we were settled inside his car.

It was supposed to be my last day working at the milk tea shop since the second trimester would start the next day. However, the owner told me that I could work there during my rest days if I still wanted to. I accepted her offer because I needed the money. Sayang ang ibabayad nila sa akin. She would still pay me a daily minimum wage. I couldn't really find the reason to say no.

"Magt-trabaho pa rin ako sa Outea Space," I told him. "Iyong mga araw na wala akong pasok, magt-trabaho ako."

Jirro looked shocked when I told him that. He opened his mouth to say something, but then he just licked his lips and pursed it tightly into a thin line. He clammed up instead of voicing out his thoughts.

I could see in his eyes that he didn't like it. He wanted me to quit working, but I guessed he knew that no one could make me reconsider my decision―not even him.

The silence embraced us for almost a minute. It didn't give me peace, though. It was suffocating. It left me feeling very uneasy so I averted my eyes away from him and faced front. I stared out of the window and felt sadness creeping into my heart.

"Nga pala, sabay tayo ng uwian bukas, 'di ba?" bigla niyang pagbasag sa katahimikan nang medyo malapit na kami sa aming bahay. "Do you want to come with us? Magp-practice kami ulit kila Ike after dismissal. You can be our audience, then I'll take you out to eat dinner afterwards."

Napalunok ako. Hindi ko rin nasabi sa kanya na tuloy ang pagtututor ko tuwing weekdays. Balik eskuwela na ang bata na tinuturuan ko pagkatapos ng Christmas at New Year's break kaya balik na rin ako sa pagiging private tutor ng isang Grade 1 student.

"Uhm, hindi ako makakasama..." nag-aalangan kong pagtanggi sa kanyang imbitasyon.

He quickly glanced at me. He couldn't stare long because he was driving. "Why?" he probed. "May gagawin ka ba?"

"I have a private tutor appointment with Miggy," I confessed. "Remember him? Siya iyong batang tinuturuan ko bago sila nag-Christmas break."

Jirro couldn't stop himself that time from frowning. Like he was already stretched to his limit, he pulled the car over to a fast food chain's parking lot. Once we were parked properly, he shifted the lever then faced me with a puzzled expression.

"What do you mean?" He sounded confused and problematic. "You mean, you will still continue to be a private tutor during weekdays while simultaneously working at Outea Space on your rest days?"

Kinagat ko ang aking mga labi. It felt like I was being scolded by my parents. Pakiramdam ko ay may ginawa akong mali kahit na magta-trabaho lang naman ako para sa aking kinabukasan.

"That's my plan―"

"Cloe, are you even thinking about yourself?" His voice raised up one key. His eyes were screaming frustration. "I don't mind you continue working at Outea Space, if that's what you really want. But having another part-time job on top of that? What are you thinking?"

Napakunot ang aking noo. Alam ko namang nag-aalala siya para sa akin pero sana man lang ay maisip niya kung bakit kailangan ko itong gawin. I didn't like how he was making me feel bad while I was trying to work hard for my dreams.

"You know why I'm doing this, Jirro," I tried to explain my side, also feeling frustrated. "You know exactly why I'm working this hard."

"I know, babe... Damn..." He tightly shut his eyes as he cursed softly. "But compromising your health for it? I know fucking well that it won't be easy for you. I'm worried, Cloe. I hope you also know why I'm acting this way."

I held his stare. I didn't back down as I said, "You told me you trust me."

He licked his lower lip as he brushed his hair up using his fingers.

"Then, please trust me now, Jirro," I told him. "I can take care of myself. I can do this."

He blew out a deep breath. He was having a hard time fighting with himself. But honestly, I knew I didn't need his permission for it. But I really wanted him to support me with the challenges I chose to take.

"I trust you, Cloe..." he said, his voice sincere and quiet. "But I love you, so you can't expect me not to be worried."

Bumabalik na sa akin lahat. Pakiramdam ko ay ako na naman ang may kasalanan. I hated how he could make me feel that way. His words affected me so much. He could easily make me reach the skies, but he could also pull me down to the ground quickly. I finally understood when they said that the reason why you're strong can also be your kryptonite.

"But I guess I don't really have the power to change your mind," he said after a while. "Just do whatever you want to do. I won't interfere anymore."

His voice resounded with finality. I could hear it still ringing on my ears when I got home.

Kinagat ko ang aking labi nang naramdaman ko ang nagsisimulang pagluluha ng aking mga mata. Kusa nga lang itong umatras nang makita ko si daddy na nakaupo sa may garahe at lalo na nang magtama ang aming tingin. Kaya nga lang ay mukhang hindi ito nakatakas sa kanya.

My father's face turned to grimace. "Ano ang nangyari?" he immediately asked me, his voice was laced with concern that it reminded me of Jirro.

Hindi ako sumagot kaagad. Napabuntonghininga naman siya.

"Nag-away ba kayo ni Jirro?" He hit the right spot.

Napaangat ako ng tingin kay daddy nang maayos. Sa tanong niyang iyon ay tuluyang bumagsak ang aking mga luha.

Agad akong hinila ni daddy upang mapaupo sa kanyang tabi. I kept wiping my tears to stop crying. Noon ko lamang napakawalan ang kinikimkim kong sakit.

"Alam mo, normal lang sa mga magkarelasyon ang nag-aaway at 'di nagkakaintindihan..." biglang sabi ni daddy gamit ang isang mahinahon na boses. "Kahit kami ng mama mo noon, nag-aaway rin kami kahit tungkol sa mga walang kuwentang bagay pa minsan. Walang perpektong relasyon. Walang perpektong pagmamahal."

I bit my lower lip. I knew exactly what my father wanted to tell me, but I couldn't help it. That was the first time Jirro and I had an argument where I felt like we didn't have any closure.

Alam kong noong naghiwalay kami ay parehas kaming may natirang sama ng loob sa isa't isa. It was the reason why my heart felt so heavy and why I started crying. But I also knew I couldn't do what he wanted me to do. I would still go against what he wanted. I would still push through my plans and decisions. I would still disappoint him.

"Bakit ba kayo nag-away?" marahang tanong ni daddy.

Bahagya akong yumuko. "Hindi po kami magkasundo..." tahimik kong sagot. "Ayaw niya po kasing ituloy ko ang pagtututor dahil itutuloy ko pa rin po ang trabaho ko sa Outea Space tuwing walang pasok. Naiintindihan ko naman po pero..." Napailing na lang ako at hindi na maituloy ang sasabihin.

"Hmm... Kung ako rin naman ay gusto kitang pahintuin sa pagta-trabaho mo," pag-amin ni daddy kaya agad akong napalingon sa kanya. "Gagawan ko naman ng paraan kung sakaling kailangan mo. Ayokong makita ang nag-iisang anak kong nahihirapan. Ayokong magtrabaho ka habang nag-aaral lalo na't mayroon pa naman akong trabaho, dahil minsan ay pakiramdam ko ay wala akong silbi kaya ayaw mong magpatulong."

Umiling-iling ako. Ayon ang iniiwasan kong mangyari. I didn't want my father to exhaust himself just to provide for me, when I knew that I could do it on my own.

"Kaya nga lang ay alam kong pinalaki kitang praktikal. Tinuruan kitang hindi dumepende sa ibang tao kaya naiintindihan ko kung bakit matigas ang ulo mo ngayon," sabi ni daddy. "Pero mahal kita kaya hindi ko maiiwasan ang mag-alala rin para sa 'yo."

My lips parted when I realized that Jirro and my father said the same thing.

"At alam mo, natutuwa ako na may taong nagmamahal sa 'yo na katulad ni Jirro," bigla niyang sabi. "Kung dati ay medyo nag-aalangan ako sa kanya, ngayon ay sigurado akong mahal na mahal ka niya. Kampante ako na parte siya ng buhay mo dahil alam kong hindi ka niya papabayaan."

Nilingon ako ni daddy para ngumiti. Umihip ang hangin at bahagyang nagulo ang aking buhok. Agad na inipit ni daddy ang nakatakas na mga hibla ng buhok sa likod ng aking tainga.

"Kaya sana ay pahalagahan mo ang lahat ng mayroon ka ngayon," payo niya. "Walang masama na habulin mo ang pangarap mo, pero sana ay huwag mong tuluyang kalimutan na kasama mo kami sa pagtakbo."