#NewClassicNRO

Chapter 13
Scholarship

My hands were tightly clasped together and my eyes were firmly shut as I silently prayed in front of my laptop. The results for the entrance exams were already out. Jirro already saw his result earlier. Like what he expected, he passed. He also received an acceptance email.

For a moment, I was happy for him until my anxiety suddenly acted up. Cold sweats rolled down my back because of intense nervousness. I bit my lower lip hard. It felt like my whole life was on the line. If I wouldn't get the full scholarship, it seemed like I was already done for.

Matapos ang tawag ni Jirro, pinigilan ko muna ang aking sarili na tingnan ang aking resulta. I didn't pass UPCAT and the Diliman campus wasn't accepting appeals for reconsideration. On the other hand, I passed in PUP with BA Broadcasting as my first choice. And like what my mother wanted, I took the exam in PNU for BS Psychology and passed as well. Itong resulta na lang sa CSB ang hindi ko nalalaman.

"Cloe..."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay daddy nang marahan niyang tinawag ang aking pangalan.

"Bakit po?"

Kumunot ang kanyang noo. "Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo?" nag-aalala niyang tanong. "Bakit ang tamlay mong kumain?"

My lips parted a bit.

I wasn't even aware of my own actions. Masyado kong iniisip ang magiging resulta ng aking exams sa CSB. Hindi ko namalayan na lumilipad na ang isipan ko at wala na ang aking buong atensyon sa pagkain.

"Hindi po." Hilaw akong ngumiti. "Iniisip ko lang po 'yong mga gagawin ko mamaya."

Honestly, I wasn't really lying. I was really about to do something which was nerve-racking for me. My parents was probably thinking that it was for a project or requirements in school.

Tumango-tango si daddy. "Ganyan talaga kapag graduating student na," sabi niya. "Madaming kailangang ipasa at gawin. Ngunit iyon naman ang ikakabuti mo dahil makakatulong iyon sa 'yo sa kolehiyo."

My father made me unwrap another huge bundle of knowledge over lunch. I learned so many things about life in a short period of time. He continuously talked about his hardships as a college student. Sometimes my mother would also share her own experiences.

Medyo nagpayabangan pa nga silang dalawa. Si daddy ay rito sa Maynila lumaki at nag-aral habang si mommy naman ay sa probinsya. They met each other when my mother was trying to apply for a job here in Manila.

Nalibang ako nina mommy at daddy habang kumakain ng tanghalian. I was attentive to hear their stories which only inspired me to continue the path I wanted to take. The burning flame inside me got stronger. Hearing their hardships and sacrifices made me want to strive for more. It was like someone unleashed the tiger I had been caging up inside me. I wanted to give them a better life in the future.

For me, achieving my dreams are not just for my own gratification. It's for my parents and the family that I'll be building in the future.

Habang iniisip 'yon ay agad na sumagi sa aking isipan si Jirro. I suddenly felt bashful because I was already thinking of creating a family with him, even though I only turned legal a month ago.

However, it was something I had been unconsciously doing. Every time I would picture myself in the future, I would see him with me. A future with him is what my vision would always show me―like he's meant to be a part of it right from the start.

Nonetheless, I know I shouldn't get comforted by that. Our visions can sometimes make illusions to let us see what we want to see. It can fool us and make us hope for something so uncertain.

There's still a long way ahead of us. We're still young. Our feelings can change. I might fall out of love. He might fall for someone else. We don't really know. Whether we like it or not, we would face obstacles which will challenge our relationship.

But if there was one thing I was sure of that time―I'm in love with him.

After I finally braved myself to check the result, I clicked the page where I could see my result. I opened my eyes wide as I didn't want to misread anything.

My heart pounded hard against my chest. My pulse started to race. I wanted to smile but instead, I found myself crying. When my eyes started to blur because of the tears welling inside, I wiped my tears away just to read the message over and over again.

It said that I passed the entrance examination. I was also granted a full scholarship, miscellaneous support, and allowance per term.

I was so emotionally invested. Tears just kept streaming down my face like I just won the lottery. Habang nagtitipa ako ng mensahe para kay Jirro ay paulit-ulit kong pinupunasan ang aking mga mata para makita nang maayos ang inilalagay ko.

To: Jirro
I did it! Nakapasa ako! Nakakuha ako ng full scholarship!

Nanginginig ang aking mga kamay. Hindi ako mapakali. Nagawa ko pang kurutin ang sarili ko nang ilang beses para lang mapatunayan sa aking sarili na hindi ako nananaginip.

Ilang minuto lang ang nakakalipas ay tumunog ang aking cellphone para sa mensahe na dumating. It was a message from Jirro.

From: Jirro
I'm outside your house.

Instead of congratulating me, iyon lang ang sinabi niya. Meydo nagtaka rin ako nang ilang sandali ngunit mabilis ko ring inayos ang aking sarili bago lumabas ng kuwarto.

"Saan ka pupunta?" tanong sa akin ni daddy nang makitang palabas ako ng bahay.

"Nasa labas daw po si Jirro," sagot ko.

Hinayaan ako ni daddy nang malamang si Jirro ang kikitain ko. He proceeded answering the crossword puzzle on the newspaper while I went outside to meet my boyfriend.

Pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko sa maliit na pasukan ng aming gate, I was surprised by a large and well-arranged bouquet. Sa gitna ng mga makukulay at mababangong mga bulaklak, mayroong nakaipit na message card.

You did great, Cloétte!
I love you.

Those words were enough to melt my heart. I smiled broadly, but my eyes were filled with tears.

Suddenly, Jirro removed the bouquet covering his face. He greeted me with a big smile on his lips. Overwhelming happiness and affection poured out of my heart.

I didn't say any word and just threw myself to him. Isinukbit ko ang aking mga braso sa kanyang leeg. He rested one of his hands on my back, while the other one was busy holding the bouquet.

"Thank you so much for encouraging me..." I sincerely expressed my gratitude to him.

He tapped my back lightly. "It's because I know you can do it."

Mas lalo kong hinigpitan ang aking yakap sa kanya. Mga ilang segundo rin ang lumipas bago ako humiwalay sa kanya.

Naupo kami sa upuan na nasa garahe habang binibilang ko kung ilang bulaklak lahat ang nasa bouquet. There's a total of twenty four roses, all in colors white and green. Pagkatapos kong bilangin ay binasa kong muli ang nasa maikling note na nilagay niya.

I suddenly wondered how he arrived so fast. Parang wala pang limang minuto noong sinabi ko sa kanyang nakatanggap ako ng scholarship ay nandito na siya agad.

"Paano ka pala agad nakarating dito?" kuryoso kong tanong nang lingunin ko siya.

"I was just waiting by the milk tea shop nearby," he casually answered like it wasn't a big deal. "Pagkatapos kong ipagawa ang bulaklak ay dumiretso na ako roon. I'm glad I was just on time."

Ngumuso ako, ibinagsak ang mga mata sa mga bulaklak. "Paano kung hindi naman ako nakakuha ng scholarship tapos nagpagawa ka pa ng ganito?"

"Does it matter?" he nonchalantly asked. "I didn't give you that because you received a full scholarship. I gave you that because I know how hard you studied and prepared for the entrance exam."

Muli akong napaangat ng tingin sa kanya.

He smiled at me. "I'm giving you this as a reward for giving your one hundred percent to achieve your dreams," he explained. "And it's also true that I love you."

Awtomatikong sumilay ang ngiti sa aking mga labi.

"Nandyan pala kayong dalawa. Bakit hindi kayo pumasok sa loob?"

Muntik kong mabitawan ang mga bulaklak nang nadinig ko ang boses ni daddy. Agad na tumayo si Jirro para batiin si daddy nang maayos.

My father's eyes landed on the flowers Jirro gave me. His brows raised in suspicion.

"Aba't mayroon ka pa palang pabulaklak, Jirro," pabirong sabi ni daddy.

Jirro just chuckled, then turned to me. He asked me a question through his stare. I knew he was wondering if I already told my parents about getting a scholarship in CSB.

Nang wala akong sinagot ay alam kong naiintindihan niya na 'yon.

"Dito na kayo sa loob mag-usap. Bibili ako ng meryenda ninyong dalawa," pag-aya ni daddy sa aming dalawa.

Nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin si Jirro para lingunin si daddy. "Huwag na po, tito," pagtanggi niya. "Dumaan lang po ako para ibigay kay Cloe ang bulaklak."

"Oh, sige. Uuwi ka na?"

"Opo," sabi ni Jirro kay daddy bago ako nilingon. "I'll go now."

Jirro's look told me to already tell my parents the truth.

Finally decided, I smiled and nodded at him. He looked a bit relieved and reassured as I gave him a smile.

Pagkaalis niya ay sumama na ako kay daddy papasok ng bahay. Hanggang ngayon ay patingin-tingin pa rin siya sa bulaklak na hawak-hawak ko.

"Wow! Bigay ba 'yan ni Jirro?" My mother looked more excited than me when she saw the flowers I was holding. "Nasaan siya? Bakit hindi mo pinapasok?"

Nahihiya akong tumango. "Umuwi na rin po siya."

"Ganoon ba? Sayang naman..." sabi ni mommy at saka umupo sa tabi ni daddy.

My father wasn't saying anything. He was just looking at me, waiting for me to spill the truth on my own.

"Uhm, may sasabihin po pala ako sa inyo," nag-aalangan kong paninimula.

Mommy looked at lost when she saw me hesitant. Kumunot ang noo niya at nilingon si daddy na para bang nasa kanyang asawa ang sagot sa kanyang mga katanungan.

Hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa bulaklak. "N-natanggap po ako sa CSB."

Napaawang ang mga labi ni mommy. Si daddy naman ay napabuntonghininga.

"Iyan ba ang gumugulo sa isipan mo?" tanong ni daddy.

Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi at saka tumango.

"Wala namang problema kung natanggap ka roon..." sabi ni daddy.

My eyes widened a bit, feeling surprised because my father sounded nonchalant. However, when I saw his problematic expression, I held back myself from smiling. Para bang sinisimulan niya nang kompyutin sa kanyang isipan ang gagastusin niya para sa aking tuition.

"Hindi ba't sobrang laki ng tuition fee diyan, dad?" Nilingon ni mommy si daddy. "Hindi natin kayang pag-aralin diyan si Cloe."

Ibinaba ko ang bulaklak sa center table habang umiiling. "Hindi naman po kailangang bayaran ang tuition fee ko pang-enroll," agap ko. "Nakatanggap po ako ng full scholarship."

"Cloe, kahit na nakatanggap ka ngayon ng scholarship, hindi natin alam kung buong pag-aaral mo ba roon ay libre. Paano kung nawalan ka ng scholarship? Ano na ang gagawin natin? Wala tayong pambabayad!"

I knew my mother was just trying to be practical and I already expected that, but I couldn't help but to be stabbed by her words. She was speaking the truth that it hurt. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay talagang pinipilit ko lang ang gusto ko kahit na hindi naman iyon ang tamang gawin.

It led me to wonder: Am I wrong for choosing my dream over practicality? Did I make the wrong decision for taking the risk?

Even though Jirro already pulled me out of it last time, I felt myself falling in between the cracks again and getting caught up in one of the tree branches hanging. I was firmly holding on to it, not knowing whether I would try to climb up or just let myself fall completely.

"Nang dahil ba kay Jirro kaya mo gustong mag-aral din sa CSB?" sunod na tanong ni mommy. "Baka nakakalimutan mo, Cloe. Mayaman ang pamilya ni Jirro. Hindi niya kailangang isipan ang mga pinansyal na bagay katulad natin."

"Hindi naman po si Jirro ang dahilan kung bakit ko gustong mag-aral sa CSB," paliwanag ko, unti-unting nag-iinit ang gilid ng aking mga mata dahil sa luha na namumuo. "Alam ninyo po kung gaano ko gusto maging filmmaker. Mayroon pong film doon―"

"Film?" My mother absolutely didn't like it. "Alam kong pangarap mo 'yan, pero wala kang mararating diyan, anak. Sabi ko sa 'yo ay mag-Psychology ka na lang. Doon ay madami kang puwedeng pagpilian na trabaho. Kailangan nating maging praktikal."

"Pagbubutihan ko po ng mabuti sa eskuwela," desidido kong sabi. "Paghihirapan ko pong ma-maintain ang grades ko para hindi mawalan ng scholarship. Promise po. Hindi po ako magiging pabigat."

She was lost for words as she stared at me. She let out a deep breath and massaged the bridge of her nose like I was being a huge headache to her.

"Sigurado ka bang iyan ang gusto mo?"

Noon pa lamang nagsalita si daddy nang natahimik kaming dalawa ni mommy.

"Carlo! Huwag mong kunsintihin ang anak mo! Alam mong hindi natin kaya 'yan," suway ni mommy kay daddy.

"Ito po talaga ang gusto ko, daddy." Walang bakas nang pag-aalinlangan ang aking boses. "Iyon po talaga ang pangarap ko."

"Cloétte―"

"Kathy, ito ang gusto ng anak natin."

Tumaas ang boses ni mommy upang patahimikin ako ngunit agad siyang pinakiusapan ni daddy.

"Pero hindi naman kailangang lahat ng gusto niya ay masusunod, Carlo. Pataas na nang pataas lalo ang mga bilihin ngayon. Hindi natin kakayanin isabay ang tuition niyan kung sakaling mawalan siya ng scholarship," paliwanag ni mommy.

"Wala ka bang tiwala sa anak mo?" malamig na tanong ni daddy kay mommy. "Ngayon lang siya humiling sa atin. Pagbigyan na natin kung ito talaga ang gusto niya."

Napailing si mommy. Masama ang kanyang loob nang tumayo siya. "Wala na akong magagawa kung ayan ang gusto ninyo," sabi niya. "Basta huwag ninyo akong sisihin sa huli."

My mother walked out on us as she didn't want to argue anymore. Pumasok siya sa kuwarto nila ni daddy upang mapag-isa.

I felt so bad even though my mother just surrendered and let me do whatever I wanted to do. Guilt was starting to creep in me. Muli akong nagdalawang-isip kung itutuloy ko pa bang ang pag-eenroll ko sa CSB o susundin ko na lang ang gusto niyang mangyari.

While I was thinking deeply, my father held my hand. I looked into his eyes, and he gently smiled at me.

"Huwag mong isipin ang sinabi ng mommy mo," he tried to comfort me. "Huwag kang mag-alala. Kakausapin ko siya. Basta ipangako mo sa aking pagbubutihan mo ang pag-aaral mo roon, ha?"

Feeling so grateful for his support, I nodded and hugged him as I let my tears roll down on my cheeks.