#NewClassicNRO

Chapter 12
Dreams

With Jirro's encouragement, I managed to build up my self-esteem. He made me believe in myself when I was in doubt. His trust in me gave me hope. He could make me feel like I was capable of doing anything.

"Did you pass it already?" Jirro asked me, standing up from sitting on the bench once I was back from the Admissions.

We came together to pass our requirements and pay the processing fee. He wanted to assist me at first, but I told him that I wanted to do it on my own. It gave me a sense of independence. Nauna siya sa akin nang mga ilang sandali upang magpasa bago ako sumunod.

Nodding my head, I showed him my test permit. A wide smile was plastered on my face, feeling proud of myself.

I just submitted my requirements, but I couldn't help it. It felt like I was taking a huge step closer to my dream. I was already on my way to my goal destination.

However, I knew it was only the beginning of my journey. My boat was just about to sail. I had to prepare myself in order to overcome the rough waves coming my way and, possibly, losing my way or sinking in the vast ocean. I already thought of countless hurdles and obstacles that I might encounter as I was sure that it wouldn't be an easy journey.

Nonetheless, I still had alternative plans just in case it wouldn't work out. I also applied and sent application forms to state universities around Manila, including University of the Philippines where they also offer film. Namili na rin ako ng ibang program na napupusuan ko bilang second choice. Even though I didn't want to let go of the dream I was pursuing, there's a possibility that I have to make my way around it and change my direction. I just hoped that it would still lead me to my dream once everything falls into place.

Unlike me, Jirro was confident enough not to try submitting his application forms to other universities. He put all his bet on CSB. He told me that he would surely pass, and I also believed that he would.

I could tell that Jirro wasn't slacking around. He would often join me study. Madalas siyang bumibisita sa bahay para tulungan akong mag-aral kahit weekends. He was the breather I exactly needed, every time I was stressing myself to study. That was how he supported me. He gave me strength a lot.

My goal wasn't just to pass the entrance exam, but to get a result that would give me a full scholarship. I knew well that my parents couldn't afford to pay the tuition fee while paying our monthly bills and rental fee. Tanging ang scholarship lamang ang maaari kong kapitan para makapag-aral sa kolehiyo na gusto ko.

"Do you want to eat out or should we go home already?" Jirro asked me carefully while we were walking out of the campus. "May malapit na McDo at Jollibee sa labas. We can eat first if you want."

"Hmm... Sa bahay na siguro tayo kumain," sabi ko dahil malaki rin ang nagastos ko sa pagbayad ng processing fee kanina.

I didn't ask money for my parents to pay the fee. They weren't even aware that I passed an application form in CSB. Wala akong ideya kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanila ang plano kong mag-aral sa isang kolehiyo na kasinglaki ng isang term ng tuition fee ko sa private school ang presyo ng isang semester. That would surely stress my father out. Ayoko na ring isipin ang sasabihin sa akin ni mommy.

Alam kong dapat ay sinasabi ko sa kanila ang mga ganitong bagay, ngunit hindi pa ako handa. I was scared thinking about how my parents would take my decisions.

If they oppose to it, what would I do? But if they support me, that would be a great help for me because I was sure that my father would pull strings just to provide for me and pay my tuition―but I didn't want that. Ayaw kong dagdagan pa ang problemang pinansyal namin. I was the one who signed up for that. Kaya hangga't maaari, ayaw kong iasa 'yon sa mga magulang ko.

"You sure?" paninigurado ni Jirro.

Tumango ako sa kanya at ngumiti. "Ang sabi rin ni mommy ay magluluto siya ng kaldereta kaya sa bahay na tayo kumain."

I was sure that Jirro would gladly pay for our food, but I didn't want him to treat me out all the time. I didn't want to get used to that.

Ever since we became official, as much as possible, we would share the expenses during our casual dates after school. Pagdating naman sa pamasahe ay pinagbibigyan ko na siya dahil halos hindi ko na nga siya mapapayag na pagbayarin ako paminsan-minsan sa mga pagkain namin sa labas.

Jirro has a lot of means to treat me like a princess by paying for our dates all on his own, but it wasn't something I was comfortable of. Hindi ko maiwasan ang makaramdam ng hiya kahit na alam kong normal lang 'yon sa ibang mga magkarelasyon. I guessed that's just how my father brought me up. When it comes to financial expenses, he taught me how to save money for myself.

"Okay, then." His eyes crinkled a bit when he smiled as he casually slipped his hand to hold mine. "Let's go home."

Jirro pressed on my hand lightly. We began to walk out of the street to the LRT station. We opted for Grab on our way to CSB because the LRT was so overcrowded during the morning. Jirro was uncomfortable about letting me ride it. Iniiwasan niyang mabastos ako lalo na at siksikan. Hinayaan ko na siya nang inaya niya akong mag-Grab na lang kahit napamahal ng sobra ang aming pamasahe.

Mabuti na lang kapag pabalik ay wala masyadong tao. Mabilis na nakabili si Jirro ng tickets namin pauwi at nakasakay rin nang hindi kailangang makipagpaunahan o makipagsiksikan.

Doon ako sa dulo ni Jirro pinaupo habang siya ay tumabi lang agad sa akin, gaya ng ginagawa niya kapag sumasakay kami ng jeepney. He put my hand on his lap and held it tightly with both hands. I naturally rested my head on his shoulder, like it was already a thing for us to do these skinships whenever we were on a ride.

The moment the side of my head touched his shoulder, Jirro squeezed my hand and leaned his head on mine, too.

A smile touched my lips. Just being with him like that was already more than enough for me. I was contented with those kind of simple heart fluttering moments.

"Hindi pa rin ba natin sasabihin kina tito at tita ang tungkol sa pagpasa mo ng form sa CSB?" mahina niyang tanong sa akin dahil tahimik sa loob ng LRT. Tanging ang pag-andar lamang ng tren ang madidinig mo.

He really hated the idea that we had to lie to my parents just to go out and pass the requirements. He didn't want to lie and deceive my parents. Natatakot siya na baka magalit sa kanya ang mga magulang ko. He didn't want to be on their bad side. Kaya nga lang ay hindi niya rin kayang hindi ako pagbiyan sa mga kahilingan ko.

Ang paalam ko sa mga magulang ko ay sasamahan ako ni Jirro na tumingin ng camera na bibilhin. I had extra savings for that which was roughly twelve thousand pesos. Kung makakapasok kasi ako sa CSB at matutuloy ang pag-aaral ko ng film, I would really need a new videocam or camera. Hanggang ngayon ay iyong digicam ko pa rin ang gamit ko at paminsan-minsan akong pinapahiram ni Jirro ng kanyang DSLR.

Inangat ko ang aking ulo mula sa kanyang braso upang lingunin siya. Ngumuso ako at saka umiling. "Saka ko na sasabihin kapag nakapasa ako."

He frowned, a bit frustrated with my answer. "I don't really know why you like to do things on your own."

I beamed at him. "I'm not alone because you're with me."

Jirro wasn't expecting that. He had to turn away to control his expression. A ghost of a smile was trying to appear on his lips but he was fighting hard to conceal it.

"Damn..." He exhaled deeply. "Now, how can I argue with that?"

I chuckled quietly and brought my head back to his shoulder. "You don't have to worry about me, you know..." I assured him. "Kaya ko naman ang sarili ko."

He sighed, then intertwined our fingers together. "I know..." he said, his voice quiet and tender. "Independence is a good thing. But I hope you won't be too hard on yourself and carry all the burden."

Each heavy breath, I felt his shoulders rose and fell in a profound way.

"If you don't want to trouble your parents, you can turn to me," he seriously said. "You can trouble me all you want. You can rely on me, okay?"

Nag-angat akong muli ng tingin sa kanya. Due to our position, it was hard to look at him, but I was contented when our eyes met.

"You have me, Cloe," he reminded me.

Biting my lower lip, I didn't say anything and just snuggled closer to him, like we weren't close enough.

I was so thankful for Jirro's existence in my life. In him, I didn't just find the man I could rest my heart into. He wasn't just a boyfriend to me. He was a companion; a best friend. He was someone I could trust the most, someone who could make me feel at peace; someone who could bring out the best in me.

Without him, I wouldn't find my way closer to my dream. I would still be lost.

Nang makarating sa bahay ay tuwang-tuwa si mommy sa pagdating namin ni Jirro dahil bukod sa niluto niyang ulam ay naghanda rin siya ng panghimagas.

Seeing how Jirro could bond with my family so well, I was very proud of it. My mother was really treating him like her son. While my father, on the other hand, was also close with him. My parents love him.

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na umabot sa ganito ang relasyon naming dalawa. It also felt amazing how my parents accepted him so quickly, even though my father hesitated a bit at first.

I had been to Jirro's house, too. His family was as warm as him. His father was jolly, while his mother was more reserved. I was even nervous when I first met them, but they were approachable. Mayroong nakakatandang kapatid si Jirro na babae, ngunit nakahiwalay sa kanila at sa condo raw tumutuloy upang maging malapit sa kolehiyo na pinapasukan.

There was a bit of shock etched on my face. I didn't know that he has an older sister. I thought he was an only child like me.

Tito Robert, Jirro's father, laughed heartily at my reaction. "Jirro didn't tell you that he has a sister?"

Nahihiya naman akong tumango. "Hindi niya po naiku-kuwento."

"I'm not that close to ate so..." Jirro just shrugged his shoulders.

Hearing him call someone 'ate' sounded so cute to me. I couldn't help but smile.

I had a good time on my first visit to their house. Noon ko rin napag-alaman na talagang ubod nila ng yaman. His father is a supplier and dealer of vegetables and meat, while his mother also has a business of her own. Kung hindi ko siguro nakikita ang mga materyal na bagay na mayroon si Jirro ay hindi ko maiisip na ganoon silang kayaman. Even when we ate out, we would only dine on fast foods or local cafes where we wouldn't spend much. Kapag nasa maliit na apartment din namin siya ay wala siyang kaarte-arte, kahit na sanay siyang nakatira sa napakalaking bahay.

It spoke a lot about him as a person. He's very humble and courteous. The list of things I love about him just kept getting longer and longer, making me want him more. Nonetheless, even without those reasons why I love him, I know I wouldn't love him less.

"Jirro, saan mo nga ba balak mag-aral ng kolehiyo?" biglang tanong ni daddy kay Jirro habang kumakain kami ng tanghalian.

I almost choke on my food because of his sudden question. Hindi pa ako ganoong kakumportableng pag-usapan iyon sa harap ng aking pamilya. If they would ask me, I knew I had to lie again because I wasn't ready to tell them about what I wanted to take up in college.

"CSB po," magalang na sagot ni Jirro at walang pagdadalawang-isip.

"Saint Benilde?" paninigurado ni daddy.

Ngumiti si Jirro at tumango. "Yes po."

"Ano naman ang kukuhanin mong program?"

"Music production," Jirro answered. "I love playing and making music."

Kita kong medyo hindi sang-ayon si daddy sa kinuha niyang program. I was sure that he couldn't understand why Jirro would choose such program. Kahit si mommy ay kita kong napaisip.

"Hindi ka ba mahihirapang humanap ng trabaho kapag ganyan?" nag-aalalang tanong ni mommy.

"Madami naman pong trabaho na related sa music production," paliwanag ni Jirro. "I have a lot of plans, too. I can establish a small music school or offer music lessons to save money. But my long time dream is to establish my own record label or invest in a company on the same line."

I was proud of Jirro when he flawlessly answered without breaking a sweat. I could tell that my parents were also amazed that Jirro has such big plans for his future.

"Kung sabagay..." Daddy nodded his head. "Hindi biro ang tuition fee sa kolehiyo na gusto mong pasukan. Nakakapanghinayang kung masasayang lang ang pag-aaralan mo, kaya nakakatuwa na mayroon kang magandang plano sa buhay."

"Thank you po, tito," Jirro courtly replied with a smile.

Pursing my lips, I dropped my eyes on the plate. I couldn't help but wondered how my parents would react. If Jirro's choice of program didn't sit that well with my parents, what more about mine?

Ano ba ang plano ko kapag nakapagtapos ako ng film?

I didn't have any concrete plans like Jirro that I could use to convince my parents on letting me pursue my dreams, if ever they oppose to it. All I know is that I want to direct or produce my own film. I could work on entertainment companies as a start, if I'm lucky enough to be hired. However, I wasn't really sure how I'd be able to climb up and top the game.

But still, I badly wanted to chase my dreams―and I would just let it take me to the place where I'm destined to be.