#NewClassicNRO

Chapter 11
Decisions

During the weekend, I was pretty busy moving to the bed space I found. I decided to look for a place just around Quezon City, near Top Star Records. Unfortunately, the apartments and studio units' rates were higher than I expected it to be. It also required me to pay one month advance and two months deposit.

I would need roughly twenty four thousand to pay for everything. Hindi iyon kasya sa aking budget. I saved money when I was still studying and doing part-time jobs, but it wasn't enough to cover everything. I needed to be practical and frugal. The cost of living here in the Metro was undoubtedly higher than in the province. Sa probinsya ay medyo mababa lang ang presyo ng mga bilihin at pati na rin ang mga renta. I had to adapt myself. I had to budget wisely.

It was a good thing that I found someone offering a bed space online. Four thousand lamang ang monthly rent. Kasama na rin doon ang mga bill ng kuryente at tubig. I was told by the landlady that most bed spacer were working on BPOs who came from the province as well. It was a female dormitory, so I felt a bit comfortable even though I'd be staying with strangers.

Though it didn't turn out the way I planned it to be, I was contented that I had a personal space on my own because all bed spacers had their own bedroom. I value my privacy so much so I was already satisfied with the place I got.

The night before my first day, I slept early just to make sure that I was fully energized.

"Good morning!" one of the bed spacers greeted me once I entered the kitchen.

Her hair was tied in a messy bun while drinking a cup of tea and holding a piece of bread. I didn't want to be rude, but she looked very tired like she didn't get enough rest. Her dark circles were also very obvious.

"Uhm, morning," I hesitantly greeted her back.

"Gusto mo ng tsaa?" alok niya sa akin.

Umiling ako at ngumiti. Dumiretso ako sa lutuan para makapagluto nang simpleng umagahan. I bought a few groceries yesterday. Ang sabi ng landlady ay kailangan lamang namin ito lagyan ng aming pangalan. I put the dried goods inside my room, while the frozen and wet goods were stored inside the fridge.

"Ikaw ang bagong bed spacer, 'di ba?" she tried to engage in a conversation with me.

Habang nagluluto ng itlog ay saglit ko siyang nilingon. "Uh, oo," sagot ko. "Kakalipat ko lang nung Sabado."

She nodded. "Ako nga pala si Bernice," pakilala niya.

I smiled at her. "Cloétte, pero Cloe na lang."

"Sa BPO ka rin ba nagt-trabaho?" sunod niyang tanong. "Ano ang company mo?"

Hinango ko ang itlog na aking iprinito. May dala-dala na akong tinapay kaya ipinalaman ko 'yon doon at saka nilagyan ng ketchup at keso.

"Hindi ako sa BPO nagt-trabaho," sabi ko bago inilapag ang pagkain sa lamesa at umupo. "Sa may Top Star Records ako. Unang araw ko ngayon sa trabaho."

I saw her lips parted as her eyes shined. "Hindi ba't doon ang New Classic?" bigla siyang naging maligalig. Nakuha niya pang umupo sa aking harapan. "Idol na idol ko ang banda na 'yon! Ang galing nila! Crush na crush ko nga iyong vocalist nila."

As expected, Isaiah caught her attention. Madalas talaga ay ang vocalist ang napapansin ng mga tagahanga. They tend to turn a blind eye to the other members. Though I'm not saying that Isaiah doesn't deserve the recognition. Actually, he deserves it. He's really a good singer and songwriter. Pero sana lang ay bigyan nila ng pantay na tiyansa na makilala ang ibang miyembro ng banda.

Magsasalita pa sana siya para makipag-usap sa akin nang tumunog ang kanyang relo. Her eyes widened a bit. Mabilis niyang inubos ang tsaa na tinimpla at tinapay na kinakain.

"Mauuna na pala ako," paalam niya sa akin. "May side job pa ako, e. Nice meeting you, ah?"

And just like that, she was gone like a wind. I was a bit baffled after she left in a hurry. However, when I realized that I was also running out of time, I pushed myself to hurry as well.

When I arrived at the company just in time, I praised myself for choosing the right location where I settled. Mas maganda pa rin talaga na malapit ka sa pinagt-trabahuhan mo para maiwasan ang pagiging huli sa trabaho. It was really hard to predict the level of traffic here in Manila.

The production head introduced me to the whole team assigned to New Classic. They said that we'd be busy for the whole month because of New Classic's upcoming Utopian World concert tour. It's their second concert and since they're in-demand in other Asian countries and Europe, they scheduled an Asian and European tour as well.

For two days, we would be doing photoshoots for the photos that would be used for the merchandises. Ang sabi ng marketing head ay ayaw ng mga miyembro ng banda na ilagay ang mukha nila sa official concert poster kaya sa merchandises na lang ito ilalagay at sa mga promotional photos.

We were so busy at the studio to prepare for the shoot. I never thought that I'd be welcomed with so much work on my first day. But I knew I should've expected that already because New Classic had so many projects.

It was ten in the morning when New Classic arrived at the studio. I could see Sic enthusiastically greeting all the staffs, but it seemed like he was searching for someone. And when his eyes drifted on me, he smiled wider.

"There's Cloe!" he told the guys as he ran to me.

Tipid akong ngumiti sa kanya. Ang ibang mga staffs ay nagulat na kilala ako ni Sic kahit na unang araw ko pa lang sa trabaho.

Ike and Isaiah followed Sic to approach me. I didn't pay attention to the other members coming at me because I was only looking at Jirro. When he turned to me, his jaw clenched tightly like he hated seeing me there. Para bang pinipigilan niya ang sariling ipakita ang kanyang inis. He was wearing a smile while greeting the staffs, but my presence quickly put him in a bad mood.

Hindi nagtagal ang pagtingin niya sa akin. He immediately averted his eyes and proceeded greeting the staffs on the other side, away from his members who all came to me.

"This is why I'm excited for today's shoot!" Sic declared, stealing my attention away from Jirro. "Cloe's here!"

Nginitian ko na lamang si Sic bilang pagbati. Ganoon din ang ginawa ko kina Ike at Isaiah.

I just realized that they were already dressed for the shoot. Siguro ay naayusan na sila bago pa tumungo rito para tuloy-tuloy ang trabaho.

"Aba't mukhang kilala ninyo na pala itong si Cloe," sabi si Sir Rick, ang aming production head. "I was just about to introduce her to you guys."

"She's our friend, Sir Rick," Ike told Sir Rick to clarify their relationship with me.

I found out from Sir Rick the guys wanted to be well-acquainted with their staffs. Ike told them before that since they'd be working together for a long time, it was only right for them to know each other. Kaya tuwing may nadadagdag na staff ay pinapakilala nila sa members.

Hindi nagtagal ang kumustahan namin dahil kailangan na magsimula ng shoot. I thought taking pictures would be easy, but I was surprised that it was taking too much time. Mayroong mga group at individual shots. I saw the concept plan earlier. Mayroong four concepts ngunit nasa una pa lang at magda-dalawang oras na ang nakakalipas simula nang nagsimula. I finally understood why they allotted two days for the shoot.

During the group photoshoots, I couldn't help but admire their chemistry as a group. As far as I know them, they all have different personalities and colors but whenever they are all together, it doesn't seem like they differ from each other. They look like siblings.

I guessed it's also one of the reason why they're famous. They're not just all talented, but they also have a very good chemistry with each other.

"Jirro, it's your turn!" the photographer called for Jirro's attention.

It was finally his turn for the individual shoot. Nauna sina Ike at Isaiah kanina. Sic would probably come after Jirro.

Agad na pumuwesto si Jirro sa set. Mayroong box na upuan kung saan siya pinaupo ng director. He was also giving some pointers to Jirro before he let him be.

I couldn't help but to envy the director. That was my dream job right there―to direct something. Kahit hindi na nga pelikula, basta ang gusto ko lang ay makapag-direct. But I knew it wasn't the time to pity myself. I should just be thankful that I'm employed.

Many people, especially in our country are struggling to find a job. It's not because they're lazy. It's not that they're just waiting for an apple to fall from the tree. It's just that there aren't a lot of opportunities, especially if you're not a degree holder. If you are deprived and underprivileged, life can be very cruel to you.

So, I know I should not take for granted the job I have. Even though it wasn't what I dreamed back then, I should still work hard.

While watching Jirro smile for the camera when the director asked him to, I bit my lower lip.

The smile he used to give me lingers inside my head―specifically that smile every time he told me he loves me. My heart ached each time I would think about the past we had. That pain refused to leave my chest like it was firmly embedded on my heart.

Though I would love to see and watch him smiling, I had to look away in order to calm my emotions.

"Cloe."

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa aming production head na lumapit sa akin. Medyo nagtataka pa siya sa emosyong aking ipinapakita kaya agad akong ngumiti sa kanya.

"Bakit po?" tanong ko.

"Can you go to the eight floor?" he hesitantly asked me, even though it was a part of my job. "Ipapakuha ko lang sa 'yo 'yong lunch ng members sa private lounge nila. Sabi ni Mr. Joel ay rito na sila kakain para hindi na masyadong mag-aksaya ng oras."

"Sure po!" I accepted his orders right away, wanting to leave the studio and give time to myself.

"Okay. Nakapatong doon sa table ang takeouts. Dalawang plastic 'yon. Kaya mo kaya?" pagdududa niya. "Medyo mabigat kasi 'yon."

"Ayos lang po! Kaya ko po 'yon!" agap ko.

The production head gave me a fatherly smile and let me do my job. I immediately walked out of the studio and took the elevator. Nasa second floor ang studio kaya anim na palapag pa ang kailangang akyatin.

Fortunately, I already knew where the band's private lounge was located. I didn't have to ask other company staffs.

Nang makarating ay mabilis akong pumasok sa loob ng lounge. Like I just escaped from a heist, I felt so much relief when I found refuge inside the empty room.

I knew I had to do my job, but I also wanted to use that chance to be alone. I saw the takeouts on the table just like what Sir Rick told me. But instead of taking it, I found myself sitting on the couch.

Just three minutes... I'd give myself just three minutes to relax and loosen up.

I quietly bent my head down. The silence comforted me. My heart started to slow down. My breathing got lighter.

I seriously needed to accustom myself into being in the same room as him. I should learn how to avoid getting affected all the time. I shouldn't allow this weakness to weigh me down. I had to be professional if I wanted to keep the job. I should just focus my eyes on the prize. I needed the check; not the negative feelings harbouring inside me.

After three minutes, I nodded to myself and smiled as I stood up. I was about to walk to the table and get the takeouts when the door opened all of a sudden.

Parang nag-aksaya lamang ako ng oras sa pagkakalma ng sarili ko nang makita ko si Jirro. His eyes immediately pierced on me. I didn't let his stare affect me that much, though. I looked away to save myself and just did what I had to do.

Bahagya nga lang ako natigil nang maalala ko kung bakit ipinapababa sa akin ito ni Sir Rick. If Jirro's already here, should I still bring his food down?

Kahit na ayoko ay hinarap ko si Jirro upang tanungin siya. Tuluyan na siyang nakapasok sa loob ng silid.

"Uhm, Sir Jirro, dito na lang po ba kayo kakain?" magalang kong tanong sa kanya.

I was proud of myself that I sounded professional while talking to him.

A smirk was plastered on Jirro's face. He nonchalantly leaned back on the door and crossed his arms. The amiable Jirro I used to know turned to be so intimidating that it slightly scared me. His menacing stare made me feel uncomfortable.

"Sir Jirro?" he echoed the way I addressed him and chuckled without humor.

Huminga ako nang malalim para pigilan ang sarili. Hindi na lang ako nagsalita. Hinarap ko ang mga pagkain, nagdesisyon na iwan na lang ang pagkain niya rito.

"Tell me, Cloe, why are you here?" The coldness of his voice almost made me shiver.

"I'm here to work," I simply answered his question. "Iiwan ko na lang ang pagkain mo rito―"

Natigil ako sa pagharap sa kanya lalo na nang makita kong sobrang lapit na namin sa isa't isa. I didn't even realize that he already got this close to me.

His stare pulled me in a trance. I was lost in his eyes. It was filled anger, pain, and regret. It hurt me. The pain was like an unforecasted rain. I got drenched in it. There was nothing I could use to shade myself from it.

"Bakit ka pa bumalik?" His cold voice turned hoarse and breathy. Habang nakatingin sa kanyang mga mata ay kita kong nangibabaw ang sakit sa lahat nang mga emosyong namuo roon. "Hindi ba't nagdesisyon kang umalis? Kaya bakit ka bumalik?"

His words were like daggers to my heart. It was pushed deep down and I had no idea how to get it out without making it bleed.

"I want you to quit now."

Napakunot ang noo ko. "Nababaliw ka ba?"

"This job is not for you," he told me and slightly backed away from me. "Resign now."

"That's not for you to decide, Jirro," I sternly said. "I need the job. Kailangan kong magtrabaho."

"Then find a job somewhere else!" he snapped, being totally unreasonable. "Not here."

"Jirro, kung nang dahil ito sa nangyari sa atin noon―"

"Stop," he warned me, his voice quiet and strained. "Stop bringing that up."

His eyes were slowly turning bloodshot, like he couldn't continue keeping his feelings inside it.

"Jirro." I heard Ike's voice.

Napatingin ako sa pintuan at nakitang pumasok sina Ike, Isaiah at Sic. Mabilis na nilock ni Isaiah ang pintuan habang lumapit naman sa amin sina Ike at Sic.

Tahimik na lumayo sa akin si Jirro.

"Jirro..." Ipinatong ni Sic ang kanyang kamay sa balikat ni Jirro.

Without another word, Jirro brushed off Sic's hand on his shoulder and stormed out of the room. My eyes dropped to my feet as soon as he left.

"I don't want to pry, Cloe. I respect your feelings, pero..." Huminga ng malalim si Ike. "Ano ba talaga ang nangyari sa inyong dalawa?"

What happened to us?

I also asked that question to myself a thousand times.

I guessed it was because we were still young and immature back then. Maybe we both had different priorities that we couldn't find it in ourselves to understand each other. Or perhaps, it could also be the reason that we're not really meant to be.

Madami akong naisip na sagot sa tanong na 'yan pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin alam kung alin sa mga 'yon ang tama.

However, I knew that my decisions in life had something to do with it.

"I want you all to fill-up this form and pass it next week," our adviser told us before our homeroom period ended. "Siguraduhin ninyong seseryosohin ninyo ang pagsagot, ah?"

My classmates answered my adviser, except for me. I was silent while reading the form.

Sa form na 'yon ay tinanong kung ano ang mga first to third choices namin na kukuhaning program sa kolehiyo. It was also being asked which college or university we wanted to study at.

There was no doubt that I dreamed of being a filmmaker. Nagresearch na ako roon dahil huling taon ko na sa high school. I thought I had already made up my decision, but when I saw the tuition fee of the university where I wanted to study film, I started having doubts.

Jirro noticed that I was being awfully quiet so he pinched my cheeks to stop me from worrying.

"Are you still thinking about it?" he asked, then let go of my cheeks when he finally got my attention.

Tumango ako. "Hindi ko alam kung itutuloy ko ba."

His brows furrowed. "Why are you doubting yourself?"

"Hindi naman sa ganoon..." tanggi ko. "I still want to be a filmmaker. It's my dream. Kaya nga lang ay alam kong kailangan kong maging praktikal. Masyadong mahal ang tuition fee. Magastos din ang pag-aaral no'n base sa mga nabasa kong blogs."

We kind of talked briefly about studying at the same university. Jirro planned to take up music production at St. Benilde. That's his first choice. He told me that his parents even supported him.

Noong nalaman ko 'yon ay nagresearch ako. Napag-alaman kong nag-ooffer ng program na film ang St. Benilde. Kaya nga lang ay halos lumuwa ang mata ko sa tuition fee bawat semester. Alam kong hindi 'yon kakayanin ng mga magulang ko.

"If you're worrying about financial problems, there are a lot of institutions offering scholarships," he told me. "Kahit sa mga entrance exams, kapag mataas ang makuha mo ay puwede ka nilang bigyan ng scholarship. Even UP offers that program. You can try. Wala namang masama."

Napanguso ako at nag-isip.

Jirro was totally making a point. He's right. I should try first instead of giving up on my dream completely. Medyo matagal-tagal pa naman ang entrance exams kaya makakapaghanda pa ako. I needed to study and prepare for it.

I smiled, glad that he was here with me to help me get my thoughts straight. "Thank you."

A smile also touched his lips when he saw that I finally let go of the stress I was carrying. "Trust yourself more, okay?" he reminded me. "I trust you."

Muli akong tumango sa kanya. Tumawa na lamang siya na nagpagaan ng aming pag-uusap at saka ibinigay sa akin ang mga kubyertos para makapagsimula na kaming kumain.