There's a buzzing beneath my breast. I stir and finally get my phone when the call doesn't let up. I can hear Olive outside, talking to someone. I immediately think it's Nancy or maybe even Mackenzie. But then Danatha bursts through the door with tears cascading down her temples.

"Danny?"

I'm on my feet as soon as I see her stricken face.

"We're over. It's over, Kay. We broke up."

I exhale heavily, shaking my head in equal disbelief and sympathy. I didn't think I could display any emotion today after crying so much yesterday, but with the news of Danatha and JD's breakup, my eyes water.

I rush to her side, slamming the door closed. Her sobs break my heart. I lead her to my bed and wrap both of us in my duvet and my blanket. We need each other today.

The pain I feel for being left behind by my first love is promptly surpassed by the deep empathy I have for my poor best friend, crying in my arms after ending a four-year relationship with a guy she still loves very much. No matter her feelings for Jude; JD will always be her first love in a way that Aden isn't for me.

Unlike Aden, JD gave all his time to Danatha for the duration of their relationship. And now it's all over so suddenly.

I fall asleep from exhaustion. The events of today have been beyond taxing. Even though Danatha is still crying silently, my mind goes blank and my vision goes completely dark.

I swim in the darkness, revelling in it. It's entirely peaceful.

When I hear a soft knock, I shift my body to be able to look at who is coming through the door. It's only Nancy. She tells me to not give any of my appliances to Olive because she's grounded. I'm sure an explanation as to why is in there somewhere but I block it out by hugging Danatha's shoulders and closing my eyes.

I think I'm to have peace when Nancy leaves but not long after, Olive bursts through the door.

"Cakes, please lend me your tablet. I need it to do homework."

"Mom said I shouldn't give it to you." I yawn, disinterested.

"Please, Cakes. I'll do anything. I'll set the table and wash the dishes all week."

"Save it. It's a no."

"Stop being such a mean old cow. I only need it for a few hours."

"Out, Olive. Now!"

I direct her, but she still approaches the bed. Her voice even causes Danatha to stir in her sleep.

"No! This isn't fair! How come you get to do whatever you want, and I'm punished for the smallest thing?"

Minor snippets of information that had completely bypassed my mind slip out of my mouth.

"Swearing at a teacher is hardly a small thing."

"Well, sneaking off to fancy hotels with your celebrity boyfriend isn't a small thing either, but you don't see me holding that against-"

I'm about to demand how she knows that when the door creaks open.

"What?"

A quiet, razor sharp question comes from someone just outside the door. I bolt up at the sound of Nancy's voice.

"Mom."

"You did what?!"

"Mom, I can explain."

I'm already off the bed, raising my hands to calm her.

"No, McKenzie, tell me it isn't true. Tell me Olive is making this up!"

I go to defend myself, but I'm betrayed by my tear ducts which have seemingly recovered due to my short nap. Nancy trembles in her rage. I have never seen her this angry. I begin to shake as well as tears roll, uncontrolled, down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry, mom. I never meant to lie..."

I gulp. We both know that doesn't even make sense. She stands there, mouth open, speechless for the longest time as I give in to my despair.

I know Nancy well enough to know that she never could have imagined what I had been doing for the past few days. I can feel the war being waged inside of her, tearing her to shreds as she tries to assemble a plan of action that would justly fit my behaviour.

"Danatha, my love. I'm so sorry. I did see you crying when you came in here so I'm assuming you came to my daughter for the comfort you have in so many occasions provided her with. But you will forgive me in asking you to leave, okay?"

"Do whatever you want to me but let Danatha stay. She and JD-"

"I already gave my orders."

Danatha scrapes herself off the bed and gives me a brief hug before heading off.

"It's okay." is all she mumbles during her exit.

"You two." Nancy's eyes alternate between Olive and me. "It's all my fault. I did this. I didn't pay attention and now you two-"

"It's not your fault."

"NO! Not another word from you! You were staying in some seedy hotel with some guy that neither of your parents have met doing dangerous things God knows where; getting infected with God knows what!"

"It wasn't like that!"

"Let the rational adults tell you how it is, McKenzie. I never thought to do that for you because you always seemed so mature. But I was wrong. You're just a naïve little child that still needs to learn to display common decency in my home."

"It's not even a big deal, mom. Danatha has a boyfriend and Tonya has had tons. People my age date."

"Stop being disingenuous right this minute. You know full well that I have no problem with you dating!"

"I know it all seems nefarious at best-"

"Oh, Cakes. Are you really this dumb, this stupid, this blind?!
"McKay, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED, RAPED, MUTILATED, ROBBED, TORTURED OR EVEN ALL OF THE ABOVE! HOW IS IT THAT YOU ARE SO IRRESPONSIBLE AT EIGHTEEN YEARS OF AGE? IS THIS THE EXAMPLE YOU WANT TO SET FOR YOUR SIBLINGS, HUH? THAT THEY CAN JUST GO OFF TO WHEREVER, WHENEVER WITH WHOMEVER?
"I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR YOUR BEHAVIOUR, DO YOU HEAR ME? I WILL NOT!"

Her shouting only causes my defences to go up. I involuntarily screw my eyes shut and place my hands near my face. After a few moments of complete silence, I drop my hands slowly and peek at my mother.

"I didn't mean to scare you."

Her features are remorseful with the guilt she carries for not being here all those years ago to protect me, but her words remain firm.

"I would never lay a hand on you, but I think you know that you have crossed a line with me. I am deeply, but profusely, disappointed in you."

"I-"

"No," she cuts. "You're grounded along with your sister. You go to and from school only for the rest of the month. I will drive you there and pick you up myself. I'll see where we go from there later."

"He's not even in town anymore."

"I DON'T CARE! I've had enough of this mess! You two need to learn how to behave."

She eyes Olive as well. I watch, devastated, as she leaves my room and slams the door. I'm left with nothing but my solitude.

Four days later find me weary, lying in the dark, listening to my parents whining about Olive and me.

"I mean, one is in hotel rooms with strange men and the other is already a star swearing prodigy. What am I even supposed to do with them? I have no clue. I'm just trying to look out for them. I never could have predicted that things would get this out of hand. I can't believe them. I can't believe any of it. McKay-"

"I told you months ago when she started acting weird. She was always on the phone and going out every weekend. It was nothing like her."

"Ugh, I just wanted to believe she was finally blossoming and opening herself up to the outside world."

"The irony." My dad snorts.

"What?"

"You were dissatisfied with your daughter and the only way for you to see what a good thing you had, was for her to do something like this."

"Not even a detective would have gone from phone calls to hotel rooms - not when it comes to her."

"And remember I told you there was no way it was that Ezra guy calling her all the time. He never did before."

"Ezekiel, honey. I'm beyond upset with her and don't even get me started on little miss potty mouth."

I stop listening. I get the picture - I screwed up royally. But I don't regret it. Even if he hurt me in the end, I would do it all over again. But none of that has provided me with enough courage to message Aden.

We haven't spoken since the day he left Cleveland. I started monitoring my phone on Saturday morning. Sensing that he wouldn't apologize that early on, I mostly checked every four hours.

But four days later and Aden has said nothing. Despite missing him with every little square inch of my heart, I can't call him. He won't answer it and I'll be more heartbroken than I already am. Besides, I shouldn't take him back after everything he did.

I roll over and scroll through my messages, still ignoring the same culprits: Danatha and Tonya. Danatha only texted me yesterday morning, asking if I'd be at school tomorrow.

Since I'm sure she doesn't care, I chose to not respond. Pain strikes me as I look at Sybil's number. She hasn't said anything, and I know I still owe her an explanation for last Tuesday, but it hurts to recall what happened straight after that phone call.

I dial her number, but she doesn't pick up, so I opt for sending her a voice-note instead.

Me: "Hey Tweedy. Well, I'm hoping you're feeling much better now. I'll be back tomorrow morning, if you want to hang. I'm sorry about cutting off our conversation on Thursday, it was Aden and uh, he's gone. Anyway, I just feel like I should explain myself, you know? Yes, I know he's deeply flawed in sometimes dangerous ways, but I love him. I love him so, so much. I love everything about him, even the broken parts, just like he loves mine, Tweedy. That's why I think despite everything that happened between us, we still belong together. Everything is different when you love someone - it just is. But I'm sorry for ruining your event in any case. I love you and please text me. Bye."

It's time to face the music. I get up and open my bag. Of course, it's filled to the brim with memories from the days I keep replaying in my head. The blue dress I wore to Stature is on the top. I toss it on the floor next to my feet.

Next are the clothes from the first night, pyjamas, the jean shorts from Monday.
I chuck the entire bag on the floor, turn it over and snatch it up. It'll be easier to fish out everything else than the other way around. I look for my deodorant first, picking up my perfume bottle, my body lotion and my brush. That's when they come into view: my pads. Holy fucking shit!