That was it. Last night, I had sex and it was amazing. All I can do now is smile and lie in the morning sun, memorizing the room, the patterns of Aden's curls and the soft white sheets. It's not ideal in any way.

The first time is the last time and the location is some hotel room. But it's who I'm with. He isn't ideal either, but together we make it ideal. We love each other in our imperfect way, with no one to judge us for loving so purely and sinfully all at once.

I head for the shower and carefully work the suds on my hair. As I wash off the shampoo, I hear the shower door open. I move back and face Aden. He is still incredibly sleepy, but just as sexy. He slips his arms around me and pulls me closer so I can lay my head against his chest.

For a few minutes, it's just us beneath water, being at peace with what we've become - what we've woven. We worked so hard to be together and here we are, no matter that time will unlink us within the hour. We have now.

I climb out to let him finish his shower and he finds me fully dressed, packing up both our bags. Once I'm done, I watch Aden slide on his hoodie and come towards me. I hold his face and kiss him with passion, with terror, fear and curiosity. Is there such a thing as a great goodbye kiss? Or is that a myth?

I put on a brave face as Aden holds my hands in his, smiling limply. This is going to be painful. I lower my eyes when I feel tears well up and exhale, trying to regain balance. He sighs, his face caving to his emotion.

"I love you."

I nod.

"I gave myself to you for the maximum amount of time that I could afford, and I don't regret one second of it."

My arms go around his waist as I finally manage to respond.

"I'm so thankful..." I break off, unable to contain my tears. "I'm so grateful, Aden - I am."

"I'm the one who is grateful for your love and your commitment."

I hug him close to me, hoping to convey the way I feel about him. Then I giggle, feeling silly.

"Oh, and I love you too. You know what else? From now on, I can say I've been in love."

"I know I wasn't a perfect boyfriend and I need you to know that I'm sorry about that."

"I know that."

His green eyes stare into mine.

"My favourite series of lucky coincidences."

He kisses onto my lips.

"You're mine." I respond with a loud laugh as his fingers squeeze my midriff.

"Ugh, McKenzie." He sways me. "I have been in love before but never like-"

His phone rings. Aden answers it, immediately frowning and walking out onto the balcony. Well, I guess we can say goodbye later. After a while, I find myself looking at the messages I've been ignoring on my phone.

Out of all of them though, I can only bring myself to text Sybil. She never did anything to me and I'm sure she has no reason to be mad at me, so she's the perfect subject of my attention. The last thing I need right now is drama.

Me: Hey. I hope you're doing better this morning

Seconds later, my phone rings in my hand.

"Hey." I greet.

"Hey. Listen, you don't need to worry about me. I'm fine."

"Come on, no one would be fine after the night you had."

"We all had the same rough night."

"I'm so sorry about how Aden acted."

"It's okay. You couldn't have known he would do that."

"You know that I could have."

"It's not your responsibility to shoulder his guilt."

"No, it's all my fault. I know how he is, and I still took him back. I knew that he could be violent, but I took him to your house anyway. That's why I'm glad we're breaking up today. I don't know how I could put up with anymore of his childish tantrums. But-"

The door sounds. I answer quickly and confirm that we're checking out soon. Aden returns then, and there's no mistaking it: he is furious.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm in no mood for your lying, McKay. Don't start pretending you care on my account."

Oh no, not this again. I can't do this right now. I am emotionally spent.

"Why wouldn't I care? I love you. I care about anything that affects you."

He's prepares to say something, but backs out, instead choosing to clench his fists, hard.

"Fucking Jude left the band this morning! I'm going to beat his ass up! Good thing he's in New York right now."

"I'm sorry."

I sigh. I don't want to have to tell him not to be violent one more time, so I don't step to him or say anything else.

"You're sorry? You don't even know what this means for me! I don't even know how I trust you with anything, I swear to God!"

"Please don't lash out at me." I say tiredly.

"NOT LASH OUT AT YOU?! Jesus! I can't be here. I can't do this. I have to go."

He grabs his suitcase and leaves, unapologetic. I don't even call after him. Instead, I stare at the closed door dejectedly. It's too clear: he doesn't want me - not truly.

If he wanted me, he would stay, he would beg for more time like before. But now things changed for me and for him. For him, he got what he wanted. He got my body for days on end, so he has no reason to do anything for me anymore. We're over.

For me, I got what I wanted, or what I thought I wanted. I got a lot of time with him - enough to open up to him emotionally and physically.

I got to fall in love and love a guy like him - a privilege in and of itself. I got to love Aden Arrington. Not his image, not just his voice - but him. And it's all because he afforded me the chance to know him. Not everything about him is good to know, but it's all worth knowing and loving all the same.

I don't think I made a mistake in choosing him to love. I think I made a mistake in thinking that I would remain unscathed. No, there are no tears in my eyes, but the scars are inside of me. He's hurt me and healed me so much that I have nothing left. I'm a husk and yet, I'm ready to go.

I'm not about to cry. I'm not about to die. I am about to leave this room and everything we shared behind.

Closing the door, I move to catch the elevator going down. In the lobby I see him frantically demanding something from the receptionist accompanied by a man who seems to be the manager. I don't wait to see if he's going to look my way, if his expression will change, if he'll care at all.

I get in the cab and ask the man to drive me to the given address. When I think about it, his outburst was for the best. I wouldn't have had the strength to let go of him otherwise.

I can't hold on to such a volatile person and call them a friend, a lover - more. Not because I think I can do better, but because I think he can do better for himself. Just as I walked away from Sybil and Tonya's fight yesterday is how I'm walking away from our supposed relationship - in love and emotionless all at once.

When I get to my room, I funnel myself into my blankets where I immediately black out, thinking only of the first words I ever said to Aden Arrington, and praying to the heavens that they hold true for both of us after everything we've been through.