Today I did something good. I haven’t felt this whole for a long time. My grades are sky high, my friendships are as strong as ever, I spend a lot more time with my family – yes – even with Nancy and my father. I’ve finally overcome my bitterness. So today, I was finally able to do something to make somebody else happy for once.

I had been struggling to see through the haze of missing Aden. Being without him proved to be much harder than I could ever had predicted. I thought that the first weeks after I returned to Cleveland were a good indication of how things would continue, but the pain got much worse after I let him know that I didn’t want him back. I closed the door on someone who meant a lot to me.

Nevertheless, I’ve done my best to refrain from thinking of him too often. Sure, three weeks ago, it had been harder than ever because his name was all over the tabloids, but now everything seems to be back to normal.

That gave me the strength to step in this morning when I saw Sybil and Antwan exchanging longing glances across the hallway. They miss each other. Ever since Faust decided to start stalking Sybil, Antwan has wanted nothing to do with her.

But then I stopped him before first period and told him to his face that my friend likes him very much, and that he’s missing out if he doesn’t do anything with that information. He immediately grinned.

“Really? I thought, no, I was sure she and Faust were together.”

“I know you like her too.”

“Who told you that?” He tried to play it off.

“It’s always on your face when you look at her.”

“I can’t be that obvious.”

“Ask her out, Ant.”

I was beyond ecstatic at lunch time when he approached our table in the cafeteria.

“Could I sit with you lovely ladies for a minute?” he asked, tray in hand.

Sybil stared up at him with huge eyes while Danatha answered for all of us by telling him to sit. He sat right next to Sybil and they did the cutest two-minute avoidance dance ever. 

“Dill, would you ever consider going out with me?”

“On a date? Or as a girlfriend…?”
Sybil started choking at her own directness, prompting all of us to burst into laughter.

“Any or both of those would be fantastic.”

“Really? Yes, okay. Let’s go out and uh–”

“Be boyfriend and girlfriend?”

I have never seen Sybil smile as brightly as she did in that moment. It was so sweet. I felt like I was watching those ageless rom-coms.

Now all I need is a good shower and a good cry. It was lovely to watch, but more than ever, I had missed Aden and his cheesy romance. I’ve imagined him all around me this week.

I’m even peeking a man now sitting on my porch, and his face resembles Aden’s. I’m probably wishing it was him as per usual. But those locks seem too three-dimensional. Could he be here? I couldn’t stand it if he’s not.

But it is him. Aden is sitting on my porch with a cap and in disguise.

His hands grip his phone, trembling until they are pale and seemingly lifeless. His eyes are screwed closed. What happened to him?

“Aden?”

My breath catches in my throat as he opens his eyes and thick droplets fall onto his jeans. I take a step towards him then waiver for the next. I shouldn’t make the same mistake twice, I can’t let him near me if he could hurt me. I stop and ask instead.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s my father. He just wanted the money again.”
He uses his long sleeves to wipe his dripping nose.
“Is he ever going to choose me?”

His voice breaks along with my heart. He pulls at his hair in frustration and I cringe, remembering his loss of control at the Cosmo party. I don’t want to face his violent side ever again.

“You should go if you’re going to get angry.”

“No, I won’t. I promise you; that’s not me anymore. I’m just…hurt. I really could have used him here, with me, in the US.”

He hiccups through his speech as his face contorts in misery. I want to tell him that his father will always love him, no matter what. But, at the same time, I can’t bring myself to do it. And the thing is, I’ve been having this very debate in my head for the past few weeks.

The first burst came with the news that Lune Quartz was experiencing management problems. I tried to check on Aden, but he didn’t pick up or return any of my calls. Then pictures began to surface of Aden at wild parties and anonymous sources stating he was off the rails. I could feel that something was very wrong with him. Something more than our relationship ending so abruptly. But I had no way of getting to him.

More importantly though, would it have been wise to go after him if he really had been off the rails? That’s what keeps me static now.

“Can I do anything?”

That’s the very least I can offer. Aden stands up jaggedly, wiping off his hands on his jeans.

“I don’t think so.”

But when his eyes find mine, it’s instantly clear to us both that that isn’t the truth. He exhales, finally surrendering.

“I could use a hug.”

I can’t deny him something so simple. I go to him and bring his torso to me, trying my hardest not to dwell on how much I missed that scent that so uniquely him – the feel of him. Fuck, it feels good to be in his arms.

When I let go, he steps back to compose himself.

“We need to talk.”

“What makes you think I want to speak to you?”

I look down, to avoid his saddened and disappointed gaze. I can’t forgive him after everything he did; even if he’s changed – even if I have.

“McKay, no walls, please.”

I eye him for a bit before letting him into the house and into my room. I don’t have the courage to leave him with his grief. He still is the only guy I have ever loved. He sits calmly and takes off his cap, leaving his man-bun and the department store clothes he has on.

“Where have you been?” He stares at me, so I continue. “I’ve been reading things about you and I had a very bad feeling about what was going on with you.”

He searches my eyes for a while.

“Are you going to talk?” I finally demand.

“I keep wondering why it’s you that I fell in love with. Couldn’t it have been any other girl?” I don’t even know if he’s asking me, so I watch him instead. “I’m sure you’ve asked yourself the very same questions.”

“Not really. I’m not one to harbour insecurity – not anymore anyway.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I know I’m beautiful and smart and funny and incredibly loyal. Of course, you fell in love with me.”

“You’re also closed off, occasionally selfish, rude at times and most fantastically cowardly.”

“That’s flattering.”

“And yet I love you.”

“You want me to go down your list? Because you might want to get comfortable.”

“And yet you love me.”

I take a deep breath to steady myself. I don’t know why he’s bringing all of this up. His eyes meet mine head-on.

“Have you ever been in love before?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“I have.”

“Never like this you haven’t.” I dare.

Aden laughs wearily.

“Never like this, indeed.”

“Are you ready?”

“Are you?”

I exhale feeling exhausted.

“Aden, please. What is this about?”

He searches in the pocket of his jeans and brings out a twenty-cent coin that seems to ring a bell.

“Do you remember this?

“It’s my Cinderella coin. I told you I would use it to find you one day. Yesterday, I woke up hungover from another night of drinking, went to my closet to get myself a shirt and this coin fell out.

“I was instantly reminded of how much I was secretly missing you all this time that I was pretending that I wasn’t. But above all else, I remembered how in love I was when I pulled this coin out of your shoe. I remember the love and hope you had in your eyes for me. Jesus, I miss the way you used to look at me.

“I know I can’t just get that back, but I would like to revisit your decision, McKay. I want you back in my life and I came to prove it if you’ll allow me to.
“My label sent me home to recover from my recent stresses and I want the first two weeks of that recess to be here, with you. We can stay in the Montecristo uptown. I checked that it’s close to your school.
“Princess, ours is a love worth fighting for; yours is a forgiveness worth striving for. We can discuss everything that went wrong, and we can hold on to what went right. We can have something better than a couple of days–”

“I’ll come.”

Aden beams.
“You will?”

“I owe us a few chances after what I did to you. The truth is, I know I shouldn’t have cut you off in a moment when you needed me.”

“It wasn’t all you.”

“But it was mostly me.” I stare at his neck and spot something of mine. “Can I have my necklace back, please?”

“You don’t even need to ask.”

He immediately takes it off and hands it over.

“You’re paying to stay all those days there?” I wonder out loud, noticing that the infinity clasp from before has been replaced by a beautiful rose charm clasp.

Just as much; I snapped it. I slide it on and let Aden close it.

“GCA is paying. They said they need a speedy and efficient recovery, so I told them I have urgent personal business here in Ohio.”

“Can we really do this; just forget all the horrible things we said to each other?” I ask with a peach in my throat.

“No, we won’t forget. We’ll talk through all of it later. But for now, we can love each other despite it.”

He beckons me with his fingers and I walk straight to him, so he can gently pull my hoodie over my head before placing his forehead against my belly.

“You’re tired.”

“Emotionally exhausted.”

“And I’m your first order of business?” I ask, sceptical.

“Indeed.”

“I don’t believe I’m that urgent of a matter.”

“As you once told me, only I know how important you are to me.”

I smile down at him. That statement warms my heart to no end. Once I feel around his nape for the first time in what seems to be an incredibly long time, I finally have the courage to confess something to him and to myself.

“Aden, there must be a part of you that knows that I can’t do without your touch right now.”

His hands trace the back of my thighs lifting my skirt slightly.

“I know.”

He gathers me to the bed and climbs over me to start kissing me.

I pull him to me, not knowing what needs my attention first. I half pull up his shirt and lower his pants, then I release his hair from its elastic, sticking my fingers in the knots.

Aden has already moved my skirt up and is hooking his fingers into my underwear when we hear shouting outside.

“Cakes! Are you home? Cakes!”

“Yes, I am!” I yell back trying to lower my skirt as Aden moves to stand behind the door with his pants still sagging.

“Don’t come in, I’m dressing.” 

But the door flies open anyway.

“Olive! I told you to stay out!”

“Since when do you hide your lady bits from me, lady?”

I giggle as I hear Aden also trying to shush himself.

“What the…?”

“Out! Get out, Olive! Now!”

“You said you’d braid my hair.”

“Do your pigtails again.”

I shove her out the door and into the kitchen to give her lunch. I’m forced to eat with her, so she won’t suspect I have somewhere to be. When I get back, Aden begins laughing anew.

“Sorry. Younger sisters aren’t known for being discreet.”

“Oh, I would say she is extremely so. I mean, she calls those…” He points in my general direction, “lady bits!” he laughs, and I laugh with him. “I must tell you. I have never felt so much like a teenager as I did today: hiding behind my girlfriend’s door from her kid sister, with my pants halfway down my legs.”

“Let’s just go to the hotel then.”