There, framed in gold are our faces and upper torsos. I am lying on top of Aden and we both have our eyes closed. The cloth under him is my least favourite bedspread. A snapshot of our happiness.

The image is hazy because it was done in watercolours. But, goodness; it seems so much more magical in this format. I don't know why, but I know that it's significant that this picture was taken that Sunday.

I lay back on my bed, trying to think clearly, but achieve no such thing. Aden Arrington has no limits. He pulls surprise after beautiful surprise out of the bag. How can I even dare question anything about our relationship when he sends me this?

As I pull it to park it by the wall facing my bed, I peek inscriptions at the bottom.

Aden Arrington & McKenzie Da Silva

There's another on the back. At the top, there's an inscription on the wood in gold.

From Prince Arrington to Princess Pollyanna

Tears form in my eyes. Aden is so sweet. How is he so jaded and worldly yet so sensitive? I try to call him immediately, but he doesn't pick up, so I message him.

Me: I got the portrait.

I wake up the next morning to find his answer.

Aiden: Sorry Princess. Something came up.

Me: OK. Tell me when you can talk.

Aiden: I probably won't be able to today. Sorry.

Aiden: I'm so sorry I have to type this, but I really don't know what else to do right now.

Me: What?

Aiden: Wait

I only got a message twenty minutes later.

Aiden: Princess, I don't know where to begin. I have so much to say to you. I have wronged you so much in the past. It's not the first thing I want to bring up, but it's been on my mind so much lately. I can't believe what I put you through. Even though we were broken up, I still feel like I cheated on you by kissing other girls. I betrayed your trust. I ruined our first kiss out of pure selfishness and it's eating me up inside. I treated you so poorly while seeing the misery on your face in LA. I cut you out of my life as if you weren't important when I was the one who evoked your trauma. I insulted you and as much as I hate to picture it in my head, I punched you in the face. I need to mention all these things because they are as much part of our history as every lovely thing that's ever happened between us. Cutting it out would be denying the depth of our feelings for each other.

You found the grace and kindness within yourself to forgive me for the damage I did. I'm not quite sure I even deserved that, but I am grateful. But I want you to read the paragraph above one more time and decide whether those things are truly worth getting past. I (that word I can't use) you and I only want the best for you. I will respect any decision you make even if it pains me.

But I wanted you to have this painting as a reminder of what I have always hoped we could be for each other - a place to rest. You have always been my solace from the first day we met, and I only wish to be yours. I understand that my actions have shown the opposite of that, but I promise you: that will change. From now on, everything I do, will be geared towards making both of us happy and most of all - giving you your much-deserved peace of mind. You won't ever need to beg me for anything again. I'm not going anywhere as long as you still want me, Princess. I promise.

P.S. Please don't feel guilty for leaving me when you did. It was the right decision and you should know that.

Holy fuck. Aden. His words scratch at me. I feel so raw from the emotion buried in them. He needs to hear from me - now.

Me: Call me please

Aiden: Can't now

Me: I'll wait

Aden finally calls in the evening. But by then, I've not only seen new pictures of him and Brighid on a date, of him and some gymnast called Hanna Seals hugging it up at a party, but I've also already spent hours staring at the portrait. Instead of reminding me of how much we need each other, the portrait showed me what's fundamentally wrong with our relationship.

Aden is so far away from me, that any possibility of us lying as we are in the portrait is as fanciful a mirage as the portrait itself. The watercolours show the blurred lines that we exist between. There's no consistency to what we share; so, why do we even work so hard for it? We've done what we could, but our relationship is not going any further than this.

"Aden?"

"Yes?"

"I want to be with you; let's get that straight."

"You do?"

"Why are you so insecure about it?"

"You told me to not feel very secure."

"I just didn't appreciate the way that you pretended like I was disposable to you."

"I wanted to convince myself. But we've already established how much of an idiot I was before."

"In any case, thank you for listening to me."

"Always."

"And about the things you did to me..." I hear him exhale. "I forgave you before because I wanted to move on. I still forgive you; this time because I want to move forward with you. I was going to forgive you either way because it's what's best for me. I need to give myself that peace and to be honest, I need to give you peace too."

"But-"

"But nothing, Aden. How can I hold those things against you when you've done so many sweet things for me? Don't think I don't know that other guys don't really do what you do. You work so hard to make sure I know you're always thinking about me. You always want to speak to me. You make having a long-distance relationship look so easy when it's usually not.

"So many people break up because of it, but you make it seem like that's one of the best things about our relationship. Don't sell yourself short; you have too many redeeming qualities. And whatever else is left after that; well, I rate you have more than enough time to make up for it."

"Only you to see me in that light."

"Says the guy who calls me Pollyanna."

"So, you want to be with me?"

"Yes."

"Then we're back together?"

"Aden."

"Be my girlfriend, McKay."

"I can't say yes."

"But you said-"

"I know, but that doesn't mean I want a relationship."

"What?!"

"How are you always shocked by the same news, Aden? I've told you this, multiple times now."

"You've never told me what's wrong. You need to explain what's going on, now."

"I didn't want it to come down to this. I've avoided it for the longest-"

"Say it."

"I can't say I'm dating someone I never see, Aden. Look, I know we've overcome so many obstacles and beat the odds to make it this far, but I think we both know we've hit a wall.

"I didn't want to say it before because I love hearing your voice and talking to you. You're so good for me - to me. But in the end, being in a relationship requires some minimal amount of physical contact along with some sort of promise that one day, the distance will no longer be an issue. I wish you could, but I don't think you can make me that promise.

"And please don't try and refute anything; the truth is the truth. Of course, I want to be with you, but I can't chain myself to you knowing our relationship is the furthest thing from sustainable."

"It looks like you've made a decision."

"Yes, I have."

"Once again, without asking for my input. You said it would be different this time around."

"I said that when I thought we could be together. But I was thinking, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we were friends."

"I'm not your friend. Do you hear me? I never want to be your friend. When I say I'm a girl's friend, I mean it. I mean I don't think of them sexually or romantically. That'll never be you, so ditch that idea while you're ahead."

"So, what? I'm supposed to cut you out of my life just like that?"

"If that's what you want."

My eyes fill with tears and my chest tightens. That's the last thing I want.

"Is that what you want?"

"So, you finally want to know what I want?"

I gulp.

"Not really."

"Alright."

"Aden, wait. I can't. I'm not ready. Don't go."

Who am I kidding? I don't want to leave him. I don't want him to move on from me or even stay in love with me while we're broken up. I can't in equal parts, watch him be happy without me or suffer for me.

"Why wouldn't I? Tell me why I should not let you go when you're doing the very thing you begged me not to."

"What?"

"You said you had no way of knowing if I'd quit on us again when things got hard."

"Is this hard or impossible? Because the difference is crucial here."

"Who made you judge of what's impossible or hard?"

"Aden," I choke.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't hang up right this second."

"That word we're not saying for now."

The line goes quiet for a while as I cry softly.

"I'm so sorry, Aden. Please. I don't know what I'm doing. I want to do what's best for both of us. I want us both to be happy."

"Maybe my mistake was assuming I make you as happy as you make me."

"No, wait. Of course, you do. Help me; help me help us. I'm scared, but-"

"Scared of what?"

"Of asking, wanting too much." I whisper. "I know you're doing everything in your power to speak to me and be around me whenever you can."

"You trust me?"

"Yes. That's why I know that if you've exhausted your options like I have-"

"But you're wrong. I haven't yet."

"What?"

"I didn't want to tell you yet because it was only approved two weeks ago, and they could still change their minds, but I found a way to be near you - for a while anyway."

"What? How?"

"We're coming to New York to record the album and do rehearsals. It's just a month and I'll only be free on weekends, but it's already about twice the amount of time we've ever had together, so I thought..."

I hold in my breath.

"You're really coming here?"

"Well, I'm not sure I can come all the way to Cleveland. But I was hoping we'd find a way to see each other."

"I'll come to New York. I don't know how. I mean, I've never been." I ramble. "But, if you're there then I'll be there too. And you were going to let me break up with you!"

"Yeah, but I changed my mind, didn't I?"

"Why did you?"

"I promised to not quit when things get hard."

"I was leaving you. That's not really what I meant when I said that."

"It's hard when you don't believe in us anymore; you've always been the one who does."

"Oh."

I think for a while.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend now, McKenzie Da Silva?"

"Yes."

My voice is husky with emotion.

"Thank you for finally asking for my help. It means a lot to me that you know it's not you against me. From now on, it's us against everything else, alright?"

"Alright."

"I'm your boyfriend now too. Do you know what that means? I can say that word we weren't using."

"Say it to me when you see me again."

When I go to bed, I find myself staring at the painting. I send him a picture of the view I have of it from my bed. I, once again, started a conversation with him sad and soaking in insecurities, and ended up happy and reassured. If that's not emotional support, then I don't know what is.

Me: I think I get it now and I want you to know: you, Aden, are my Eden.