Six-month anniversary – that’s what’s written on my calendar for today.

I have been dating Aden Arrington from Lune Quartz for six months. I can hardly believe it. It seems to be such a huge chunk of my life and boy did it feel long – but not substantial. What the fuck is going on with my life?

“Why am I having a long-distance relationship with an insanely rich pop star who could easily be cheating on me?” I say to myself, but since Danatha is sitting right across from me, she throws her empty juice box at me, which obviously still drips onto my skirt anyway.

“Stop it. You deserve to be with him as much as any other girl in this world.”

“But does he deserve me?”

I sense Sybil’s head abandoning her textbook and turning towards me.

“What the hell is going on? Did he do something?” asks Danatha.

“Besides offer me the most lacklustre six-month excuse for a relationship? No.” I shrug, lost in thought.

“I know you don’t believe that.” Sybil’s saccharine voice sounds.

I don’t rebuff her comment. I’m too lost in my own morose musings. Clear green eyes float right in front of me. They’re so far away – so elusive.

This all started because of a scholarship, but all I can think now is of how dense I was being.

Six months, within which I assumed we were dating, have passed and not once has he said he’d come to Cleveland again. It doesn’t matter whether I want him or the scholarship; either way, I’m failing miserably.

“She’s just being dramatic.”

“Tonya.” I say her name in recognition.

“Snap out of it, dude. Boohoo, McKay has a famous boyfriend; how unfortunate for her.”

I turn to her, taking in the shaded desert dune hue of her skin in the afternoon sun. She’s just as arid. There’s no use in saying anything to her, or anyone for that matter.

I stumble away from the table, dragging my backpack with me, as rage laces my veins. I hate her on days like this; I really do. She is insufferable.
Danatha follows me, but I’m not stopping for anyone.

“Excuse me from everything, please.”

I’m already jogging down the stairs and heading straight for the main gate, when I see Zeke in the corner of my eye. As if he senses me, he turns and smiles.

“Hey, I was just going to call you…” he stutters.

I don’t even register his expression. My vision is too hazy.

“I’m so tired.” I randomly say.

I’m not even sure of what I’m saying or why for that matter. I walk straight onto the street, distinctly hearing a loud honk and a vague call from Zeke.

“MCKENZIE! GET BACK!” he yells as Danatha screams at the top of her lungs.

A car comes to a screeching halt in front of me, the noise piercing my ears. I sway on my legs, feeling woozy. Danatha grabs my arm and swivels me.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Stop.” I mumble, feeling Zeke’s hands on my shoulders.

“McKay, please. What’s wrong?”

“Don’t.” I warn her. “I don’t want to cry here.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Zeke holds me close while Danatha caresses my hair.

“Okay,” she soothes.

After that, I don’t see much. All I know is that I’ve been put to bed. When I finally come to, my eyes are completely swollen. I’d been crying before I slept; great. Now, I look like a drunk mongrel.

Danatha approaches my bedside as Zeke stares back at me from my desk.

“How are you?”

“I’m probably looking awful.”

“Are you upset about Aden?”

I look down, ashamed.

“Kay, this isn’t normal behaviour.” she says softly.

“Do you want me to pay for you to fly to wherever he is? I have money saved up for the windsurfing competition in France, but I could go next year.”

My heart smashes against my ribcage at the thought.

“I thought we agreed that we weren’t doing that.” grits Danatha.

“What do you want me to do? That’s Ken doll. That’s…” He gestures to me. “You know who you are to me. There’s very little I wouldn’t do to see you happy.”

“I know.” I croak.

“But what exactly made you feel this way? Let’s deal with that first.”

“I don’t know. I miss him so much. But more than anything, I woke up today and realised that I’ve forgotten him. I find it hard to recall the details of his eyes, I don’t remember what he smells or feels like. I don’t remember why his kisses felt like magic to me. I don’t see what was so romantic about torturing ourselves like this. I…” I frown. “I’m hungry.”

“For more of him.” Danatha nods.

“No, I haven’t eaten in a while. I don’t recall eating yesterday, or this morning for that matter.”

“Well, that would explain the little Return of The Zombies stunt you pulled.” Zeke laughs, prompting Danatha to scowl at him.

“I’ll kick you out of here if you don’t behave.”

“Fine, shit. I’ll go find her some food.”

He grouses and heads out to the kitchen.

“You’re fucking scaring me, Kay. Isn’t there another way of dealing with your disorientation? Because what you’re doing–”

“I know. I got overwhelmed – that’s all.”

“What are we going to do?”

I shrug. If I knew what to do, I would’ve done it already.

We don’t come up with a solution, so when Aden calls me, I press decline.

I need to think. I lay in bed and sort through the information I have about my situation.

I tried not to by keeping it casual, but I have strong feelings for Aden. However, being with him isn’t anything like I thought it would be. It’s so hard to be away from him. I thought it wouldn’t matter because we’d always talk and honestly, I also thought that we’d make it because we’re meant to be – I know – childish – especially given how this started.

Now, I can acknowledge that I might have made that up and that our romance should have remained as the short fling that it started as. More importantly, I should have focused on getting myself a scholarship instead of an ex-scholar.

But at the same time, I don’t regret starting this. I only regret dragging it until this point – this point where I’m saddened rather than fanciful. I don’t even think I got the chance to fall in love with Aden. It’s not possible over the phone. Plus, it’s high time I call it quits on the scholarship issue. That’s never going to happen.

It’s around midnight when I decide to call him. I know his show should be over by now, he should be done eating and should be getting ready for bed. I’m relieved when he answers.

“Hey, baby. Where were you today? I called so many times. Are you okay?”

“Not really.”

“What’s happening over there?”

“Nothing much; just me losing hope.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you know what I mean.” I snap.

The line goes silent for a while.

“I don’t have time for this. Happy last month anniversary.” I spit.

“Please don’t; don’t give up on me.”

“I can’t go on like this. I miss you too much. I barely remember what you look like, smell like or even kiss like if I’m being truthful. I can’t wait another six months or more to see you. I thought I was strong enough to handle this, but…” no scholarship is worth this heartache.

“The first months are always the hardest; you made it through those. You can go through anything.”

“Stop selling me pipe dreams. I don’t want to go through anything and everything, Aden. I’m not your ride or die chick.”

“But–”

“I was almost run over by a car today because I haven’t been eating and I had been crying.”

“Wait, McKay. Please, let me say a few things.”

“You’re not going to change my mind.”

“No, I have to. I have to because–”

“DON’T say you love me!”

I had sensed that these months had fooled us both into thinking we love each other, but we’re no closer than a nurse and her blind patient chatting every day.

“Okay, but please listen. I have a plan. I’ve been organising with management to allow me to be in the States a lot more. We’re going back on tour in a few days. We’ll be in Ohio next month, McKay. I also made sure to ask to book all upcoming training, coaching and recording there.

“I promise you, on my life, we’ll see each other more often. Please, please tell me you can live with seeing me every two months or so.”

The desperation in his voice wrings at my heart, but…

“I don’t–”

“Please, McKay. I’m begging you. I know I don’t deserve you or any of your time. But I’ve fought so hard to give us a chance. Don’t cut me out of your life. Please.”

Those words give me pause. He’s serious about this – about us. And he knows he doesn’t deserve me. He’s admitting to it. We’re on the same page after all. Huh.

“Don’t leave me.”

“I’ll stay.”

“Ha!” he laughs in the saddest manner possible.

I’m not going anywhere. It’s no longer a zero-sum game. I can’t quit and walk away now. I would love to see him. I would also love to have the chance to investigate who in his camp could get me a scholarship. I’m not naïve enough to not know that the scholarship has become more of an afterthought, but it’s important nonetheless. If I can get it, I should.

“Please tell me you believe me when I say that this will all be worth it?”

“I do.”

When I arrive at school the next day, all three of my friends form a circle around me. My head instinctively snaps to Tonya.

“Why are you here?”

“Get over yourself, McKay. You’re not in some soap opera. You don’t stop eating over a boy and fucking attempt suicide. Are you stupid?” She lashes out, enraging me further.

“Do you have a death wish?” I step to her.

Danatha’s hand flies to my shoulder as Sybil admonishes Tonya.

“Stop being so rude!”

“You guys want to tiptoe around her, that’s your own problem, but I’m a real friend. I give it to you straight.”

“You insensitive–”

“Shut the hell up and stop being a brat. You don’t starve yourself over a boy, period. I’m serious, McKay. If you try to pull that crap again, I’m personally coming to beat you up.”

“Are you done?” says Danatha, clearly annoyed.

“No, one more thing: you’ll find someone else. In fact, I’ll help you. So, quit moping around.”

“We’re still together.”

“Great, avoidance is a really healthy tactic.”.

“You know what, Tonya?!” bursts Danatha but I lift a hand, asking her to let me respond.

“We talked it over like two normal people in a relationship.”

“Oh, that’s rich; now you’re normal? You were cuckoo a few hours ago. Tell me about that one-eighty again. I could probably sell books with those pro-tips.”

“I know you’re pissed about the whole thing, but I’m fine. I’ve eaten, I’m happy with my relationship and against all odds, I’m grateful for my friends – even the bitchy, yet concerned, ones.”

“You better be.”

Tonya backs away and goes on her phone, waiting for us to lead the way to class.

“Why are we friends with her again?” I mutter. All of us burst into laughter.

“She’s so charming.” mocks Danatha.

“She’s just mad someone other than her could get to me.”

“Abusers tend to want their prey to themselves.”

“She did have some valid points though.” Sybil comments quietly, always eager to defend her bestie as per usual.

“Shame, I could tell she was concerned.”

“Too bad she never knows how to act like a decent human being.”

“Are you guys at a theatre release for a blockbuster comedy? Let’s go. We don’t want to make Sybil over here run to class, trip and have her teeth smashed in, do we?”

“Easy on the gory, Tony. It’s only eight o’clock. None of us have had enough breakfast to chuck onto your pretty sweater.” scorns Danatha as Sybil rolls her eyes.

Well, seems like all is back to normal.