Sooraj

Deeksha's sudden appearance after three whole years had genuinely surprised me. But then I was glad that Siya finally knew everything that would keep her at bay, away from me. With the new feelings that had surged up in me, this incident somehow proved to be a boon. I was lost in my own thoughts and it took time for me to grasp the fact that I was home. I parked my car and started walking towards the stairs that led to my apartment. 'Sooraj?' I was stopped midway by a beautiful voice my heart was longing to hear but my brain wished I didn't. I turned around to find Siya seated on the bench quite comfortably. So definitely she must've been waiting for a while, I thought to myself. My feet automatically dragged my body towards her like a magnet, 'Siya? What are you doing here at this time?' She seemed to be studying my face for a long time because her face was frowned and her eyes were narrowed into thin lines but after a while she dropped her gaze down to my hands. Her warm hands enveloped my left hand, holding it quite firmly yet lovingly, her gaze now bore deep into my eyes, 'I needed to make sure you were fine!' I smiled half-heartedly at her. How could I be fine when I know I was going to lose this woman even before trying? How could I be fine when even after trying to forget my past it kept cropping up? 'Nothing is wrong with me!' I avoided her gaze and managed to look at my feet, I couldn't lie to her, and rather I didn't want to lie to her. 'I've been observing you since you came to pick me up. Something is definitely bothering you. I miss that twinkle in your eye, the one that appears when you want to pull my leg. Which by the way is almost always.' She let out a chuckle at that, and somehow I couldn't help but smile as well. She was a great judge I realised, she'd practically observed the tiniest detail. I guess I took longer than necessary to answer back because she continued further, 'I think you saw me talking to Deeksha back at the office. Right?' I jerked my eyes up to look her in the eye immediately. So she'd got what was disturbing me all along!

She waited for me to answer this time but somehow I just couldn't manage to get words out of my mouth. I meekly nodded a yes. 'Sooraj you saw me with her but you didn't hear what I said, and somehow I guess that is something you have to hear out.' I kept my gaze steady and my jaws tightened unconsciously, did I really want to hear it? What if she ended up voicing my fears? What if she believed what Deeksha had to say? 'Sooraj, I did not believe even a word of what she had to say.' My eyebrows shot up instantly at that maybe the reaction surprised her because she laughed at it, 'What's so surprising for you here? I believe you.' I closed my eyes at that, maybe not everything was lost after all. 'Would you like to come up for a cup of coffee?' finally I could manage to come up with something after the initial shock. I did owe her an explanation if she did believe me. She nodded smiling her full thirty-two toothed smile.

'Siya I'm sorry you had to get involved in all this.' We were sipping coffee on my dining table when I put my hand gently on top of hers she jerked her head sideways, 'No Sooraj, I'm sorry you had to go through all this alone.' I had to smile at that, how innocent could she be? Why was she feeling sorry? Did that mean she mirrored my feelings? Definitely not the time to think about it! I decided to let the thought be for now and to concentrate on the task I had set forth for myself. 'Siya I want to talk to you about Shruti.' I looked her in the eye this time, she seemed to be judging the statement again because she took a long pause before saying, 'Sooraj if you don't want to its completely fine. You don't have to tell me anything. But if you really want to talk about it, I'll be glad to hear it out.' 'I want to!' She gave me an encouraging smile and my mind travelled back to the time I first met Shruti. I told her about how Shruti had found me through Facebook because of some game she'd been playing with her friends. How this game led on to numerous conversations, and how these conversations led on to more intimate ones. 'I never realised when things got serious, because genuinely speaking Shruti was the complete opposite of what I always pictured my partner to be.' My eyes warmed up into hers and smiled at her as she urged me to go on, 'but things were still going great, we were happy together when suddenly one day she got fired from the office, she'd messed up some pretty important finances and somehow none of the financial firms were hiring people at the point, I guess that was the trigger for her depression. I tried to tell her numerous times to consult someone but she never agreed to it. I tried talking to Deeksha about it as well, but that seemed to have angered Shruti even more. There were some major issues in her family at that time I guess. She'd even end up spending most of her time here whenever her family would turn up at her place. Though she had never opened up about it to me, so I'm still clueless as to what was wrong exactly.'

I poured a glass of water as my voice had started to shake remembering those days, I asked Siya if she wanted some but she didn't. She started caressing my hand softly encouraging me and showing that she was there to support me emotionally and physically. Somehow I was glad for that. I cleared my throat and continued, 'Things started worsening when she began doubting every word I said. My busy schedule of office work was now looked upon as a means to cheat on her with someone. Whatever I said was a lie. I couldn't handle her anymore somehow. But I knew she was vulnerable mentally and I couldn't leave her like that. I didn't know what to do. But somehow my mind was blown out of its proportions by then. She had blamed me about cheating with her best friend this time, that somehow we'd managed to have an affair behind her back, and that I did not care about her feelings anymore. And that's when I lost it, I still regret sending her the message that said she was the reason we weren't happy anymore, she was the one who blamed me for everything even though I was here taking care of her whims and fancies however unreasonable they seemed. That was the last conversation we ever had. I guess that was when she decided to do it.'

I closed my eyes as warm tears started making their way out. I could feel warm hands wiping them away. I opened my eyes to see Siya down on her knees, her hands on either side of my cheeks, 'It's not your fault Sooraj, stop blaming yourself. You did all that you could've. It was her destiny and her state of mind that let her to do it.' I nodded meekly, but somehow she still had a confused look on her face and she ended up voicing it, 'So why does Deeksha care suddenly?' I let out a deep breath, 'The next day when Deeksha went to Shruti's apartment she found her cell phone and my message and decided to blame me for everything. She thought that I wanted to break up with Shruti when I had called her about her mental illness and decided to use it against me. She's been harassing me ever since. And somehow her hallow threats had been etched so deep in my mind that I had started to believe them myself. That's when I had decided to leave the city and start afresh.' Siya ruffled her hand through my hair as she held the back of my neck firmly forcing me to look her in the eye, 'I believe you Sooraj. And it's time you started believing in yourself.' I was so overwhelmed by her words that I couldn't help myself and I hugged her. I held her in my arms for as long as I could remember. It definitely felt good. It felt just the way I had always hoped to feel. At home.