I Love You

"Thank you, Las Vegas! We're Panic! At The Disco!"

The crowd's cacophonous chants and cheers for their band is as overwhelming as every other concert they've held.

"Great job as always, Bren." Zack greets him with a pat on his shoulder, offering him a drink in which he declines.

Brendon lessens the drinking and the smoking recently. To the people who know him, they must think he's trying to be clean and wants to take off the habit.

They have no idea how much he wanted to smoke right now. But he doesn't.

Returning to the dressing room, he finds the tallest member of his band, typing something in his phone with this small endearing smile on his face.

He's beautiful.

Dallon's phone rings and answers it with a wide smile. He doesn't speak, however. He nods, he hums and shook his head as if the person he's talking to could see the gesture.

The silver ring on his finger gleams against the light, making sure that he could see how brightly it shines. Brendon hates it. It's a reminder of something he could never have.

The taller man drops the call, typing something out in reply before closing his phone and starts to notice Brendon's presence with a wave of a hand in his direction.

"Hey, Dallon. You okay?" It was an initial question every time he and the other man get the chance to talk. He must be pretty annoyed every time he asks.

The taller man just bears it with a kind smile and nod. Dallon takes out a small note book and pen from his pocket and writes something on it.

"I'm good. That was a great crowd, right?" He wrote.

"Yeah, it was."

Silence takes over, and that's it. It's never the same as before where they had long talks about the future, or how the next music for the new album would be. No more jokes or singing songs back at each other in reply.

He hates it, in every feeling of his gut.

Dallon's concerned look for him didn't go unnoticed, as he began to write something again in his little notebook.

"I told you. It's not your fault, Bren. Don't blame yourself."

Brendon shook his head in disbelief. How could it not have been his fault? If only he didn't scream at Dallon during his drunken state. If only he didn't said such harsh words to make him leave. If only he didn't act like a total douche bag towards Dallon, then the accident would never had--

He felt a finger pressed against his mouth. Brendon wasn't speaking. He knows he didn't say all the words from his thoughts out loud. But the fact that Dallon seems to know what his mouth could not say is such a mystery to him.

Dallon's warm calloused hands turn his head to stare at the other's eyes of grayish blues with sincerity that is enough to break every wall he has ever made inside himself. He opens his lips, mouthing out some words that Brendon could clearly understand. "Not your fault."

The lips that mouthed such words presses itself against his forehead, making his stomach flutter in something unexplainable. The moment those lips leave against his skin, it felt like his chest constricts itself, leaving him breathless.

"I'm sorry." Brendon utters, hiding out the choked sob that was almost voiced out through his words.

All it takes is being wrapped around into someone's arms that made him break down inside. Brendon cried years ago. Not this time, but it felt so much worse, cutting him deep inside. His eyes don't cry but his heart is doing all the work for him.

Brendon leans his head against Dallon's shoulder, nuzzling his face against the taller man's neck for comfort. He places a subtle kiss against the older man's neck, mouthing words against his warm skin:

"I love you."

Dallon doesn't know what those words mean for him, and Brendon's sure it's the words that he so longed to hear from the other man, but will never be said, and will never belong to him.

"You didn't have to comfort me like that, you know? I'm not a baby." Brendon giving Dallon a mocking offended look as they pull away, his hand throwing a light punch on the other man's chest, right above his beating heart.

Dallon smiles brightly. Beautiful, kind eyes look down on him as his eyes crinkle with amusement.

If his heart belongs to someone else, Brendon wants to at least keep that smile for his own. No matter how selfish it sounds.

He will never hear Dallon's voice again. He will never hear the sound of his laugh, or how he talks about his favorite show each time it comes up. Brendon will never hear him say 'good job, Bren' after each performance.

And while Brendon will never have the courage to say the words he mouthed against Dallon's neck, he hopes actions will be louder than what the words plan to say.

Whatever he has right now with Dallon is fine. As long as he still has it, then he doesn't mind.

He'll take what he can get. And that's perfectly okay.

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