A/N: Chapter title is taken from a line in Psychostick's song, Why, Oh, Why. Also, the previous chapter title was also taken from Psychostick's song, Give Thanks or Die, which is a parody of Slipknot's song, Get This.

Also, also, does anyone like the chapter titles? If you do, which title is your favorite?

It turned out that on Thanksgiving, Dave kissed Lane. The next day, Thea had planned to track down Dave when she got off of work from the bakery, but she didn't have to go very far, because Dave walked in the bakery.

"Hi," Thea said to Dave.

Dave came over to her, "Lane said you worked here, so I brought you this cupcake." He set down what was clearly a store-bought cupcake on the counter, "I wanted to thank you for throwing those olives to me yesterday. That was really cool of you to do even though you didn't have to do it."

"Ah, it's fine," Thea replied with a shrug. "It seemed cruel that we were eating in front of you when you were most likely hungry. Besides, Lane is our friend and we take care of each other; which extends to you."

"Like I said, I appreciate the effort," Dave said. "It certainly helped stave off hunger. I didn't appreciate Rory hitting me in the eye with that olive."

"Yeah, she sucks at sports," Thea said.

"I noticed," Dave replied.

Thea grabbed a blueberry cookie and handed it to Dave, "Here, have a blueberry cookie."

Dave took the cookie and looked at the pink color. He was clearly thinking, This is strawberry. Those are bits of strawberry. Then he took a bite and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Yes, Dave. I will bake a batch of them for your band," Thea replied, already knowing where that train of thought was heading.

Later, Aiden had come back from visiting his other family: the other family being his biological mother's side of the family. Of course, they wouldn't exactly want the man who killed their relative to visit them, so Ethan had stayed behind in a hotel room while that happened.

So, Aiden was eating some loaded fries while glaring at something on the shelf behind the curtain at Luke's.

Todd asked Aiden, "How was your Egg Donor's side of the family?"

"I won't have any contact with some of them again," Aiden replied.

Luke gave Aiden a chocolate milkshake because apparently that was his go-to when trying to cheer up any of Thea's friends: give them milkshakes. "That awful, huh?"

"It was fine at first," Aiden explained. "For some reason, that side of the family enjoys sitting in chairs whenever someone gets up, they even do it to the kids, because 'free for all' I guess. So an uncle of mine started bringing a folding chair with him because of this stupid 'prank.'"

"That's the stupidest prank I've ever heard," Georgia said.

Luke asked, "And then what happened?"

"Okay, they're hounding my uncle for bringing a metal chair because he got tired of being messed with, for so many years, and his brother-in-law got so mad and drunk that he ended up throwing a chair out the bay window, then took off," Aiden explained.

"The brother-in-law sounds like he needs anger management classes," Liberty told him.

"And possibly AA," Jess added.

"And probably a kick in the dick," Georgia finished.

Aiden nodded, "And then my great-aunt started bad mouthing my dad and started yelling at me about how great my Egg Donor was and how he should've stayed in jail to rot. So I got mad and told her that this great person was a rapist and pedophile, then she yelled at me that I was eight-years-old and should let it go already."

"If I was there, I would've made sure she left the house in a body bag," Georgia said, angry.

"Yeah and one of my female cousins got up and yelled at Great-Aunt Karen that the Egg Donor assaulted her too and that Great-Aunt Karen could burn in hell along with the Egg Donor," Aiden said. "That shocked everyone because no one of us heard of it before and my cousin ended up dropping me off at the motel because she couldn't be in that house anymore."

"Your family sounds nuts," Luke said, with a shake of his head.

Aiden nodded, "On the bright side, I have someone I can talk to about what the Egg Donor did, besides my friend."

Lorelai allowed Lane's and Todd's band to rehearse in the garage. Of course the band hadn't rehearsed there yet, but it was going to be a thing.

Thea wasn't exactly sure how to feel about it, but she was glad that Lane and Todd were getting somewhere.

So, while they sat at the counter in Luke's, Sage read a book, "I don't think this lady's husband gives a shit that their son committed a school massacre. If he did, he would've replied by now."

Liberty looked at Sage, "What book are you reading?"

"We Need to Talk About Kevin," Sage said. "The main character, Eva, is writing letters to her husband, but he's not writing back. He clearly doesn't care."

"Sounds just like my dad," Jess piped. "Skipped town as soon as I was born."

"At least he was there when you were born," Sage replied. "Mine didn't even show up to my birth."

"I think it's been established that all our dads, except for Liberty's, Georgia's and Aiden's, are deadbeats," Thea said.

"At least Aiden's dad cared about him," Georgia said.

"Why are you all talking about me like I'm dead?" asked Ethan, coming up behind them.

Luke came over to the counter, "What do you need?"

"Nothing, because, apparently, I'm dead," Ethan replied, looking at the teens. "To them, at least."

Kirk had decided that it was time for him to get another part-time job. That part-time job was at the bakery with Thea. It was...something to say the least.

Kirk took his job seriously.

Thea was curious about something, "What happened to Cat!Kirk?"

"Oh, my mom accidentally left the door open and Kirk saw his chance to escape into the wild," Kirk replied. "I looked for him and saw that he had formed his own colony of cats so I decided to leave him be."

Thea replied, "You just got tired of being mauled by Cat!Kirk, didn't you?"

Kirk nodded, "Yeah. But I think he's happier being out on his own." 

"Probably," Thea agreed, nodding. She was sure that she saw a pack of cats lurking around once or twice.

Kirk asked, "Hey, when am I allowed to wear my own aprons?"

Thea looked down at her apron, "It doesn't matter?"

Sage and Aiden walked into the diner together, so Kirk went over to them to recite the flavors of pie that the bakery had. At least both of them were patient enough to listen to all thirty flavors of pie and all thirty-two flavors of ice cream.

Aiden wanted cranberry chess pie, while Sage wanted caramel apple pie cookies – no ice cream.

Then Rory and Dean walked in together, both looking awkward as hell.

Dean asked, "So, where do you wanna sit?"

"Um, there's good, if you like the window," Rory replied.

"Window is fine," Dean said.

Rory replied, "Of course, there's that one if you don't like the window."

Dean repeated, "Window's fine.

Rory explained, "The window can be colder because of the glass, but then that one is right by the bathroom, and being right by the bathroom always makes me kind of uncomfortable, which isn't really fair because something has to be right by the bathroom. Otherwise, you're cutting down on tables, which means you're cutting down on profits and...window's fine?"

"Window's fine," repeated Dean.

Rory said, "Let's sit down then." They sat down at the table, "This is a very nice table. Good pick."

Kirk went over to Dean and Rory, "Today we have an almond tort, an apple pandowdy, and various marzipan fruits made by a sect of cloistered nuns in Toledo."

"I'll have a piece of pie," Dean said.

Kirk listed, "Cherry, peach, chocolate, pumpkin, custard—"

"Custard's fine," interrupted Dean.

Kirk said, "There's more."

Dean replied, "I know, but custard's fine."

Kirk seemed hurt, considering how Sage and Aiden listened to his spiel, "You don't wanna hear the rest?"

"I am really good with the custard," Dean said.

"But they made me memorize thirty different flavors," Kirk replied, still sounding hurt.

Dean started, "Kirk?"

"Yes?" replied Kirk.

"Custard is fine," Dean repeated firmly.

Kirk asked, "You want ice cream with that?"

Dean asked, "Are there different flavors?"

Kirk answered, "Thirty-two."

Dean said, "Just the pie."

"Okay." Kirk asked Rory, "What about you?"

Rory spotted Sage and Aiden together at the table next to theirs, "What do they have?"

"I got caramel apple pie cookies," Sage said, handing one to Rory to try. "These are new."

Rory took a bite out of the cookie, "Mmm. These are really good. What about you Aiden?"

"Cranberry chess pie," Aiden said.

"Oh, can I try?" asked Rory.

Thea saw Dean's jaw twitch as Aiden used a different fork to cut off a piece of pie to hand to Rory to try.

Dean was clearly jealous and he couldn't do anything about it since he and Rory were broken up.

Thea found it glorious as Rory tried the pie. Rory spoke to Kirk, "I think I'll take what they have."

Dean's jaw twitched again, because he probably expected Rory to order what he did.

"Okay," Kirk said. "You want ice cream with that?"

"No, thank you," Rory replied.

Kirk went over to tell Thea the order.

Thea went to get the food to pass on over to Kirk, who ended up passing it over to Dean and Rory.

Rory and Dean talked for a bit and Thea watched as Sage read the book.

Dean asked, "I don't know, Rory. Maybe...maybe, um...is there a way we could be friends?"

Thea watched as Sage put the bookmark in his book before he tossed it onto a different table before leaning back in his seat and looking like he was reevaluating his life.

"Hey! Don't be mean to the book because it made you mad," Rory told Sage, looking at him as if he tossed her onto a table.

"No, I just got to the twist in that book and it made me go, 'oh, so that's why the dad never wrote back to Eva,'" Sage replied.

"Oh," Rory replied. "In that case, can I borrow it after you get done reading it?"

"Sure," replied Sage.

"Rory," Dean said, his jaw clenching, because he never got his answer.

Rory looked at Dean, "I'm sorry?"

Dean said, "You and me – friends?"

"Really?" asked Rory.

"If you want to," Dean added.

"Oh, I want to. I really want to," Rory said. "But—"

"Don't worry about me," Dean said. "I'll be fine with being just friends."

Thea doubted that. He just wanted to get Rory back.

"Okay," Rory replied.

"Let's just take this one step at a time," Dean continued.

"Absolutely," Rory said. "Slow and steady wins the race."

Thea, Rory, Richard, Emily, and Lorelai saw in the living room for Richard's birthday party, listening to Chuck Berry. Thea had to shift awkwardly on her spot on the couch and messed with the sleeves on her dress.

Thea messed with her hair when Emily looked at Thea, "What's that on your neck?"

Thea awkwardly touched her throat, "I don't know?"

Emily walked over and moved Thea's hair back looking at three hickies on the side of Thea's throat, "What are those?"

Thea's face warmed up, "Love bites?"

Emily seemed aghast, "You let your boyfriend do that?"

And you should see the scratches I leave on his back, Thea thought, but that most likely wouldn't fly over well. "Am I not supposed to?"

"Oh, come on, Grandma," Rory said. "They're not that bad."

"He's eating her like she's some kind of rare steak," Emily said.

"He's very passionate." Thea said, "Can we please focus on Grandpa? It's his birthday after all."

Rory looked at Richard, "So, Grandpa...how do you like the record so far?"

Richard smiled, "This man is a genius. Listen to him play."

"I'm glad you like it, Grandpa," Rory said.

"Oh, I must say, I am a very spoiled man. Chuck Berry, the complete history of the Peloponnesian War, and those interesting pink blueberry cookies that Thea had made me," Richard said, holding up the book set and a cookie.

"Well, sure, 'cause a partial history would skip all the dirty stuff," Lorelai said.

"And Lane's band are fans of the cookies," Thea said, remembering how she brought a batch to them and they made a dash for the last cookie. She had been worried that they were going to fight to the death for them. Georgia took the last cookie, just so she can smirk at them in victory.

Richard said, "I especially like the way you wrapped the books in a bow tie. It's very, very clever."

Lorelai said, "I thought it would be appropriate."

"And I really appreciate the bits of strawberry in the cookies," Richard told Thea. "It certainly tricks the mind and I like it."

Emily added, "And, of course, you're not forgetting your favorite gift."

Richard said, "Oh, yes, my beautiful humidor from my beautiful wife."

Emily smiled, "Thank you."

"No, thank you," Richard said. "It's been a wonderful birthday." He kissed Emily.

The doorbell rang and the maid went to answer the door.

Emily asked Richard, "Would you like some more champagne?"

Richard said, "Oh, why not?"

Emily got up.

"One of the porch lights is burned out. Perhaps the simple act of glancing outside a window once in a while might have alerted someone to the situation," Trix said from the hallway.

Thea smiled at the voice of her great-grandmother. It made sense that Trix would show up for Richard's birthday.

Lorelai asked, "Gran?"

"Trix, is that you?" called Richard. "Well, I'll be. What a surprise." He got up to leave the living room.

Emily seemed to be frozen in horror.

"Mom, did you know Grandma was coming?" asked Lorelai.

"Oh my God," Emily said in horror.

"Clearly not," Thea said.

"Okay, no seems like a safe answer," Lorelai said.

From the hallway, Richard called out, "Emily, come here! Come say hello to this delightful creature that just walked in."

"Oh my God," Emily said in more horror and she went to the hallway.

Lorelai spoke to Rory, "Come on, let's see if she tries to make a break for it."

They all walk to the front hallway where Richard is standing with Trix.

Richard said, "Emily, did you know about this?"

"Why, no, I didn't," replied Emily.

Richard said, "Well, I'm floored."

"Good," Trix said. "Hello Lorelai."

Lorelai said, "Hello Gran, good to see you."

Trix asked, "You're well?"

"I'm well," Lorelai said.

"You're working?" asked Trix.

"I'm working," Lorelai replied.

Trix asked, "You're single?"

Lorelai said, "I'm single."

Trix asked, "By choice, or do you scare the men with your independence?"

Lorelai replied, "Actually, I scare them with my Minnie Pearl impression."

Trix said, "The lady with the hat." She looked at Thea, "Good to see you again, Thea. I've seen that you grew, only a little."

"Thank you, Trix," Thea replied. "I think."

"You still work at the bakery?" asked Trix.

Thea nodded, "Yeah. Still working there. We got a new employee."

"That's good," Trix replied. She looked at Rory and Thea fully, "As soon as I get settled, I want to hear all about your schooling and your college plans."

Rory said, "Okay, Gran."

Trix spoke to her daughter-in-law, "Well, Emily, I don't know if you realize it or not, but it's not proper to receive guests in the foyer. It puts one in the awkward position of having to invite oneself in."

Emily said, "Uh, yes, uh, please, I – I'm sorry. Please, come in."

Richard spoke to Trix, "This way." He led her and Rory to the living room.

Emily asked, "What is she doing here?"

"She probably wants to celebrate Grandpa's birthday," Thea said.

Lorelai nodded, "Yeah, she's visiting."

Emily said, "She didn't call, she always calls."

Lorelai said, "Like Thea said, it's Dad's birthday. She wanted it to be a surprise."

Emily said, "But I haven't prepared. I haven't shopped or set up the guest room and – oh God, her horrible gifts are still in the basement. What do I do?"

"Well, leave the gifts in the basement, because she clearly saw that they're not set up," Thea replied.

Emily started, "But—"

"What are you going to do? Bring them out and set them up like they've always been there?" interrupted Thea.

"Come on," Lorelai said.

They walked to the living room.

"Oh, Emily, you're still here," Trix said.

"Yes, of course I'm still here," Emily said. "Can I get you some champagne?"

Trix replied, "Well, if you wish me to be violently ill tomorrow, absolutely."

Lorelai whispered to Emily, "Do not answer that."

Richard handed over a drink, saying, "I've got you covered, Trix. Now, tell me what on earth you're doing here. You didn't travel all the way from England just for my birthday."

Trix replied, "Oh, I think your birthday is a good enough reason to travel all the way from England. However, it did also happen to coincide with some business I needed to attend to."

Rory asked, "What kind of business?"

Trix said, "Well, for the past year, I've been renting my home in Hartford to a group of musicians. They've recently moved out, so I had to come check on the house and secure a new tenant."

Lorelai said, "What kind of musicians?"

"A rock and roll group of some sort," Trix said. "I believe they call themselves Korn."

"Nice," Thea said with a grin. "They're actually nu metal, not rock and roll."

"That's the genre they said they were in," Trix said to Thea. "Thank you for clarifying."

Lorelai was in disbelief, "You rented your house to Korn?"

Rory added, "That's so cool!"

Thea asked, "What were they like?"

Trix replied, "They were fine tenants. Took wonderful care of the place. They planted some lovely tulips in the front yard."

Emily said, "So, Mom, if you're going to be here for a while, I can plan some things for you to do, some outings you might enjoy."

Trix asked, "Like what?"

Emily replied, "Like the arboretum."

Trix said, "I have no desire to spend the entire day with plants, Emily. I'm not a bee. Besides, I already know what I would like to do. I would like to see where Lorelai and Thea work."

Lorela asked, "The inn?"

Trix said, "I thought we could all have dinner there."

Lorelai replied, "Oh, well, sure. That would be great. But why do you want to see the bakery?"

"I just want to see what stuff they sell at the bakery," Trix said. "I was thinking that for dessert, we can head over to the bakery. So tomorrow night then."

Rory said, "Oh..."

Lorelai started, "Well..."

"What?" asked Trix.

Lorelai said, "It's just that tomorrow night we were planning to go to this winter carnival at the high school..."

Rory added, "But we can skip it."

"I was thinking of going too," Thea admitted. "I can switch plans though."

Trix said, "Absolutely not. Rory, Thea, you're both young people who work hard, Thea especially juggling school and a part-time job. It's equally important to have fun. You both go to the carnival."

Rory said, "Thank you."

"Yeah, thanks," Thea said.

Trix said, "Lorelai, you've had enough fun in your life."

"And then some," Lorelai added.

Trix said, "Dinner will be for the grown-ups. Now, how is the birthday going?"

Richard said, "Wonderfully. They're spoiling me rotten. Emily got me the most beautiful humidor. It's from 1917, and was owned by a lieutenant in World War I. And Thea made me these delightful cookies." He handed a cookie over to Trix who took it.

"You know, your father had a humidor that was owned by Victor Hugo," Trix spoke to Richard.

"Really?" asked Richard.

Trix replied, "I still have it if you'd like it."

"Well, I'd love it," Richard replied.

"Fine. I'll take care of it as soon as I get back to London," Trix said. She took a bite out of the cookie and looked at it in confusion. "These should taste like strawberry." She took another bite. "You said Thea made these?"

"Yeah," Richard replied.

"You have a culinary genius granddaughter on your hands," Trix told him.

"That I do," Richard replied, beaming with pride.

"Now, if you will excuse me, I should like to freshen up," Trix said.

"I'll make sure the guest room's ready," Emily said.

Richard told her, "Oh, I can do that, Emily."

"Thank you, Richard," Trix said to her son. To Emily, she said, "Emily, I expect to return in twenty minutes. That should give you enough time to pull my gifts out of storage and place them around the room as if they actually stand there all year." She got up and left the living room with Richard.

Lorelai asked, "You want some help with those gifts?"

Emily replied, "Yes, please."

Some guy released a bunch of crabs on the second floor of the school.

Then a girl, over the intercom, asked out a guy, with hearts in his eyes, said yes. The girl had gotten a week's worth of detention and so far, the intercom couple seemed to be doing great.

Then some guy started yelling at his friends, "I swear to fucking god I'm going to kill you! I'm going to – oh crap, there's a girl standing there!" He had looked at Thea and then continued down the hall, yelling at them because they left him locked inside a filing cabinet for an hour and a teacher had to help him get out.

All in a day's work.

For the winter carnvial, Thea wore snow boots with her outfit. Sure it clashed, but at least she was warm.

It was awkward meeting up with Dean, Rory, and Dean's little sister, Clara, at the carnival.

Georgia and Jess had gone (Jess didn't want to go, but Georgia stared him down, so he agreed to go, according to Georgia). Dean had to make awkward introductions to Sage, Aiden, Jess, and Georgia as they headed to the carnival.

Clara asked, "Is Sage your real name?"

"Yes," Sage replied, confused.

"How about you?" Clara asked Jess, "Is Jess your real name?"

"Yes," Jess replied, clearly annoyed.

Clara asked, "Do you both like your names?"

"I'm fine with Sage," Sage replied.

Jess replied, "And I'm fine with Jess."

Clara asked, "Would you both rather be named Bill?"

"No," Jess and Sage said in unison.

"Frank?" asked Clara.

"No," replied Sage and Jess.

"Mike?" asked Clara.

"No," the two replied. Jess, however, started to sound annoyed.

"Bob?" asked Clara.

"No," replied the two.

"Ed?" asked Clara.

"Does this belong to you?" Jess asked Dean.

Dean asked, "Clara, you want a snow cone?"

"Yes." Clara asked Jess and Sage, "Will you two go get me a snowcone?"

"Absolutely," Jess replied with fake cheerfulness. He pointed, "Go stand in the middle of the street and wait for us, I'll be right back."

"Reminds me of the time my sixth grade teacher told me to go play on the highway," Sage muttered to Thea.

"I'll get your snow cone," Dean said.

Clara said, "And one for Rory, Thea, and Georgia too."

Dean said, "And one for Rory, Thea, and Georgia too."

Rory said, "Thanks."

Clara asked Jess, "Do you wash your hair?"

Jess replied, "Yes, I wash my hair."

Clara asked, "Then why does it stick up like that?"

"Because," Jess replied.

Clara said, "It looks crazy."

Aiden asked, "Clara, what bad things did you see when you were younger?"

"When I was seven, I saw my best friend get hit by a big rig," Clara said. "She did not make it."

That...explained a lot. Even Jess looked a bit sympathetic at that and she annoyed him the most.

"Hey, guys!" called Lane.

They walked over to Lane's booth.

"Hey, how's the fundraiser going?" Rory said, "The turnout looks good."

"The turnout's great," Lane said. "Apparently, people are starved for entertainment around here."

"Well we do live in the asscrack of nowhere," Georgia said. "What else is everyone going to do?"

"Well, hurrah for bad cable reception," Rory said.

Thea asked, "How's Dave doing?"

"I told him about the Crab Incident at school and he said, 'well, at least the guy was nice enough to announce to the whole school that he's got crabs,'" Lane said.

Clara asked, "What does that mean?"

"It means that a guy had actual crabs because he released them at school," Aiden told Clara.

Wait 'til she actually finds out what it means, Thea thought.

"We better get going," Thea said.

"Yeah," Lane replied.

Thea spotted a bottle toss game, "Want me to win you something at that?"

"Please," Aiden said.

Thea went to the bottle toss game and got three balls to throw. She threw them at the bottle pyramids, knocking them over. She picked a polar bear stuffed animal to give to Aiden.

Jess decided that it was his turn and threw the first ball.

"You missed," Clara said. Jess tried again. "You missed." Jess tried one last time. "You missed. Why can't you be good at it like Thea?"

Jess asked, "Hey, you wanna learn how to fly?"

Liberty and Todd came up to them, "What's going on?"

"Jess sucks at the bottle toss game," Georgia said.

Clara asked, "Who are you two?"

"She's Liberty and he's Todd," Aiden said.

"Liberty? Like the Statue of Liberty?" asked Clara.

Jess cracked up and Liberty glared at him, so Jess stopped laughing.

Todd asked, "So what's going on?"

"Jess can't throw," Clara said.

"I can, too," Jess said.

Clara pointed out, "You missed every time."

"I can't concentrate with your annoying midget voice yammering on and on," Jess replied. "It's like having Stuart Little shoved in my ear."

"Join the club Jess," Sage said. "Aiden and I suck at carnival games too."

Jess said quickly, "President."

"Vice president," Aiden added quickly.

"Aw, goddamn it," Sage replied. 

Dean walks over, handing each of the girls, except Liberty, a snow cone. "Here. They only had cherry." He looked at Liberty, "Where did you come from?"

"The pits of hell," Liberty replied.

Dean decided not to question it, "So, you play any of the games yet?"

"Jess and I went," Thea said. "I won a polar bear. I was going to that ring toss game to get Sage something."

"We've been watching Jess lose. He didn't get a polar bear like Thea, but it's still pretty fun," Clara replied.

Dean asked Clara, "Well, how about I go beat you at ice bowling?"

"You can't beat me," Clara replied.

"Oh, I think I can," Dean said.

"Let's go!" Clara said.

Dean said, "We'll be back."

Rory said, "Okay."

Dean and Clara took off. Georgia looked at Jess, "How about I win you something, then you can hand off the stuffed animal to me and I can say that I won it?"

"Fine," Jess replied.

Georgia asked, "How much to play?"

"A dollar," Jess told her.

"Hey, I'm going to that ring toss game," Thea said to Georgia and Jess.

"Have fun," Georgia told them.

"You too," Thea said and they went to the ring toss game. Rory ended up tagging along.

"Oh, I had the same reaction as you did when I got to that part in We Need to Talk About Kevin," Rory told Sage as Thea handed off the snow cone to him to hold while she got the rings.

While Sage and Rory talked about the book, Thea tossed the rings she was given onto the bottles and picked a chubby looking arctic fox stuffy to give to Sage.

The rest of the evening seemed to go just fine.