Rory had gotten her application for Harvard in the mail. While that was good and all, Thea had gotten hers from Yale and Cornell University. The guidance counselor had recommended for her to send out seven university (four were for non-Ivy universities) applications and four applications were for 'safety' schools.

She had gotten an application from Princeton as well.

She only wanted to make Francine and Straub happy so she was going to apply there too. They never said that they wanted her to apply to Princeton, but she figured she should apply anyway. It was good to keep her options open.

Lorelai reacted like Rory had the goddamn Constitution.

"I feel dizzy," Rory told Lorelai.

Lorelai joked, "Are you sure that's not just the sight of Robert Reed in the tight clown pants?"

Rory glanced at the TV, "Oh, geez. Let the record show that when my application to Harvard arrived, we were watching The Brady Bunch Variety Hour."

Thea was sure that Harvard wouldn't care about that.

Lorelai said, "You don't lose points for that, do you?"

Rory said, "I hope not. Man, this morning I was reading Dead Souls – it couldn't have come then?"

Lorelai said, "Well, we'll just tell people that's what you were doing, and that I was studying a really big globe. They'll never know."

Rory asked, "You can keep a secret?"

Lorelai said, "Not so far, but there's always a first."

Rory said, "Dead Souls and a really big globe."

Lorelai said, "Deal." She looked at the TV, "Oh, kayaks!"

Thea looked at Rory, "You're going to be fine. They don't care about what you read or watch. Don't listen to her."

Aiden was doing his own college applications when Thea showed up to his house.

"I hate these application fees," Aiden said to Thea, as she lounged on Aiden's bed. "I know I had some waived, but Jesus Christ."

Thea nodded in agreement, "I know. Francine and Straub paid for some of mine."

"I doubt I'll get accepted to even ten of these colleges because of that stupid suspension I had gotten," Aiden said. "Especially since how bad it sounds..." He chuckled darkly, "'inciting a riot.' Should've fought that."

"Aiden, you're stressing," Thea said. She did have that same thought, but she figured explaining what really happened would work. She applied for fourteen because that suspension was the death of her academic career.

"How can I not?" replied Aiden. 

"I have an idea," Thea said as she sat up and looked at Aiden. She waved him over, "Come here."

Aiden walked over and sat next to her on the bed, "What is it?"

Thea kissed him. Thankfully he got the hint as he proceeded to take her shirt off.

"You know, I went to this school for four freaking years, and I just noticed my dad's track photo," Liberty said, pointing at the photo. She frowned at the sight of it.

Jess looked at the photo and laughed.

"I don't like that haircut," Sage said. "Someone could land a plane on that thing."

Liberty stared at the photo, "Yeah, now I know why he talked me out of doing track, freshman year. That uniform is hideous."

Thea didn't understand, "Why would he talk you out of it?"

"Because he got my mother pregnant," Liberty said. "She was one year older than him when they were in high school. She had graduated and he got her pregnant."

Georgia asked, "So, he's essentially a teen dad?"

Liberty nodded.

"Hey, come on," Jess said. "Liz is also a teen mom getting pregnant at eighteen."

"That's so weird," Aiden said. "What are the odds of that?"

"Considering my dad and Aunt Liz are essentially ten months apart," Liberty started. "Jess and I are at least three months apart."

"Your family also has a strong mating schedule," Sage pointed out.

"Just not as strong as my dad's side of the family," Georgia said.

Apparently Chitlon does 'alumni' lunches where former university alumni have lunch with prospective college students so the alumni can put a good word in for the future college students.

So, Rory had a lunch 'date' with Darren Springsteen and for some reason Lorelai was making Thea go, maybe to rub it in Thea's face that Rory has a chance to get into Harvard or something. 

Whatever the reason, Thea was going. And since Rory was wearing a striped long-sleeve shirt, so Thea wore a striped long-sleeve shirt too.

So, they were walking up the pathway to the Springsteen house, while Rory held a large manila envelope.

Lorelai said to Rory, "So, alumna is a girl graduate."

"Right," Rory replied.

Lorelai said, "And alumnus is a man."

"Singular," Rory replied.

"So an unmarried man?" asked Lorelai.

Rory clarified, "No, not not-married. He can be married or single, all alumnus means is one man singular as opposed to many men plural."

Lorelai said, "And plural is alumni."

Rory said, "Right, and that can be girls and guys."

Lorelai said, "Kinky!"

Rory replied, "No, not kinky, just what it is." She rang the doorbell.

"Ugh, you're no fun when you're nervous," Lorelai told her.

Rory responded sarcastically, "Oh yes, because you and I usually have so much fun with Latin."

Lorelai asked, "So what do we call this guy, alumnus Darren, you know, like you'd say farmer John or the butcher Lazar Wolf?"

Rory said, "Ish-kabibble."

A man opened the door.

Lorelai said, "Hello, I'm Lorelai Gilmore." She shook the man's hand.

The man said, "Darren Springsteen, nice to meet you." He looked at Rory and Thea, "And one of these two must be the reason we're all here."

Thea nudged, "Yes, hello." She stuck her hand out, "I hope we're not putting you out."

Darren shook Rory's hand, while saying, "Putting us out? Today you are the Springsteen family's raison d'être. Come in, come in." They walked inside. "Was your drive long?"

Lorelai said, "Not too."

Darren replied, "Stars Hollow is charming. The last time we drove through there, there was a pumpkin patch."

Lorelai replied, "Sounds like us."

Darren added, "In March."

"Yeah, the Year that the Pumpkins Sprouted Late," Thea said.

Darren said, "Sounds like a Dr. Seuss book." He looked at the envelope that Rory was holding, "You came bearing gifts?"

Rory seemed confused, "What?" She realized he was referring to the envelope, "Oh, this. No, this is not a gift. These are my records – grades, SATs." She handed the envelope over.

Lorelai said, "It's Rory in a bag – you add water and her brilliance springs out."

Darren took the envelope and said, "Why don't I just glance at this some other time, mm? This afternoon, why don't we just talk and get to know one another, okay?"

Rory said, "Sounds good."

Lorelai said, "You're a very nice alumni."

Darren replied, "Thanks." He walked down the hallway.

"You used the wrong word," Thea told Lorelai.

Rory nodded.

"Ah, rats!" replied Lorelai.

They followed Darren into the living room.

Darren said, "Lorelai, Rory, and uh—" He never got Thea's name.

He was probably wondering why she was there. Thea was wondering the exact same thing.

"Thea," she replied. "Short for Theodosia, not Theodora."

"Ah, yes, Lorelai, Rory, Thea, say hello to Marie, my wife," Darren said.

Marie shook their hands as she said, "Hello, so good to have you here."

Lorelai greeted, "Hi."

Rory said, "Thank you."

"It's good to meet you," Thea said.

Marie asked, "How about drinks? Iced tea, water?"

Rory said, "Iced tea's good."

Lorelai said, "Same here."

"Water for me," Thea said. She never got the taste for tea. It was like dirty water to her for some reason.

Marie said, "Okay." She left the room.

Darren asked, "Do you like art, Rory?"

Rory said, "Very much."

Darren said, "Modern painting is my passion. I've got a Hockney, a Kline – what I don't have is a Diebenkorn so please don't ask, 'Where's the Diebenkorn?'"

Lorelai said, "Uh, you warned me just in time."

Darren said, "I only recently got into sculpture." He directed their attention to a sculpture, "My latest acquisition – it's a Zoltan Kemeny. Very provocative. Don't you just love its audacity?"

Lorelai said, "Yes, it's very audacious."

Darren asked Rory, "So, what are some of your other interests, Rory?"

Lorelai said, "Oh, well, pull up a comfy chair there, Darren, because they are widespread and extensive." They went to sit down.

Rory said, "I read a lot. I'm into the Russians lately."

Darren asked, "Tolstoy, Turgenev?"

Rory said, "Gogol is my thing right now – Dead Souls."

Darren said, "One of my favorites."

Lorelai lied, "You were reading that when we got your Harvard application in the mail, weren't you sweetie?"

Rory also lied, "Yes, yes I was."

Apparently they think that Harvard cares about what they were doing when the application came in the mail.

Lorelai said, "I saw that Harvard logo on the envelope and I said, 'Rory, get your nose out of your Gogol and get over here!' Of course, we have a TV somewhere, but it's really more of a funny little table to put a cup of chai tea on, you know what I mean?"

"Mother, you're rambling," Thea told her.

Darren said, "I'm afraid I don't. I watch way too many sports, and I go to all the Harvard games." To Rory, he asked, "How about you – do you like sports?"

Lorelai lied, "Yes."

"No," Rory spoke at the same time as Lorelai.

Lorelai said, "That is, we follow certain things."

Rory said, "We enjoy various aspects of certain sporting endeavors."

Lorelai said, "But it wouldn't be the kind that you could ask any follow-up questions on."

Rory said, "It's a general interest."

Darren said, "Got it. It's pretty much a waste of time, but it's how I waste my time. I collect memorabilia, too. I've got each year's Harvard team pennant going back to 1927."

Lorelai said, "Lots of displayed Harvard paraphernalia, huh?"

Darren replied, "It's all over the walls at the rec room."

Lorelai nudged Rory in the ribs, saying, "See, see, lots of paraphernalia."

Rory said, "Watch the ribs there."

Two kids walked in from the backyard, holding tennis rackets.

Darren said, "Ah, here are the kids. Jack, Jennifer, this is Lorelai, Rory, and Thea."

Jack put one hand on his sister's shoulder, "Hi there." He was grinning.

Jennifer said, "It's nice to meet you."

Lorelai said, "Likewise."

Rory greeted, "Hi."

"Nice to meet you both," Thea added. She felt a little uncomfortable at how Jack seemed to blatantly check her out. Sure, Jack was a bit attractive in a way.

Darren said, "Jack's premed at Princeton and Jennifer is bound for Harvard like you, Rory."

"Thea applied to Princeton," Rory said as Jennifer sat down on the edge of the couch to talk to Rory.

Jack seemed to zero in on Thea even more, "Really?"

"Yeah," Thea said as Rory and Jennifer had a conversation. "I mean, I applied to other universities too..."

"I hope to see you there," Jack told her.

Thea forced a smile, "Yeah. You too."

Marie thankfully entered the living room with a tray that had drinks on it. She set the tray on the coffee table. "Here are your teas and your water."

"Thank you," Rory and Thea told her. Thea went to get the glass of water.

Marie spoke to Darren, "Ah, Darren, we should really get the chicken going."

"Right, right," Darren said. To the Gilmores, he said, "You're getting my famous chicken today – I hope you like chicken."

Rory said, "Love it."

Darren told them, "I'll be right back. Here's some of my Harvard yearbooks, peruse them if you like."

Lorelai said, "Oh."

Marie and Darren took off together.

Jack said, "Yeah, and we should go clean up, Jen."

Jennifer hummed an agreement, "Definitely." To Rory, she said, "I will see you in a jiff."

Thea wondered if that was a flirtation or threat.

Jack gave Thea one more look before he and Jennifer left the room together.

Once they were out of earshot, Lorelai said, "Ew!"

Rory and Thea were confused, "What?"

Lorelai said, "Did they just leave to take a shower together?"

Rory and Thea were both disgusted, "Oh, gross!"

Lorelai said, "What? They bounced in together, they bounced out together."

Rory said, "New topic."

Lorelai said, "Can't take gritty reality?"

Rory said, "Or slanderous postulating."

"Mother, they're not the Lannisters. I highly doubt that they make out against the banisters," Thea said. "Besides, I doubt that guys are Jennifer's type. Especially with the way she was all up in Rory's face, especially with her 'I'll see you in a jiff' flirtation threat."

"And I saw the way Jack was checking out your legs," Rory told Thea.

"I know he was," Thea replied.

Lorelai decided to keep going with her hypothetical Lannisters bit, "How about the way they just came off the tennis court and they're not even sweating?"

Rory said, "I don't know. Maybe when you're that white, you don't sweat."

"Rory, you're a privileged white girl who lives in the whitest town in America," Thea pointed out. "You don't sweat either."

Lorelai cut in, "Darren's nice though, isn't he?"

Rory said, "He's very nice. Hey, do you think I'm making a good impression?"

Lorelai continued, "Great impression. He loves you, especially when he found out you share his love of various aspects of certain sporting endeavors."

Rory said, "Hey, you started it. We could have just told the truth and said we weren't into sports."

Lorelai said, "I was trying to humanize us."

Thea tuned them out as she sipped her water.

When lunch rolled around, they walked into the dining room.

Lorelai said, "Aw, wow, what a beautiful table."

Rory added, "Yes, you didn't have to do that."

Darren said, "Oh, Rory, honestly, it's our pleasure."

Jack and Jennifer walked in wearing similar outfits.

Darren said, "Perfect timing, kids."

Jack looked at the food, "Excellent."

Jennifer said, "Nice looking lunch, Mom."

Lorelai whispered to Rory and Thea, "Color coordinated."

Rory shushed her.

Thea pointed at her shirt and then Rory's, hissing out, "We're wearing stripes."

Darren said, "Guests of honor, why don't you sit over there?"

Rory said, "thank you."

Lorelai noticed family pictures on her way to the side of them that they were directed to sit out, "Aw, family pictures. You have another girl, don't you?"

Marie said, "Yes, we do."

Lorelai asked, "Well, where is she? What does she do?"

Darren said, "Oh, um..."

Marie said, "She's not here."

Lorelai said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

Darren explained, "Oh, no no, it's all right. That's Carol. She's a year ahead of Rory and Thea. She's..."

"She's following her own path," Marie finished.

Darren said, "Right. Carol's doing her own thing."

Lorelai replied, "Okay."

Darren said, "Well, let's eat everybody. Honored guests, please choose from the chicken first."

Rory replied, "Thank you very much."

Darren spoke to his kids, "You two are gonna have to fight over the breast as you always do." He spoke to Lorelai, "So, Lorelai, what's your alma mater?"

Lorelai replied, "Well, I was too preoccupied to go to college, what with weighing a couple hundred pounds and having feet twice my normal size and all."

Darren clearly didn't appreciate it, "I see."

Thea said, "She took night classes and graduated last year."

Rory added, "She has an AA degree in business."

Marie said, "Well, that's wonderful."

Darren said, "In fact, it's refreshing. It might even be to Rory's benefit. Good things didn't come to your family in one fell swoop, you struggled for it."

"That's true," Lorelai said.

Darren, "One fell swoop, interesting phrase."

Jack agreed, "Very."

Darren asked, "Origin?"

Jack said, "It was coined in MacBeth and derives from Middle English."

Darren said, "Very good, son. You know your Shakespeare then, do you?"

Jack replied, "More than most."

Darren questioned, "In which play does Falstaff appear?"

Jack said, "That would be plays." Darren hummeed. "Henry the Fourth, part one and two, and The Merry Wives of Windsor."

Darren said, "So that was a different Falstaff than Henry the Fifth?"

Jack replied, "Aw, shoot!"

Darren said, "This is a little tradition with us, quizzes at meals. It keeps the Springsteens sharp."

Lorelai said, "Very Kennedy-esque."

Jennifer said, "Mm, we love the Kennedys!"

"I don't love the Kennedy that let Mary Jo drown at Chappaquiddick," Thea pointed out. "No love for him."

"Yeah, that is true," Rory agreed. "Ted Kennedy did let that woman drown."

"That was very unfortunate," Lorelai said.

Thea asked, "Didn't one of their cousins murder a girl?"

"I think so," Rory replied.

Lorelai asked, "Can we move away from this morbid topic please?"

"Now, the person questioned can challenge me with a follow-up if he gets his question right," Darren said. "Gets pretty competitive."

Lorelai joked, Well, if pistols are drawn, we're ducking."

Darren asked, "Jack, which Polish composer—"

"Chopin!" interrupted Jack.

Darren said, "Patience..." He finished, "became Prime Minister of his country?"

Jack said, "Paderewski."

Darren said, "That's right, but your impetuousness cost you a follow-up. Jennifer, can you give me the three sub-classes of the Mesozoic Era?"

Jennifer said, "Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous."

Darren replied, "Good."

Jennifer said, "Follow-up – what preceded the Mesozoic Era?"

"Paleozoic," Darren replied.

Lorelai said, "He's good."

Marie said, "It's hard to stump Darren."

Jennifer said, "Impossible, he's brilliant."

Darren said, "Open question – which mythological figure has the head of a man, the body of a lion, and the tail of a scorpion?" Jack and Jennifer seemed very confused by that question.

"That's called a manticore," Thea said.

Darren said, "Very good, Thea."

Jack said, "Yes, very good, Thea."

Jennifer said, "Yes, very good, Thea."

Marie asked, "More water, Lorelai?"

Lorelai said, "Please, thank you."

Darren asked Lorelai, "Do you know which French city famous for its water was the capital of collaborationist France?"

"Oh, me?" Lorelai said, "Um, Evian, Perrier, uh, Le Crystal Geyser?

Darren asked his daughter, "Jennifer, you wanna help Lorelai out?"

Jennifer answered, "Vichy."

Darren said, "That's correct."

Lorleai said, "Oh, that's right. Vichy water, I knew that."

Darren asked, "What about the year of Germany's victory in the Franco-Prussian War?"

Lorelai said, "Huh, me again?"

Darren said, "If you wish."

Lorelai said, "I don't know that one. I do know Istanbul is Constantinople, so if you've got a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Istanbul."

Darren replied, "That's true."

Rory said, "You know, um, sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to wash my hands."

Darren said, "Our fault, we rushed you in here."

Marie said, "Our downstairs is being remodeled, you have to use upstairs. End of the hall."

Rory said, "Thank you."

Lorelai said, "Hurry back."

"I'll go with you," Thea said quickly.

Rory and Thea left the dining room and they went upstairs together.

"Jesus Christ," Thea muttered.

Rory nodded.

However, they heard music inside what Thea assumed was a bedroom. A girl rushed past them going into the bedroom.

The girl said, "Coming through!" She left the door open.

Rory said, "Oh, sorry. I just heard music and..." They followed after the girl. "Cool room."

The girl said, "Tom Waits."

Rory was confused, "What?"

The girl said, "The music."

Rory said, "Oh, I thought so. I love him."

The girl was unbuttoning her top to her uniform, "I worship him. I even mildly stalked him once."

Rory asked, "Really?"

The girl explained, "Last year, I heard he was staying at this hotel so I went there everyday and sat in the lobby drinking massive amounts of coffee waiting for him to walk by."

Rory asked, "Did you see him?"

The girl said, "Nope, never came down. For all I know, he's still there. Hand me that brush?"

"Oh," Rory handed a brush over, "Here."

Carol started brushing her hair, "Stupid manager made me cover for Fiona today. That girl's a major pie crust. Ears?"

Rory asked, "What?"

Carol said, "On the chair. What time is it?"

Thea was closer to the bunny ears and handed them over as Rory said, "Um, three."

Carol said, "Oh, totally late for my next job. Oh well, guess Grandma had to take another trip to the emergency room, right? Are they on straight?"

Thea was confused, "Yeah, looks like it." Rory nodded in agreement.

The girl said, "Good. Who are you two?"

Rory said, "I'm sorry, I'm Rory Gilmore and this is my twin sister, Thea."

The girl asked, "One of you two is Harvard bound?"

Rory said, "Yeah, I am. At least, I hope so."

The girl started pulling on a bunny costume, "Oh, trust me, you are. You've got that really good, straight, shiny Harvard hair. Zip me up?"

Rory said, "I'm sorry, are you Carol?"

Carol replied, "Yeah, why?"

"Your parents made it sound like you moved out or something," Thea said.

Carol clarified, "Like I was holed up in the Chelsea with a needle sticking out of my arm screaming Sid at the top of my lungs?"

Rory replied, "Kind of."

Carol said, "Well, to them, this is pretty close."

Rory asked, "Can I ask you what exactly you are dressing up like this for?"

"I think she's a birthday entertainer," Thea said.

Carol nodded, "Yeah, I am. I'm going to Morgan Tanner's fourth birthday party."

Rory said, "You're kidding."

Carol said, "Nope, this is my fifth birthday party this week. Great tips, all cash, and of course, there's cake."

Rory said, "So you're a waitress and a birthday bunny and you go to school. That's pretty amazing."

Carol said, "I don't go to school."

Rory replied, "Oh, sorry, I just assumed. I mean, your family—"

"My brother and sister got stuck on that conveyor belt," Carol cut in. "I, however, escaped somewhere around the eleventh grade, thank God."

Rory said, "huh."

Carol said, "Oh, hey, but no offense. I mean, that's just me. If you like being on the conveyor belt, then good for you."

Rory said, "I'm not on the conveyor belt."

Carol replied, "Okay."

Rory said, "I'm not. I want this. I've dreamt of going to Harvard since I was a little girl."

Carol said, "Yeah, a lot of four-year-olds dream of that. It comes right after meeting Harry Potter."

Rory said, "Hey, I am not gonna justify myself to someone with a tail."

Carol replied, "You're right, I'm sorry. It's just that around here the Harvard brainwashing starts in the womb. If you were to tell either of my siblings that there was another life choice outside of the Ivy League, I think their khakis would wrinkle."

Rory said, "Well, maybe they really want it."

Carol said, "Nope, my parents want it and they wanna please my parents. Have you seen a carrot?"

Thea went to look for a carrot.

Rory asked, "Don't you wanna please your parents?"

Carol said," Yeah, but not at the expense of finding myself."

That was a good point, Thea thought. She picked up a large carrot from Carol's bed.

Rory said, "Or your carrot."

Carol said, "You gotta have your carrot. So, tell me something, Harvard hair and twin sister – how bad do you wanna please your parents?"

"I don't care about pleasing my parents," Thea said with a shrug.

Rory said, "My mom, and really bad, but it's not hard to please my mom. She's okay with anything I do. As long as I'm happy, she's good."

Carol asked, "You're sure?"

"I'm very sure," Rory replied.

"Then you're lucky," Carol said.

Rory replied, "Yeah, I am lucky."

Lorelai walked into the room, "Oh, Rory, quick, uh, what are the three major Hindu deities, because I've missed four questions in a row and if I miss another one, I don't think I get dessert."

Thea looked at Carol as Rory answered the question.

Carol winced slightly and gave Thea a sympathetic look.

Lorelai said to Carol, "Hi other daughter."

Carol replied, "Hi."

Lorelai said, "And I probably shouldn't do a gesundheit joke when I say Vishnu?"

Rory said, "Good thinking."

Lorelai said, "Okay, thanks, bye." She left the room

Rory said, "Wait, I'll go with you." She spoke to Carol, "I'm glad to have met you."

Carol said, "Oh, same here. Good luck with Harvard."

Rory said, "Thanks."

Thea looked at Carol, "If I were you. I would make my parents pay for an expensive art college, then have them supplement my income while working as a minimum wage art gallery assistant while living in an expensive city."

Carol seemed to think about it, "Good idea. And good luck with...everything."

"Thanks," Thea said.