A/N: Title borrowed from a lyric in Psychostick's song Hate Times Eight, where it basically goes, "I hate you time infinity plus fuck you."

For the Friday Night Dinner, Thea opted to skip it because Aiden wanted to watch his favorite movie, The Iron Giant with them, because Sage and Thea never watched it, which Aiden got offended by.

Of course, they had gotten distracted with each other and had to go upstairs. Then afterwards, they had to start the movie from the beginning.

So, Thea was sitting on the couch, her back against Aiden's side, her feet planted on the couch cushion, while Sage was on the other side.

"There are two kinds of metal in this yard." Dean was saying to the Iron Giant on the TV, "Scrap and art. If you gotta eat one of them; eat the scrap. What you currently have in your mouth is art!"

Sage's hand was trailing up Thea's shirt and the door slammed open, making Sage withdraw his hand.

Thea asked, "Jesus, what did they do to piss you all off this time?"

"Well, Grandma knows that I broke up with Dean eleven weeks ago and since you're dating two guys, she wanted to know if I'm dating anyone and kept poking and prodding, so I got flustered and I told her that I was dating Jess," Rory ranted to Thea.

"I see how that's a problem," Sage said, angling his head so he could look at the TV because Rory was standing in front of it. "Georgia doesn't share."

"So, what do I do? I can't ask Georgia if I can borrow Jess for a night," Rory said.

"I have a wacky idea that's been around for a long time that it might just work," Aiden stated.

"What?" asked Rory confused.

"Tell her the truth," Aiden replied. "It'll go a long way and she'll apologize for pressuring you into lying about dating someone."

"Yeah, but I already told her that I'll bring Jess next week," Rory said.

"Sounds like a you problem," Sage stated.

Rory replied dryly, "Thanks, Sage. Where would I be without you pointing out the obvious?"

"Probably leading a very dull life," Sage replied.

Thea had gone to the diner and spotted Jess behind the counter.

Thea started, "Hey, I need you to do me—"

"No," Jess stated.

"A favor?" finished Thea confused.

"Oh, you should've started with that," Jess said.

"I was, you didn't let me finish," Thea replied.

"All I heard was 'do me' and I decided I'm not getting mixed up into that," Jess said.

"So, I need a favor to ask of you," Thea said.

"You should've said that instead," Jess replied.

"Are you possessed?" asked Thea.

"Oh, yeah," Jess replied. "I spewed pea soup and spider-walked down those stairs with my head spinnin' round this morning. What do you need my help with this time?"

"Rory lied to her grandmother about dating you and she wants you to come over next Friday to have dinner with us to meet her as Rory's boyfriend," Thea said.

"I think I'd rather watch Strawberry Shortcake with Billie than do that," Jess replied. "At least that's a bit more entertaining than sitting there getting judged by stuffy white rich people."

"My grandfather wouldn't be there," Thea said, like that would help.

"You drive a hard bargain," Jess replied sarcastically.

Georgia walked in, and sat at the counter, "What's going on?"

"Thea wants me to pretend to be Rory's fake boyfriend next Friday night," Jess said.

"She's not expecting you to be all over her," Thea told him. "You just sit there, get questioned by them, you eat dinner, and then you leave."

Georgia asked, "Why?" Thea explained the situation to her. "Why not tell the truth?"

"You know the Gilmore clan," Thea said. "They live for drama. I'm sure that at the end of the evening, she'll tell the truth anyway."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Georgia replied. "Jess, you can go and pretend to be Rory's boyfriend for the evening. But no PDA."

"I didn't agree to this," Jess stated. "What if I had plans on Friday?"

"Like what?" Georgia asked, "Sit around and watch Strawberry Shortcake with Billie for the thirtieth time?"

"Hey, Orange Blossom, Blueberry Muffin, and Crepes Suzette are very attractive and the animals are fucking adorable," Jess defended himself. "And contrary to how I look on the outside, I don't mind spending time with my baby cousin."

Jess ended up agreeing to be Rory's fake boyfriend, though he really didn't look happy about it.

Thea promised to make him chocolate chip cheesecake cookies which cheered him up quite a bit.

So, Rory got back from being Miss Patty's test audience for her one-woman show. Miss Patty had dragged Aiden into being the other test audience member, so the both of them had been stuck in the barn for hours.

Rory had reported that Aiden looked like he had the life sucked out of him.

But Rory had been happy when Thea told her that Jess agreed to be her fake boyfriend for the evening.

Thea was making Jess the cookies when she heard some weird thumping in the living room. She went into the living room and looked at Rory, who looked just as confused as Thea was feeling.

Rory looked at the door and went over to it.

Lorelai and her boyfriend, Alex, were kissing on the front porch.

Thea chose to walk away. 

There were fliers on the telephone about Miss Patty's one-woman show. Of course, whoever made the fliers put Aiden and Rory first.

Dean was not happy about it one bit.

Lorelai should've gone on a couples' thing with Alex, but she chose dinner with Emily since she was curious to see how Jess would act with Rory, considering that he was Rory's fake boyfriend and all.

"I'm sorry he's late," Rory told Emily.

"We're fine," Emily said. "Dinner will keep."

"And we all know you like things being punctual," Lorelai added.

Emily said, "There was a big tie-up on the 84 earlier. He's probably smack dab in the middle of that. Why don't you try him on his cell phone, see what's going on."

Rory glanced awkwardly at Thea.

Thea said, "Rory would if Jess had a cell phone."

"He doesn't have a cell phone?" asked Lorelai.

"It was either a cell phone or a car, so he chose the car because he says he's pretty much stuck in Stars Hollow and all he has to do is walk down the street and turn a corner to end up back at the diner," Thea explained.

Emily nodded, "A car is more important than a cell phone and I find that refreshing. Technology is encroaching too fast on every aspect of life, if you ask me. It's getting to the point where people will want robots to carry them from place to place." The doorbell rang. "There he is."

They walked to the door and Rory opened it.

Thea cringed at the black eye that Jess was sporting.

Lorelai said, "Wow. How did that happen?"

Jess instead said, "Sorry I'm late."

Emily came up to them and said, "Oh, that's all right. Come in, come in. It's cold out."

Rory awkwardly started, "Um, Grandma, this is Jess. Jess, my grandmother."

Emily was oddly nice enough to point out that black eye, "Nice to meet you." She held her hand out.

Jess shook her hand, saying, "Same here."

Lorelai started, "Uh, so what happened to your eye again?"

"It's a long story," Jess said. "I don't wanna gross you out with all the grisly details."

"Oh, this is new?" asked Emily, referring to the black-eye.

"Brand new," Rory said, awkwardly.

"It looks bad," Emily said. "Does it hurt?"

"I'm fine," Jess said.

Lorelai decided to keep prodding, "Is it why you were late?"

"No, 84 was jammed," Jess replied.

"We knew that, too," Emily said. "There was something with a big rig. Oh, those things, they scare the life out of me. And apparently, all the men who drive them are hopped up on bennies and goofballs. Come, come, have a seat at the table. I'll go check on dinner." She walked away.

Jess, Rory, and Thea made to follow her.

"Wait, wait, wait," Lorelai started. "How did you get this black eye?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Jess replied coldly.

Lorelai started, "Were you in a fight?"

"Dinner's waiting," Jess replied.

"Did you get into a fight?" Lorelai asked.

"I told you, it's a long story, I don't wanna talk about it," Jess replied.

"Mom, please stop pushing," Rory told Lorelai. She knew that Lorelai would not believe it.

"Look, I'm already in a crappy mood." Jess explained. "Traffic sucked. Traffic I hit going to a function I didn't particularly wanna go to where I'm forced to pretend to be madly in love with a girl that I have no feelings for. And I'm thirsty. And I'm hungry. So let's eat."

They walked to the dining room.

Jess joked, "So do we eat standing up?"

Rory said, "Over there."

They sat down at the table and Emily walked into the room.

"The roast looks perfect," Emily said. "Oh, Jess, you eat meat, I hope. I forgot to ask."

Jess said, "I'm a carnivore."

"Good," Emily said. "I don't see how anybody can resist eating meat."

Jess replied, "Ask Belle. She's a vegetarian."

Emily was confused, "Who's Belle?"

"Oh, Belle is Jess's cousin," Rory said.

"I call her that because of the Liberty Bell," Jess explained. "I called her Statue once. Never again."

"Well, women don't like being called emotionless statues. It's very rude," Emily said.

"Hence, never again. Lesson learned," Jess replied.

Lorelai asked, "Did you just get it? The black eye, I mean?"

"Oh my god," Thea muttered.

"Mom," Rory started.

"You know, we should eat these salads so the roast doesn't get cold," Jess said.

Lorelai asked, "When did you get this black eye?"

"Sometime between four and four-thirty in the afternoon," Jess replied dryly.

"Mom, please just stop," Rory started.

"I just want to know why he has a black eye and why you're being weirdly defensive about it," Lorelai told her.

"I'm not being weirdly defensive," Rory defended herself.

"Yes, you are," Lorelai countered. "I'm just asking why and you're telling me to stop."

"Because you're refusing to stop and you won't believe us anyway," Rory told her.

Lorelai asked, "Believe you on what?"

"That Dean punched Aiden in the face," Rory said.

"You're right," Lorelai said, "I don't believe you."

"That's awful," Emily said. "Why would Dean do such a terrible thing to Aiden?"

"More like what did Aiden do to make Dean punch him?" countered Lorelai.

"Get forced into watching Miss Patty's one-woman show with me," Rory said. "Dean saw the fliers that mentioned me and Aiden and got overly jealous over it. He confronted us outside the bookstore and yelled at him for trying to 'date me'. Aiden said he was forced into watching the show. Georgia pointed out that there were others on the flier that also were there, but he didn't listen. He punched Aiden in the face. Georgia, Liberty, and Todd started yelling at him, while Sage and Aiden held Georgia and Todd back."

"I had to try and pry Belle off of the Sasquatch's back," Jess said. "I was worried that I had to use a spatula and then his elbow connected with my face."

"It only ended up when Andrew came out of the bookstore and hit Dean over the head with the hardcover copy of War and Peace," Rory added.

"Did Aiden press charges?" asked Emily. "I know a lawyer that he could use."

"He doesn't want to ruin Dean's life by doing that," Thea said, "But we're handling it."

Emily was confused, "How are you all handling it?"

Thea thought about how Sage, Aiden, Georgia, Liberty, Lane, Todd, Luke, Sookie, Jackson, Todd's mother, Elowen, Ethan, Zach, Brian, Dave, and Rory were anonymously mailing compliment letters to Dean's family. Even Elowen had laid out tampons dipped in red food coloring on Dean's doorstep. "We just are."

Jess was busy plucking raisins out of his salad and dropping them in Thea's salad. He asked, "What the hell are raisins doing in a salad? Why can't people leave well enough alone?"

Emily made a face, like she agreed with his thinking.

Thea asked, "And why are you dropping them in my salad?"

"You like raisins," replied Jess.

"I hate raisins," Thea told him. It was why she had a small pile of raisins by her plate.

"Oh," Jess replied. He continued dropping the raisins in Thea's salad anyway.