AN: TW: normal ones + self harm (graphic scene) and I'm hitting hard on psychological damage in this chapter.

Thursday

Gabriel was at his breaking point. This tends to happen to psychology damaged children.

"I'm a sinner," Gabriel sighed, "Such a sinners. Sinners pay in Hell. I'm going to Hell."

He stared out the window of his room. It was sunny out. In the distance laid rolling mountains.

"Such a sinner for wanting to go out there. You. You're pathetic. Pathetic boys go to Hell."

His stare remained icy and unblinking. An urge to cry glossed his eyes, but he wouldn't let a tear shed. He'd just keep staring.

He's been mentally damaged. The brainwashing finally broke him.

"Father does know I want to leave. He doesn't know my sin. I could take action upon myself. Can't I?"

A tear dared run down Gabriel's cheek.

"Can't I? I'm a sinner."

Gabriel reached into his pocket and took out his pockets knife.

"I'm a sinner. Maybe I can cut away my sin. Where does the majority of my sin come from? My brain, my heart? I can't remove those. My hands, my lips, my feet? No, someone will ask. My thighs, my stomach, my shoulders, my chest? Yes."

Gabriel's knife flipped open. He looked at the blade.

"Gabe, you've got to. You're a sinner."

He lifted his shirt and left cuts across his stomach. He was skinny and pale. His ribs were almost visible. Blood against his skin seemed so bright.

"I'm okay. Yes, I'm alright."

Gabriel then walked in the bathroom and pulled out a makeup bag. No, his father would rather his son not have this, but if concealer can cover up a bruise and keep it secret all the longer it was necessary.

When he walked out of the bathroom he looked like happy, awake, holy Gabriel. The one everyone knew.

He looked at the mirror on his wall. This was his rehearsal mirror.

"I'm the fucking youth leader Gabriel. I've got this. I'm alright."

He looked away, then back again.

"Hello Azira. The matters at hand. We have to discuss those in a more private manner."

He looked down, then up.

"Father, I'm sorry. I did not mean to sin. I beg for your forgiveness."

He looked up, then down.

"Uriel, oh you brought food. -No I'm good. I'm not hungry right now. I ate earlier. I also do not intake food that is gross matter."

"Oh Miss, I can assure you I'm alright. I'm feeling a little sick today and don't feel like eating lunch."

"Oh Sir, I'm fine. I fell the other day and hurt my back."

"I'm alright," Gabriel sighed last. This was him talking to himself. He was obviously not alright.

Friday

"Mmm sweet cyanide. Everyone's compromise," Gabriel hummed. He brought the box into the church. It arrived last night.

Azira carried it in the church.

"Wow. Gabriel. I can't believe I get to go to Heaven. It's almost time."

"I know," Gabriel sighed, "Aren't you scared?"

"No."

"Azira, you have strong faith."

"I like to think I do."

Gabriel knew his was week. It was still there. Like a candle in the wind.

He believed his life was also like a candle in the wind. After enough wind everything goes dark. After enough torture and strain on his body, his spark could also go dark.

Thoughts of death haunted Gabriel. He craved an end, but he was scared of the new beginning. He knew the new beginning would begin one of two places. His worst fear was the one down below.

He was living in a Hell on Earth. Nothing below could be worse than what he faced.

"What do you think Hell is like?" Gabriel asked.

Azira responded, "Dark, hot, smelly and just awful. The complete opposite of wonderful. Why?"

"Uh- you know. Thinking about the fate all the sinners will face. Like Anthony and Beezy."

Azira said, "Don't think about that. It will make you sad. Don't be sad, Gabriel. It's not good for you."

Gabriel nodded and said, "I'm not. I just wish I could do something."

"I think we all do. The sinners just don't want to be free in the Kingdom."

Gabriel pushed open the door to the storage room.

"Thank you- You know, I think if we pray enough, maybe the sinners will have a revolution, and the Lord will forgive them. Power lies in prayer."

Gabriel smiled and said, "You're very right about that, Azira. Thank you for helping me. You're a wonderful person."

"You're also a wonderful person Gabriel. You've helped me a lot too. That's what friends are for. Right?"

"Yeah. That's exactly what friends are for."

Saturday

"Lord... I- I don't know how to ask this. I know I'm a dirty sinner. I still like Beezy, who's a dirty, nasty sinner. I... I'm also afraid of Hell. I'm afraid after I die, that's where I'll go. I'm not worthy of the Kingdom. I'm not worthy of you. I'm broken, I'm bruised, I'm bloody, but it's all for you. I'm trying to be better, but I'll never be good enough. Please help me. Please... I'm scared. I'm so scared. I just want to get into the Kingdom when I die. I'm afraid I'll die sooner than later. I feel my body giving out. I feel my faith giving out. I don't even know if you're listening, but I hope you are. I hope you'll help. I need some. I'm dirty. I'm tarnished... And I'm sorry. Amen."

Gabriel fell to the floor. He landed on his hands and knees. His arms hardly gave him the strength to stay up. Blood from his nose dripped on the floor.

"Give me strength," he muttered. He then passed out on the cold, hard floor.