Luke's Point of View

"I swept her right off her feet!" Fred exclaims, grinning at his wife who is sitting to his right.

It is the night before Christmas Eve and we are all having dinner at the massive dining table in the Rayner's house while Fred tells us about his early days and how he met his wife. I scroll through a tag on Twitter that was made for the sole purpose of hating on us for cancelling a show we had no control over.

"Sure did honey," Sally says lovingly, patting his hand.

A chorus of awed sighs pass around the table and my eyes drift to the brown haired girl sitting in front of me across the table, smiling at the old couple with so much wonder in her lovely green eyes. The string of lights on the Christmas tree behind me casts different colours of light onto Sierra's skin.

I should take her on a first date soon, sweep her off her feet.

Her nose is a little red with the cold she had gotten the other night, making her sneeze non-stop and walk around with an entire box of tissues adorably clutched under her arm at all times.

I find myself staring at her more and more these days, observing everything she does. Sierra fascinates me, even more than she has before. I've noticed the way she walks like her feet are skates and she is gliding a couple of inches above the ground. Flawless and steady on her own two feet but afraid to touch the ground.

There is beauty in fear too.

Her smiles and her skin are warmer now too even though it is freezing cold around her. She used to be cold, I remember the first time I saw her at the party we crashed at her house, and she looked happy but was cold to the touch. I watched as she danced with Michael that day, her heart starting to soar high above everyone's heads with joy at the music and new opportunities she had gotten but it never moved an inch above that.

I remember being angry at how I wanted to warm her freezing skin and let her heart soar as far as it wanted too but I was rooted to that couch with another woman wrapped around me because I didn't have it in me to give anyone that kind of happiness when I didn't have it for myself.

The white of the Christmas lights catch the little glass bottles around her neck which she never takes off. I have seen her clutch onto them mindlessly at times when she is lost in thought.

A groan forms deep in my throat without my express permission and she looks up at the sound, a perfect eyebrow raising, asking me without really asking what I'm up to. We have a way of silently communicating, neither of us needing to verbally voice things.

I shake my head like a child and she grins, biting down on her lip. I've kissed those lips so many times in the last couple of days and it never seems to be enough, she leaves me with more craving for her than I have when we start, just like that first time at that recording studio back in New York.

The overwhelming feelings I have for her scares me so much sometimes but I love it. I love being scared, it's who I am now. The fear of losing things, the fear of not being enough, and the fear of not being strong enough to hold on to the deadly carousel that spins at a speed I can't even fathom.

However, Sierra slows it all down for me, her slightest touch and her passionate kisses. Her lips on mine scare away the other things that keep me up at night.

Do I affect her the way she does me? Am I enough to scare away the things that scare her at night?

"Luke? Are you okay?" I see her lips moving and it pulls me out of my sudden worrying thoughts.

"Hmm?" I blink at her, the voices around the room coming back to me. Calum laughs loudly at something Ashton says from next to me and my fingers tighten around the phone in my hand for a second.

Sierra reaches her hand out over the table and the food and reaches for my other hand that is flat on the table. "What are you thinking?" She asks quiet enough that I'm the only one that hears it.

"Nothing. Just zoned out." I say with a genuine smile that forms on my face due to her concern. The care in her eyes was such a beautiful thing and I know for a fact that I did have a bit of luck in my life to be able to see it and have it directed at me.

"Okay." She smiles back at me and passes me the mashed potatoes. "Have some." She points and I load some onto my empty plate obediently.

I shovel it into my mouth along with the gravy and swallow. "It's amazing," I say with a nod of approval and her eyes shine. The weirdest and smallest things made her so happy.

"Anything with potatoes is amazing." She says with a giggle and Montana who is sat next to her agrees with an enthusiastic nod.

Those two have been inseparable, disappearing for hours at a time in the last couple of days, usually coming back with red eyes and streaked cheeks that they think no one else can see. Calum would disappear for hours at a time after he sees that look on Montana's face, coming back freezing cold and smelling like cigarettes. Even right at this moment, there is a thick tension around us, ready to snap.

I ask them what it is, what they aren't telling me but everyone is always quiet. The other three band members still take great care at what they say to me, they still think I'm out of it and that I would lose it any second. I couldn't blame them.

When I did ask Sierra she said she just wanted to be there for her best friend for now and not give out too much. I understood that need so I let it be, for now, making a note to question Calum.

I have so much to say to her. Ever since we agreed that we are significant others, we haven't added anything else to it. It's just there, floating in the air along with the conversations I have planned for us in my head, explanations for the awful behaviour I showed her before and had no control over but I just can't get myself to say those things. One thing will lead to another and it will not end till she gets tired of me and I don't want to make her tired. She is all I have.

There's so much that is unsaid but we are comfortable, weirdly enough. We are both doing better, our bubbles of solitude getting smaller and smaller, possibly close enough to pop for good.

"Who wants to get some baking done?!" Sally asks the table and everyone cheers, jeering me out of my thoughts again.

"What are we baking?" Adelaide chirps excitedly. She is a dreadful presence these days but she seems to be keeping it in check today, the Christmas spirit in the Rayner's house bringing everyone out of their gloom.

"Pies. All kinds of pies! Oh and Cakes and cookies, lots and lots of cookies!" Sally claps her hands together, lifting the cheer in the room a bit more.

---

Two Years Ago

Luke

"Good Morning," Ana whispers, wrapping her limbs around my body, the silk sheets barely covering our lower halves. It was cold in here even with all the heaters.

"Morning doll face." I take her face in my hands and kiss her lips which are still a bit puffy and red from before.

She abruptly pulls away from the kiss and giggles when I frown. "I got zero sleep and it's your fault."

"If only you hadn't kept asking for it..." I smirk and she pushes at my chest lightly with a laugh.

I run my hands up and down the side of her body as her mobile phone starts to ring loudly.

"It must be work." She groans to match mine and moves away from me to answer it. Dim light is streaming in through the large windows looking over Los Angeles. I liked December mornings for some reason. I drag my eyes back to Ana who sits on the side of the bed holding the sheets up to her chest and talking into her phone. 

"Yes, I'll see you later." She says quickly and cuts the line as I zone in again.

"Who was it?" I ask as I move closer to her, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind, she jumps at the contact of my arms and cranes her neck back to look at me with a weary smile.

"Just Norah, she wants me to meet her in twenty minutes."

"Isn't she supposed to be in the UK until like, next month?" I ask, leaving soft kisses just under her ear, her long dark brown hair tickling my face.

"Nope. She came back early." Ana says with a smile and kisses me on the cheek, standing up and walking into my closet where almost all of her clothes have taken permanent residence.

"Are we going to that new restaurant you were talking about last night?" She asks, poking her head out while I snuggle a pillow, ready to go back to sleep.

"We have rehearsal later today and then I have another recording session with Michael," I yawn into my hand, pulling at the ends of my hair, exhausted from all the constant work that we are putting into the new album and tour. It's almost done but we aren't quite there yet.

"—so maybe tomorrow." I finish and she has gone silent. I open one eye and see that Ana is now standing at the edge of the bed with her hands on her hips.

"But you said we will tonight! You never have time for me anymore." She huffs, her big brown eyes flashing with disapproval.

"We were together this entire weekend," I argue but she just puts a hand up to stop me, upset. She tucks her blonde streak behind her ear and wraps her hands around her chest.

"Baby," I stand up and walk towards her, pulling her into my arms.

"I'm your girlfriend. I should always come first." She pouts, knowing all the ways to get to me.

"You do. You know you always do." I hum and kiss the side of her hair, feeling a headache snaking its way into my skull.

"Good, dinner plans tonight then. No cancelling." She quickly says and pecks me on the lips twice. She grabs her clothes and slips into the bathroom, leaving me there wondering who I should cancel on today.

The recording session scheduled for tonight needs to happen or we are going to be behind with the recording and that can't happen if we want this album out on time. I sigh and grab my phone, scrolling through the contacts to find Michael's number. I dial and he picks up on the fifth ring.

"It's six am. This better be good." He groans and I hear shuffling as he turns over in bed.

"Can we move the recording to an earlier time?" I ask, rubbing at my forehead that has started to throb now.

"No. We have a photo shoot before that." He mumbles probably drifting back to sleep.

"Shit." I forgot about the photo shoot.

"Why do you want to move it anyway?" He asks more clearly now.

I contemplate what to say because I know the boys don't approve of Ana but they'll see pictures of it on the internet and everywhere else the second we step out anyway.

"Ana and I have dinner plans," I say simply with a shrug even though he can't see it.

"Don't you mean you and Ana have after dinner plans?" Michael laughs.

"No, you man whore. Dinner. Plans." I laugh but Michael doesn't join in, he is quiet for a second.

"Just tell her you can go tomorrow." He says.

"Okay." I simply say and cut the line. He doesn't know that negotiating with my girlfriend is world war three in the making. I hear her singing in the shower and I huff with exhaustion, laying back in bed as an impending headache overtakes me.

So many people to impress, so many people expecting things I can't handle at the same time.

A/N:

The Wattys voting for People's Choice is now over and I want to thank you guys SO MUCH for every single vote and RT. You all mean so much to me and I'm so happy to have you all take this journey with me. It's all up to Wattpad now so let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Thank you x

-RhythmWithLove